Written By Beloved By Him and introducing guest writer Gabriela Goni

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.”

Those aren’t Shakespeare’s words, and they aren’t the lyrics to some contemporary poem or song. They come from the book of Song of Solomon (8:6), one of the bible’s most romantic books, and those words capture a vivid picture of how a wife wants her man to love her—and only her. So this word is for all the single ladies…if you think you can play with this fire, don’t—you’re going to get burned.

In part one of this series, we talked about the kind of friendship that should exist between a husband and wife, the one described in Proverbs 18:24, a friend that sticks (“cleaves”) closer than a brother. That bond should be held in high esteem not just by the couple, but also by those around them. Jesus Himself warned those who might find themselves intruding on someone else’s marital territory. He affirms the exclusivity of the marriage relationship in Mark 10:8-9, saying, “…and the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” There is no friendship with a married man that doesn’t involve his wife, and, as we read in the passage from Song of Solomon above, her jealousy for her husband’s attention will be something to contend with.

It’s not just the wife who will be challenged by this type of friendship. A single woman should never put herself in a position to entice the affections of a married man. It’s her responsibility to treat her Christian married brothers as just that—brothers (I Tim.5:1). It should go without saying that there should never be any hint of sexual immorality in the interaction between a single woman and a married man—no full body hugs, long looks, or crude conversations (I Thess. 4: 3-7). But it’s just as important to be wary of forming an emotional bond that could also invite temptation (James 1:13-15, Matt. 5:27-28).

Aside from tempting the wife’s jealousy and the husband’s emotions, a friendship with a married man is a case of misplaced affections on the part of the single Christian woman. In I Corinthians 7, singles are admonished to be devoted to God and be about His business, to the point of holiness in body and spirit. An unmarried woman actually has the privilege of serving the Lord, according to verses 32 and 35, without distraction and without a care. Engaging a friendship with a married man allows each person to be pulled in an opposite direction than the one God intended for them. WeUsed2bu was blessed to have a guest writer share their experience with a friend who chose to start down that path. Read on…

Written by: Gabriela Goni from Compassion In Action Ministries

Recently during a quiet afternoon, as I sat down to read the first part of this wonderful article, someone was immediately brought to my mind. We once had a few conversations about her friendship with a married man, in which I tried to encourage her to be wise and careful. It wasn’t long before I never saw that friend again. What happened? Was she avoiding me? What did I do? What did I say? Faithful as only He is, the Holy Spirit reminded me of what happened (John 14:26).

My friend and I had been having a common conversation when she mentioned, “I met a gentleman on the train today. We had such a great talk. Since it was raining and he didn’t have a car, I offered to give him a ride.” Being that she was single, all that came to my mind was, “A good deed but at high risk.” As she continued, she mentioned something that set off an alarm within me: “His wife was waiting for him at the bus stop.” As much as I wanted to say something, I refrained because our relationship was not that close at the time.

It wasn’t long before we ran into each other at church once again, and the conversation started, “Hey, I ran into the same guy again, and I gave him a ride to the bus stop because it’s just a few miles away.” I remember feeling a tug in my heart to warn her about the tone of excitement in her voice, not to mention the danger she was about to walk into if she continued to justify this as harmless. She then made a comment about him cleverly finding and sending her an email. I thought, “Oh no!” Surely, in obedience to the Lord, I had to say something.

I started off by saying that I was not accusing her of having done something wrong. I asked her to please consider the fact that sometimes, things can seem so very harmless because our hearts can tend to deceive us (Jer. 17:9). “The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind)?” I confessed to her that as a married woman, I would not like my husband taking rides from another woman no matter what. I mentioned as well that God, in His mercy, can always use friends to redirect our ways when we have strayed in thought or deed at all.

I speak from experience when I say that God has always provided a loving voice in my life to warn me of the danger ahead. Did I always listen? Of course not! Do I wish I would have listened? Oh, sure I do. Imagine what could have been going through the mind of a servant of God called “a man after God’s heart”? (1 Sam 13:14) I reminded my friend about King David who, inch by inch, ended up in adultery and even murder. Surely, as all of us, he must have never thought this could happen to him. Surrounded by people pleasers, he had failed to protect himself through the blessing of godly counsel (Prov. 1:5, 11:14, 15:22) and was not rebuked until it was too late. Too late for what? Too late for God to accept, love or use him? No, but too late to avoid the damage that was done: A weak man in command, some so-called friends, a woman in adultery, a brave man’s death and a baby’s life lost.

From beginning to end, the Bible is filled with warnings about the intention and power of sin. God, when dealing with the 2nd generation after Creation, told Cain, “Sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it” (Gen 4:7). The Apostle Paul tells us through 1 Corinthians 10:13b that when we are tempted, God will provide a way out so that we can stand up under it. God did not leave David alone even in the midst of his sin. David had Nathan and my friend had me; both sent of God, both exhorters for good. David did listen; I’ve yet to know if my friend listened to me.

Remember that every good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17). In due time, you will be married and completely understand that God’s advice always proves to be right. Friendships between married people and the opposite sex are an underestimated game the world plays over and over to the detriment of our culture. They can surely be destructive for all who are connected. God hates divorce and considering the statistics of our day, we have taken matters into our own hands. Let’s get back to trusting God in His all powerful, all knowing wisdom, and let’s preserve and respect all of our relationships, especially the covenant of marriage.

(Please take a moment and listen to Gabriela Goni’s testimony. I promise you will be encouraged by her story of God’s faithfulness to save the broken hearted and those who are tormented by fear. Click here to hear her testimony)

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