Originally posted July 28th, 2008
Written by: Daughter of The King

Weused2bu gets a lot of questions about relationship and that’s understandable because God created us to be relational beings. Of course he wants our relationship to Him to be first and foremost in our lives but he also wants us to have healthy fulfilling relationships with others especially our lifelong spouse. I have read the great responses you received to your relationship questions yet I know that some of you are having a hard time following the advice that has been given to you, especially if the advice was “cut him loose”. Do you wonder why it is so hard to let someone go who is bad for you? Do you wonder why women who are abused keep going back to their abuser? Besides the obvious answer that it is because of sin and/or rebellion there’s another explanation and it’s called Oxytocin.

Before I explain what Oxytocin is and what it does lets see what God says about male and female relationships:

Note: The Bible does not talk about dating only marriage. We think that dating is something that has always existed but it is an invention of the 20th century. The real purpose of dating is to help us select our future husband, back in Bible times you did not select your husband, your father did that for you. I’m going to write more about dating in a future article.

Matthew 19: 4-6 (The Message)
He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one…

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Look at the words I’ve underlined; if you looked them up in the dictionary this is what you would find:

Bonded – To join securely, as with glue or cement.
Cleave – To adhere closely, to stay attached.

Isn’t that beautiful? God intended us to get married and bond with our husband in such a way that it would be as if we were just one-person super glued together. That’s where the Oxytocin comes in.

Oxytocin is a hormone that is released by the female brain during three very special events in a woman’s life: sexual activity, giving birth, and breastfeeding.
Scientist have studied this hormone and they have found that it causes women to emotionally bond to their sexual partner and to their babies, scientist have nicknamed it “the super glue hormone”; now that’s great news because that is exactly what God intended if the sexual partner is your husband. But if he’s not now you have a problem because you’re not just bonded to a man that is not committed to you but you also trust him because Oxytocin causes us to bond and trust the person we are sexually involved with.

Ladies let me sum this up; if you are sexually involved with a guy that you are dating you are making a big mistake (not to mention breaking God’s law) because this guy may be bad for you. He may be messing with drugs and other women or he may be mistreating you and you know you should let him go but you can’t and you think that you can’t because you love him but that’s not the case you’re just emotionally bonded to him, not in love. God intended this to happen but with your husband, in marriage only not in a dating relationship when you’re just getting to know the person.

So if you’re in a relationship that is not good for you (emotionally, spiritually or physically) realize that it’s the hormones in your brain telling you not to let go of him, not your heart. Remember you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you (Phil 4:13) and cut him loose.