Anonymous writes…

My boyfriend and I were talking last night and I was upset because he seemed to be “pushing me away.” He said he wasn’t and we both kinda got angry, and at one point he said “I’m starting to think we aren’t a good match, which I never thought I would think.” I’m trying to convince myself that we were both speaking in anger and he didn’t mean it but, I’ve still got a knot in my chest, despite praying on and off for hours.

Beloved By Him replies…

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry you’re so anxious about the situation between you and your boyfriend. Many times in a dating situation, things can change so quickly, because there’s really no responsibility to maintain the commitment. There is no way to keep someone in a relationship with you if they don’t want to be in it. I am not sure what will happen between you and your boyfriend, but I do know the only place you can find peace, assurance, and comfort is in your relationship with God. If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you need to trust that God will work all things—your past, present, and future—for good (Rom. 8:28).

Once we’ve put a lot of time, energy, emotion, and care into someone, it’s hard to imagine that they would not want to appreciate or be with us anymore. This is why dating has to be entered into so very carefully. If you have not put God first in your life, seeking His will and His timing above whatever personal desires you may have, then the boyfriend, and the relationship, become idols in your life by which you begin to value yourself. But if God is in His rightful place as King of your heart and destiny, then you will be seeking to glorify Him in your actions, and it will be much easier to accept things that don’t go according to your plan, because you know that you are still in His will for you.

It’s great to hear that you are turning to God when you are distressed, seeking Him in prayer. God definitely hears prayers, and wants to comfort us when we are sad, worried, or need help (Ps. 27:7-8, 55:16-17, II Cor. 1:3-4). But have you also been spending regular, quality time with God? Are you reading the Bible—not just a few passages here and there, but really studying it, searching the scriptures to hear what God is saying to you? What about fellowship? Do you have a few trusted Christian friends who are holding you accountable, making sure that you are honoring yourself and God with your purity, and spurring you on to your goals outside your relationship with your boyfriend? I hope that you are living a well-balanced, Holy Spirit-filled life, one that includes all the good things that God wants to unfold in your life as you seek Him first and let everything else be added to you (Matt. 6:33).

I also hope that your boyfriend is a Christian and has a passion for His Savior as well. God does not want His people to be unequally yoked with nonbelievers, whether it is close friendships or relationships (II Cor. 6:14). The people who are closest to us should be those who share the same Spirit (II Tim. 2:22). And if your boyfriend is saved, then you both need to remember that he is your brother in Christ, and you should be treating each other accordingly—with physical, emotional, and spiritual respect (Gal. 3:28, I Tim. 5:1). You two should not be provoking each other to anger, but rather seeking each other’s best interests and building up, not tearing down, each other (I Cor. 13:5).

There is a lot of emotional angst going on in your heart, and I would encourage you to take a step back and seek the Lord to gain back some of the peace you have lost. Spend time praying and reading scripture, not rushing God for an answer, but practicing patience and waiting on God to reveal Himself and His will to you. Maybe you can talk to a parent or mentor who is older in the Lord and can offer you wisdom and support during this time. You are not alone, and it’s important that you don’t let the situation make decisions for you—take control by rolling this burden off on the Lord (Ps. 37:5, I Peter 5:7). He is waiting to help you, and to fill your heart with His love and peace in place of the worry and frustration you don’t need to carry. We love you, sister, and He loves you more than we can ever imagine or comprehend.

Much love,

Beloved by Him

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