Can I Remarry After Divorcing My Abusive Husband?
Anonymous said…
I have a question: I have prayed about it (alot), I have asked for wisdom from other Christians, I have even went to a counseling session by a minister..and to no avail. I just end up more confused after talking with these people, then before I came to them. So here it goes:
I am married, and have been for almost 8 years now, but we have been seperated for over a year. I left him because he was verbally abusive to me and our girls (3 daughters), and he ocasionally hit me when I didnt see things his way. He has a bad marajuana habbit, and even at one point tried to sell me to some guys for money. He also conviced me to do sexuzl things with other men while we were married, and would yell at me and hit me if I refused. Then when I did, he would say he hated me because I cheated on him. I was messed up in the head from that. Not to mention,he never worked to provide for us the whole time we were together. I would work,take care of the kids,and go to college. He often would leave me at home all day and night without any food, or money to buy any for our kids. All he cared about was hanging out with his friends.
The confusing part about this is that he is supposedly “called to the ministry” and he used to live right. He started telling me that I cant go to church without him…and he wasnt going, so I couldnt either. That was a very dark time for me (about 3 years). I was no longer in love with him and I wanted to leave, but I was afraid. He threatened to kill me and my family. I know what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, so I wanted to honor that but I couldnt shake the feeling that this wasnt God’s best for me.
About 3 1/2 months ago I had a very distrubing dream about my husband and the things he was doing I didnt know about. In that dream I believe God told me to leave town immediately..so I did. Since then I have started a new life in a new state with my girls. We have never been this happy. I feel safe and secure, I have a great church home that I am actively involved in. The dilema is that I want a divorce, but he doesnt. He tells me that Im out of the will of God and I need to come back, but I dont want to be connected to that man anymore. Im meeting wonderful people at my new church that treat me so different than he did. I dont want to be uneligible to remarry by divorcing him if he wants to be with me. At the same time, its been over a year and I am starting to have interest elsewhere. I am not dating anyone or anything( he is). I dont know what to do. Does the Bible say that I have to stay single since I left him?
Trophy of Grace said…
I think you have done the right thing by running as far away as you can from this abusive relationship. That feeling that you couldn’t shake was our Heavenly Father trying to encourage and assure you that the abusive relationship you were in was NOT His best for you. He has something better for you.  He will restore everything you lost and more. I believe our merciful Lord was warning you in that dream of danger to come.  I am glad that you listened and got away from that situation.
Regarding divorcing your husband..
1 Cor 7:12-16 “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; GOD HAS CALLED US TO LIVE IN PEACE.” NIV
I know it says here that you must not leave him if he wants to be with you, but it also says that God has called us to live in peace. Your husband is violent abuser, who has sold you for drugs, physically, emotionally, and verbally abused you. He has neglected his responsibilities to care for and protect both you and your children. You cannot be with him if he has not gotten help.  I don’t mean just reading the bible and praying.  He needs help from a Christian counselor or psychologist. I don’t think that you are wrong for filing for a divorce.
Regarding remarrying…
I would consider your husband an unbeliever who has abandoned his believing wife. I do not believe that you should feel guilty for remarrying. You are not bound by such circumstances. (1 Corinthians 7:16) I know that he is trying to tell you that you are out of the will of God; however, I believe this is just a manipulation tactic that he is using. These are the same tactics he used while you were in your marriage. Remember that the enemy of our souls knows the Word of God, too, and he will try to bring condemnation on us and make us feel guilty so that we stay in bondage.
We will be praying for you and your children’s safety. God bless you and stay encouraged by the reading the Word of God.
P.S.Here is an article I found that I thought may encourage you.
Alcoholism Losing Myself
Sincerely,
Have a question or topic idea?
Read Scriptures by Subject
Read our counselors’ testimonies
I think I would ask you to take one issue at a time. Don’t worry about remarriage right now. You have to many overwhelming aspects to deal with presently!
God’s will - he speaks alot of God’s will and yet he is not living it. He demands things he isn’t doing himself, and yet he is to be the leader of the home. SOme will say if the wife does her job it makes it easier for the man, but in your situation…that’s a cop out!
God removed you from his presense for a reason, and it wasn’t to tell you that you are out of God’s will if you divorce him - as you live with peace. That is your husband’s recording he plays to keep you where he wants you to be.
The man clearly hasn’t repented and turned from his sin. THAT is God’s will for HIM! He doesn’t need your help at this point, because he hasn’t made the decision to make the first step himself. God can’t change him unless he made the decision to allow that. Getting himself a girlfriend, and telling you that you better not divorce him isn’t a really good crediable source of repentance!
If you feel that divorce is needed at this point in your life - pray and allow God NOT your husband to tell you what his will for you is. It truly doesn’t matter what your husband thinks at this point, because he is truly broken soul that hasn’t got a grip on reality yet. Its like asking a blind man, “What color is this?”
Your husband has alot of repentance to live up to before he can start being any kind of leader of the home. YOu don’t do the things you wrote, and not fall on your knees and NOT ask your wife’s forgivness for them. I’m not talking the teary eyed stuff to get you to come home - I’m talking the geniune deal! God broke him, and showed him is sins…and he asked God’s forgiveness and turned from that lifestyle forever. He would do that if you were the worse kind of person anyone could imagine, and he would receive nothing in return for this if he were a true man of God. He would be doing that for God, and NOT for you FIRST!
God told you to leave, and God will answer this question as well! Don’t move on to the next aspect to quick! Deal with the here and now!