Written by Melanie-Heart of Worship

The pain of betrayal can be so overwhelming that you are left feeling empty, alone, and hopeless. After you have been lied to, cheated on, made fun of, gossiped about, abused, or abandoned, what next? How do you pick up the pieces of your life and move on? The answer is forgiveness.

Forgiving someone may be one of the hardest things you will ever do. I know first-hand the pain that follows betrayal. Be assured that God also knows your pain. 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) says “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” It is very tempting to conclude that because another person has betrayed, abused, or abandoned you, that God has done the same. Satan uses our moments of weakness and pain to speak lies to our souls such as “Where is God?”, “Why did He allow this to happen?”, or “See, God doesn’t love you!”. Do not be persuaded by his lies, for Satan is the father of lies. John 8:44 (NIV) tells us that “[Satan] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

God has never abandoned you and in these moments of pain, confusion, and weakness, he can do a miracle in your life if you will surrender to Him and His will.

Jesus Speaks about Forgiveness

There are only two choices you can make after someone has offended you or sinned against you. You can either choose to forgive that person or hold on to the pain and refuse forgiveness. Jesus knows how we feel when we have been hurt and rejected. Even on the cross, as Jesus was bleeding and being tortured, he cried out with compassion regarding the soldiers who were nailing Him to the cross, “4Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing…” (Luke 23:34 NIV). Jesus Christ spoke about forgiveness during and after the Lord’s Prayer. It fascinates me that He singled out the act of forgiveness and gave it extra attention after the Lord’s Prayer.

Matthew 6:12 -15 (NIV) — “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

It is important to understand that Jesus does not suggest that we forgive those who have hurt us; he commands that we forgive them. In fact, He reiterates that if we do not forgive others their sins against us, then God will not forgive our sins. Additionally, Jesus does not qualify “some” sins as worthy of our forgiveness, and others that are unpardonable. We are commanded to forgive all sins committed against us!

The Temptation to Hold on to Bitterness

Jesus commands us to forgive others for our benefit, not for the person who has committed the offense. Harboring bitterness and having an unforgiving spirit has a negative effect on our relationship with God. We are not qualified to forgive another person of their sins. Only God gives forgiveness of sins. We can, however, forgive them for the hurt that their actions caused us and the distress it has put us through in our lives. Satan would love nothing more than to ruin your relationship with God. He has many tools and devices to form a wedge between our hearts and our loving God. One of the tools Satan uses is bitterness. I once saw a sign and I believe it to be very true. It said

“Holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die”. ~ Author Unknown

Forgiveness is a Conscious Choice

Forgiveness is a choice. In fact, it may be a choice you have to make many, many times. I know that in my life, I made a decision to forgive someone, but my emotions did not immediately match that decision. I tried to follow God’s commandment and forgive, but the hurt and anger were still in my heart. I had to start every day by asking God to fill me with his strength and to help me to truly forgive the other person using His strength, and not my own. I can also tell you that I had never known God’s strength and grace more than during this time of hardship. All of the bible verses that I had memorized throughout my life came alive. Each day I would read 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 which says:

“But [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

When you are in the depths of despair and you don’t have the strength to forgive the one who hurt you severely, rely on the strength of God. Pray to God that you will be able to be an instrument of His grace and mercy and that God would forgive them through you.

Forgive as God has Forgiven You

It is also important to remind ourselves of the many sins that God has forgiven of us. None of us are without sin (Romans 3:23) and Jesus Christ died for all of our sins (Romans 6:23). Matthew 18:21-35 tells the story of a servant who begged the king to be patient with him to repay a debt that he could not repay. The servant’s master took pity on him and canceled the entire debt. Then, the servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a much smaller debt. He began to choke the servant and refused the other servant’s requests for mercy! The master of the servant found out what he had done to the other servant and turned him back over to the jailers to be tortured and to pay back all of the debt that was previously cancelled. Matthew 18:35 reminds us that “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”. Colossians 3:13 also reminds us to “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”.

Forgiveness Action Plan

• Read God’s Word — First, I would encourage you to dive into God’s word daily. Staying close to God by reading his Word will help fight off the attacks of Satan who will continue to attack you in your darkest times.
• Pray without ceasing — Pray and cry out to Jesus. Romans 12:12 says “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” You may also find it very helpful to seek the help of a Christian mentor to join you in prayer.
• Find a healthy outlet for your feelings — I find it very helpful to do journaling to pour out my feeling when I am overwhelmed.
• Time, time, time — Give yourself time to heal.
• Trust God for complete healing — Only God can heal your broken heart, but if you trust Him, He will. He can use something extremely painful and use it to His glory.

Genesis 50 tells the story of Joseph who was betrayed by his brothers and had every reason imaginable to us to seek revenge! Instead, when he was reunited with his brothers, he said to them “But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.” (Genesis 50:19-21). I encourage you to completely surrender to God’s will and allow Him to use your direst circumstance for His glory.

Additional Resources

• Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
http://www.amazon.com/Choosing-Forgiveness-Your-Journey-Freedom/dp/0802432514/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278288906&sr=1-15
• Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall
http://www.amazon.com/Total-Forgiveness-Revised-RT-Kendall/dp/1599791765/ref=sr_1_167?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278289030&sr=1-167
• The Gift of Forgiveness by Dr. Charles Stanley
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Forgiveness-Dr-Charles-Stanley/dp/0785264159/ref=sr_1_175?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278289052&sr=1-175

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