Anonymous Posts:

Can you help me please? I have been married to a christian man for 3 years, we are in the youth ministry together. During the 3 years we were married he several times threatened to divorce me during the small disagreements we had, I told him that he had no reason to say that because I did nothing that I deserve him to divorce me (no adultery etc.) and we should solve our conflicts in a different way.

He kept on threatening me with the divorce every time I did something that he didnt like…..During the last year of our marriage he started to threaten me that he will kill himself if I dont always do what he says (he would actually take the knife and start cutting himself till I start screaming and crying). He verbally put me down, called me a prostitute, many times threatened that if I dont do what he says he will stand in front of the church and say that I am a terrible person.He said he is sorry for his actions but he keeps on doing all of that (like he gathers documents to get a divorce when he thinks he needs to discipline me).

After the last time he threatened to kill himself I asked him to move out to give me some space to calm down, he left but kept on following me everywhere and climbed up to the 3rd floor where we live and got into the flat, turned off the phone, took my cellphone and said that there is no way I can call the police now… I got very scared and just prayed for him to leave, he left……. All the last months I lived in constant fear (he was breaking things at home, throwing around heavy things) and anxiety now I am on a strong antidepressant……..

I am thinking of divorce because he doesnt agree to go to a counselor and I dont know how to live with him this way….He wanted to have children but how can we raise the kids in a house like that….I am afraid that if I do divorce him I will be excluded from the church, will not be allowed to take communion. I am also sad about the bad example we will be to young people we minister to if we divorce…I really love God and want to serve Him and I dont want to do what is grieving His heart (I know divorce is wrong), I just cannot keep this marriage together……

I just wanted to add that I do nothing that I would deserve to be called the way he calls me. I have been in the ministry since I became a christian (15 years ago) and my husband is the first man in my life. I teach English, disciple young girls in our church and try to be a good wife…..And he keeps on criticizing every single thing I do and say in the ministry, he says I am proud, not loving and love the world more than God…..My only desire is to serve God and to give Him everything that I can I dont understand my husband…

His Precious Gift Replies:

My precious sister :

I wanted to start by sharing with you what the definition of marriage means. God designed marriage to be a committed covenant relationship between a man and a woman- a sacred, sanctified relationship of mutual LOVE lasting for a life time; and a Christian marriage is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman, both committed to Jesus Christ, are legally, physically and spiritually joined as husband and wife. In the first paragraph you said you are married to a Christian man,the word of God says that you will know the tree by the fruit it bears, Matthew 7:16. Also we can’t never get away from ( 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8.) As Christians we read the Word that teaches us to love one another, believers demonstrate maturity by the decisions we make in life. I am sorry to say but your husband is playing a game and it’s called Manipulation.

As sad as it sounds you are being manipulated, you are being controlled by fear, he is using everything in his power to control you in every way that he can. Manipulators are skillful strategist. They map out their art of subtly steering and controlling people or circumstances by using indirect, unfair or deceptive tactics. Those who are manipulated allow others the control that God alone should have. Exodus 20:3. There are many types of manipulators, your husband is the Aggressive type. His thinking is “you owe me…ought to… have to…need to…” If you don’t meet his expectations,you are guilty of ‘neglect.’ “If you don’t do what I want, I’ll make you wish you had”. Psalm 64:3 says, ” They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows”.

Your husband needs deliverance, I see you have talked to him about counseling and he has refused to go, the bible teaches wives are to submit to their husbands but it also says when she is in danger temporary separation is appropriate: “Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered” Proverbs 22:24

You need to see your identity as being a precious child of God through your belief in Jesus Christ, an identity that can not change, rather than your role as a wife. (1 John 3:1 ) God chose you, God adopted you, God redeemed you…….

With the church situation its sad that you don’t have someone you could talk to, trust and pray with, you need to be able to find a prayer partner also God wants us to gather together with other believers in church to allow us to connect with others to receive strength and encouragement. When we come to church, we learn how to apply the Word of God to our lives to overcome the things we go through. We receive the wisdom we need to live victoriously in our everyday lives. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your path. ( Proverbs 3:5-6 ) Don’t be afraid ” Psalms 56:3,11 “When I am afraid, I will trust in you…In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?.”

I want to pray for you my sister and I promise to continue to pray for you and your family.

Heavenly Father we come to you in the name of Jesus ,the name that is above all names and Lord we know that you always hear our prayers.

I come boldly to your throne of Grace, you know everything that is happening in my sister’s life, we ask for wisdom Lord, understanding of every situation and we ask that the Holy Spirit reveals to her how to handle everything that comes against her. Father we pray for her husband, touch his heart and bring him back to a personal relationship with you. We rebuke the spirit of manipulation and control and we command it to go in the name of Jesus. Lord show my sister your unfailing love, your mercy and your peace and Fathers we believe your Word and your Promises.
In Jesus name, Amen

Don’t worry, when worries sprout, weed them out. Worry is a joy killer, strangling your spirit and soul. Instead of worrying over the future, trust God for tomorrow- He is already there……

In His Precious Love

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