We Have Been Greatly Struggling With Our Purity
Anonymous writes…
Hi, i am an 18 year old girl in a Christian college as a freshman. i am dating a Christian man who is 20 years old and a junior studying for the ministry at my college. We have been greatly struggling with our purity. well i guess that is an understatement, we have been having sex since last october and started dating last july. we were both not raised like that. we always feel so guilty and almost always decide to be pure again right afterwards. but then one of us slips in our devotions and the flirting and touching slowly progresses till we do it again. Lately we have been doing good, but i dont want to mess up again, and neither does he. We are trying to keep eachother accountable and think of some innocent date ideas and things to do on our free time but having some trouble. We dont have anyone to talk to though, because we would both get kicked out of college if we were to let what we have done out. please give me any advice that would help us stay on the right track and stay pure. anything innocent to do in our free hours together at school or ways to express love with out flaring up the emotions. thank you for listening to me when i cant talk to anyone else. any advice is appreciated
Free In Christ writes…
Dear sister,
I want to start by commending you on reaching out for help. God is so pleased when we follow his loving guidelines and this is what you have done (James 5:16). Be sure that we will be praying for you so that you and your boyfriend will be kept pure by the Holy Spirit.
I realize that emotions are a lot more powerful than we could ever imagine, no wonder the Lord encourages us to take every thought captive and submit it to Him in obedience. (2 Corinthians 10:5) I remember the huge challenges that my husband and I had before we got married. I must say that I dropped the ball a bit because I wasn’t as stern with my boundaries as some of my friends suggested I needed to be.
I am going to recommend that alongside your devotions and accountability patners you would read a book called “Boundaries in Dating”. I realize you mentioned you don’t have anyone to talk to and that you fear the consequences this could bring at school, nonetheless, I ask you to consider fearing God above all.
I am certain that if you ask the LORD to bring you a loving, gracious sister who could serve you as an accountability partner HE would do it. It is also imperative that your boyfriend follow the advice as well. You would do even better if you asked the Lord to also grant you the advice of a couple who has already walked through these challenges.
While it is important that you have a keep a repentant heart be aware of the promise that we have in Romans 8:1. We must fight condemnation after we have repented because it will debilitate our strength to continue. Remember that when we confess our sins to the LORD, he is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9).
1 Corinthians 6 reminds us that while we are not under law but grace and while all things are permissible yet not profitable, we must choose never to use our freedoms to go against what the Word calls sin. Sin does nothing but separate us from God and even others as well. Before we know it we are isolated and in much risk of the roaming lion who seeks to devour us.(1 Peter 5:8)
I suggest that you use the book I recommened to start setting new boundaries that you can keep with the help of the Holy Spirit and others in your life. Purpose yourself to do things in groups of people. Innocent things can lead to trouble when we are alone. Therefore, search out other couples who will edify both you and your boyfriend. Ask God to grant you creativity in your activities. Find out about fellowship and/or service opportunities where the two of you could really grow toward God and one another.
I am here for you whenever you wish to continue speaking about what is going on. It is my privilege to be a part of this God ordained ministry and our heart is to be available to sisters who are in need of God’s grace and truth.
By His grace,
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