Written by Gabi-Free In Christ

Surely when I met my husband-to-be, baby mama drama was something I had heard about, but I thought, “How difficult could it be?” When my husband and I married, I considered myself a mature believer and entered into the relationship aware that my marriage would include his two children.

As time passed, however, I came to the difficult realization: that along with the children came their mom. Even though Rob and I had committed to always deal with their mom from a godly perspective, I must say that I was in for more than I had ever imagined.

It wasn’t long before she got married as well, and I began to think that this would alleviate some of the pressure in many ways. For a while things became more settled, but in no time we were dealt many difficult blows.

Baby mamas don’t necessarily know how to accept the fact that they are not in charge anymore when it comes to the husband. Of course they were in the picture first, but the emotional and physical separation that should happen sometimes is only an illusion. They share the most precious thing on earth, and this unites them in a special way forever.

So, can the new wife accept that? Is the new wife so rooted in Christ that she will be able to endure the many trials? Can she still represent Christ in the middle of this difficult situation? (2 Cor. 5:20)

The woman who is coming into this type of scenario has to realize that this was not God’s intended design, and hence it will take much more grace to deal with it in a way that brings glory to Him. At no point are we allowed to behave any differently than we would with any other person to whom we are trying to witness.

This woman who might be so very difficult in your life is your neighbor. “My neighbor?” Yes, the neighbor Jesus spoke about. The neighbor HE expects us to love (Luke 10:24-45). Even if you should categorize her as your enemy, God expects you to love her (Matt 5:42-44).

So be true to yourself, and ask God to grant you the wisdom you are going to need in order to enter into this very difficult situation if that is what you are planning to do. (Jam 1:5-8) Do not underestimate the pain the baby’s mama could still be feeling. Do not overestimate how much you can handle. You are going to need God’s green light if this is what HE has in store for you, because apart from His grace you will not be able to do this successfully (John 15:4).

I have had to deal with accusation after accusation. I have had to deal with children who are caught in the middle of immature adult behavior. I have had to endure moments when it feels like I am stuck in a 5 person marriage. If not but by the grace of God, I would have already deserted this situation. Thanks be to God that my husband is godly, and we have always thrown ourselves at the mercy seat of Christ to do according to His will (Lam 3:22-24).

May the Lord lead your life in His perfect will, so that you can avoid the many difficult roads on which our stubborn flesh would like to go.

By grace,

Free in Christ

 
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