I Have A Close Friend Who I Am Worried About
Anonymous writes…
I need some advice. I have a close friend who I am worried about. Her life is very stressful- her job is tough and time consuming and her home life isn’t great. She is the only Christian in her family. Lately she’s been drinking a lot to cope with the stress, which is bad for her. She is 16. I told our life group leader when I found out what she was doing after she “drunk dialed” me. Our life group leader talked to her and is now under the impression that she has stopped when she actually got worse. She also admitted that she has tried taking prescription painkillers. She is such a good person and she’s very loving and strong in her faith, which is why I hate seeing her do this to herself. Should I tell our life group leader again? Should I talk to her? Please give me some advice.
Beloved By Him replies…
You are showing a very kind heart toward your friend; it’s clear that you love her and are concerned for her well-being. You are honoring God in your desire to help her, by being the type of friend that loves at all times (Prov. 17:17).
Your friend is falling to the pressures of the world, especially as she is the only Christian in her family and doesn’t have the fellowship or support that she might have otherwise. Combine that with the stress of everyday life, plus the challenges of being a teenager in today’s society, and that can push anyone to the brink of their emotional resources. Thankfully, that’s not the only resources that are available to her. The Lord has put you, as well as other caring individuals, in her path to help her carry this burden (Gal. 6:2).
If we were just talking about stress, that would be one thing. But you said that she is 16 and drinking and taking prescription pills to try and alleviate that stress. This is a very serious problem. It’s not just that she is drinking to party, which would be wrong enough; she is drinking and taking drugs to deal with her problems. This is how the enemy gets people into substance abuse. It’s not a stretch to say that these things bring addiction, destruction, even premature illness or death. Her situation needs intervention on several levels.
First of all, you need to confront her in love. She has confided in you, which means that she trusts you and regards you as a person who can help her, even if she doesn’t admit it. Pray for the Lord to give you a humble and meek spirit as you speak to her, and let her know that you care too much for her to let her hurt herself with this behavior (Jude 23). Let her know that you will be by her side, and mean it. You are going to have to commit yourself to being a true sister in the Lord, whom the Lord put in her life for such a time as this (Prov. 17:17, Esth. 4:14). She may refuse your help, but you can continue to pray for her and give her words of encouragement that will bring life and health to her spirit (Prov. 4:23). She is in need of healing and restoration of her confidence in the Lord to meet her needs. The only place to find those things is in His word. The more you are able to share scripture with her, the more you will be pouring His life back into her. There is a great site full of healing scriptures at http://www.savedhealed.com/healing.htm. God promises to heal us with His word (Ps. 107:19-20), so you need to keep pointing her in His direction.
You should also be honest with your group leader about her true state of mind. Leaders are put in authority by God to shepherd those whom He put into their charge, and He expects them to help when there’s a problem (Heb. 13:17, I Peter 5:2). Talk to your leader privately, so as not to cause any shame to your friend, and let him or her know the truth about what’s really going on. If you don’t think that they are the right person to help, pray and ask God to lead you to someone who can. The important thing is to find someone who is older, experienced, and in the right position to help, and if at all possible, they should be a God-fearing Christian. There are many well-trained and well-equipped people in the world who do a good job of helping people with substance abuse issues, but if they are not dependent on Christ as the Cornerstone for their treatment philosophy, then they will not be leading your friend to the only One Who can give her real freedom and healing (Nahum 1:7,9b, Rom. 8:2, II Tim. 3:16-17).
You also need to be drawing close to the Lord during this time. You need the resources of His love, faithfulness, strength, and patience to be able to minister to her effectively. Don’t make the mistake of trying to do this on your own. We are limited in what we can do in and of ourselves, but when we are rooted and grounded in His love, fully relying on Him to be our strength, and to give us patience and faith in the midst of the storm, we can do all that He asks of us, whether it’s to be strong and courageous or to be still and know that He is God (Josh. 1:9, Ps. 46:10).
My prayer for you and your friend comes from Colossians 1:9-14,
“For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and long suffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father Who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in Whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”
May the Lord bless you both with His powerful words of life, and may He show Himself faithful and mighty on both your behalves, in the name of Jesus, His Son and our Lord. Amen.
Much love, sister,
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