Written By Beloved By Him

Do you really have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince Charming?

Would any daughter of the King of Kings be expected to do that? Not any princess in God’s kingdom. And if your Heavenly Father truly is your King, what is the best way to represent and show your respect for Him?

Honoring Him. Being obedient to His will, protecting your purity, and trusting in His timing to bring the right man at the right time. Staying committed to doing kingdom work, and letting His plan be the priority. And maybe…

Not dating.

It’s an idea that’s totally foreign to most single people in the free world. Unless you live in a culture where parents still arrange the marriages, dating is one of the most accepted, and expected, social customs in today’s society. To think of not dating brings thoughts of being socially outcast, terminally bored, and completely unprepared to choose the right spouse. But that’s the world’s way of thinking.
Not God’s way.

Dating is not mentioned in the Bible. That doesn’t make it a sin, but it does mean that a wise young woman will put the concept of dating to the test of “I can, but does that mean that I should?” Read what it says in I Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23:

“You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’–but not everything is good for you. And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything.”

“You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’–but not everything is good for you. You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’–but not everything is beneficial.” (NLT)

There is no question that most of the world has become a slave to the dating mindset, with many poor results. Dating over the years has gone from chaperoned courtship and parlor sitting one hundred years ago to “going out” and now “hooking up”—with hardly a thought to any sort of commitment past a week, or worse, a night. Dating has become a game, where people play at being a couple until something better comes along. From middle schoolers to the “cougars” of the baby boomer generation, dating has become a lifestyle, even an identity, as girls and women try to find acceptance and validation by getting the attention of the opposite sex.

Not God’s way at all.

And it’s not to say that all dating is wrong. Very few, if any, women will have a “Rebekah” experience, where you meet and marry the man God has for you on the same day! (Read Gen. 24) But as daughters of the Most High God, we are not to be conformed to the ways or thinking of this world—we’re to be transformed by renewing our minds with the Word (Rom. 12:1-2). So let’s look at the world’s ideas behind “dating” and view them from God’s perspective, and see how we might need to adjust our attitudes, and actions, when it comes to dating.

1. The world says that dating is just “fun,” a “normal part of growing up.” Actually, casual dating can create false perceptions about love, commitment, and character that can wreak havoc on present and future relationships. In his excellent book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris talks about the “Seven Habit of Highly Defective Dating.” He correctly points out several hazards of casual dating: it can lead to intimacy without commitment; it often skips over friendship; it can wrongly equate a physical relationship for love; it can isolate couples from other healthy relationships; it distracts young adults from preparing for their future; it can cause discontent with God’s gift of singleness; and it can obscure a person’s true character. None of those things should be considered “fun” or “normal” for any Christian. Casual dating is an activity that often seeks self-fulfillment from someone who is usually seeking the same thing. The focus is not on God, but on the relationship. Don’t allow casual dating to take your eyes, or the eyes of someone else, off of Him. Read what God’s word says in I John 2:15-17,
“Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.” (The Message)

2. The world says that you won’t know whom you should marry unless you “shop around,” and you won’t know how to make your future spouse happy without some “experience.” This is one of the biggest lies that the enemy has perpetrated on single people. Think it through: Is it going to make your future husband happy and secure when he has to worry about how he compares to your previous boyfriends? Do you think he’s going to wonder if you’re a good kisser on your wedding night because you got so much practice from other guys—and vice-versa? The “shopping experience” of dating can leave you with heavy baggage that doesn’t seem to go away. Christians have a responsibility to guard not only our own hearts, but the hearts of those who will likely be someone else’s spouse someday. So if we are in Christ, then we need to treat other men as our brothers in Him (I Tim. 5:2, Gal. 3:28). Casual dating opens the door to temptation that has far-reaching consequences. Instead, follow the advice of II Timothy 2:22,
“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (NLT)

3. The world says that if you don’t date, you won’t ever find the one you’re supposed to be with. It also says that “all religions lead to God” and to just “follow your heart.” The world is always going to try to get us to depend on our own wisdom and desires instead of God’s, which can keep us from our highest priority—seeking Him first, and His kingdom, and letting the rest be added on according to His will (Prov. 3:5-6, Matt. 6:33) Living your life in and for Christ is not about waiting for Him to bring you a mate, because He might not, at least for now, and for a few, not ever. But the state of singleness is a very precious time, when you can be devoted entirely to Him, serving and enjoying the One Who will always love you the most, Who is your eternal Husband and Lord (Is. 54:5 , I Cor. 7:8, 32). Instead of casual dating, the time can be better spent in service, fellowship, and building relationships with those who are already in your life.

The real truth is that God doesn’t need our help—at all—to bring the right person in the right time. If anything, we can get in the way by relying on ourselves and especially our feelings. Jeremiah 17:9 says that our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked. Is that what we want to build relationships on—the feelings of our lying and lustful hearts? If you are in a dating relationship, if you’ve dated before, or if you’re getting ready to date, think about reading some Christian books on dating first. The previously mentioned book I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a great place to start a new mindset towards dating if’s and when’s.

Maybe it’s time to stop allowing your heart, or the world, to tell you that you need a boyfriend instead of a great group of Christians, guys and girls, who will be true friends to you. Maybe it’s time to start waiting on the Lord, instead of waiting for that special someone. Maybe for a while it’s time…

To not date.

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