Written By Beloved By Him

I have a magnet on my fridge that my husband gave me several years ago; it says, “’Loved the wedding; invite me to the marriage.’—God” It’s a simple, but true statement. These days, so much of the focus is on lavish ceremonies, destination weddings and designer dresses, platinum bands and obsessive planners. So much work and anticipation is placed on the “event,” instead of the “covenant.” Overwrought brides are allowed to be “bridezillas,” and bachelor/bachelorette parties have garnered the reputation of a night of all-out hedonism. The wedding day comes and goes (maybe leaving a parting gift of debt for the newlyweds), and the couple wakes up to the realities of everyday life: work, parents, bills, a home, kids, more bills, stress, sickness, lots of bills, temptation, conflict….Things pile up, pressure weighs down, friends and family chime in, and the couple decides that the words they spoke, “Till death do us part,” may have been a little premature and a lot naïve in retrospect. Soon, the ads for no-fault divorce start looking pretty good, television court shows make it sound pretty easy, and the couple has to decide if their marriage will just be a statistic, or if they’re going to stick it out. The data varies, but the general consensus is that about half of them won’t make it.

I think that every newly married couple should be given a magnet like the one on my refrigerator.

God designed marriage to be more than a wedding, more than marital property, more even than the couple and their families or offspring. God’s intention for marriage is to bind three spirits: his, hers, and His own. In God’s eyes, marriage should be permanent, just as His covenant with us is permanent. Yet while God is perfectly faithful to us, divorce still played a role in the history of His relationship with His people. After Israel continually turned their backs to God, adulterating their nation with idols and refusing to return to their first love, God finally issued a certificate of divorce against them (Jer. 3:8). Thankfully, it wasn’t forever. God’s heart is for reconciliation, and He redeemed a remnant of Israel, providing them forgiveness and taking them back into covenant with Him (Rom. 11:1-2, 5).

What would happen if our hearts were as committed to reconciliation as God’s is? How many people could be turned away from the divorce attorney if they were challenged to think of their marriage as a covenant instead of as a contract? Even the Christian community needs to change their perspective on divorce—the divorce rate in the church parallels that of the secular community. What will it take to turn the tide, and turn the hearts of couples with strained marriages back to each other?

As always, it’s the Word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that provide the path to healing. As in anything else, the impossible becomes possible with God. And while there are situations in which God permits divorce, He never mandates it as a solution to a couple’s marital problems.

According to the bible, there are only two situations where divorce is permissible: adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (Matt. 5:31-32, 19:3-9, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18, I Cor. 7:15). Unless one of those two circumstances exists, the marriage covenant is not broken. Yet while a spouse may be justified in seeking a divorce, it is not necessarily God’s will for the marriage. Adulterers can be forgiven. The unsaved can become saved. We do not know God’s plans for the future, and cannot rely on our reason to make decisions. Those who find themselves at this point need to seek the Lord through searching out His word, prayer, fasting, biblical counsel from a Christian authority, and be willing to submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit as He reveals God’s will for the marriage.

In the Old Testament, we read how the prophet Hosea found himself in an adulterous marriage. His wife, Gomer, was committing adultery, yet God told Hosea to go redeem her and bring her home, and honor his promise to be faithful to her (Hosea 3:1-3). This story is a picture of God’s redeeming love for us, and an example of what can happen in a marriage when forgiveness and repentance are able to build a bridge of reconciliation.

In the New Testament, the apostle Paul writes about marriages between Christians and non-Christians. If the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave and get a divorce, then the one who is abandoned is no longer bound to the marriage (I Cor. 7:15). However, believers are admonished to live in peace with an unbelieving spouse if that person is content to stay in the marriage. Even though an unbeliever cannot be forced to choose salvation, the sanctification process experienced by the believer will pour over into the life of the spouse and their children, possibly causing the nonbeliever to be saved (v. 16).

The point is, there is no situation where we, as believers, should seek to simply justify a divorce. Throughout the bible, God’s heart is shown to be one of reconciliation and honoring the marriage covenant. See the verses below…

Matthew 19:5-6, “And He said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

Matthew 19:8, “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.’”

Here are three different scriptures in I Corinthians 7 that discourage divorce:

“Now, for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband.” (v. 10)

“But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.” (v. 11)

“If you have a wife, do not end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not get married.” (v. 27)

God’s will is for marriage, especially among Christians, to demonstrate a commitment that transcends the temporary. What greater testimony of love can be proven than by choosing to love and reconcile with a wayward spouse? God can create something beautiful out of what was once a horrible mess, just as a bone that is broken and heals is stronger than before. The couple can experience a renewed promise of love and faithfulness—and a deeper knowledge of the mercy of the Lord.

“I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord…and I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy; then I will say to those who were not My people, ‘You are My people!’ and they shall say, ‘You are my God!’” (Hosea 2:19-20, 23bc)

Christians, above all, should not be conformed to the ways of this world, particularly when it comes to marriage. Let us honor our covenant to the Lord and our spouse, even if it means greater sacrifice, knowing that what we have committed to the Lord, He is able to keep until the day of Christ Jesus (II Tim. 1:12). May our marriages be a living testimony until that very day.

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