Reader Responds too.. What Do You Do When You Have A Boyfriend That Hits You?

i was going to write the same question but i found this one. im going through the same exact thing. We are both Christians and leaders of our church, but theres times when my boyfriend has anger problems. He is trying to change with prayer and fasting. He never beat me, but he has pushed me, grabbed me by the head, slammed me against the wall, and shoved my face. He also hurts me so much mentally.

Last night we had a big fight, his friend was there and they had a disagreement. I tried to help and just calm him down but instead he grabbed me by my wrist, squeezed it so hard and looked me straight in my face. He didnt say anything and just looked at me, i just looked at him and stood quiet to not cry out because of the fact it hurt. His friend didnt see this because he did this to me once his friend turn away. He was so upset he just walked away. his friend noticed something was wrong with me but i dint want to say anything. but he knew already, he had a feeling i had been going through abuse since i have become more closed in and more quiet. So we decided to go for a walk and get some food.

I went upstairs to drop off the bags i was holding but when i went upstairs my sister told me he called me, so i called him back. when i did he was upset and he ended up saying such hurtful things to me that i cant even write on here. but that hurt me and i just broke down and cried. i took some time to just calm down and i went back downstairs. i took a walk and i felt better. but once we got to the front of my house he was back and he sat next door from my house.

His friend didnt want to leave because he was afraid that he might hurt me but i told him it was ok and that he wouldnt hurt me so he left. when his friend left i walked over to him but he just said something so mean i just walked away. then he followed me but i just told him that i needed time, he got so angry that he raised his hand but he didnt hit me since we were outside, so instead he told me to open the door, but i was so afraid that he was just going to beat me once i got inside. but he grabbed my head tightly and said open the door. i kept saying no but he shoved me into the door and squeezed my head harder. so i finally opened it. once inside he began yelling at me. at that point i had enough and just told him to get it over with and to just beat me because i already been so hurt and destroyed mentally that it just didnt matter anymore. he just looked at me and yelled that he wasnt going to beat me, i guess he realized at that moment that what he was doing was wrong.well, theres so much that happened but i will keep it short…eventually i felt it was my fault and i apologized to him. he made me feel like it was my fault and that i messed up. i dont know??? i know this is not what God wants but i love him so much.

hes my best friend and hes the one God used to bring me to church, he taught me everything i know about God and hes my best friend and leader. ive just come to the point where i dont know what to do and at this point im just depressed and dont know how much longer i can live this life.

I have always been a happy, fun loving person but this has just been breaking me down. i know the word and what it says and i know i should leave but i cant, i just want to be there during this tough time for him.

i dont have anyone to talk to since unfortunately im the woman’s counselor in my church and i cant talk to my family since my dad is abusive and mentally ill and my mom is not in my life. i just dont now what to do???????????

sorry i wrote so much but i just wanted some advice. thank you.

His Precious Gift Replies

Precious sister,

As I was reading your question last night it broke my heart. You are not alone, there are many woman in your situation. But the question is Why do people who are being abused continue in abusive situations? Some people stay in abusive relationships but don’t know how to get out.Those who are victims often excuse their abuser’s behavior based on a false sense of obligation. You said ‘He taught me everything I know about God’ ‘He’s my best friend and leader.’

There is so much I can tell you about that but I will tell you about Respect. When you respect someone you care about what they think, what matters to them matters to you, you make an effort to do what makes them feel loved, valued and highly esteemed. An important thing to remember is that respect is a two-way street.Both people must be willing to honor each other through loving words and actions. Our number one priority is to Honor and Respect God and trust God in every situation.

As Christians, we are taught to love our neighbor as ourselves. However, if you have never learned to love yourself you cannot possible love anyone else. That could very well be the situation with your boyfriend.

Anger is an emotion that gives a signal that something is wrong deeper than the anger. It’s like the light that comes up on the dashboard of your car that says ‘check oil soon’. The purpose of the light is to propel you to action… it causes you to stop and investigate and then to take appropriate action. If not your engine will blow. There is something in his life that needs to be addressed, it is not your fault. Please don’t ever think that someone has the right to abuse you and don’t find excuses for that horrible act. When we read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 we realize that God has given us a pattern of love to follow because God is Love.(1 John 4:8) See for yourself if what he is doing with you is love.

It also makes me wonder how spiritually mature is your friend. Spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the decisions we make in life, whether you make decisions in line with the Word of God or not.

I want to remind you that God has an awesome plan for your life (Jer 29:11) The Lord says “Since before you were born, I’ve had plans for you.” (Jer 1:5) Put Him first, don’t ever put any man above Him. I know in your heart you know what you need to do, sometimes a separation for a little while is enough and sometimes we need to get our heart right with our Savior in order for things to fall into place.

You need to invest time in renewing your mind and memorize scriptures that reinforces God’s love and forgiveness. In Christ you are a new creation.(2 Corinthians 5:17) and learn to see your self as a valuable child of God. Ephesians 4:22-23 says “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life…to be made new in the attitude of your mind.”

Dear Heavenly Father I come to your throne of grace with joy, because I know that you always hear me. Father I pray for my sister, Lord you are her strength and her hope, Lord we know that if our life is anchored in Christ, we will never drown in despair.Give her the wisdom to make the right decision and Lord show her how to walk in victory as a new creation, with a new nature,a new heart, a new Spirit and a new mind.

Thank you Lord, In Jesus mighty name. Amen I will continue to pray for you and your friend.

In His Precious Love.

2 Cor 5:17, Col 2:11, Eze 3:26-27, 1Cor 2:16

* Please read some of the other articles they will definitely help.*

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