What Do You Do When You Have A Boyfriend That Hits You?
Myspace Friend Asks:
What do you do when you have a boy friend that hits on you and pushes you around? And you have let him do it for 4 years and every time it happens he makes it feel like its all you
Vision replies:
RUN!
This sounds like a co-dependent relationship that needs to be broken off… and the sooner the better. No man should ever hit or push a woman, for any reason.
The scary thing about dating someone with bad character is that we might end up marrying them. Then, once we are married, it is a lot more difficult to deal with such behavior problems than while we are dating. Marriage does NOT make things better. You CANNOT fix this man. In fact, once you marry him, his guard will come down and his “real” character flaws will be revealed. How do you think he’ll treat you once you are married?
The Bible says that we are not to be unequally yoked in marriage. Obviously, this guy is not Christ-like because he does not exemplify self-control. Galatians 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” If you are a Christian, the Bible is very clear about seeking only to marry (or date) someone who is also a born-again believer. God did not call us to date “ministry projects”. Don’t let the devil convince you that you need to date this guy in order to bring him to Christ. Even if you are not a Christian, you would still be wise to stay out of abusive relationships (whether verbal or physical) while dating.
I would also like to challenge you to take a sincere look at yourself. Are you provoking this guy to anger with your mouth? I have found that many women are prone to nagging - and men hate it! If you are guilty of losing control with your tongue, ask God to help you change your ways for the sake of future relationships. A woman is to be her husband’s “help mate”. This means, she is to encourage him and not to tear him down. Wives should constantly seek the Lord, asking for help in having pleasant tones and kind words toward their husband… even during times of disagreement. Now, even if you are guilty of nagging or spewing poisonous words toward your boyfriend, this still does not give him the right to hit you. He is responsible for his actions, just as you are responsible for yours. Sadly, since he has already crossed the line of respect in this relationship by forcefully pushing you around and hitting on you, it is unlikely that he will be able to break this pattern… even if you work to clean up your tongue.
Dating someone who does not cherish you - but instead, beats you - will only lead to heart ache and pain. There is no future in this type of relationship. Seek the Lord with all of your heart and let Him be your boyfriend until He shows you someone like Himself who will love you, cherish you, and even lay his life down for you. This is God’s plan for male and female relationships. As we love one another - like Jesus loves the church and gave His life for it - we are in agreement with God’s plan for dating and marriage.
Sincerely,
Vision
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Dear ‘I have the same problem’
I am on duty tonight and I would love to pray for you. Let me begin by first reassuring you that you are most certainly doing the right thing. You have prayed, sought wise biblical counsel, and now you are stepping out in faith acting on the Word of God. Be confident in your decision even though it will hurt. I promise you will also feel a yoke of bondage removed. You are being set free! (Proverbs 1:5, Psalm 6:9, James 1:22, John 8:36)
The Lord will help you heal from this situation. You just need to make sure that you stay close to Him. Fill yourself with the Word of God. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey it. It will comfort you, direct your steps, and strengthen your spirit. During this time you will need to be strong and courageous! Don’t be afraid or discouraged. Our Lord is with you every step of the way. Trust Him with all of your heart. (Psalm 147:3, James 4:8, Psalm 119:50, Psalm 119:105, Joshua 1:8-9)
In the future pray and fast about any relationship that you maybe considering. Be sure to really check out the person’s fruit. Do they have the fruit of the Spirit or the fruit of their sinful fleshly nature? The fruit does not lie. (Galatians 5:16-26)
Matthew 7:15-20 Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.
Now about tonight..
Father I come to you now in your Son Jesus name.. Holy Spirit give me the words to speak.
My Lord I come to you now on behalf of my broken and hurting sister. She needs You Holy Spirit. She needs you to strengthen her soul. She needs Your strength to rise up in her and make her bold in Christ Jesus. She needs to know that You are on her side to help her now in her present situation. Make Your presence known to her so strongly that she would not fear anything. Let her be confident in her decision Lord. Give her the words to speak to this young man.
I pray that when he goes there that he would get his stuff quickly and go. Touch his heart too, soften it and bring him to repentance Lord. Let him not be deceived but let him see the error of his ways.
When he leaves Lord fill her with joy and comfort. Draw her to your Word that she may be replenished.
I know that You are doing a new thing in her life and you are going to make all of her crooked paths straight. You are going to use her testimony to help other women who have been and are going through what she is going through now. This was meant by the enemy for her destruction, but she will be more than a conqueror even now. She will not be a victim any more. She will be a victor. In Jesus name..You will be glorified through her life. No weapon formed against her will prosper. You have a mighty plan for her life and she will fulfill her calling Lord. I trust you with her life.
In Jesus name..
Amen
well…i told him how i felt which upset him. please pray 4 me because he’s coming over to my house today 2 pick up all his things. this is very hard 4 me since i do love him so much. i understand that he should never put his hands on me but what i realized most was that i need time with God and although he is my leader i have a greate leader in God. i do feel stronger and know its the right decision but theres also another part of me that is very hurt n brokenhearted about the whole situation. though i love him so much i need 2 do this. please pray that tonight things go well. thank you and God bless.
Precious sister,
As I was reading your question last night it broke my heart. You are not alone, there are many women in your situation. But the question is Why do people who are being abused continue in abusive situations? Some people stay in abusive relationships but don’t know how to get out. Those who are victims often excuse their abuser’s behavior based on a false sense of obligation. You said ‘He taught me everything I know about God’, ‘He’s my best friend and leader.’
There is so much I can tell you about that, but I will tell you about Respect. When you respect someone you care about what they think, what matters to them matters to you, you make an effort to do what makes them feel loved, valued and highly esteemed. An important thing to remember is that respect is a two-way street. Both people must be willing to honor each other through loving words and actions. Our number one priority is to Honor and Respect God and trust God in every situation.
As Christians, we are taught to love our neighbor as ourselves. However, if you have never learned to love yourself you cannot possible love anyone else. That could very well be the situation with your boyfriend.
Anger is an emotion that gives a signal that something is wrong deeper than the anger. It’s like the light that comes up on the dashboard of your car that says ‘check oil soon’. The purpose of the light is to propel you to action… it causes you to stop and investigate and then to take appropriate action. If not, your engine will blow. There is something in his life that needs to be addressed; it is not your fault. Please don’t ever think that someone has the right to abuse you and don’t find excuses for that horrible act. When we read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 we realize that God has given us a pattern of love to follow because God is Love.(1 John 4:8) See for yourself if what he is doing with you is love.
It also makes me wonder how spiritually mature is your friend. Spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the decisions we make in life, whether you make decisions in line with the Word of God or not.
I want to remind you that God has an awesome plan for your life. (Jer 29:11) The Lord says, “Since before you were born, I’ve had plans for you.” (Jer 1:5) Put Him first, don’t ever put any man above Him. I know in your heart you know what you need to do, sometimes a separation for a little while is enough and sometimes we need to get our heart right with our Savior in oder for things to fall into place.
You need to invest time in renewing your mind and memorizing scriptures that reinforce God’s love and forgiveness. In Christ you are a new creation.(2 Corinthians 5:17) Learn to see yourself as a valuable child of God. Ephesians 4:22-23 says, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life…to be made new in the attitude of your mind.”
Dear Heavenly Father I come to your throne of grace with joy, because I know that you always hear me. Father I pray for my sister, Lord you are her strengh and her hope, Lord we know that if our life is anchored in Christ, we will never drown in despair. Give her the wisdom to make the right decision and Lord show her how to walk in victory as a new creation, with a new nature,a new heart, a new Spirit and a new mind.
Thank you Lord, In Jesus mighty name, Amen. I will continue to pray for you and your friend.
In His Precious Love.
2 Cor 5:17, Col 2:11, Eze 3:26-27, 1Cor 2:16
* Please read some of the other articles they will definitely help.*
Sincerely,
i was going to write the same question but i found this one. im going through the same exact thing. We are both christians and leaders of our church, but theres times when my boyfriend has anger problems. He is trying to change with prayer and fasting. He never beat me, but he has pushed me, grabbed me by the head, slammed me against the wall, and shoved my face. He also hurts me so much mentally.
Last night we had a big fight, his friend was there and they had a disagreement. I tried to help and just calm him down but instead he grabbed me by my wrist, squeezed it so hard and looked me straight in my face. He didnt say anything and just looked at me, i just looked at him and stood quiet to not cry out because of the fact it hurt. His friend didnt see this because he did this to me once his friend turn away. He was so upset he just walked away. his friend noticed something was wrong with me but i dint want to say anything. but he knew already, he had a feeling i had been going through abuse since i have become more closed in and more quiet. So we decided to go for a walk and get some food.
I went upstairs to drop off the bags i was holding but when i went upstairs my sister told me he called me, so i caled him back. when i did he was upset and he ended up saying such hurtful things to me that i cant even write on here. but that hurt me and i just broke down and cried. i took some time to just calm down and i went back downstairs. i took a walk and i felt better. but once we got to the front of my house he was back and he sat next door from my house.
His freind didnt want to leave becasue he was afraid that he might hurt me but i told him it was ok and that he wouldnt hurt me so he left. when his friend left i walked over to him but he just said something so mean i just walked away. then he folowed me but i just told him that i needed time, he got so angry that he raised his hand but he didnt hit me since we were outside, so instead he told me to open the door, but i was so afraid that he was just going to beat me once i got inside. but he grabbed my head tightly and said open the door. i kept saying no but he shoved me into the door and squeezed my head harder. so i finally opened it. once inside he began yelling at me. at that point i had enough and just told him to get it over with and to just beat me because i already been so hurt and destroyed mentally that it just didnt matter anymore. he just looked at me and yelled that he wasnt going to beat me, i guess he realized at that moment that what he was doing was wrong.well, theres so much that happened but i will keep it short…eventually i felt it was my fault and i apologized to him. he made me feel like it was my fault and that i messed up. i dont know??? i know this is not what God wants but i love him so much.
hes my bestfriend and hes the one God used to bring me to church, he taught me everything i know about God and hes my bestfriend and leader. ive just come to the point where i dont know what to do and at this point im just depressed and dont know how much longer i can live this life.
I have always been a happy, fun loving person but this has just been breaking me down. i know the word and what it says and i know i should leave but i cant, i just want to be there during this tough time for him.
i dont have anyone to talk to since unfortunatley im the womans counselor in my church and i cant talk to my fmily since my dad is abusive and mentally ill and my mom is not in my life. i just dont now what to do???????????
sorry i wrote so much but i just wanted some advice. thank you.