“We are not to look for the evil things in others. We are not to see others through the warped glasses of prejudice and unkindly feeling. We are not to arrogate to ourselves the function of judging, as if men were answerable to us. We are to avoid a critical or censorious spirit. Nothing is said against speaking of the good in those we see and know; it is uncharitable judging and speaking, which Jesus condemns.” - J.R. Miller

It’s our human sin nature that causes us to want to judge and be critical towards other, but we do not have to submit to a critical spirit. We are to make allowances for each other’s faults. After all we are all flawed.

It is wrong to look at each other to judge or condemn one another, however it’s another thing when you are addressing a situation in love with a friend. Sometimes we need to judge situations and encourage, challenge, or correct one another. I like one of the verses that Beloved By Him used above, Proverbs 27:5-6, which says:

“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”

Friends who love each other, keep it real with one another. People who claim to be friends will stay quiet when they see their ‘friend’ headed down the wrong path. All too often I think as Christians I think we are so afraid of someone saying to us, “Why you judging me?”, that we stay quiet instead of speaking out.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to make it quite clear that we are not to run aroung being sin sniffers, looking for fault in others. What I believe is that there is a difference between judging someone and believing in God’s grace and mercy to help someone in their time of need, and reminding them of that. Sometimes we need to remind one another that we serve an Awesome God that can help us through anything, and that we don’t not have to submit to foolishness.

I thank God for the bold women of God that the Lord has used to love me enough to call me out when they saw me with a wrong attitude and harden heart heading down the wrong path. These true women of God have patiently taught me to love and submit to my husband. They have taught me to be patient, loving, and prayerful with my children. They have taught me to live wisely and to be pure. They have believed in me when others haven’t. They spoke into my life while others sat by and watched me try to hide in darkness. (Titus 2:3-5) I thank God for them saving me from death and destruction, cause that’s what would have happened to me if I would have continued in my rebellion. They spoke into my life, even if it meant it was not what I wanted to hear. (James 5:19-20)

I think too often today the word judging is used by someone who is in rebellion, with a hard heart, is shamed, and is not ready to hear what those who love them have to say. So they become defensive and say, “Why are you judging me. Christians aren’t supposed to judge”. But that’s not true. We have to judge situations here and in the world to come. (1 Corinthians 6:1-5) I like this quote from John Macarthur. He shares the type of judging Jesus condemns.

“What Jesus forbids is self-righteous, officious, hasty, unmerciful, prejudiced, and unwarranted condemnation based on human standards and human reasoning… [He condemns] the judgment of motives, which no mere human being can know of another, and to judgment of external forms.” - John MacArthur

I also like what a gentleman named Mark Dever has to say about judging.

“Certainly, in Matthew 7:1, Jesus did forbid judging in one sense… But for now, note that if you read through that same gospel of Matthew, you’ll find that Jesus also clearly called us to rebuke others for sin, even rebuking them publicly if need be (Matt. 18:15-17; cf. Luke 17:3). Whatever Jesus meant by not judging in Matthew 7, He didn’t mean to rule out the kind of judging He mandated in Matthew 18… If you think about it, it is not really surprising that we as a church should be instructed to judge. After all, if we cannot say how a Christian should not live, how can we say how a Christian should live?” - Mark Dever

Sister we just need to make sure that we are walking in love and mercy, focusing on ourselves more than others. However if God gives us eyes to see a sister going through a struggle, we should not be afraid to speak into each other’s lives. It’s like the book of Hebrews says,

” You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. ” - Hebrews 3:13

We are to walk in love and love speaks out.

Sincerely,

P.S.

Sorry my response was so long this is a topic that weighs heavy on my heart.

Trophy of Grace

I’ve thought long and hard about this. Alot of people have surface relationships, and call them friendships. But they are not because they do not require an investment of themselves. I call those Aquaintances. Those people will come in and out of your life, tell you what you want to hear, and drop you the minute something bad happens in your life.
Now, if this BFF is real, and you really love her, then set aside your pride, and maybe your embarrassment, and your anger and your resentment and talk to her. As you say, she is an older Christian, and perhaps been around alot longer, and made “awholelotta” mistakes for people to learn from. As Christians, we Are supposed to hold one another accountable, in His Love. And if we see one of our own dancing on the edge of a cliff, we are supposed to tell that person to get away from that dangerous behavior. And if that person won’t listen, and insists on playing on the ledge because they think they have good “balance” and can handle it, are we just supposed to watch someone fall to their death, and say, “Well, I told ‘em.”

No! That’s not Love, that’s self-centered, righteous, bull.

Love runs down to that person dancing on the ledge, and yes, yells at them, and jerks them away from the danger. They may jerk your arm, or tear your clothes, or even might injure your pride while bringing you to safety.

New and young Christians love to go to the edge, and peek over, not thinking that they will ever fall or die. And…sometimes they get all pissed off because they think they were never in harm’s way. They don’t see all the bodies at the bottom of the mountain. Love is action, and NEVER passive.

Paul in Galatians 2 had to actually confront Peter and told him that his behavior was unacceptable. Peter had been acting one way with the Christians and another with the Jews. Now, Peter could have told Paul, “Look it Dude, I was with Jesus, I walked with Jesus, fished with Jesus, gave up everything to be with Jesus, and I never saw you anywhere. In fact it was you, who went all over trying to kill us, and now because you believe in Jesus, you’re going to come up to me, and tell me my conduct is inappropriate? Well, here’s my hand Paul! Don’t judge me!”

No Peter RECEIVED Paul’s correction and applied it immediately. Peter had a little blind spot in his character, because he thought he was being cool and righteous, and all that. Paul said, “Whoa there Sparky! Hold up! You gotta a problem and WE need to address it.” Paul did indeed get in Peter’s face. Paul loved his fellow brothers enough to be truthful, and perhaps very straightfoward and sharp, but he got the point across without compromising the truth or watering it down so it would seem it was a suggestion. Nope, clear correction.

So, if the Lord has put someone in your life, not only to encourage you, but to correct you in your walk, consider yourself a Blessed person. Few people actually mean what they say and say what they mean. Give her a call and try starting over again. What have you got to lose?