jcgirl7 comments on the posting ‘He’s Using His Friend To Get To Me’

Hi OK, I just got out of a new realationship and some how was kinda pushed into it. And today I pushed myself out of it gently, but lately I’m starting to think something is wrong with me. I mean this realationship did not work at all. Me and the guy had nothing in common at all. Really it was awful but I’m starting to think something is wrong with me beacause every realationship I find myself in turns out wrong in some way. My last realationship was bad. The above passage where him and that girl are getting married after high school. He has a ring and everything. Why could that not have been me? What was so wrong with me? I’m tired of feeling lost.

Free In Christ replies..

Hi there,

I remember feeling just like this when I was younger. All of my relationships were very unsatisfying after a few months and never led to anything more serious. In looking back I think I had a bit of an identity crisis. In every relationship I had a tendency to try to fit into the requirements of the other person instead of just being myself. Why was it that I couldn’t be myself? Well, I couldn’t be myself because I was clueless as to who I truly was. I had no idea of who I was, what I really liked, didn’t like, what I wanted or didn’t want. Come to find out most of this was coming from a lack of nurturing in my younger years from my parents.

I was raised by a single mom who really had no time to nurture my identity much less encourage any part of me that was different than her. While she did her best she wasn’t prepared or able to help me in this very important part of growing up. Little did I know that this pattern of not knowing who I was manisfested in every one of my relationships, especially with those of the opposite sex. The fact that my dad was not involved in my life added greatly to my identity issues.

I must say that it was not until the LORD came into my life that things started to become clear (2 cor 5:17). I do admit that at the time I felt lost and hopeless of any change. Just like you it seemed that I was going in circles. The good news is that little by little He showed me that He had been with me all along and that HE would repair all the damage done.

During my time of healing it was necessary to stay away from romantic relationships. God did expect me to venture out of my comfort zone and start trying to be myself with those around me. Part of me was paralyzed because of fear of rejection. This, too, I learned to get past and little by little I started finding out who God had created me to be. When I felt more confident in who I was, God allowed me to start getting to know guys and I could definitely tell the difference both in my behavior and the way they reacted towards me. I learned that nobody is going to be able to treat me better than I can treat myself. If I didn’t consider or respect myself there was no way I could expect that from someone else.

If you are ultimately not secure in who you are others can sense that and feel a responsibility to care for you that is beyond their ability. I learned that healthy people are drawn to healthy people and sick people are drawn to the sick people.

There is nothing wrong with you apart from maybe needing God to show you who you are apart from any patterns of the world. God created you in His image and sin plus the world has distorded this image. The best you can do is invest some time with God so He can heal you and make you the woman He created you to be.

with love,

Trophy of Grace also says…

I would like to add..Maybe our Lord is just closing the door on this relationship for your own good. Trust Him and take some time to stop dating and draw close to God. Seek His heart, will, and direction for your life. Your mate will come..Don’t drive yourself crazy looking for him. Trust your Heavenly Father to bring Him to you! Love you sister..Stay tuned to this month’s topic on dating. “Dating God’s Way”

xoxo’s to you!

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