Anonymous writes…

First of all I would like to thank you all for the amazing advice and articles all of you write. It helped me alot.

My question is about modest clothing.

I’m still struggling about the fact that you should wear modest clothes which I truly agree with. But I don’t really understand the difference between modest and immodest. Could one of you explain that more to me. For example, I really love wearing skinny jeans and high heels, is that wrong?

Can I still look cute and sexy without looking immodest, because I really love fashion and when I dress myself I always do it for myself and for God, not to tempt other men. I would never do that. And men lusting after you can you really stop that? Because they still look at your curves or face or hair ( eyes,lips,make-up), legs etc.

And also what does the bible mean when it says that you shouldn’t draw attention to yourselves?

What about going swimming? Wearing a bikini or a bathing suit is that immodest?

Thank you very much. You can clearly see that I’m kinda struggling with that.

Free in Christ replies…

What a great question! This is truly such a hot topic. I am so happy you brought it up. I actually have a dear friend, Shari Braendel, who is a national speaker with the Proverbs 31 team who speaks all over the nation about modesty. She even offers a fashion show during her speaking engagement called “Modest is hottest”.

First and foremost it is wise to establish that modesty is actually God’s idea and not the idea of some over religious group of boring women.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. 10 For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.

Now that we have biblical grounds for discussing this matter, we must gather from this that it’s okay to make ourselves attractive but the priority should be our behavior. Does this eliminate the fact that we can be fashionable in the way we dress? I don’t think so.

My friend Shari will always encourage the girls to dress within fashion but to be cautious of following every trend of the world. For instance she says we are to ask ourselves the following question before we leave our house:

“Based on how I am dressed, what would others think of
me and who would others say that I am?”

Of course the normal wordly attitude is “what do I care about what others think about me?” but the difference lies on who you are representing in life. Are you an Ambassador for Christ or are you an ambassador for the world?

She says when shopping what we need to avoid are the following B’s:

showing your BUST line
showing your BUTT crack
showing your BUTT cheecks
showing your BELLY button

It’s obvious that Hollywood thinks that all of the above equal to being sexy but all of the above will surely draw attention to ourselves for all the wrong reasons.

You mention skinny jeans and high heels and I say follow your B’s and avoid sending the wrong message. I think there is lots of room for being fashionable without compromising our true identity in Christ.

Hope this helps. I relate to you because I truly enjoy fashion as well. The one thing to really be careful about is trying to compensate on the outside for something that is missing on the inside, it will never work.

Fashion will come and go but beauty is being full of God’s Holy Spirit by the grace of Almighty God.

From one fashionable sister to another,

Free in Christ

Beloved by Him adds…

Dear Sister,

I love what Free in Christ wrote about the “B’s”! I think that’s a great way to have a quick checklist of reminders for when you’re putting your outfit together. This topic has been an issue for me and I’m sure many sisters in Christ as we try to be fashionable and still be honorable and pure.

I think you’re right when you say that some men will continue to look at women no matter what we are wearing. There’s not a lot we can do about it, aside from dressing and carrying ourselves responsibly with modesty and a godly countenance (not flirty or flouncy). I think it’s important to remember, however, that those looks from guys are not from the mind of Christ; either those men are in the world and look at the world with lustful eyes (I John 2:16), or they could be Christian men acting out of a lack of self-control and sinful heart (James 1:14). I like to meditate on a few scriptures regarding this: “Glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s,” and “His righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard” (I Cor. 6:20, Is. 58:8b). We women should seek to glorify God in how we look, dress, and act, and trust that God has our back and will defend us from those unwanted looks from others.

I would like to offer up my opinion on the bathing suit issue. For me, I think it’s appropriate for a woman to keep her abdomen and bust covered by wearing a one-piece suit or a modest tankini. Wearing a bathing suit that draws attention to parts of the body that would normally be covered is not necessary and can cause a man to struggle or stumble. That may not be our intention, but we need to be wise and understand that we show respect and love for others by trying to help them stay pure and not leading them into temptation (Rom. 14:13).

One item of beachwear that I am a big fan of is board shorts. My family goes to the beach often, and we love to do water sports like surfing and paddleboarding. Board shorts are made to be worn in the water so they don’t collect sand and create drag, but still protect you from excessive sun and scratching yourself on the board. I can tell you that the guys who do the surf lessons recommend the shorts for girls, so we don’t wind up getting our suits knocked askew by a wave and flashing everybody! I often wear board shorts over my bathing suit, so I don’t have to worry so much about how I carry myself or what I’m showing.

If it’s just about getting a tan, we should consider wearing a suit like a tankini that we can adjust while we’re lying in the sun, but will cover us when we’re swimming. Bikinis can be saved for the tanning booth, where we can tan in private. And still, is it necessary? Unless we’re married, no one should be checking out our abdomens or bikini lines anyways (Prov. 11:22).

It’s time for Christian women to rethink how we relate and react to the world when it comes to the fashions that are “acceptable.” We are not common girls–we are daughters of the Most High King and we should carry ourselves accordingly. We know who we are in Christ, and we don’t need the approval of others to know that we’re beautiful to Him (Ps. 45:11, 144:12). We can have fun and not compromise our integrity or our witness. Free in Christ wrote that our beauty is being full of God’s Holy Spirit. That’s just what it says in Prov. 31:30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.”

Much love,

Beloved by Him

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