Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
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Home » Answered by Treasure Box, Entertainment (movies - tv - books - concerts), Forgiving others/Forgive Yourself, Parents/Family/Sibling Issues

Are Romance Novels Bad & I’ve Forgiven Him But Does This Mean I Have To Talk To Him

Submitted by on June 16, 2012 – 6:57 amNo Comment

Screaming writes…

bigstock-teenage-girl-relaxing-with-boo-16360001Hello! I am just about to go on summer vacation, and reading is just about my favorite way of unwinding. However, I haven’t had the chance to go to any Christian bookstores, so I’ve just been reading the ones I have at home, which are mainly romance novels. I just wanted to know are romance novels bad in general, or does it depend? For example, if the couple is married in the book, does that make it ok if there are some intimate scenes portrayed? Thanks for your godly advice, because I want to know if I and my sister, who also loves to read them, should just give them up once and for all.

Also,my mom and dad are separated because my dad is sometimes violent and 95% of the time verbally abusive. I am not holding a grudge or anything (at least I hope not)and I’ve forgiven, but does this mean that I still have to talk to him? You know how in the Bible there are many verses about us preventing relationships and discussions with hot-tempered men who don’t like to take advice? Well, that’s my dad character in a nutshell. Does this advice also apply to your fathers?  Thank you so much!

P.S. I am 16 years old and I’ve been a practicing Christian since April.

Treasure Box replies…

Hello and welcome to the Family! ;)

There are different ideas about romance novels out there. I’m going to let you know what I think about them.

I believe that when a young (before marriageable age) person reads a lot of romance novels, it awakens feelings that create a desire for romance in life. I admit that it’s fun to read them, and I don’t see a problem with reading light romance novels. What I mean is I don’t see a problem with a novel about the end times, or mystery, or history that has some romance involved. But I think that reading other books helps balance it all out.

I do see a problem with a book that graphically describes the sexual act whether the people are married or not. That, in my eyes, is soft porn. God intended the marriage bed to be sacred; I don’t believe that He would like us to read all the details of other people doing it. It gets hormones going before you are ready.

I have noticed that girls who read a lot of romance novels go on the hunt. They become obsessed with getting the type of romance that the books portray. A desire to be romanced and swept away by “the one” then becomes the focus of life so they want to date all the time. They forget the truth about life which is that no one is perfect and the physical part of a relationship is only one little aspect. There is so much more to a relationship.

This is how I handle things in my home. My 16 yo daughter is never allowed to read anything, watch anything or listen to anything that talks about sex. I’m okay with light romance novels; the books don’t contain a lot of kissing and it’s mostly about character development with a good plot thrown in. She also reads other types of books.

I hope this helps!

bigstock-daughter-suffers-while-parents-4787969Now for the real serious stuff – your dad. That is such a difficult thing to go through. Your dad’s treatment of your mother is very wrong, and it’s sad that he doesn’t see how it affects you! Please keep yourself safe. Someone who is in a temper and becomes violent is unpredictable. Don’t ever hesitate to call 911 if you need to.

I will tell you what I have taught my daughter who has a very controlling, abusive dad (not physically though). I encourage her to love him and to honor and respect him, but she doesn’t have to be around him when his behavior is destructive. I’ve taught her that her dad is just a broken person who doesn’t know Jesus yet and so she needs to pray for him. She has learned to tell him that when he is not being nice, she will not see him. There have been times when many months go by before she talks to him. My girl has learned to separate the behavior from the person. She still loves him and, like you, has forgiven him. She just acknowledges that when he’s in one of his rages, it is not healthy for her to be around him.

If it’s not healthy for you to be around your dad at the moment, then don’t.

As you spend more and more time with God, you will find that you can love your dad from a distance. Try to see your dad the way God sees him – a broken human being who doesn’t know how to get healed. He needs Jesus desperately, and you can pray for his salvation.

I often use the following scripture to pray for the lost and broken, inserting their name where it says “you”:

Ephesians 1:17-18 NLT 17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.

I pray that as you get stronger in God, you will be able to speak to your dad and help him see the truth, doing everything with love. He may not receive it, but seeds are planted. It’s up to God to water and harvest them.

There is hope. I was married to an abusive husband. After many years of prayer, he has come to me recently and apologized for his behavior. He plays in a Christian band now and hangs out with Christian men. I don’t know if he’s accepted Jesus yet, but I believe he is very close to doing it!

One word of caution. Because your dad is abusive, it becomes very important that you are aware of the people you date when you get older. You have healing that needs to take place because of the dysfunction in your family. Please get help before you ever marry. Go to some great healing Bible studies like Beth Moore’s Breaking Free. And a must read for you is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Otherwise you run the risk of marrying someone just like your dad.

I say all of this with all the love in my heart; you have been through a lot! God bless you, dear sister, with the healing that you need. And I pray that you find a great Church home where you can find a lot of support!

P.S. I want to share a few of our favorite books with you (let me know when you want more!):
Jane Eyre
Pride & Prejudice
Laddie: A True Blue Story
A Wrinkle in Time
Little Britches
Anne of Green Gables series
Wuthering Heights
The Lonesome Gods
The Hiding Place
The Hobbit
Little Women

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