Questions for Beloved by Him
Beloved by Him is blessed to be a wife and mother of three children, ages 18, 17, and 12. God has been so gracious and faithful to take a broken life and continue to make it into something beautiful by His grace and mercy. There is no situation too hopeless, and no sin too great, for the Lord to redeem by His mighty right hand and His lovingkindness. That’s why we can all have hope, and “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, Who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5)
Beloved by Him is on duty Monday’s. Feel free to message her with any questions or advice that you would like.
Scroll down and post your questions or situation in the ‘leave comment box’ below. A response will be posted back here within 48 hours. Your question and answer may also be featured on the home page.
More on Beloved By Him below
Read questions answered by Beloved by Him
Read her testimony
Read articles written by Beloved by Him
You Can Also…
Seek advice from counselor on duty
Submit Prayer Request
Submit Praise Report
*Please take a moment to review our posting guidelines and our disclaimer and then proceed below.
Hello sister..I’m Trophy of Grace in for Beloved By Him.
Your welcome sister! We are here to serve and help you. I pray that our Heavenly Father would give me the Words to speak to ou right where youâre at.
Regarding your first concern..Sister the truth is that no one is cheerful and happy all the time. Life happens and for everything there is a season; a time to cry, a time to dance, a time to die, a time to laugh..Take a momemnt and read Ecclesiates 3.
About being around these annoying people that just make you feel angry and are annoying. Well I think that we all have those type of people around us. I like to call them âSand Paper Peopleâ. I believe our Lord uses them to refine us. I believe that when we are around them that they bring out the ugly in us so that we can see some areas in our own lives that we need to bring to the feet of Jesus. The anger and hate that is rising up in your is not part of the new person you are in Christ Jesus. You haveyouâre your acknowledge these feelings, like youâre doing now, confess them as sin, and ask the Lord to change your heart towards these people. Beginning praying for them daily. Your praying and interceding for them will change your heart. It will help be more understanding and compassionate towards them. Make allowances for their faullts sister, no one is perfect.
Here are some postings that I have written that I think will be able to help..
Sand Paper People
http://consecratedtohim.blogspot.com/2008/03/sandpaper-people.html
Sand Paper People Test
http://consecratedtohim.blogspot.com/2009/08/sand-paper-people-test.html
As far as should Christians have a lot of friends? Well..I think often times we will have a lot of people that we are associated with because we are in ministry together, go to the same church, studies, etc. But those choice closest friends I believe should be stronger believers that are constantly trying to live apart from the world. A couple of months we did some teaching on friendships. Take a moment and review some of the postings. Follow this link..
Friendships- The Heart of the Matter
http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/all-this-month-friendships-the-heart-of-the-matter/
Now regarding being led to talk to someone or ask them if if they are ok..I believe that this is the Holy Spirit working through you. He wants to use us to minister the hurt, the lost, and the lonely. He wants to use us to encourage and edify the church. We are His conduits of love. When He leads you to speak to someone ask Him to give you His Words to speak and not your own. Ask Him to give you boldness, love, and compassion to help them and meet them right where theyâre at in their faith. Ask for wisdom, discernment, and understanding. He will use you more and more as you keep surrendering to Him in obedience to His leading. Keep listening to His voice. Keep reaching out!
Your last concern about living right. The more you draw close to Him in His Word the more He will reveal to you how to live a holy and pure life. Your desires will changed. Your mind will be renewed and you will be transformed every day more and more into the image of Christ. No one will be perfect while they are here in this sinful world and living in our sinful flesh, but we ARE empowered by God to do what is pleasing to Him. We ARE empowered by Him to fulfill His will in this earth and in our lives. (Philippians 2:13) Donât get frusturated. If you are meditating on the Word daily and seeking His face you are on the right path. Remember that the Holy Spirit does not condemn us..He gently convicts us of our sin and leads us down the path of righteousness. So trust that our God who started a good work within you, WILL continue His wor until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6)
Here is one last article that I wrote when I received a revelation on Philippians 1:6. I hope it ministers to you..Itâs called âThe Prefection and Renewal Processâ
http://consecratedtohim.blogspot.com/2009/05/perfection-renewal-process.html
You are in my prayers sister.
Stay on the narrow road!
Trophy of Grace
Hey
I was wondering if you would be able to offer me some advice about what to do… its about a guy
I’d known him for a few years, he attened my youth group but i felt no real feelings for him until we attended a summmer camp last year together. I talked over how i felt about him with a leader and God spoke to me and said no, so i decided that it wasn’t the right time for me. So we kinda just continued as friends. He asked me around christmas what i felt and the response i got from God was yet again was no. I wasn’t happy with that because it was nice to think that someone liked me for who i was, for the first time ever.
This year it has got more difficult to resist him, in the past months we’ve been having alot of physical contact, which i know is not the best … but we still continued with it, secret hugs that were very long and deep and the little touches on the arm etc. All of this stuff just meant that we were both longing for more. He was going to ask me out when i told him i just wanted to be friends, then yesterday i said i wanted to stop hugging him .. he was fine with that .. alhtough now he’s told me he has changed his mind. The matter isnt helped by the fact that we are putting on a kids easter club together, so im seeing him for a couple of hours each afternoon, and i know its kinda early days, but i am really really just craving to be in his arms.
Its just so frustrating that God doesn’t want me to go out with him, ever since it all started back in the summer its like i’ve been in this constant battle with God over him. One day i’ll totaly surrender the issue to God and maybe that will last for a week or so but then i take over again and spend my time thinking and daydreaming about what “could” have happened between us. It just one of those situations where i can’t see God’s will in the matter and althouhg i want to obey Him but its so hard to resist, part of me wants to just forget him and the other part wants to give in to his arms. Im going to uni in september so i really don’t know what to do. I’m kinda hoping that i will meet someone there, God willing.
But its just the fact that he really likes me too, i don’t know what to do about him. I think if i feel the way about him because of the physical attraction rather than anything spritual but i don’t know whether this is the same for him. I want to obey God but im not sure if i can resist him. Im worried that if i do give in and give him a hug … like he’s just asked me for on msn … that i will do something stupid which i will totally regret.
What should i do????
Thank you
R
R,
My dear sister, you are right to be concerned about doing something youâll totally regret. God has put that check in your spirit as a warning that you are going down a path you shouldnât be. This is the time to reconsider, before more compromise brings greater consequences for you. Please donât go there.
Godâs word says to get wisdom and understanding, because they will be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (Prov. 4:5, Ps. 119:105). Then, when weâve gotten wisdom and direction from the Lord, we have to apply it to our lives (James 1:22). To refuse to do what the Lord has told us to do is a huge mistakeâit says that we think we know better than He does. In reality, weâre the clay, Heâs the Potter, and He is the One Who can be trusted to shape us into what weâre supposed to be (Is. 29:16, 45:9). Letâs face it: He made us from dust, breathed life into us, loved us and died for us. Thereâs no way we can match His wisdom or power, yet thatâs what we do when we deliberately choose to disobey Him and pursue our own desires outside of His will and timing. Listen to what the apostle Paul says in Colossians 3:5,
âTherefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.â
Take some time to read this verse in a few different translations also. Itâs interesting that there are several sexual sins included in this list along with covetousness, which is wanting something you donât have. When we go after these things, this verse says that weâre actually practicing idolatry, exalting both ourselves and the thing we want over and above the will of our heavenly Father. My sister, you have the mind of Christ (I Cor. 2:16). The desire to go against Godâs will is clearly not from the Lord, and will bring grief, pain, and Godâs loving discipline into your life.
Please donât discount how important your obedience to the Lord is. Sometimes weâre tempted to believe that we can stray just a little bit here, a little more there, because weâre children of grace, and assume that a little compromise wonât really matter. Again, the bible says that âa little leaven leavens the whole lump.â (Gal. 5:9) A little sin infects the spirit the same way a little germ infects the body: You donât always see the attack until thereâs already a full-blown sickness. When we choose to give in to compromise, weâre weakening our spiritual defenses and giving the enemy territory he shouldnât have and can be difficult to reclaim. Thatâs why youâre struggling so badly now; youâve allowed a temptation to give birth to sin, and a little bit of death of your desire to fight your flesh and defend your Christ-given righteousness (II Peter 2:20, James 1:15, I Tim. 6:12).
My sister, itâs time to make a choice. Youâve hit a stumbling block that has revealed something in you that our Lord wants to refine and renew, so that you can become more like Him. We are called to choose whom we will serve (Joshua 24:15, II Tim. 2:4-5). I would encourage you to choose life and blessing and all the good things that come with obedience (Deut. 30:19). Donât get dragged down by this temptation. Remember that you are called out of the world to fulfill Godâs good purpose for your life (Eph. 1:4-5, 2:10). Be strong in Him and His power to deliver you, and trust that He will bring you the right relationship with the right man at the right time (Prov. 3:5-6, Ps. 18:30, Eph. 6:10).
I would encourage you to put some serious space between yourself and this young man, get some accountability, and stay under the umbrella of protection of your loving Father. Trust that God is gracious, merciful, forgiving, and wants to bless you immensely, not because of what you have or havenât done, but because you are His precious daughter. Let Him bring you the one He has chosen for youâdonât try to make it happen on your own. Our Lord is worthy of our love, respect and obedience:
âFor this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.â
âBut whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.â (I John 2:5, 5:3)
Much love,
Beloved by Him
Thank you for the advice, and the Bible references. We have both decided to pray about it for a week, that ends on friday 9th April, and then whatever God’s answer is we both will accept it. If its no then things will change between us. Although now after reading your comments i don’t know what to do if the answer is yes.
If God says yes, should i accept?
Thank you again
R
Dear R,
We’re really glad that you’re seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance. The bible tells us to ask, seek and knock, and God will us wisdom and understanding and affirm it with His peace (Matt. 7:7-8). God is not a God of confusion, and I believe that He will reveal His will and His heart for you. Just be open to whatever He shows you, and trust that He will work everything together for your good. We pray that you will be filled with His peace and that your heart’s desire is to glorify Him and do His will. We love you, sister.
Beloved by Him
Hi Beloved by Him
I thought i just update you on how things have been going, because to be honest im struggling a bit.
We both prayed about the situation for a week like we said and then we met up to talk about it. Now i knew God would give me an answer and it was a pretty clear no from early on during the week that the answer was no. God was sooo amazing he gave me such peace about this, it didn’t bother me at all, so i just set about praying that God would give the guy the same answer. We met up and we talked, although here’s the bit im struggling to understand, my answer was no, yet his was yes. Can God do that and what does it mean??? I know that sometimes in life we’re not supposed to understand God’s purpose for doing certain things, but i just find it so weird that we got toally oppoiste answers.
Anyway things have changed, although i haven’t seen him since he was was really acccepting of the situation, praise the Lord. But as soon as he’d left it was like my mood just changed, i wanted to kick myself, honestly i felt so stupid for saying no and its been with me ever since. Its like having a little voice in my head saying you shouldn’t have done that, you should have taken your chance. Am i right in thinking that this is the devil trying to trick me and guilt trip me??? because if im honest its working.
I really feel that im a mess again over the same problem, i just feel that i can’t talk or trust God with it anymore. It like i just don’t want to accept that the answer was no and that its not going to happen, i know its selfish and wrong but i just can’t help it. I think part of it is down to the issue of trusting God with my future and the guy who he’s got prepard to me… i guess im just being human and wanting to control this part of my life. Im just confused about what our answers mean, because the guy has told me he’s still got feelings for me and he can’t turn them off just like that, and now im questioning whether i did/ do still have feelings for him.
So im having a bit of a confusing time with everything at the moment.I know i should talk to God about it but its like i don’t want to, its like there is something that is preventing me from doing it.
Thank you for listening
R
Hello R: Iâm Precious In His Sight and I am responding to your question to Beloved by Him.
You seem a little confused over this situation with this young man. Can I first say to you that I am proud of the fact that you are writing into this site for advice and not turning to the world.
I want to first address one part of your question:
âWe met up and we talked, although hereâs the bit im struggling to understand, my answer was no, yet his was yes. Can God do that and what does it mean???â
Matthew 18:19 says âI also tell you this: If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.â
Now my question to you is, were you both praying about the same thing? And when I ask that, I mean, did you both come up with an agreement of exactly what you were going to go before the Lord with? Did you, first of all, pray together on this matter so that each of you would know how to continue praying for the situation?
You said that God gave you such a peace about the answer being no. What happened to that peace that you were feeling when you first got your answer?
Philippians 4:7 tells us that Godâs peace is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand and His peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Christ Jesus.
Are you feeling as though his answer should have been the same as yours? Would that have made things better in your eyes?
Well let me just give you a few things to think and pray about, along with a few scriptures to meditate on.
You asked if the devil is trying to make you feel guilty? I would say yes, because of the fact that you felt so peaceful after receiving an answer from God. The enemy has a way of getting us to let down that peaceful guard that is over our heart and mind. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in.
In John 14:27 Jesus is telling us that He is giving us a gift of peace of mind and heart, and this peace is not like what the world gives to us. And He also tell us not to be troubled or afraid. God gave you peace about a situation and it seems as though the outcome was not what you had planned so now you are upset with Godâs answer to you.
Yes, sometimes in life we do not understand Godâs answer to our prayers, at that particular moment. But, as time goes by and we move on with life, we see the reason why God told us no or not yet.
Have you ever thought that this is not the right time for this situation that you feel you should be a part of and that could be the reason for a ânoâ answer? Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.
Could it be that God does not think that you are one hundred percent ready to be a part of this situation? Could it also be that God wants you to lean more, trust more and hope in Him more?
Proverbs 3:5 tells us to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and do not depend on our own understanding.
Please donât turn your back on God because of someone elseâs answer to a situation that you have already received a peaceful confirmation from our Savior on. God loves you so much and He only wants what is best for you. He is only directing your path and taking you down the road that He has carved out for you.
Proverbs 3:6 says to seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.
When you go to God in prayer and ask that His will be done, and you receive an answer, whether it is in your favor or not, His will is being done and isnât that what we pray for?!
1 John 5:14 says that we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will. Also remember that God does not do anything to bring us harm, but all of His actions and answers towards us and to us is are out of the love that He has for us. The love that God has for you should take away that fear you may have of you making the wrong decision. The perfect love that God is giving you will dismiss the confusion and fear that is dwelling inside of you.
1 John 4:18 says, “Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us.”
Continue to hold on tight to Godâs word and please donât stop praying to Him, let Him do His job as your Heavenly Father. Let Him lovingly guide your life in the right direction. Hold on tight to that peace that you felt in your heart when you first got an answer from God. Donât let go of His word and when you feel as though you can not or do not want to pray, then just sit still and allow the Holy Spirit to do His job and intercede on your behalf.
Romans 8:26 says, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we donât even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.”
Be faithful and stay blessed dear sister in ChristâŠâŠ.
Hey, I read your testimony, which was totally beautiful and thanks for sharing it, and I thought you might have some good advice for someone like me and hopefully not judge me too harshly. I’ve been a Christian for a year now, but gone to church and Christian school all my life as a pastors daughter. Feeling the pressure to be perfect in my church, with my family, and at school, I pretended to be a good Christian long before I knew my savior. Although I have a lot of really amazing brothers and sisters in Christ who really know me and love me, I have problems none of them could help me with. I was bulimic before I became a Christian. I came to Christ, and stopped the e.d I’d been hiding so well since 13. The behavior stopped but the thoughts never did. I finally broke down into anorexia. I want to know how to stop, without having to tell anyone, if that’s possible. My relationship with God has a huge wall in it now because I haven’t been giving Him that part of my life spiritually or physically. Now I’m ready to but I don’t know how and with so many expectations and spotlights placed on me I don’t want to tell anyone and have them be grossed out by and dissapointed by me.
Sister with e.d.
Please be patient…Beloved by Him will be posting a response to you in the next few days. She is usually on duty on Monday’s. Your comment will be posted along with her response.
My sister in Christ Jesus,
Dear one, our hearts here at WeUsed2bu are heavy for you. We want you to know that we are lifting you up in prayer, and trusting that the Lord is going to continue to reveal Himself to you in that quiet place in your spirit, and He has no condemnation for you, only hope and love and acceptance and grace. We pray that He will heal your broken spirit and that He will change the thinking that has driven you to this place, and we are confident that He will meet your needs and reveal how beautiful He isâand how beautiful you are to Him.
Sister, there is no harsh judgment in Christ. Since you read our testimonies, you know that if we could not completely trust in God that we are more than conquerors in Him, and that we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies, then this ministry would not exist (Rom. 8:37, Rev. 12:11). You have an entire extended family in Christ, none of whom are perfect and all of whom have their own battles and strongholds. Donât make the mistake of looking at other Christians who seem to âhave it all togetherâ and not think that we are all as desperate for the grace and mercy of God as when we first put our trust in Him.
Suffering with an eating disorder is such a huge, isolating burden. It keeps you locked up in your own mind, in your own perceptions, and without the help of others to keep you accountable and to minister to you when youâre having a hard time. I donât think you can overcome this on your own, not because our God is insufficient, but because part of breaking the cycle of an eating disorder is being drawn out of this very private and destructive place of self-absorption. I think you need accountability, to have someone in your life whom you can trust, who is knowledgeable, and will ask you the hard questions, someone who knows how to help you on both a spiritual and physical level. Itâs not impossible to do it on your own, but I strongly recommend you get some help.
When I was bulimic, God used my husband to help me stop. When I first told him, he was really hurt, because he couldnât imagine I had been doing that to myself. His love for me opened a new door in my life, because I saw that someone cared about me being healthy and happy more than about me being thin, which I thought was the most important thing, especially in a manâs eyes. God gave him the wisdom he needed to come alongside me, and I wanted to be able to say ânoâ in truth when he asked me if I had been purging.
Later on, however, I went on to rebel against God and my husband, and as part of my disobedience, I moved towards more anorexic behavior. Bulimia had its own set of problems, but this really messed with my head, because it became a horribly vicious cycle: I wanted to justify myself, so I would barely eat, so I could be thinner, so I could be more acceptable, so I could justify myself. I thought I would be my own boss. The problem is that God canât be fooled; we donât have that kind of control. Malnutrition messes up the balance of our brain chemistry. I got thin, but I was clinically depressed and an emotional wreck. By the grace of God, a doctor put me on medication for my depression that brought my thinking back to a place of rationality, where I could discern Godâs voice and become spiritually and physically healthy again through a recovery process that included counseling, intensive study of Godâs word, and a return to proper nutrition.
My sister, eating disorders are a manifestation of something that is very wrong in our thinking. My struggles were about approval, control, and pride, to name a few. One thing you mentioned was the pressure you felt to be perfect in the eyes of others. Dearest, no one is perfect. If someone has that expectation of you, thatâs not an accurate reflection of Godâs love or your position in His kingdom. We are all sinners saved by GRACE. We canât earn Christâs righteousness, nor can it be taken away from us once we put our faith in Him (Eph. 2:8-9, II Cor. 5:21).
What you need to realize is that a mind bound with an eating disorder is not the mind of Christ, which is operative in you as a believer (I Cor. 2:16). It’s your flesh that’s trying to destroy you (Rom. 7:23, Gal. 5:17). The mind of Christ is love for yourself and for others, a mind full of hope and peace, submitted to Godâs will in life. It is NOT Godâs will that you harm yourself like this. His wants you to have a good hope and a future, living your life everyday in peace and security and joy (Jer. 29:11, Is. 26:3, John 15:11, 10:28-29). You will feel like thereâs a wall in your relationship with God as long as you are going down this path, but He will never leave you alone. He will always continue to try and bring you back into the closeness of His very loving arms (Ps. 23:6). He is working in you to will and to do His good pleasure, and He wonât quit until you are with Him in eternity (Phil. 1:6, 2:13). Itâs His plans that will stand, not ours (Prov. 16:9). Heâs irresistible, and His love and mercy for you are unending (Ps. 118:1-4, Ps. 136).
As far as the others around you whom you donât want to disappoint, I can promise you that as a Christian mom, I would much rather know the truth and be able to help my children if they were in trouble than to find out too late to do anything. Your parents are Christians. They have the same Spirit of God in them that you do. Maybe you need to believe the best about them in love, and reach out to them for help. If you really canât do that, then I strongly recommend choosing a Christian leader, counselor, or mentor to confide in and give you the support and accountability you need. Depending on how long you have been suffering with this, you might need some medical intervention as wellâanother reason your parents need to know. Please donât be afraidâŠGod is and will continue to do something great and miraculous in your life, so that you will become âas a wonder to manyâ (Ps. 71:7). Sister, please start making the choices that will bring you life and Him gloryâŠthere is no more perfect way than Godâs way (Deut. 30:19, Ps. 18:30).
One last thing: no more of this “screwup” name you are using! We want you to start seeing and referring to yourself with a name that reflects how God sees you, which is all that counts!! All of us counselors have a pseudonym that we feel represents our testimonies. We encourage you to choose one as well. Even if you’re not feeling it right now, do it in faith! God is working; believe it, receive it, and start speaking His truth over your life. This can be the beginning of your healing process, as you build your identity in Him. He loves you and so do we!!
Much love,
Beloved by Him
Recently i have been worried about my ex-boyfried and really good friend from childhood. I fear he’s slipping away from God. He now swears regularly, goes out partying and drinking and i know thats not a good place for him to be. He also hasnt been coming to our youth fellowship or church. I’ve been praying for him since we broke up 5 months ago that God would keep him close but he’s just drifting away and i feel like i can’t do anything to stop it. He doesn’t keep contact with me any more or anyone from the church. I’ve prayed so many times that things will get better for him, but what else can i do..? I’m worried i won’t have the words he needs to hear if i talk to him.
advice would be greatly appreciated and your prayers
thank you xx
Thank you SO much!!! You have no idea how much that helped. I’m a lot less confused now and I have a lot more hope that this really won’t last forever. It was really cool of you to share your story. Honestly, I write off people’s advice cause I feel like they can’t really understand what I’m going through, but I really trust your advice cause I know you’ve been there. Part of the reason I was so against telling anyone was that none of my friends have ever done this, so I thought it was something real Christians didn’t struggle with. So, your story really encouraged me that just because I have anorexia it doesn’t mean I don’t love God or He doesn’t love me. I’m done acting perfect. I don’t want everyone to know I’m messed up and to freak out, but it’s too much. I can’t act flawless all the time. The more I look at my salvation and what it means, the less pressure I feel to base everything on how good I am. If I really believe God’s grace covers me, I don’t need to try so hard to cover myself. Not sure I’m ready to tell anyone about my e.d, but I’m ready to be less of a fake in general. And you’re definately right about e.d’s coming from something screwed up in our heads. That’s why last time when I just forced myself to not throw up and didn’t actually change my mindset at all it didn’t last. So, thanks so much and please pray God gives me grace to handle all this.
Dear Bought With Blood,
First of all, LOVE the new name!!! Way to start speaking God’s truth over your life!!! It’s like it says in I Peter 1:18-19: âFor you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.â Thatâs you, and me, and all our brothers and sisters in Christâhow can we put any greater value on our lives than the very blood of the Son of God? If He says weâre worthy, then we are worthy. Praise God!!!
My dear sister, I am so glad to hear that youâre done with trying to be perfect and flawless, and you want to be less âfake.â You have no idea how much I understand what youâre saying. I only wish I had started much younger; I would have lost so much less time and not wounded people so badly with my pious and prideful attitude.
I would still encourage you to tell someone about your situation, because the truth is, it doesnât disappear easily or all at once. If I wanted to go back to that behavior, my flesh would be so happy! But I love the people in my life too much to do that to them. And just because we have a stronghold in our flesh doesnât mean that weâre less righteous than the next Christian, or that weâre any less delivered. The apostle Paul had a thorn in his flesh that God refused to remove because it kept him humble and dependent on Him (II Cor. 12:7-10). In fact, itâs probably better for me that I am still dependent on God every day to renew my thinking in this area and keep me grounded in Him. Our flesh will be at war with our spirits until the day we go to be with Jesus, but praise God, âgreater is He that is in us than he that is in the world,â and âit is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.â (I John 4:4, Gal. 2:20, 5:17)
Please consider letting people in to this situation to help you. God loves you more than we can ever measure, and I know your parents have that love for you because His Spirit is in them. I would like to pray for you,
Heavenly Father, Dear Jesus, Dear Holy Spirit,
I come to you in humility and in expectation, knowing that You never turn away any of Your children because You love us as You love Your Son Jesus. God, I ask that You will reveal Yourself to my sister, that there is no condemnation in You, only love and healing and acceptance because of Jesusâ sacrifice on the cross for our sins. Lord, I ask that You would give her peace and wisdom as she goes through this difficult season, that You would encourage her that nothing is too hard for You, and that nothing can keep You from fulfilling Your good purpose for our lives. I ask that she would trust You with all her heart and let you help her by bringing someone for her to trust, someone with whom she can share her pain and who will help her as she draws closer to you and overcomes this bondage that Jesus died to free her from. Please pour out Your love in her heart and keep her safe, Lord, and let her know how great and deep and unfailing Your love and mercy are. We love You and praise You, Lord, in Jesusâ name, Amen.
Let us know how you are doing, sisterâ
Much love,
Beloved by Him
Dear Sister,
I know youâre worried but I donât think there really is much more you can doâŠbesides the fact that praying for this young man is no small thing. Donât dismiss the power of your prayers for himâremember that the âeffective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.â (James 5:16) Sometimes, thatâs all weâre called to do unless God clearly leads us to do more.
You are not spiritually responsible for your ex-boyfriend; he alone is the one who can choose to follow Godâs voice and turn from his disobedience. Trust what the bible says: that once we are in Christ, God promises to complete the good work He began in us (Phil. 1:6). Heâs not going to leave your friend alone; He will chase Him down with His goodness and mercy, and His goodness will bring him to repentance (Ps. 23:6, Rom. 2:4). God loves Him and will take care of Him, even working his mistakes out for his good (Rom. 8:28).
Keep praying for him, but also keep moving forward in the plans God has for you. This young man is out of your life for a reason. If he was still your boyfriend, he might have been a stumbling block to you by encouraging you to participate in the things he is doing, or influencing you by his less-than-Godly behavior. Continue to pursue your passion for God and the good things He is doing in your life. Find your comfort in the Word, the companionship of the Holy Spirit, and the fellowship of other people your age who have a desire to serve and glorify God in all they do (Ps. 119:49-50, John 14:16, II Tim. 2:22) If God does cause this man to cross your path, then the Holy Spirit will give you words of truth that you can say to him in brotherly love (Eph. 4:15). Let God do His job; release this young man into His hands (Phil. 4:6-7, I Peter 5:7).
We cannot see the big picture, but God can. Nothing is beyond His control or unredeemable by His grace. Itâs hard to wait, and maybe we wonât see our prayers answered the way we expect. But we canât let that cause us to worry; we need to have faith that knows the character of God and trusts in His love for us. So letâs pray for your friend, that he would turn back to the Lord and be restored in fellowship to people who care about him.
Dear Father,
We love you so much, Lord, and we are thankful that You always hear us when we pray. Lord Jesus, we ask that You would continue to reach out to this young man, with Your irresistible love and grace, and that he would turn and see Your face and how much You love him. We ask that You would stand in the gap and intercede on his behalf, that even when the enemy says heâs guilty, that You would say that he is righteous. Thank You for Your grace and mercy that are always at work in our lives, sanctifying us, changing us into the people You created us to be, and giving us hope where there would be none. We ask that You would protect this young man and keep him from anything that would be harmful, that he would come back with the least amount of correction with a heart that wants to be repentant and pleasing to You. We love You, Lord, and we trust him into Your powerful and loving hands. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen.
We love you, sister, and we know that God is working in this situation and will show Himself faithful.
Much love,
Beloved by Him
Hey, just wanted to tell y’all things are gettin better. It’s been really hard for me to be myself with my friends and everything cause I was just so used to acting a certain way that being fake is almost reflexive. But, I stopped putting on for them and turns out my friends still love me. I know this is super clichĂš, but it’s awesome just being myself. Even as a little kid, I always was playing a part, trying to be what people expected me to. I still catch myself faking a lot of the time, but it’s getting easier. I still haven’t told anyone about my e.d, though. I’m not a super trusting person and the few people I actually trust are my 15 yr old friends, so they wouldn’t be much help with this. I guess I could try and tell one of my friends or maybe my boyfriend, but I doubt they’d know what to do. Anyways, I’m glad I stopped performing. Thanks for that!
Dear Bought With Blood,
We are so glad to hear that you are encouraged and moving in the right direction. We still suggest that you seek out someone you can trust, perhaps at your church or at a local counseling center, so that you can get the support you need to keep going forward with your healing. Please keep pressing into the Lord and praying for Him to lead you in the right direction–He will be your faithful strong tower and your safe place. Be strong in Him and in the power of His might!
After a lot of thought and prayer, I finally told my boyfriend. He’s an amazing guy who loves God and loves me a lot. It may not seem like the right person to help, but he’s someone I was sure would still love me and someone I could trust. He took it really well, I think. He didn’t freak out at me or anything. He’s gonna be praying with and for me about it every day. He still wants to be my boyfriend and he told me he still thinks I’m awesome. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I think it was right. Thank you so much for everything! Y’all have a really great ministry that I’m sure God will continue to bless you for!
That is a very big first step! We are proud of you! Once you start moving in the direction to seek help and accountability, you will see that God is with you every step of the way, making the impossible possible! (Mark 10:26) Please continue to seek the Lord, and keep your eyes open for any other help God sends your way, through someone in the church or your community. Keep speaking God’s truth over your life, that you are a new creation, old things have gone and new things have come! (II Cor. 5:17)
Our prayer is that you will have great victory, both physically and spiritually, as God brings healing into your heart and body. There are some good articles up this month on the names of God–they will bring you encouragement as you travel through this valley and into His marvelous light. The link is here: http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/all-this-month-the-names-of-god/. Also, maybe you can check out the website for The Renfrew Center. They are a national organization that specializes in the treatment of eating disorders and women’s issues, and their site has tons of resources that can help you also. The web address is http://www.renfrewcenter.com/index.asp.
We love you sister, and pray that the Lord will heal you completely and give you the fullness of His joy and the newness of His life :)
Much love,
Beloved by Him
Hi im looking for advice on how to get an friend who has strayed from God to come back to our youth fellowship. He has told me he has been thinking of coming back but thinks it would be awkward seeing he has been gone for so long. I don’t know what he’s been doing for sure but i know he hasnt been living a very Godly life while he’s been absent. please pray for him that he will be encouraged to come back and he’ll not feel pressured that we’ll judge him for what he has been doing. And also that God will give me the right words to speak to him.
Thank you, God Bless
JEN
My precious sister in Christ, there are many different reasons why people walk away from Godâs plan for their lives. Seeing our brothers and sisters stray from our Father is very difficult and it breaks our hearts, we know that our Lord is faithful to restore them to fellowship as they come to Him with a humble heart and repentance for there disobedience. It reminds me of John 10:10 âThe thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullâ.
I believe that by your prayers and example your friend will realize that there is no judgment in your heart. Remember also that when we disobey, we are our #1 Judge because in our heart we know better, we think that if we donât fellowship with other Christians and keep far away from them, no one will know, and that is how the enemy steals and destroys our mind.
In my life I have a mentor, a few sisters, and brothers in Christ. One thing I have noticed is that they if they are not walking with the Lord (living in sin), they donât want to have anything to do with me. They were convicted inside themselves. People stay away from the light so that their sins are not exposed. (John 3:20) But one thing they always knew is that I was there for them if they needed me, on standby. Never asking why but always giving them the encouragement and love they needed at that moment.
There is a work going on inside each of us, which God has begun. Because God started this work, we can have confidence the end result will manifest. God desires to do great things for us all the days of our lives. He wants to see His plan fulfilled in each of us. Philippians 1:6 says,
“..being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Now since we know that our Lord is in control and that Jesus said, âIf two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for themâ Matt 18:19 we will bring our petition to our Heavenly Father.
Father God, we come to you in Jesus name, the name that is above all names and Lord we lift up Jenâs friend to your Throne of Grace knowing that you always hear us. Father we pray that you would touch his heart and open his eyes to your word. Give Jen the right words to say at the right time, give her wisdom and understanding of the situation and Lord guide her as she continues to be an example in this journey by showing kindness and a heart of compassion. Lord I thank you for my sister, and I pray that you continue to bless her and her family, in Jesus Name, Amen.
I will not forget your friend; he will be in my prayers. God Bless you always.
Much love,
His Precious Gift.
Hello, I’m a 15yr old girl looking for some advice or councilling.
I have just started a new life committed to Jesus. I’ve committed being chaste before marriage and to being dressed modestly by mother until I am 18.
I am very happy to be serving Jesus and being my an obedient daughter until marriage.
I used to be vain and only interested in my teen girl friends and what boys thought of me.
I want to obey my parents now and to be my mother’s girl.
I am going though a lot of changes and would like some help.
My mother has started dressing me modestly and I have given up all my teen cloths and shoes. I’m only 127 so rather small and my mother has was spent a lot of money on new cloths. Only everything I have to wear now is childrens cloths and shoes. I feel loved and my mother says I look adorable and we do everything together but also feel awkward and shy around girls at Church though I have some made young friends too. I don’t know I am really happy losting all my teen problems and it’s fun just being like a kid again. People can’t tell I’m a teen but I am 15. Is what my mum and I doing wrong?
Confused, or not sure girl.
Katrina White.
Hi Aimee! After reading your post here, its not that I feel better about myself because some other woman had a really hard life, but I think because of that I feel its easier to talk with you, than my girlfriends.
My name is Kaylee and I have to confess to a few lies that I have been living. First of all, because most places (maybe even this one)will not allow me on their site because I’m only 12 years old, its really been hard for me to continue to keep going on! You see, I live with my dad and 2 brothers, and my mom was killed in a car accident when I was 4, and I’m just really starting to realize how much I need her!!!
My dad is very loving and my brothers are ok… for brothers!… but since I’ve been getting older I find that I need my mom a lot right now. I find myself crying every night wishing my mom was here and I just don’t know how to handle this. I know my dad is really having a hard time too cause sometimes when I wake up at night I hear him crying and praying to God about my mom. I’m just not sure at all what to do anymore.
Also, my dad didn’t get rid of my mom’s email address yet and I have been using that since he hasn’t been able to settle things with yahoo and make an email address for me.
I pray a lot that Jesus would give me hope and direction for my life but I just can’t seem to hear Him… I just don’t know! Could you please pray for me that I would be the girl that God would want me to be, and for some way to ease or take this pain away that is because I miss my mom. Its really getting to a point where I just don’t know how to handle it. Thank you so much and God bless you!
Kaylee
PS After I read your post I know that God is still doing miracles for His daughters!
Sweet sister my name is Tropy of Grace. I am in for Beloved by Him. She is off for the month of July.
I understand what you are going through. I was sixteen when my mother died suddenly. I was so hurt and confused. I did not know the Lord at the time and did not seek His face. I ran away from anything good. I became very angry and bitter with the world.
You sweet sister are doing the right thing. You keep doing what your doing, seeking Godâs will for your life and searching for godly counsel from women who have a heart for God and for you. We are here for you sister. Please go through the site and you will find many different articles and questions and answers that will encourage and teach you. You are not alone! Jesus loves you and so do we!
My advice to you would be to get into the Word of God. Get a translation of the bible that you can understand. I personally like the NLT, New Living Translation. Read it day and night. Mediate on it constantly. That is where your hope and comfort will come from. His Word is a light to our feet. It guides us and leads. It teaches us right from wrong. You will find that He will speak to your heart through the bible. I promise that if you do this you will find that His Word will never fail you, NEVER! (Psalm 119:105,114; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
As far as the pain that you have from losing your mother. I am not sure that I can say it ever goes away completely, because I still have my moments when I really miss my mother and I cry, but the pain is not as fresh as the first several years. Time and the Holy Spirit have eased the pain. I promise it does get better.
Our Lord will bring women into your life who will help you on your journey through this world. He will not leave you alone. He did not leave me alone. I am blessed with many sisters in the Lord who have helped me along the way. I have a spiritual mother that has prayed for me and spoken love, life, and the Word of God into my life for more than 12 years. He has never abandoned me and I know that He wonât abandon you either. You have your dad, brothers, and now you have us too. I know He is going to put other women in your path. ï
I will pray for you now..
My Lord,
I come before You now in Jesus interceding for my dear sister. Oh how my heart knows her pain. I know what it is to long for my mother and not have her. But I know that You have Your divine reason why our mothers are not with us now and I trust You. I know that You will watch over and care for my sweet sister just like You have watched over me. My heartâs desire for my sister is that You would reveal Yourself to her in a mighty way. Comfort her heart Lord and give her the confirmation she needs to assure her heart that You have heard her prayers and seen her tears. Bring other women around her that will encourage and edify her. Give her a hunger for Your Word. Comfort her father and give him wisdom and direction. I pray that You would use her in her family. Let her be a light to her brothers. Use her Lord. Let her be an example of Your love and mercy. I thank You Lord for Your wisdom and grace. I thank You for what You are doing in her life. I thank You for leading her down the narrow road. I thank You for the specific plan that You have for her life. I know Your plan is good and full of hope. Protect her Lord from the enemy. Fill her with Your love and compassion.
In Jesus name I pray. Amen!
Please stay in touch with us sister. Normally we have a quicker response time (24hrs). We were off for the month of June.
We love you sister!
Sincerely,
Trophy of Grace
Hello Sister,
First, congratulations on starting a new life committed to Jesus! That is so wonderful, and is a decision I know that you will never regret. Praise the Lord for the wonderful things He is doing in your life! We rejoice with you, sister, and have been praying for you fervently since receiving your question.
I want to commend you for your commitment to purity before marriage, both in your thoughts and actions! The step that you are taking in making modest clothing a priority in your life shows the transformation that God is doing in your heart! There are several reasons that the Bible gives us for dressing modestly. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV) tells us “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” Our body is the temple of God: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
I also admire your desire to honor your mother and obey her rules until adulthood. The Lord will bless you richly for honoring and obeying your mother. In Ephesians 6:2-3, the Bible says “Honor your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” It sounds like your mother is very supportive in your decision to follow Christ — what a blessing! I understand that you are feeling very awkward about the new clothing your mom has purchased for you. However, I think that you are absolutely doing the right thing in obeying your mom. Be encouraged by the words of Colossians 3:20 (NIV) which says “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
It sounds like your mom is trying to encourage you in continuing to dress modestly and living a life of purity by buying these new clothes. However, if you feel the clothes are too childish, perhaps you could respectfully talk with her on your next shopping trip. Mature clothing does not have to be immodest clothing at all! Do you have any young women in your church who dress maturely in a way that you admire? Perhaps you could mention the style of clothing that those young women wear so that your mom could have a visual example of clothing you consider modest, yet more mature. However, please be sure to express your true gratitude for all of the items of clothing she has purchased for you and the encouragement she has shown you in supporting your new life in Christ.
My heart goes out to you because I vividly remember being 15 years old. Sister, you are caught between childhood and womanhood, and it IS HARD! I pray that you will know God’s love for you in a very special way. Please do not let Satan discourage you and cause you to feel awkward or ashamed in any way. You are a light in a dark world! Your youthfulness can be used by God to reach many young people for Him. 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT) says ” Donât let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” You will be known by your actions and your heart, not just your outward appearance. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT) which says “Donât be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” I can tell from your letter that your heart belongs to God and your desire is to serve and please Him. Please be encouraged by the truth of 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV) which says in part “…The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heartâ
I am praying for you and trusting God to direct your steps in your journey for Him. (Proverbs 3:5-6).
In His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Dear Heart of Worship, thank you for listening to me and preying for me. I have read Timothy on being modest and Corinthians on my body belonging to the Holy Spirit. And Ephesians, honouring my mother and Corinthians honouring God with my body.
Also Colossians has been very helpful in that I must obey my parents in everything to please the Lord. All these verses have been helpful to me and I feel they have set me straight.
I don’t feel so awkward now with my new cloths now and my mother is happy with the way she is dressing me. I also make sure that I thank her for each item she buys me. And I’m glad now that I am small and look younger than I am as I can see that some of the teen girls at church are starting to get attention from boys.
My mother says that when I think of my cloths and the way I behave that I should hope for complements from the ladies in church. When I told my mother about Peter saying girls should be beautiful by being gentle and quiet of spirit, she was very pleased.
I like Proverbs 3:5-6 and I think of it when I put on my shoes. I didn’t like my shoes at first because they are a little girls style of patient mary janes that I wear with white tights and I got some unkind comments and laughs about them from non-Christians girls but I like my shoes now and as my mother says they are very feminine and very modest. I asked my mother respectfully as you said about some of the more mature styles of some teen girls in church. My mother thinks it would be better for me to forget about being a teen for a while as I got off on the wrong foot and I need to keep away from some of the girls who were leading me astray. And my mother just loves dressing me vintage which would have been a more teen style a long time ago and not just for little girls. I will obey my mother and be thankful to her for her support in making me a good Christian girl.
Thank you for your help and preys. This is a wonderful site.
Loving Jesus
Katrina White.
Hello, I’m so happy with your advice from my first letter about modest dress that I was hoping you could help me with one more thing.
I hope I’m not being greedy asking another question already as I know there are lots of girls in need of help.
I am 15 and with the help of my mother, living a chaste Christian life in modest dress. This was not easy at first but this site has given me inspiration. I’m not your average girl to look at for two reasons. One reason is that I am small, like all over, below other girls shoulders. I am ok with this now as Jesus is big in my life. And my mother loves dressing me in modest vintage cloths for which I am the right size and that’s all good as resolved in your last letter about obeying my mother and I’m very thankful of Iused2bu for supporting me about that.
My next question, or the other thing about me which I stuggle with, well it’s a bit hard to say but even though I am small and happy to be chaste in modest cloths and all, I have a vanity problem. The thing is, I have really big ears for my size and they stick straight out.
I used to hide them as much as possible, especially around boys, though my mother doesn’t like me doing that and sometimes she prefers to tie my hair back.
My Father says I should just look the way I look and not to try and look like someone else. And my mother says if I am really going to learn about being modest then I should be happy with the ears God gave me. Well I wish I could be happy about my ears. Just that I have had some teasing. I really do want to get over my vainity though and I do wonder what it would be like to not feel like I need to hide my ears. I also wonder why God would give me such big ears seeing I am on the small side everywhere else.
Um . . . I hope I’m not asking to much trying to get an answer.
Respectfully yours
In Jesus
Katrina White.
Dear Katrina,
I am so happy to hear that you were pleased by the answer to your other question about dressing modestly! Our goal is to always pray and seek wisdom from the Lord and allow the Holy Spirit to speak His words to you and not our own. You have been on my heart today, and I am continuing to hold you up to our Father in prayer, sister. Also, please feel free to ask as many questions as you wish! That is why we are here, and we always want you to know that we are available and interested in all questions and concerns that you may have. Please do not hesitate to contact us at any time.
I am so sad to hear of the problems you are having with others teasing you regarding your physical appearance. My heart truly goes out to you because I have also been teased because of my physical appearance. I remember well the pain and sadness that this type of teasing caused me, and I am praying that you will know the love of Jesus in a special way when others say such hurtful things. I encourage you to pray and pour out your heart to the Lord. He knows your heart and cares about the things that hurt you. 1 Peter 5:7 says âGive all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you.â Also, Psalm 55:16-18 says âAs for me, I will call upon God, And the LORD shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me, For there were many against me.â 2 Corinthians 12:10 says that âFor the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.â When you feel like there are many against you, please remember that there is One who is always with you.
I hope that you will find encouragement in some of my favorite verses from Romans 8:
Romans 8:35-39
âCan anything ever separate us from Christâs love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, âFor your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.â) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from Godâs love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrowânot even the powers of hell can separate us from Godâs love. No power in the sky above or in the earth belowâindeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.â
In my experience, those who do the teasing are often those who are also feeling insecurity in their lives. I know it might be difficult, but I encourage you to pray for those who are persecuting you, that they would know the freeing love of Christ in their lives and that God would use your life as you follow Him to be a witness to everyone around you.
Concerning these physical features that makes you feel unattractive, please know that God formed you in your motherâs womb and you are âfearfully and wonderfully madeâ (Psalm 139:14). Isnât it amazing to know that the same God who formed the mountains, the oceans, the sun and the stars, formed you and every detail that makes you special? I think that is awesome beyond comprehension!
As I said before, I have also been teased about my appearance and have been extremely critical of my looks over the years. I came to a place in my life where I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit about the thoughts I was having and the negative way I spoke to my soul. I think Satan can often use attacks on Christians where we feel very vulnerable, and for women, many times that is our appearance. Please do not allow these attacks to distract you from God and His Word. Please pray for His love to fill you and that you will not allow these negative feelings about your appearance to cause you to be distracted from following Him with your whole heart. Proverbs 31:30 says âCharm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.â One of my favorite verses is 1 Samuel 16:7 which reminds us: âDo not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heartâ.
I think it is wonderful that both your mother and father are so encouraging! Praise the Lord for such caring and supportive parents! I canât tell you how much I appreciated your comment that âJesus is big in [your] lifeâ! How exciting! I can tell that Jesus is working in your heart and He has wonderful plans for your life!
Also, I just read a wonderful article on this site called âBeautiful Package, Beautiful Giftâ. You can find the article at: http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2010/07/07/beautiful-package-beautiful-gift/ When you have a chance, I would highly recommend reading over this article. I know that it encouraged me immensely when I read it.
I just want to leave you with a final thought and let you know that I am praying for you right now and will continue. May you know the love of Christ in these hardships you are facing. May His face shine upon you, and I pray that when you look in the mirror, you will see yourself through the eyes of God. I pray that He will reveal in a special way what He sees when HE looks at you, and my hope is that knowing how HE sees you will transform your life in a great way.
Ephesians 3:17-19 (NLT) ~ âThen Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into Godâs love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all Godâs people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.â
In His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Hi um i would rather not give my name ok i really need help right now i am finding myself serously considering suicide and its scarying me ok this is what happened i was o facebook you know just adding people and i added my ex i thanked him for the add and we kept talking or what ever ok turns out the girl that he broke up with me for broke up with him on one of the most important days of his life im 19 and he is 18 about to turn 19 soon well he apparently did not want to tell me that his girl friend had broke up with him or what ever over IM so he asked for my phone number and i know i should have said no or something but i did not do that i gave it to him and we talked for a while about her and other things The something happened he asked if i wanted to hang out and chill or what ever so i did i left home and went and hung out with him at this park we caught up on things and everything you know then after that we went back to his place lolol he wanted me to come in but i figured it was to late so i said lets stay in the car and we did But through all the stuff he put me through during our realationship and now I still love him but you know what im tired of this he is not the same guy that i use to know and this new guy im sure i care to know him i want to be done with him but everytime i think im done he draws me back in more its been almost two years since we broke up and just from the last reunion we had i nearly had a emotional brake down and im still feeling it now im crying because of this a whole year of my life go riped away on a guy who in my opioion never really loved or appreicated me i was only with him for 5 hours and im a emotion reck and to put the topping on the cake he says he is a christian now or in his words he says he is a baptist what is wrong with me why do i keep looking back at my past he was my first boyfriend i ever had and i loved him so much please give me advice on what i should do please help
Dear Sister:
I feel for you because I am reminded of times when I felt this way. I am so happy that you reached out because our emotions can work against us as keep us from attempting to get help. Though the help is probably not going to sooth your pain completely nonetheless getting godly advice and remaining in someone’s prayers will bring comfort to your heart.
Why is it that we as women would place ourselves at such emotional risk? Answers could vary greatly but I will choose the one that fits the reason why I did it. I am the product of a divorced home. I know this is almost the norm nowadays but it does not take away the consequences of it. Being that I had no father figure in my home I found myself vulnerable to the opposite sex to begin with. As I was placing myself in similar situations as you, I had no idea that it all stemed from a lack of self worth due to dad’s absence in my life.
In my attempt to fill the void I always looked to boys to validate my worth. I tried so hard to be the best friend & girlfriend they had ever met. I tried to be so good to the point that it would be crazy for them to walk away from me. Sad thing is that it happened and I was left so broken every tiem. The fact was that guys were never going to be able to satisfy this huge need I had anyways. Most of the times the need got worse.
I remember my first heart break. I identify with you in your pain and loneliness because I, too, felt like there was nothing worth living for. It was not until I met the Lord that I came to realize that the void my father had left since my early years could not be filled by anyone else but HIM.
When I came into the knowledge that my Heavenly Father thought I was worth sending His One and Only Son to free me from the penalty of my sin just because He chose to, it changed everything. The more I grew in my understanding of the love of God the more the boys, material things, school and everything else lost it’s grip on me.
I wish I was there to hug you and remind you personally that God loves you and has an amazing plan for your life that you will discover as you seek HIM diligently. (Jer 29:11-13) A plan that includes above all freedom from the demands of the world and those in it. (Jn 8:36)
I want to remind you that for every temptation that comes your way God will always show you a way out (1 Cor 10:13). It is important that at all times you remain focused on Christ who is your Savior not only from sin but also from committing the same mistakes over and over again. Through God’s Holy Spirit who lives in all the believers we are able to overcome our thoughts, feelings and actions that do not match what the Word says of those who are Christians.
Stay close to godly friends and ask them to hold you accountable for your actions. Request prayer from those you know belong to the Lord in order that you may stay away from people who are harmful for you.
As for the young man who is now calling himself a Christian I would say keep him in prayer and leave him in God’s hands. Take this time to draw close to the Lord and don’t allow anything or anyone to distract you.
By grace,
Free in Christ
Dear Heart Of Worship,
thank you for your wonderful work in helping me to accept the way I look. I studied all the scriptures that you showed me, read the artical and started preying about it too.
I like it that God formed me in my mothers womb and so does my mother. My mother says she loves to see my ears the way God made them. So I agreed with my mother that I am going to stop fussing over my hair and just accept that I have big ears.
I am preying to thank God for my ears and to not let Satan into my heart with teasing. My Father says that God may make us a certain way as a lesson and that somethings that seem bad can be a blessing.
At the moment when I look in my mirror, I have a narrow face and big round ears. I’m wearing a ponytail as a part of giving up trying to hide them. I think I really would like to just face life with my ears as God made them. So I will prey and I thankyou again for helping me.
God bless
Loving Jesus
Katrina White.
Dear Katrina,
I am so glad that you wrote back to let us know how you are doing! Please know that I am continually praying for you. I often wonder why God made me look the way I do too because I can find many faults with my appearance. However, as your Father said, God has a reason for making us look as we do and things that seem to be bad can often be a blessing in disguise. I know that in my life, God has taught me to trust Him more during hardships and to have heart for anyone who is being ‘picked on’. Since I was teased, I have compassion for anyone else in that circumstance. God may use the teasing you are going through now to help minister to someone else in the future through your heart of compassion. Besides, the women who I think are most ‘beautiful’ (as far as outward appearances) usually have some feature that makes them unique! :) So, celebrate your uniqueness! You are special!
May God bless you richly! Please know that we are praying for you and are here any time you need us.
In His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Dear Heart of Worship,
it’s been a while since I wrote asking for councilling with modest cloths and my appearence. I just wanted to say that after taking your advice and Bible study I feel much better. I have prayed about my appearence, thanking God for my blessings in disguise. Through praying I have found that you seem to be right, that God is using the teasing I am going through to help me minister to someone else in the future. I am glad God gave me big ears now and I am sure I will meet another girl who needs my help with teasing one day.
My mother says that I am blessed to not be like some of the other girls who because of their looks can attract boys who dont really care about the girls Christian values so much. My father says what is more important than looks is being a good daughter and a good wife. I look foreward to remaining odedient to my parents and pure till marriage.
God bless
Katrina White.
Dear Katrina,
I am so happy to hear back from you! I can’t tell you how uplifting your letter today is to me! I will continue to pray for you, and I am so happy that you are at peace with the way our Lord designed your every detail. I have been on the receiving end of teasing because of my looks and your sweet note today makes all of that teasing worth every second! Praise the Lord for the way He works in our lives.
You are so blessed to have such amazing and supportive parents! You are very wise to obey them, and I know that makes God so very happy!
I will continue to pray for you as you are a shining light in a dark world! I know that God has great plans for your life!
In His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Dear Heart of Worship,
thank you so much for your wonderful support, I feel so helped in my commitment to modest dress and chastity. Though, I have tried to write this message to you a few times now but I have chickened out. Provably cause I dont know how to start because it just seems wrong to have a drama already. I thought maybe I would be having a drama in a couple of years or something and it would be less weird.
Ok, my girl friends, bothers friend, who’s mother knows my mother, apparently likes me. We have only seen each other once and have not even been introduced. The weird bit is that he has really big ears like me which means we would look weird together. He goes to church so I dont feel like it would be wrong to meet him so long as he knows I am chaste and living in obedience to my parents. Though, I feel kind of confused, embarrassed and curious about our obvious similarities.
Is it alright to have an admirer like this? Should I tell my parents already? Why do I feel so embarrassed? Is there a proper way for a chaste girl living in obedience to her parents to behave with a boy who likes her?
In Gods love
Katrina White.
Hello Katrina,
Thank you so much for writing in to us! Please don’t hesitate at all to contact us any time you have questions or need support! We are here to help you in any way that we can.
I understand your confusion and admire your desire to do all things in a way that is pleasing to our Lord. I would encourage you to have open communication with your parents in order to respect all wishes that they may have in regards to dating. It is vital to have their blessing in all that you do and to conduct your behavior in a way that is open with and repectful to your parents.
It is encouraging that the boy you mentioned does go to church. It is crucial that any boy that you date be a Christian. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”. When I was younger, I heard the phrase “Every date is a potential mate” and I have always remembered it. Please be sure that any boy who is interested in dating you is fully committed to God.
I also encourage you to proudly commit to staying pure before marriage and to openly share your commitment to purity with any boy you date. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body”. Your parents will also have guidelines for what is appropriate physical contact, if any, while dating, and I encourage you to go to them and seek their counsel.
Please be sure to pray and to seek God’s direction in regards to the boy who is interested in you. Remember the words of Philippians 4:6-7 which say “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Just like all other aspects of your life, I encourage you to completely surrended your “dating life” to God and to seek His perfect will for your life in this area as well as all areas of your life.
I can’t tell you how encouraged I am by the questions you ask! I know that God is working in your life, and it is so exciting to see you seeking God’s will in all areas of your life. Please continue to remain pure and a living testimony of God’s work in your life.
in His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Dear Heart of Worship,
I feel blessed to have you on my side in councilling me. I hope this boy has read or is going to read Corinthians. Seems like I need to read Corinthians more myself. I certainly don’t want to be yoked together with an unbeliever and I will do as you say in making sure that any boy who is interested in me is fully committed to God.
As you say, I am already committed to staying pure before marriage so I have to make sure he understands that I am chaste.
I know your right and I will tell my parents tonight so they can decide or give me guidelines. I will also pray and surrender my dating life to God so that I may better understand his will.
I am so glad to have your guidence and I feel quite silly now when I think how I used to ask girls my own age for advice when some of them where happily sinning with boys and deliberately dressing immodestely.
Thank you so much
In Gods loves
Katrina White
Dear Katrina,
You are certainly on the right path! As ‘Trophy of Grace’ says, “Stay on the narrow road!”. Continue to seek God’s guidance and direction in all you do.
We are all here for you any time you have questions. All of our ladies love you and are praying for you!
in His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Dear Heart of Worship,
seems it was all a joke about that boy. I told my parents and my mother got to the bottom of it for me. Though one of my younger friends was involved but she was only trying to match make though some others were just making fun. I feel a bit sad and dumb for believing them now. My parents say I am definately not allowed to date until I am eighteen. But I can have a friend who is a boy so long as my parents are satisfied that I am chaste in my mind and not just my body and also the boy would have to be committed to God.
My mother says it is provably good practise for me to talk to some boys at church about scripture because this might help me unlearn some of the firtacious behavior that I have picked up from my old non- Christain friends. I know I used to act like my friends infront of boys, like acting really interested and wiggling my feet and goodness know what else I do or used to do.
I did have thoughts of being with a boy and sharing scripture and walking in the park with my parents kind of in the back ground. And I would be lying if I left out holding hands and kissing ( though I know that is not something I would do now)So I’m just a bit disappointed.
My mother says there is nothing wrong with praying for a good boy friend or a husband once I am old enough. My father says that the more pure I am before marriage the greater the reward. I do want to be pure and I hope I can make it through three years without immoral thoughts. It’s just such a long time.
I don’t really know what to ask. I guess I just need to get it all of my chest. I am just glad that I told my parents as you said too. Would be aweful if I didn’t know it just all a joke.
Thank you again
God bless
Katrina White.
Dear Katrina,
I’m so sorry to hear of what has happened because I can tell that you are hurt and disappointed. I encourage you to keep Romans 8:28 always in mind which tells us “…God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”. God can use even times of disappointment to draw us closer to Him.
One very good outcome of your situation was the communication you were able to have with your parents. I think it is great to have such supportive parents that guide you and were able to take this situation and use it as a time to discuss their guidelines for dating when that time should come.
Sweet friend, there are many seasons of life. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”. Perhaps this is not your season to begin dating. However, there are so many wonderful things happening in your life right now. I encourage you to rejoice in those blessings and to wait patiently until the ‘dating season’ of your life begins. God gives us grace and strength through each and every season of our lives as we trust in Him.
We are all praying for you!
in His precious, unfailing love,
Heart of Worship
Hello,
I’ve been wondering if God gives us the desires of our hearts or if He can put a desire for your life for what you want your life to be in the future. See I’ve been praying that He would show me who I should be and where I should be directed and ever since then (its been a few months) I feel I’ve begun turning into a different person. I can envision my life 20 years from now as a wife and mother living on a farm and I feel like I almost know who my future husband is (a devout Christian guy I like but never met). And I want to raise my children on the Bible and with morals. Can God reveal what He wants from you and your life? Like can He fill you with desires for your life in the future? I feel like right now I just need to wait for when He brings all the pieces together in His own time when I’ve become fully the person I need to be when the time comes and for now I just need to focus on becoming that person and growing closer to God. And when the time is right I’ll the guy that I like and everything will fall into place according to His plan. Is this the desire of my own heart or God revealing His plan for my life?
This is a great question! Iâve actually been discussing this a lot lately with some of my younger sisters in Christ, as they find themselves seeking Godâs will as it applies to their lives. Itâs a blessing to see young women who desire to serve the Lord with their lives and are willing to seek wisdom about what His plans are for them.
The great news is that God does give us the desires of our hearts, but only He can judge our hearts with perfect knowledge and wisdom, according to His plans for us, so that He knows which desires are godly and in line with His will, and when He should give them to us. We can pray for wisdom and discernment, we can seek the Lord in scripture, and we can receive Godly counsel, but ultimately, we must put our confidence in God to direct our steps and to complete the works He does in our lives (Pr. 16:9, Phil. 1:6). We can totally trust that âAs for God, His way is perfect, His word is proven, He is a shield to all who trust in Him.â (Ps. 18:30)
Psalm 21:2 says, âHe fashions their hearts individually, He considers all their works.â God made you with specific desires, talents, and goals, because He has specific things for you to do while youâre here on earth. Before you were created, He put a plan in place for you, full of good works that will bring Him glory (Eph. 2:10, Titus 3:8). We donât need to worry about what those plans are, or how weâre going to accomplish them, because He is the One Who makes it all happen. Philippians 2:13 (NLT) explains it this way, âFor God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.â If you have a desire for a Godly husband and family, then these may well be desires that God has placed in your heart to be fulfilled in the future.
What makes believers stumble is a lack of contentment in Christ. When our desires become our goals, when we start living for those things instead of living and abiding in Christ daily, we can become sidetracked, distracted, discontent, and moving away from Godâs perfect will. Itâs easy to make our desires into idols and convince ourselves we need to make something happen so that we wonât miss out on what God might be trying to give us. The truth is that every day, we are so blessed in Christ Jesus, we donât need to seek anything else but Him. If God wants to bring something or someone alongside us that will help us better glorify Him, Heâs perfectly capable of doing so! Hebrews 13:5 reminds us to be content right where we are: âLet your conduct be without covetousness, be content with such things as you have, for He Himself has said, âI will never leave you nor forsake you.ââ
So we need to be content with what God has already given to us, which is so much! The book of Ephesians opens with a passage of scripture that gives us a clearer picture of what weâve been given:
âAll praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christâeverything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.â (Eph. 1:3-11, NLT)
Our lives are truly in Godâs hands. We can trust Him to accomplish His plans for us, to give us the will and ability to do what He wants us to do, and to bring everything together perfectly. So does that mean we have nothing to do? Not at all! Our job is to give everything Heâs given us back to Him in love and service every day. Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength, and to love others (Matt. 22:37-40, Luke 10:27, Mark 12:29-31). Those two things are our life pursuits no matter what we find ourselves doing, whether at home, in school, at work, in friendships, single or married. Loving God is seeking His face every day, spending time getting to know Him, abiding in His presence, and living our lives in a manner that pleases Him (Micah 6:8, Jeremiah 9:23-24, John 15:4-10). And because we love God, we need to love others. That means living sacrificially, seeking to meet the needs of others, to build them up, and to share the gospel by living in the truthâas an accurate representation of Christ (I Tim. 6:11-12, I John 3:16,18,23, 4:7-11, 5:1-3, Phil. 2:1-16, I Peter 3:7-11). Loving God and others can only make us more gracious like our Heavenly Father, more sacrificial like our Savior Jesus, and stronger in the Holy Spirit within us. That is when we will see that âGodliness with contentment is great gain.â (I Tim. 6:6)
God doesnât forget the work we do on His behalf, either. He wants us to be faithful and patient and keep pressing forward, so we can receive all that Heâs promised to us, whether itâs something specific Heâs shown us or something weâre not aware of yet (Heb. 6:10-12). If we find our true delight in Him, then He will give us the desires of our hearts (Ps. 37:4). And those desires will be in line with His will, because we donât want anything that He doesnât want for us.
Donât worry about tomorrow. None of us can fully understand the plans He has for us (Jer. 29:11, James 4:13-16). Just be where you are today, in Him, and know that He has, is, and will continue to be doing wonderful things in your life, because He loves you so much.
âHe has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his laborâit is the gift of God.
I know that whatever God does,
It shall be forever.
Nothing can be added to it,
And nothing taken from it.
God does it, that men should fear before Him.â (Eccl. 3:11-14)
Much love,
Beloved by Him
What a great response! I really needed to read this today. With the recent move to Texas I have been feeling a little lonely and some what overwhelmed. I knew that we were called here. My heart’s desire is to please our Lord and follow Him where ever He may lead me. Now that I am here in this new season I find myself sad and missing my family. But I know that this is when I need to draw even closer to Jesus. I know with all my heart that this where we’re called to be and I trust Him and His plan even though I am not sure exactly what He is doing. It’s ok with me. I am His to do with as He pleases. Thanks Alana for posting your comment/question God used it to minister to me too. Thanks my dear friend Beloved by Him for allowing our Lord to use you as His conduit of love. I love you sister!
Thank you so much for your response Beloved by Him. That really made me see that I should be grateful and happy in where I am now in my life and that God will shape me into whoever He wills and lead my life in whatever direction He sees fit. And I know He has grand plans that will serve to build me up. And Im so happy my question brought about an answer that really ministered to you Trophy of Grace. (: Thats so cool that it not only helped me but it also helped you as well. God bless both of you and thank you for the advice! â„