Anonymous writes…

I used to be so consumed by God. He was the biggest part of my life, and while my friends were going to church for the free food or to hang out or to meet their boyfriends. I was happy, I had joy in my heart and it showed on the outside. IN several of the Christmas cards I received from members of our church, they mentioned that my smile made their day or that I was a special person designed to do God’s work.

I wanted and felt led to go on Mission trips, but my parents wouldn’t let me go overseas because the war in Iraq. I know that it is dangerous, I wanted to go regardless if I lost my life because I would be doing what God wanted. MY parents don’t go to church and are no longer married.

This past year has been rough for me because i had to come out with everything and tell my mom that my dad had been abusing me when she was at work. I have a great boyfriend who has helped me so much, but he can only help me so much. I quit going to church for a while because I wasn’t feeling the Spirit of God and I wasn’t learning anything in bible class. I learned more at home than I did there.

MY boyfriend got me back in church again. This whole time I have been struggling with depression and no one seemed to understand. It is possible to feel alone in a crowd. I am saved and have been for 5 years, and I know that our faith must be tested. Recently I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I have panic attacks. I still feel so alone. I need your help please.

Beloved By Him replies…

Dearest Sister in Christ,

My heart goes out to you—it’s difficult enough to deal with tough situations in life, but when those times are combined with a dry season of faith and a flood of depressed and anxious feelings, it’s almost like you literally can’t move. You can’t think straight, feel straight, you are just hanging on, waiting for the light to be turned on so that you can see the way out of this darkness, and praying with whatever you have left in your soul that this will pass. Please hear me when I say to you, Jesus is there every moment, every step. He knows and understands how you feel, and He wants you to keep your eyes on Him so that you can walk on top of the water and not sink below the waves. If the floods rise around you, He still has a hold of you, and He won’t let go. Hear God’s words from Isaiah 43:1b-2,

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.”

He goes on in verse 4 to say, “Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, and I have loved you…” He wrote these words to the people of Israel, His bride. You became one of those people when you trusted in Christ Jesus for your salvation, and He will never desert you or leave you without help (Heb. 13:5, John 14:16-18). He hasn’t given you this spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (II Tim. 1:7). Even in the midst of overwhelming trials, you need to believe that you can still stand on the one true Rock—and He is telling you, “Do not fear, nor be afraid”! (Is. 44:8)

You are right when you say that God tests our faith. But He does it to make our faith real and active and strong, so that we can accurately reflect His power and truth at work in our lives. I Peter 1:6-7 explains it this way,

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Do you see the phrase “for a little while”? This season will not last forever. It may take longer than we had hoped, but only God can decide when we’ve fully learned what He wants to teach us, whether it’s about Himself, ourselves, or probably both. But there will come an end to this particular test. We are promised in I Peter 5:10 that God allows us to suffer for a while, and then He will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle us. We have to resolve ourselves to let it happen in His timing, not ours.

In the meantime, you need to seek His face, knowing that He is ready to speak to your heart, reveal Himself to you, help you, and take care of you (Ps. 27:8-10). God provides doctors for the medical part—but the other part is to allow Him to heal your spirit by the power of His Word and His Holy Spirit. It’s especially important when you’re dealing with depression to remember that Jesus gives us peace that nothing in this world can offer (John 14:27). You have to renew your mind by reading and meditating on the Word of God, and commit to knowing what He says about those things that are plaguing you. Immerse yourself in scriptures about anxiety and depression, so that you know how to help yourself. Some of the ones that I treasure are:

“Therefore, my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices, my flesh also will rest in hope, for you will not leave my soul in Sheol, nor will you allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forever more.” (Ps. 16:9-11)

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Ps.27:13-14)

“Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul soon would have settled in silence. If I say, ‘My foot slips,’ Your mercy O Lord, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” (Ps. 94:17-19)

“Return to your rest, o my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.” (Ps. 116:7-9)

Did you know that King David battled depression? That’s one of the reasons the book of Psalms is so full of heartfelt cries to God for His help. David was troubled about many of the same types of things that you are—being wounded and betrayed by those whom he loved, feeling a loss of fellowship with God and the church, needing to know that God was working on his behalf. Often, when you read psalms written by David, he ends them with a statement of hope in the Lord. You need to make a statement of faith by claiming that hope for yourself, as well. It starts when you decide to really know and believe the love God has for you, by praying that He will help you to comprehend “what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Eph. 4:18-19, I John 4:16). As we begin to understand and experience how much we are loved by God, we are filled with joy, peace, faith, and a hope that abounds and won’t disappoint us, because it all comes from the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5, 15:13).

You have a calling on your life, something special that God created you to do, and He wants you to fulfill that calling. You honored your parents well when you chose to postpone your desire for missions, but maybe the Lord still has that in your future. I also believe that He may use you to minister to others once you have come through this time in your life, because one of the reasons He consoles us is so that we can provide consolation to others in their time of need (II Cor. 1:3-7). You may not see it now, but He is preparing you for the good works He planned for you by using all that is happening to draw you closer to Him and make you strong where you were weak (Rom. 8:28, II Cor. 12:9-10). He made you, He knows you, and He will be faithful to complete the good work He began in you (Phil. 1:6). You need to walk in forgiveness toward your dad, knowing that you never have to be ashamed, and that by God’s grace, you don’t have to dwell on those things that are behind, but instead you can press on to that which Jesus had prepared for you (Ps. 34:5, Is. 50:7, Phil. 3:12-14).

Our flesh is going to try and keep us down and depressed, anxious and afraid, but that’s not how God wants us to feel. We can actually choose to rejoice, and be happy that it’s the living God Who is our help and our hope (Ps. 70:4-5, 146:5). I know you’re not there yet, so I want to share one last verse that may seem a little easier for you to receive in the midst of your heartache:
“Why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.” (Ps. 42:11)

Please let us know how you’re doing, and believe that God is faithful.

Much love, sister,

Beloved by Him