It’s Just So Frustrating That God Doesn’t Want Me To Go Out With Him
R writes…
Hey,
I was wondering if you would be able to offer me some advice about what to do… its about a guy.
I’d known him for a few years, he attened my youth group but I felt no real feelings for him until we attended a summer camp last year together. I talked over how I felt about him with a leader and God spoke to me and said “no”, so I decided that it wasn’t the right time for me. So we kinda just continued as friends. He asked me around Christmas what I felt and the response I got from God was yet again was “no”. I wasn’t happy with that because it was nice to think that someone liked me for who I was, for the first time ever.
This year it has got more difficult to resist him. In the past months we’ve been having alot of physical contact, which I know is not the best , but we still continued with it. Secret hugs that were very long and deep and the little touches on the arm etc. All of this stuff just meant that we were both longing for more. He was going to ask me out when I told him I just wanted to be friends. Then yesterday I said I wanted to stop hugging him. He was fine with that, although now he’s told me he has changed his mind. The matter isn’t helped by the fact that we are putting on a kids easter club together, so I’m seeing him for a couple of hours each afternoon. And I know it’s kinda early days, but I am really really just craving to be in his arms.
It’s just so frustrating that God doesn’t want me to go out with him. Ever since it all started back in the summer it’s like I’ve been in this constant battle with God over him. One day I’ll totaly surrender the issue to God and maybe that will last for a week or so but then I take it over again and spend my time thinking and daydreaming about what “could” have happened between us. It’s just one of those situations where I can’t see God’s will in the matter and although I want to obey Him it’s so hard to resist. Part of me wants to just forget him and the other part wants to give in to his arms. I’m going to uni in September so I really don’t know what to do. I’m kinda hoping that I will meet someone there, God willing.
But it’s just the fact that he really likes me too. I don’t know what to do about him. I think if I feel the way about him because of the physical attraction rather than anything spritual. But I don’t know whether this is the same for him. I want to obey God but I’m not sure if I can resist him. I’m worried that if I do give in and give him a hug … like he’s just asked me for on msn … That I will do something stupid which I will totally regret.
What should I do????
Thank you
R
Beloved By Him replies…
R,
My dear sister, you are right to be concerned about doing something you’ll totally regret. God has put that check in your spirit as a warning that you are going down a path you shouldn’t be. This is the time to reconsider, before more compromise brings greater consequences for you. Please don’t go there.
God’s word says to get wisdom and understanding, because they will be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (Prov. 4:5, Ps. 119:105). Then, when we’ve gotten wisdom and direction from the Lord, we have to apply it to our lives (James 1:22). To refuse to do what the Lord has told us to do is a huge mistake—it says that we think we know better than He does. In reality, we’re the clay, He’s the Potter, and He is the One Who can be trusted to shape us into what we’re supposed to be (Is. 29:16, 45:9). Let’s face it: He made us from dust, breathed life into us, loved us and died for us. There’s no way we can match His wisdom or power, yet that’s what we do when we deliberately choose to disobey Him and pursue our own desires outside of His will and timing. Listen to what the apostle Paul says in Colossians 3:5,
“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
Take some time to read this verse in a few different translations also. It’s interesting that there are several sexual sins included in this list along with covetousness, which is wanting something you don’t have. When we go after these things, this verse says that we’re actually practicing idolatry, exalting both ourselves and the thing we want over and above the will of our heavenly Father. My sister, you have the mind of Christ (I Cor. 2:16). The desire to go against God’s will is clearly not from the Lord, and will bring grief, pain, and God’s loving discipline into your life.
Please don’t discount how important your obedience to the Lord is. Sometimes we’re tempted to believe that we can stray just a little bit here, a little more there, because we’re children of grace, and assume that a little compromise won’t really matter. Again, the bible says that “a little leaven leavens the whole lump.” (Gal. 5:9) A little sin infects the spirit the same way a little germ infects the body: You don’t always see the attack until there’s already a full-blown sickness. When we choose to give in to compromise, we’re weakening our spiritual defenses and giving the enemy territory he shouldn’t have and can be difficult to reclaim. That’s why you’re struggling so badly now; you’ve allowed a temptation to give birth to sin, and a little bit of death of your desire to fight your flesh and defend your Christ-given righteousness (II Peter 2:20, James 1:15, I Tim. 6:12).
My sister, it’s time to make a choice. You’ve hit a stumbling block that has revealed something in you that our Lord wants to refine and renew, so that you can become more like Him. We are called to choose whom we will serve (Joshua 24:15, II Tim. 2:4-5). I would encourage you to choose life and blessing and all the good things that come with obedience (Deut. 30:19). Don’t get dragged down by this temptation. Remember that you are called out of the world to fulfill God’s good purpose for your life (Eph. 1:4-5, 2:10). Be strong in Him and His power to deliver you, and trust that He will bring you the right relationship with the right man at the right time (Prov. 3:5-6, Ps. 18:30, Eph. 6:10).
I would encourage you to put some serious space between yourself and this young man, get some accountability, and stay under the umbrella of protection of your loving Father. Trust that God is gracious, merciful, forgiving, and wants to bless you immensely, not because of what you have or haven’t done, but because you are His precious daughter. Let Him bring you the one He has chosen for you—don’t try to make it happen on your own. Our Lord is worthy of our love, respect and obedience:
“For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.”
“But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.” (I John 2:5, 5:3)
Much love,
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R replies back…
Thank you for the advice, and the Bible references. We have both decided to pray about it for a week, that ends on friday 9th April, and then whatever God’s answer is we both will accept it. If its no then things will change between us. Although now after reading your comments i don’t know what to do if the answer is yes.
If God says yes, should i accept?
Thank you again
R
Beloved By Him replies…
Dear R,
We’re really glad that you’re seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance. The bible tells us to ask, seek and knock, and God will us wisdom and understanding and affirm it with His peace (Matt. 7:7-8). God is not a God of confusion, and I believe that He will reveal His will and His heart for you. Just be open to whatever He shows you, and trust that He will work everything together for your good. We pray that you will be filled with His peace and that your heart’s desire is to glorify Him and do His will. We love you, sister.
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