Cross-post from Consecrated To Him
Written by Trophy of Grace on May 25th, 2009

Seven years ago today my husband and I made a covenant before God and our closest loves one that we would cleave to one another and become one in holy matrimony. On May 25th, 2002 we decided that we would no longer half step in our relationship and continue to play house. We had been together for almost four years and had our first beautiful daughter together Iliana before we decided to truly commit our relationship to the Lord. When we finally did it was the best decision of both of our lives. Our relationship has been going through a divine transformation ever since.

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Matthew 19:5

This is both of our second marriages. He had two children from his first marriage and I had one. We have seen the terrible consequences that our previous divorces have had on all of our children, as well as us. It has become quite clear to us why our Lord hates divorce. We determined that by the power of the Holy Spirit we would never allow what God has joined together to be split apart. The generational curse of divorce will stop here, in Jesus name.

Over the past eleven years we have had many struggles and battles but by the grace of God we have proven to be more than conquerors through Christ Jesus who has become the foundation and cornerstone of our marriage. Seven years ago we asked the Lord to become Lord of our relationship. We committed our family to Him. From that day on our lives were changed forever.

Looking back just in these past eleven years I can see where the Lord has truly renewed our minds and helped us to better understand what marriage is about. Trust me when I say that our marriage is far from perfect, but it is perfect for us. We are perfect for each other.

I can share with you what we have learned so far. I pray that it will help someone in their marriage.

1) Learn to cleave to one another – Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” We have learned to be united to one another and have left our parents to make our own family. Our family decisions are our own. Finding the resolution to our problems are done through prayer and communication together, in our own household. Too many times a couple will get married and they are still cleaved to their parents or other family members, instead of cleaving to one another. It’s like they married their spouse’s mom or dad too. The parents are always involved in their family decisions and business. If a marriage is going to be healthy we believe that it has to learn to grow up and stand on it’s own with Jesus has the main support system. Don’t get me wrong our family has helped us tremendously over the years and we still go to our parents for advice. However, we stand strong and independent from them. We have been led by the Holy Spirit to cleave to one another instead of running outside of our marriage for support. When one of us is weak the other is strong. When one is down the other will lift them up. We have truly become one.

2) Pray and read the Word together – We have learned that it is true that a family that prays together stays together. We pray together now more than we ever have. At the beginning of this year the Lord impressed on our hearts that we needed to be praying more as a family. Praying together has knit us even tighter and has helped us keep our perspective that Jesus is our family’s anchor. He is our source for direction, healing, provision, forgiveness, and love. We are also learning to read the Word more as family. During times of family reading we have received much confirmation and encouragement. Our children see that our counsel comes from the Word of God and they seem more determined to become doers of the Word.

3) Be long suffering and patient – We have to remember that the Lord is doing a work in all of us and it is a process. He deals with each of us differently and each of us receives differently. We have to learn to step back and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in each of us. If we are always trying to jump in and do the Spirit’s job then we are just prolonging the process and we will find that we are spinning our tires and getting no where. Patience is truly a virtue. Sometimes it will be years before you will see a break through in certain areas of your spouse’s life that you have been praying and hoping for a change. Don’t be quick to throw in the towel because your breakthrough may be just another prayer a way. Keep praying and interceding on your spouses behalf. Pray for your own strength and allow this time to build your endurance. The Lord sees your tears and suffering. It helps me to consider how patient and long suffering the Lord has been with me. I think about how long it took me to listen and change and how during that season our Lord did not give up on me. Be determined to fight for your marriage no matter what. Don’t give up be longsuffering.

4) Don’t believe the lies – During the difficult and stormy seasons of marriage the enemy will come in like a flood and tell you all types of lies to try to tear apart your marriage. He will try to divide and conqueror you both. A house divided will not stand. You must draw closer to the Lord during these times. If you do not you will find yourself drawing closer to other people, things, or places that will only serve to destroy your marriage. Rely on the truth of God’s Word and apply the Word to your life. This will truly set you free. Keep your eyes on Jesus (The Word) while you go through the storm and you will not drown. I promise!

5) Make time for each other – It’s important that you make time for one another without kids, family, or friends around. You need those intimate moments to keep the sparks going. Take this time to serve each other in ways you normally don’t. Put the other person first and let them know you appreciate everything they do. Hold hands and kiss. Try to make these private moments often. Gone on dates frequently, even if date night is curly up with dim lights, candles, popcorn, and a movie.

These are just the first five that came up in my heart. I would love to hear from you what has worked in your marriage. Also perhaps someone has a word of warning. Please share your do’s and don’ts. Comment below..

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