Anonymous writes…

Hi there! Thank you in advance for your ministry to young women and for taking the time to answer my question. I have struggled ALOT with my looks, and since I was 14 I had a problem with my weight. I was like 115… but I always thought I was fat. Since that time, I’ve gone for periods of time w\o eating anything… just hoping to be skinny. I’m now 18, 5′5″… and I’ve gained to 120. I still struggle with accepting my weight. I don’t do it for guys… because I have decided to never marry. And I try to not do it because of the culture’s influence. Because that would mean that I am putting their expectations as my idol instead of focusing on God. So, is it ok for me to try to lose weight “safely”. Even if my parents say I’m fine… ?? Thank you!

Beloved by Him replies…

Dear sister, Thank you so much for your good words about the ministry. It’s truly a privilege to be able to share God’s word with others, and we are very thankful that He uses us, the foolish ones, to do it!

Now, my sister, as I read your question, a few flags went up in my mind. For one thing, you said you had a weight problem—at 115 pounds. The only thing that would have a weight problem at 115 pounds is a goldfish. Another thing you share is that you’re struggling to accept your weight at 120, which actually puts your BMI (body mass index) at around 20 (perfectly normal), and at approximately the 31st percentile for your age. That means that 69 per cent of all girls your age weigh more than you do. You say that you’ve gone periods of time without eating in the hopes of being skinny, even though your parents think you look fine, and you don’t want to change to please guys or the world. Dearest, I am very concerned, because it seems like you are suffering in some serious bondages regarding your self-image, and you are going to have to be honest with yourself, and with God, if you want to be free from these negative perceptions.

“Skinny” is not in the bible; “strength” is. The woman of valor described in Proverbs 31 “builds up her arms with strength.” (v.17). If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have the stamina or good health she needed to do everything else she does! If you don’t eat, you won’t have the energy you need, either. But really, it’s more than that. Denying yourself food to lose weight is sacrificing your spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being to the idol of self—the part of your flesh that tells you that you will be satisfied when you weigh some arbitrary amount, regardless of how it affects the rest of your body and mind.

There is a difference between control and the Holy Spirit’s self-control. Controlling our behavior to achieve something outside of God’s will only bring temporary, and sometimes destructive, results. The self-control of the Holy Spirit is motivated by love, and will only help you act in ways that are in your best interests (Gal. 5:21-22). God wants us to be good caretakers of our bodies, which are literally the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19-20). This means eating properly of the good foods God has given us (Ps. 147:14), exercising (Pr. 31:17), having times of rest and relaxation (Ex. 23:12), but most importantly, exercising our spirits by having Godly discipline (I Tim. 4:8).

Another question I would ask of you is why you’ve decided to never marry? Certainly, God has given some people the gift of celibacy, and the apostle Paul wrote about how the single woman can spend her life in devoted service to God, which he said was preferable to the marriage relationship, in which spouses have to attend to each others’ needs as well as serving the Lord (I Cor. 7:32, 34-35). If this is truly what God has called you to do, then you indeed have a unique opportunity to serve Him. But I respectfully would also offer the observation that if this decision is at all based on your self-esteem, or any fear about being loved for who you are by a husband, I can promise you that God is completely able and willing to give you a husband who will adore you just as God created you, and he will love you regardless of whether you are smaller, bigger, shorter, taller, younger, older…you get the picture. I didn’t used to think it was possible, until God blessed me with a husband who has proven that he loves me for me. (And can I tell you? I have been both bigger and smaller over the last 19 years we’ve been together, and he prefers me not to be smaller—but curvy and healthy and enjoying my life!)

Being overly concerned with weight robs you of your time, your joy, and your ability to focus on God and all that He has blessed you with. Our bodies are only temporary, and they are literally wearing out every day. But that’s where God shows us that our priority shouldn’t be what’s on the outside, but what’s in our hearts and spirits, where He is renewing us day by day, changing us into the person we will be for all of eternity (II Cor. 4:16-18).

My sister, be brave and humble enough to look into the face of God and see how He sees you. If you will believe in that love He has for you, then you can begin to love yourself, accept yourself, and care for yourself because you are valuable, first and foremost, to Him. We love you, and pray that you will find His peace and strength to win this battle in your mind.

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

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