Dameco Lee’s Story - Overcoming Masturbation
Written by Dameco Lee
(Contains graphic content)
Masturbation. This is the thing that many people do but don’t really talk about, especially women. It’s looked on as not ladylike and not pure. It’s a shameful thing for many women and men alike. I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn’t the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn’t the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from “humping” the floors, to sexually stimulating myself, to full-on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret. The frequency to which I masturbated and the degree to which I did it was so bad that I actually ended up tearing the tissue on my clitoris. This sent me into depression for months because I thought I had mutilated myself. I had contemplated suicide because of it but I still didn’t stop. The real battle began for me when I desired freedom.
In the summer of 2005, while on a mission project, God began to work in my life. When I was there, I met a woman named Kate, who shared her testimony of being delivered from masturbation. This was huge news for me because, until that point, I had believed that I was the only one in the world who did it. Somehow I bought into the lie that I’d never be free, and that if I ever told anybody what I’d been doing, nobody would love me or at least they wouldn’t look at me the same way. I had a lot to confess. You see, I was enslaved not only to masturbation but to pornography, sexual fantasies, and a lot of other things I wanted to keep in the dark.
During the days that followed, God was pressing me to bring it to the light, to confess it. Fear was also there with me. You see, I was afraid to expose myself. This fear wrapped around me like a boa constrictor in order to keep my mouth shut. I was so shamed and afraid of being condemned that I’d be scared to write my struggle with masturbation in my journal because I feared someone would find it. I was in torment. I heard a message that talked about keeping things in the dark. That was the word I needed and I had courage to tell somebody. The first person I told was Kate. Next, I told my roommate and few other girls at the project. I later confessed it my own sister, but this confession was only half the battle.
Then I tried to break free, but I found that those same desires tracked me down like a Mississippi Slave catcher. I had never had so much temptation to sin by masturbating in my whole life. I kept giving in and giving in. It was hard to last one day, much less two, without doing it. This lasted from June 2005 to September 2005. Until for 2 and half months, I managed to stop. Temptations were strong. There were times I’d have to run out of my dorm room or find a public place to be in because I couldn’t be alone when I was tempted. This was huge for me because I was used to falling to this sin daily. However, I backslide due to unforgiveness. Sin had a snowball effect in my life after that because an old habit had revived. Old habits revived because old reasons why I masturbated revived too. I’d masturbate like people eat comfort food. I’d do it because I was bored or upset. It was like how an alcoholic drink is to a drunk— I’d do it to forget.
When I fell after a time of victory, I was constantly taunted with: “See you’ll never be free. You’re always going to be like this.” This sin would seduce me to lay with it, then condemn me when I did. I’d struggle trying to go to God. I felt so dirty and so full of despair after I gave in to my own sinful lust, that I’d pull the cover over myself to hide. I didn’t want God to look at my filth. I hated it. It was like an abusive relationship that I couldn’t get out of and didn’t know how. I was losing hope. This lasted from late December 2005 to May 2006.
After this, I ran into a ministry that talked about being free from sin. The victory for me came one day as fear was telling me, “You may have stopped for now. But you will fall.” But God helped me realize something that I hadn’t before when He told me, “You never have to do it again.” I never knew I was free from sin. That I actually had a choice. Therefore, I never had to do it anymore. The reason why I have that choice is because of Christ who has made me free from sin. I didn’t have to perform every whim of my own sinful desires. Now I’ve been free for 2 and a half years. I’m free to talk about it. I thought I’d go to my grave with this sin.
If you’re dealing with this, you need to confess it to God, confess everything. God is so serious about this sin. He said, “If your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:29) And in Job 31:11 it says, “For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. The heart of lust is so wicked. In Romans 3, its says that people didn’t want to honor God as God. One of the first sins it lists after that is sexual sin. Its a form of self worship. Its may sound crazy but think about this, why do we watch people sin sexually or even ourselves sin sexually? I’d get that hot and heavy feeling from just watching myself masturbate, from sexually admiring some other part of my body, or from watching porn… In my heart, I was rebelling against God because I really wanted to be God, you know, do what felt right to me. That’s the heart of this sin. Please don’t take this lightly. Self worshippers and the sexually immoral will end up in Hell. But those that agree with God, who confess and forsake it, will have mercy.
Contact Demeco at dameco@p4cm.com
Hi,
This is an interesting story you posted on here and i wanted to comment. Being a former Christian ( i am now leaning towards agnosticism)I sympathize with what you struggled with. But in my opinion masturbation is a biological response and not one of a sinful nature. I used to think the same way as you: That masturbation is sinful and wrong. But then I realized when you let go of those thoughts and consider masturbation as a human process, something that is ok and natural, you are free. You no longer feel consummed by guilt. Many would say they are happy in Christ and that is the only thing that will rid them of sin or guilt. But simply seeing something in new light can also free you. It is not a secular view of masturbation, but a human view. I do not believe God is concerned with every aspect of our lives here on earth, but only that he expects to behave with kindness towards our fellow man. I am free just like you, only my freedom comes from freedom of mind and the blessed assurance and acceptance of a higher being I do not believe we can know all about.
So you’re not suppose to masterbate at all?
No sister..masturbating (self-pleasuring) is a no no..It is sin. Here is a cross post from another site called Wolfeborobible.com from their Christian Teen Corner.
The Sexual Sin no one ever discusses - Masturbation - Pleasing Self Sexually.
Matthew 5:27, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, `You shall not commit adultery.’ 28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
What is Jesus saying here in Matthew chapter 5? First of all, the Lord is telling us that the act of Adultery and the act of thinking about adultery are on an equal plain of sinfulness from God’s perspective. As Christians, we need to be careful not to do what the world does, that is to view sin from man’s perspective. Unsaved man says: “living together unmarried is all right, having children out of wed-lock is all right, having sex outside of marriage is all right and pleasing yourself sexually is all right!” BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT GOD SAYS !
What does masturbation or sexually pleasing your self have to do with Matthew 5:28? Plenty! Jesus is saying to us that the act or the thought of adultery are both sinful. The moment a man or a woman begins to focus on pleasing themselves sexually, they’re oppening their mind up to lusting in the mind, which is sinful.
The Bible only provides for sexual satisfaction and fulfillment in the marriage relationship, PERIOD!
1Corinthians 7:2, “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
The Greek word that translates “sexual immorality” is “porneia”, from which we get our English word, “pornography”. Pornography entices people to think, to look and to please self. This is just what Jesus was saying NOT to do in Matthew 5:28. “Porneia” does not require a picture on paper or a computer screen. “Porneia”, sexual immorality can be a picture in your mind. Here lies one of the biggest problems with masturbation. You’re setting yourself up to think about or imagine a sexual partner. This is nothing but fornication of the mind, adultery of the mind and immorality of the mind! All of which is Sin before God.
Ponder the following Bible passage in the light or what we think about and what we should think about:
Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things.”
It’s quite clear that pleasing yourself sexually would violate the teaching we find in Philippians 4:8, 1 Corinthians 7:2, Matthew 5:28 and a host of other passages in God’s Word.
The apostle Peter describes the wicked as “Having eyes full of adultery, and that cannot cease from sin; beguiling unstable souls: an heart they have exercised with covetous practices; cursed children” 2Pe 2:14. If you’re a Christian, your heart and mind should not be full of adultery, but rather your heart should be full of pure things and God honoring things.
Job, in the Old Testament, gives us some godly advice:
Job 31:1 “I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman?”
He made a vow with his heart and with his eyes not to look were he should not, not to look upon women to lust. We need to do the same wheather you’re a young man or young women. Determine not to let your mind go where the Lord never intended it to go. In God’s power, you can win the battle of the mind!
Christians need to understand that God gave the sexual relationship in order for one spouse to please their partner. The focus is not on pleasing self, but rather on pleasing your spouse! Consider the following passage of Scripture:
1 Cor. 7:3, Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4, The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5, Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
In the 1 Cor. 7 passage, you see no mention of pleasing self sexually, but rather, the spouse’s responsibility is towards the other marriage partner. Masturbation goes against this biblical teaching of meeting the others need. Pleasing yourself sexually sets you up to have a self-serving mind set in marriage and this will only lead to problems in the marriage. Be forewarned, young people, what you do now could be setting up a habbit that will hinder your marriage in the future.
Some practical thoughts on how to have victory over the sin of Self-Sexual Sins or Masturbation:
We’ve encouraged a number of teens that have asked for help dealing with this sin problem. Some stuggle with this sin while there going to sleep or when they wake up in the moring.
You need to have a godly plan to deal with this sin. We suggest that you read your Bible and Pray right before you go to sleep. So the last thing on your mind will be about the Lord.
We also believe that you MUST confess this sin EVERY time you commit it. Don’t simply ignore the sin, because God never does! Confess it! Ask God for help and victory over this sin. Plan on praying to God and thanking God as soon as you wake in the morning. If you begin to day-dream about someone in a sexual way, confess that as sin, right away and begin to think about God honoring things.
Avoid idle time that will allow you to engage in ungodly thinking. When you begin to think about commiting this sin, STOP, PRAY, repent for even thinking about it, and then begin doing those things that please God.
Like many sins, this Self-Sexual Sin becomes a habit that can only be broken through the power of God. Cry out to God for forgiveness and for Victory!
If you need more help or advice, please contact our Christian Teen Corner Web Staff
For Agonistic girl,
Super sorry for the delay
What is freedom after all? Is freedom doing whatever you want or is
freedom doing whatever you should? There is nothing more freeing than being able to hold back from doing what you want and having the strength to think through your actions as to where they will lead before you act.
According to Christ, freedom is to know HIM. Follow my steps through the Word. Jesus said clearly in John 14:6 that HE was not only the Way but that HE was also the Truth. Notice HE is not saying that HE has the Truth but that HE is the Truth. In a conversation HE holds with religious leaders in John 8 HE tells them “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” therefore, we take from this what is mentioned above. Now, we need to pay attention to the very Words Jesus speaks. Notice HE says that if we hold to His teaching we will be free.
Many a times we can start off on the right foot having been washed by the blood of the Lamb. Once cleansed we begin a transformation that will take an entire life time. I have to agree with the girl who shares such strong testimony about being set free from the sin of masturbation. Following Christ is first and foremost the most amazing privilege yet we must be honest to say that our flesh battles all the way to the cross. The Apostle Paul said it best in Romans 7 yet in Romans 8 HE does give us the only solution to live a life worthy of our calling.
Grace and Truth is what JESUS brought us and Truth is not relative.
Either HE is right when HE tells us that we are to be holy because the One who has called us is Holy or we can foolishly expect God to bow down to our compilation of theories which would be considered New Age.
In Matthew 6 we find the best illustration of what can happen when your old ways sneak right back up into your thinking. Matthew 6:22-23 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
We know from Scripture that our hearts are deceitful and always wanting to find ways to please the inhereted sinful nature. Unless you have been born from above you can not understand spiritually the things of God and why HE would say and do what HE does.
Therefore it is sad and quite possible that we would think that we are in the truth and think we are living in freedom when in reality “how dark is our darkness if it appears to be light?” God is Holy and we should do all things unto HIM…can you honestly say that masturbating would be an act that you could offer up to HIM as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to HIM? according to Romans 12 this is our reasonable act of worship…
What has happened to the girl that claims to be a former Christian that led her away from Christ? Christ is not a withdrawn Savior who does not understand the trials we endure on a daily…the Word clearly tells us that HE was tempted in all ways but was yet without sin. He is our High Priest who is able and willing to intercede for us according to what HE knows we deal with. I trust that He who began a good work in you will complete till the day of His appearing.
May the LORD gently woo you back into His loving and protective arms…