How Do You Hate The Sin But Love The Sinner?
Anonymous writes…
How do you hate the sin but love the sinner?
And I think that’s what my family thinks I am, a sin sniffer. I just don’t know how not to be one! Especially with my little sister. In my eyes, she always seems to be doing bad, but everyone else thinks I should just ignore some things she does. But I love her and when I think about some people in my class and some of the things they do, I don’t want her to be like them when she grows up. I want her to be good. But everybody always says I’m nagging her or being mean to her. There seems to be so many things that I’m doing wrong, but I don’t know how to fix them!!
Beloved by Him replies…
It’s all about love. Love takes your focus off your sister’s sin, and becomes active on her behalf through prayer and genuine service (I John 3:18). It’s not ignoring what she does, it’s about not keeping a record of it, forgiving her no matter what she’s done, and gently guiding her down the right path (I Cor. 13:5, Matt. 18:22, Gal. 6:1-4). Nagging or being mean will get you nowhere, just as rules without relationship equals rebellion.
Not that it’s easy. Most of us can be judgmental, because most of us still have too much pride and fear in our hearts, even though we’re Christians. Pride ignores the sin in our own lives, and fear doesn’t trust God’s ability to work all things together for good, despite the sins we all commit (Rom. 8:28). We are commanded not to judge condemningly, or we’ll be judged (Matt. 7: 1, James 4:11). If she’s a Christian, God does not condemn her anymore (Rom. 8:1). If she’s not, then you know exactly how to pray—for her salvation. Either way, you can’t judge her, because only God is our judge (Ps. 50:6).
By the power of the Holy Spirit, you can choose how you act toward her. As much as you’re praying for her, pray for yourself, that you would have a loving, patient attitude toward her, one that is not counting the days until she’s a different person, but an attitude of humility that puts her needs above your own (Phil. 2:1-4). Commit to having a Christ-like spirit that is willing to sacrifice everything to be obedient to God (Phil. 2:5-9). Pray that God would make your heart like His, that you could be like it says in Colossians 3:12-15:
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” (NLT)
It’s not just for your sister’s sake that you need to stay loving and humble. The world is watching how Christians act, and we need to do our best to be an accurate reflection of God so that we can bring Him glory. I pray that you will be a light that shines God’s love into the hearts of others (II Cor. 4:6), not a light that seeks out sins and brings them out in the open. Remember, love covers a multitude—meaning all and every kind—of sins (I Peter 4:8, Prov. 10:12). Give your sister the grace and mercy that God has given you, and give it cheerfully and willingly (Rom. 12:8). Let your willingness to forgive her be like God’s—His mercy is new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). He will be faithful to do His part; ask Him to help you do yours, and help you love her like He does.
Sincerely,
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