Anonymous writes…

Trophy of Grace…I need help.

I don’t believe in ever changing for anyone, but with that I mean not changing the very ‘essence’ of who I am. I do however believe in working out flaws, becoming the best I can be, etc.

Here is my dilemma. I’m a young adult (college student) and I am having a very hard time with the whole growing up thing. I’ve never been in a relationship (I tend to have a hard time trusting guys and push them away whenever anyone shows possible interest), but I actually really want to be in one. I pray regularly for my future husband and I am excited to meet him … but I know I’m not ready.

Here is ‘me’ in a nutshell: rocker chick, fairly heavy makeup (I love it though!! I’ve tried going over to natural makeup but I find it so bland and boring), musician, rough around the edges, independent, very outspoken and rather loud.

Now… I know there is a way to not change who I am but still use these existing characteristics to turn into a strong and independent but still feminine woman.

My question: How???!!! I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve tried to change, I’ve even tried to do things I hate just to maybe somehow get used to them and finally mature and grow up. But I always end up getting even just one moment of rebellious feelings, and BAM. I’m right back at square one.

Gabie writes…

Hi there I’m in for Trophy of Grace,

Our God is a very Creative Creator and indeed everyone is supposed to be different in the way that God created them. It’s very freeing to begin the growth process into who God created us to be.

As you mention above it is a very tough process because it’s a process that takes much patience. The good news is that those who have been saved by the blood of Jesus are now indwelt by the Holy Spirit who is the teacher we all truly need (John 14:15-18).

Even though there is no need to stray completely away from who you are now there will always be a need to be transformed especially by the renewing of your mind with the Word of God. (Romans 12:1-2)

While our foundation needs to be solid & placed on the Rock of our Salvation we will always need to remain flexible for the LORD to continue doing the work that only He can do within us (Heb 10:14). James 1:2-5 points out a process that will surely lead us to maturity.

I would suggest that you pray for mature friends who can be pillars of wisdom and strength in your day to day. Be open to change even though it will hurt.

Concentrate more on the issues that need to be addressed within your heart. One being the reason why you might have a tough time trusting guys. Where does this come from? Is it an issue of past hurt? If so, God would call you to forgive and let go.

Now, this forgiving and letting go requires that you learn a lesson as well. Perhaps you are reaping consequences because you aren’t too trustworthy either. Perhaps you are surrounded by adults who you don’t feel you can trust.

No matter the source God is more than able to heal you and lead you in the way you should go (Prov 3:5-6). Relationships with the opposite sex require much sacrifice and selflessness. I would encourage you to practice these traits with those who surround you now. No need to wait until such an important relationship like marriage to start practicing.

I would highly recommend books by Elisabeth Elliot like “Passion & purity”, as well as, “True woman” by Susan Hunt. You will find out what God expects of you before HE brings a godly man into your life. I wish you the best and exhort you to abide in Christ above all (John 15:1-5).

In HIM

Gabie

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