Anonymous writes..

How do you know if he’s the one?!
I am mid twenties, and a few years ago I went out with a great guy, but it did not end very well. I have since been with another guy, but it did not work out-but we mutually decided that, so it was okay. Now I am ‘dating’ another guy-it is much more ‘dating’ than ‘going out’. My question though is, how long is it okay to be with someone, and not to know if you’ll get married? We have totally openly talked about it, so we know that neither of us currently knows whether we will end up together. But sometimes I feel so tired of the ‘not-knowing’, so much so that that thought outweighs me being able to figure out what I actually think! The guy I am with now is a great guy, trustworthy, so Godly. And yet I just do not know. When I was with the first guy several years ago, we really thought we could always be together, but then it ended and the next year he sadly passed away. So I think, I cannot trust my judgment (and that was a very prayed about, considered relationship-we did not entre it rashly) as it was not right before! I can hardly tell if or when I even like a guy because I’m so cautious of it going so wrong again.
I know normally perhaps you do not just meet a guy and instantly know if you’ll get married, but how long do you think it’s okay to continue to get to know each other, before you should be concluding one way or the other?

Trophy of Grace replies…

How do you know he’s the one?? Well, sometimes people know immediately and other times they don’t. In my case my husband says that the moment he saw me he said, “That’s my future wife right there.” When I saw him I was immediately smitten, but I did not think that he would be my husband. I was scared from past hurts and guarded my heart. From the beginning of our relationship he said he knew that God put us together for a reason. Today I can look back over the past twelve years and see how our Lord has worked in our lives and our marriage.

My husband came to me in a time when I wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. I was more focused on getting my life straight and seeking God’s will for my life. My relationship with the Lord was the most important thing at the time. I had been through so much trouble over those last couple of years. I just wanted to get home to my baby girl and move on with my life. Why am I telling you this? Because I strongly believe that when we begin to seek God first, His will for our life, and His ways of doing things He will bless and give the desires of our hearts. (Matthew 6:33)

You see I had been praying for a husband that would love me for me. A husband that would not judge me for my past and that would understand me, but that would love our Lord too. Then I meet my husband and our Lord showed me after much prayer, fasting, and counsel from my pastor that he was the husband for me. I stepped out in faith and trusted the Lord and married him.

I don’t believe any more that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find prince charming. I believe that the Lord has the perfect mate for you and He will bring him to you in His timing. He will make it so that your path crosses with the one that He wants you to be with. He will reveal to you who that person is you just have to be patient and willingly wait on Him. (Psalm 37:7)

You asked, “How long do you think it’s okay to continue to get to know each other, before you should be concluding one way or the other?”

As a believer the very first thing you should be concerned about when you’re even considering dating is, is he a believer? Our Lord does not want us unequally yolked in our closest intimate relationships with unbelievers.

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

I think that if you’re thinking that someone could possibly be your future husband you should probably take at least year to get to really get know not only them but their friends and family. You want to see the fruit in their life. Are they really a Christian? Are they just Sunday Christians? Do they have the love of Christ in them? Do they love the Lord? The Word says if your love me you’ll obey me. (John 14:15) So do they obey the Lord or do they follow their own selfish sinful desires more than the Holy Spirit? Are they friends with the world or friends of God? Are they renewing their mind with the Word of God? Can you discuss spiritual things with one another? Does what they say line up scripturally?

People can say whatever and put up a front to try to win someone over, but once you spend quality time with them, their friends, and their family you will see them for who they really are. Jesus tells us how to identify the fakers in the world.

“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.” Matthew 7:15-20

Who you are planning to marry and spend the rest of your life and journey with Christ with is very important. This decision is not be made without much prayer and fasting. This person can serve to hinder or bless your minister to Christ and others, as well as your testimony. Also remember that divorce has never been God’s will. His will is that what He joins together that no man separates. So you are wise sister for seeking counsel and seeking the Lord’s face on this issue. I promise you He WILL guide you in your decision, just continue to seek His will and He will give you the desires of your heart. He knows you desire to do the right thing and to please Him. Don’t be afraid if you are seeking Him the way you seem to be you will make the right decision when the time comes. Until then BE PATIENT! Love you sister.

P.S.

Here are some verses for you and posting I wrote called Mission for Mr.Right

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Read Mission For Mr. Right  Now.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

His Precious Gift  also replies,

My dear sister,

All of us sometime in our lives have asked that question. The Bible tells us that marriage is to reflect the sacrificial love that Christ has for His bride, the church. Both of you need to develop unity of heart through mutual submission and Godly respect for one another. (Eph 5: 21-33) Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

The process of dating—yes, the “process” because it takes time—has a few steps to follow. First, you need to develop a friendship, and that friendship will grow into a love relationship. That does not mean that there is no love at first sight; sometimes God will place the one for us into our lives, and we will know immediately that he is the one. I know because it happened to me 40 years ago.

We need to always remember that our hearts belong to God first. When we offer a trusting heart and an honest, open mind to God, He will show us what to do in every situation. Satan wants to destroy our dreams, but God wants to give us a future so we can accomplish our destiny.

One thing we never seem to want to talk about is sexual responsibility before marriage, but developing sexual responsibility demonstrates that you will be sexually responsible after marriage. The Word says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.” (I Thessalonians 4:3-8)

Choices bring consequences, so take time to clearly discern what your heart is telling you…. Your life partner needs to be a believer, trustworthy, respectful, someone with whom you can feel safe, also gentle hearted, someone who demonstrates wisdom and discernment, who reads the bible, and who has an active bible study and prayer life.

You might say that is the perfect man; no, that is someone that is going to make mistakes, who is not perfect but knows what the word says in Ephesians 5:21,33, “Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ… Each one of you (husbands) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

I hope I have helped you with your concerns and always remember that we are here for you. I will continue to keep you in my prayers daily. Much love always…

His Precious Gift
(Please read: Hebrew 3:13 and II Corinthians 6:14-15,17)