Anonymous emails WeUsed2bu,

I’m 29 years old and my life is a mess. I was born the oldest of three to parents who expected nothing but perfection from me. I tried to be that perfect child - tried to be a good example to my younger brother and sister. I stayed out of trouble and did all that was asked of me. Self-expression and independent though were not encouraged - we all had to follow the party line - whatever my father said, did or thought, goes, no matter if it was right or wrong. Any show of spirit (not rebellion) was rewarded with being yelled and screamed at.

At school it was no better. I was a sweet shy kid, and an easy target for bullies… I never had a true friend growing up because I was never one of the popular crowd. I was sheltered - I wasn’t exposed to all of the things the other kids were (like secular music, or movies). I was the uncool kid and I learned at an early age how to be invisible so as to be left alone.

In college, I thought things were going to change. I’d never had a boyfriend or even liked a boy until I met a young man who was handsome, charming and, I thought, amazing. But he held me up to ridicule in front of many people because I wasn’t “good enough” for him. This set off a six year depression during which I prayed to God every day to end my suffering because I was so tired of being hurt.

A year and a half ago, another young man came into my life. He touched my heart and made me want to live again - something I never thought any man could ever do. I have come to love him so much- unconditionally and completely. He isn’t perfect, but he’s the best thing in my life and he is the only thing I want for the rest of my life - just as he is. Yet he has so many more attractive women around him that I just get lost in a crowd. Once again, I’m just not good enough for love… for acceptance.

I cry every night because i really do think I’m going to end up alone all my life - that’s the way it’s been so far and nothing I do seems to change that. Not moving to a new state or going to a new church… I pray and pray until my heart is going to explode. I want his blessings - I want all the good things that he supposedly has for me. But I don’t know how to get them. I’ve tried so hard, my whole life, despite all of the situations that I’ve described above, to be a good person and live my life according to the words of the Bible. I’m not perfect but I try so hard… and it all comes to nothing. Everything blows up in my face - and my faith is taking so many blows at once right now.

I cry every night and it takes all my willpower just to get up in the morning. God seems so far - and he’s so silent. I’m only human, and I on;y have but so much strength. People keep quoting that verse about not being given more than we can handle, but after 29 years… I’ve had enough. No peace, no comfort, feeling utterly and completely alone. Being hurt more times than I can count and feeling like my life doesn’t matter one bit. And if I don’t really matter, than keeping me on this earth is an act of cruelty on God’s part.

I’m so tired… I can’t pray for myself anymore. I can’t stand anymore rejection. Could you just please pray for me? Maybe someone who knows how to get God’s attention could do better than I am. I’m just a failure - I’ve tried my best and it’s just not good enough. Not for my parents, not for my friends, and obviously not for God. I know that sounds terrible, but tht’s the state of things in my world right now. Just please pray for me-I don;t even know what to ask for. I don’t know what else to do anymore.

Trophy of Grace replies…

Sister, upon reading your email I immediately felt your sadness, loneliness, and despair. I have felt that feeling of utter despair where I felt like I was all alone and that God was so very far away. But I was wrong and so are you. You are not alone! God DOES HEAR YOU AND IS WITH YOU!

The enemy of our soul wants to us to be so deceived and consumed by our emotions that we cannot see God working in our situation. Demonic oppression mixed with our emotions block out the voice of God which is trying to comfort us. Depression creeps in because we feel so separated and distant from God. But we most unveil the lies that have been planted into our minds. We must uproot the weeds and thorns that have been planted in our hearts with the TRUTH of God’s Word.

Here is the Truth sister. Meditate on it and you will have peace which surpasses all understanding. Let His Word comfort you. (Philippians 4:4-9)

Our Lord is saying this to you now..

“Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” Matthew 28:20b
“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“You can never escape from My Spirit! You can never get away from My presence! If you go up to heaven, I AM there; if you go down to the grave, I AM there. If you ride the wings of the morning, if you dwell by the farthest oceans, even there My hand will guide you, and My strength will support you. You could ask the darkness to hide you and the light around you to become night— but even in darkness you cannot hide from Me. To Me the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to Me.” Psalm 139:7-12
“I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10

My sister you see our heavenly Father has never left you alone. Through all of your trials He has been there. Sometimes our Lord in His wisdom allows us to go through trials and testing to build our faith and endurance. It is not meant to beat us down and bring us to despair. He wants us to draw close to Him in our troubles. We are not going to be without troubles in this world. In fact we are going to have even more troubles and persecution because we belong to Christ Jesus and bare His name. But we don’t have to despair because He has already overcome the world and so have we through Christ Jesus.

Over and over again I share these verses because they describe what our heavenly Father has done with me. It’s Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.”

Allow His Word to lift you out of this pit of despair. Allow Him to truly set your feet on solid ground. He will help you so that you don’ t have to keep treading along in your own strength. He will give you His Strength and power. He will give you His Spirit and His might, you don’t need your own “will power”. You need the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God every day. I know that when I don’t sit at the feet of Jesus and eat the Word of God daily I feel weak, troubled, agitated, and stressed. Woman does not live on bread alone, but on every Word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. It is our source of nourishment, strength, and comfort.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

It is time for you to find rest in His Word. You have said over and over again that you keep praying and that go to church. But prayer alone is not enough. Going to church is not enought. You need to pray AND meditate on His Word daily. Let it grow down deep into your heart and get rooted in there. That way you learn to pray and speak the Word into your own life. You need to know what His Word says about your life so that you will not be destroyed for lack of knowledge. That way when trouble and testing comes you His Word will rise up in you and help you in your time of need. (Hosea 4:6)

Sister Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

He has a purpose for your life sister and it is for good, not for evil. He will work this all out for your good, but you have to keep pressing forward and not give up on Him. He will NEVER give up on you. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

I will be praying for you sister, not only me but all of the women of WeUsed2bu Ministries.

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:16-21)

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

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