Should I Get Married To Him Knowing That He Is Not A Christian?
Anonymous writes,
Hello ladys! I am comming to you today with something that weighs very heavy on my heart. I am 33 years old. I have 3 children.2 of which are from my first marriage.We were high school sweet hearts and he passed away almost 10 years ago.Soon after my husband passed I have found a great man. He treats my girls like his own. He has raised my youngest daughter since she was 18 months and she knows him as her father, Being as she was so young when her biological father passed.(My other daughter was older and understood more) There isnt anything that he wouldnt do for either one of them. I am so very blessed to have him.We have been together for 9 years and share a son.However,I am not married to him.I know he his a wonderfull father,and provider. But yet, I struggled with ever being able to get married again. I think my biggest problem is that I feel that we are unequally yoked. I know that if we are living together, and have a family and we are playing the roles of a husband and wife we may as well be married. I know that. But I am just not sure that he is Gods will for me.We have no realationship problems(other than the norm…. Bills kids ect) He is not abusive,or anything. He is just unchurched. And I strugle with that. I feel like God would want me to be with a Christian man. He is not. I have tried church in the past, and he sleeps through it. I know he is a hard worker, and he is tired… I totally get that. Also he had a bad experience with church when he was a child and I guess he dosnt want to give it another chance. But I want US to be there for a reason I am not a strong enough Christian to lead him to the Lord by myself, and I know God knows that. I am weak and I want a strong Christian husband in my life. That is why I feel like He may have someone else for me.
I am at the point that I want to be married. He has asked me several times and he dosnt understand why I wont. I am not getting any younger and have no desire to be with anyone else. I love him. I just want reassurance that he is what God has planed for me, and Not what I have planed for me. So my question is should I get married to him KNOWING that he is not a christian?
Thank you in advance for your help and support <3
His Precious Gift replies,
My precious sister in Christ,
I am so blessed that the Lord has led you to write to us and it is an honor to be able to go to His awesome word to find the answer to your question. It’s not an easy question but God always has the answer for us, Philippians 4:7 says: “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I will assume that you have been a Christian for a little while since you say you feel you are not strong enough to lead your friend to the Lord. That would mean that while you where living with your friend you became a Christian. That changed your way of thinking and turned your heart to God’s way. You say that you are blessed to have him in your life, you love him and that you have a child with him. I know that Jesus gift of salvation belongs to your friend also. (Ephesians 2:8, John 3:16-17)
I believe that since your eyes are open now you realize that by living with an unbeliever you are living in sin, and that is true. It is not Gods perfect will for your life to live in that situation, but also your mission as a child of the Most High is to be Christ like and by doing so God will start working on your friend’s heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. When I read His word I always personalize each verse. So when I read Proverbs 3:5-6 I say to myself:
“Lord, I trust in You with all my heart and I won’t rely on just what I understand. In all my ways, I will rely on you, because You will direct me in the way I should go.”
Wise decisions are made by discerning the will of God, and God reveals His will to those willing to do His will. James 1:22 say, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
I would suggest for you to find a church that teaches Gods word and that it might have bible classes, often men will attend bible classes since it is in a small group. Read Gods word and find someone you can pray with and agree for God’s wisdom for every decision in your life. Talk with your friend and let him know how you feel and let God direct you in what you need to say. I can not tell you not to get married or to get married. But I will tell you God knows your heart, He is the only one that can show you what to do and give you peace to do it.
Also, according to your letter I am directed to believe that there is no reason why this gentleman who has taken care of you and your children for years, isn’t also willing to marry you. So there must be love. He could have had a change of heart.
I hope I have directed you to the one who can guide you and will never leave you.
Dear heavenly Father,
Thank you for the fact that my sister is your child and she is precious to you.
Because Your very nature is love, there is nothing that can happen to her that does not first pass through Your fingers of love.You are wise enough to plan the best course for her and powerful enough to fulfill what You have planned. She will trust you with the events of her life, knowing that You will use them for good. Thank you Lord, for the presence of the Holy Spirit in her life to guide her and give her strength. She will rest in Your promises. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen
I love you and I will continue to pray for you and your family as we continue in this wonderful journey in Christ Jesus.
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