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Home » Featured Article, Friendships-The Heart Of The Matter, Hot Topics, Lisa-Trophy of Grace, Tools 4 Building Your Faith

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Submitted by on September 15, 2009 – 12:51 pm15 Comments

Written by: Trophy of Grace

Our Lord has a specific plan for each of our lives. We are His masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things that He planned for us long ago. We are citizens of heaven here on earth as foreigners for just a short season to fulfill God’s will and purpose. On our journey, we will meet many people who will impact our lives. Those we choose to call our “friends” are the ones who will probably have the most influence on us. They can help us fulfill our calling or serve as weights that will slow us down. Some will be a gift from God, and others will be tools in the hands of the enemy. That is why we must learn to choose our closest friends wisely. (Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, Philippians 3:20, Colossians 4:1-3, Ephesians 2:19)

98242_e2927“Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

I remember when I was a young teen, my mother would try to warn me about hanging out with the wrong crowd. She always finished her lecture by saying to me, “Lisa, birds of a feather flock together.” Of course I had that teen know-it-all attitude, and I would respond to her, “Mom, just because they do those things, or act like that, doesn’t mean I do or that I will.” I was so naïve. The more I hung out with them, the more I changed for the worse. I started to compromise everything good my parents had taught me. I listened to the advice of my friends more than I would listen to my mom who loved me with all of her heart and only wanted the best for me. She was right—I did start becoming part of their flock by looking, talking, and acting just like them.

She was trying to teach me to choose my friends wisely because she knew that if I hung out with people that did bad things, I could follow their influence and get in trouble. She wanted me to hang out with people who were doing positive things with their lives because she knew that if I followed their example, I too would reap the rewards of doing good. King David knew this also, and gave his sons the same advice. Listen to what he tells his sons…

“Oh, the joy of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers.” Psalm 1:1

“I don’t spend time with liars or go along with hypocrites. I hate the gatherings of those who do evil, and I refuse to join in with the wicked.” Psalm 26:45

His advice stuck with son King Solomon too. Listen to what he says…

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. Trouble chases sinners, while blessings reward the righteous.” Proverbs 13:20-21

“Don’t do as the wicked do; and don’t follow the path of evildoers. Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving.” Proverbs 4:14-15

No matter what age we are, we should choose our closest friends carefully. If our closest friends are ones who are backstabbers, haters of God, rebellious or unrepentant ‘Christians’, insolent, proud, boastful, drunkards, partiers, or gossipers, then we are in danger of allowing our contacts with these individuals to influence and corrupt us. We must realize that sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough. We may not intend to participate in our friends’ sinful activities, but it is really easy to find ourselves compromising what we stand for, our values, and our morals, when we are spending excessive time bonding with others who refuse to acknowledge God, or have abandoned the Word for their own foolish ideas. Their sinful influence is like the yeast of compromise that will eventually spread through our minds and hearts, causing us to be torn between our beliefs and our friendship. (Galatians 5:9, 1 Corinthians 5:6-8, Romans 1:28-32)

superstock_1439r-1073175Sooner or later, they will encourage us to participate in their sin. Maybe it’ll sound like this…

“It’s ladies night. We’re going dancing, come with us. There’s nothing wrong with dancing. It’s not a sin. You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, but even Jesus drank wine.”

“Did you here that _______ is in trouble? She looks terrible! I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from me. But I heard…”

“I hooked up with this hot guy. He’s got a lady, but I don’t care. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’m hooking up with him tonight. He’s got a really hot friend! Come with us.”

These types of ‘friends’ are tools in the hands of the enemy, meant to cause us to stumble on our Christian journey. They will try to keep us from following the truth. It certainly isn’t God who put them there to test us. He never tempts us to sin. So let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially these friendships that will trip us up. And let’s find friends that belong to our Good Shepherd’s flock. (Galatians 5:7-8, James 1:13, Hebrews 12:1-2)

“…Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (2 Timothy 2:22)

It is a blessing from God to have friends in our lives who love the Lord and long to please Him. He puts them in our path so that we can hold one another up as we go through this life’s trials, tests, and tribulations. Our Lord has placed some mighty women of God in my life who are full of God’s love and Spirit. Their Christ-like lives have impacted my life forever. They have shown me examples of being long suffering, patient, determined, forgiving, loving, faithful, submissive, honest, and hopeful. They have held up my arms in battle when I thought I could not go on any longer with their prayers and words of encouragement and admonishment. They are true friends, gifts from God, placed in my life to help me fulfill His calling. (Exodus 17:11-13)

eileenprayingwithgirl08We all should enjoy the companionship of friends who truly love the Lord with pure hearts, because they will come along aside of us to help us run this race instead of causing us to stumble. Since their desire is the same as ours, to live for Christ Jesus, they will be the conduits that God will use to help us on our journey.

We need true friends that will pray and intercede on our behalf, speak the Word of God into our lives, encourage us to be living witnesses of Christ Jesus, and who will want to hear our dreams and visions from God. Friends who will encourage and motivate us to step out in faith and trust what God is calling us to do for Him. We need friends who will challenge us to become the women of God that He created us to be. As iron sharpens iron, so these friends will sharpen us. (Proverbs 27:17)

When we have problems or temptations that we are facing, we need friends who will speak the Truth to us in love. A godly friend will bring us back to what the Word of God says about our situation, knowing that it is His Word that will set us free and give us hope. They will share with us how they overcome their struggles and temptation. They will encourage us to do what is pleasing to God. These are the types of friends we need in this sin infested world.

We must never lose sight of the fact that we are here in this world for such a time as this to be used by God and to fulfill His great purpose. Friendships with people who love the Lord will help us fulfill the vision and purpose that the Lord has put on our hearts. Friendships with people who live only to satisfy their sinful desires and gratify the cravings of their flesh will hinder us. It is time for us to come out from among them and enjoy the companionship of those who truly love the Lord.

May the Lord help us to evaluate our friendships and give us wisdom and the courage to separate ourselves from those ‘friends’ who are tools in the hands of the enemy. May He bring us friends that have a true heart for Him, and that will love us because of their love for Jesus.

(all the above scriptures were taken from the New Living Translation)



l_94b98b379e935900a362e45a59080f-1Read Trophy of Grace’s testimony
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  • Sweet Freedom says:

    Dear Miss Davis,

    “What if the closest friend is your mother”?

    Great article written by Trophy of Grace regarding friendships, and I would recommend checking out all the scripture references listed and put them to memory. My mom is one of dearest friends, but I have some similar issues, as mine is a “shopaholic”, who is in denial. It is so hard to be in this situation, where you feel like the adult and your parent is the child, “role reversal”. It’s difficult when the one who should have the role as adult, is behaving like a child, or immature in the Lord. It’s actually makes me sad, which makes it even easier to show mercy.

    2 Timothy 2:22 “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”

    But what do you do when you see your mother running after youthful lusts? Should you say something to her about it? In my experience, “no” you should hold your peace. This will backfire on you.

    Isaiah 30:15 “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength.”

    Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

    You may already know this, but is worth saying. You cannot change somebody; freedom of choice is personal. Even when you love someone very deeply, and even if you know they are making big mistakes, you cannot fix them. If you try to tell your mother, or anyone for that matter, how you think that they should live their life, they usually won’t change, and they will resent your input. Even when the person asks your opinion of what you think that they should do, they won’t always choose it. When someone reaches out for help, admits that they have a problem, and admits that they need to change, it’s a good thing because it means that they have a desire to change. Remember God gives each person a free will. Freedom of choice is a gift, but it is a huge responsibility. Some people are irresponsible (all of us have been irresponsible at some point in life). I can think of a few times myself. Let’s go all the way back to creation, in Genesis, where God gave Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden to enjoy. Only one thing that He said not to do was to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God didn’t intend on us functioning intellectually without His influence. We need Him. We need His help. It’s up to each one of us individually to hear from God, through prayer and the Word by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    You cannot be “God” for your mother, and I don’t recommend this.

    Romans 14:12-13 “And so each of us shall give an account of himself (give an answer in reference to judgment) to God. Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another, but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Amplified)

    So if you are bothered, or stumbled, by what you see and hear from your mother, then you may want to put some distance between the two of you for now. Pray and seek God about how much time you need to spend together. (Not sure how old you are, and if you live at home, etc.)

    What can you do for your mother as a daughter and as a friend? You should continue to pray for her, “stand in the gap” for you mother. You can be an example of the kind of friend or person that you want her to be. Yes, you should filter out things that aren’t right. I highly recommend that you cover her in love and not look at her faults, and constantly forgive her. Remember the story of Noah after he got off the boat, he had a bit too much to drink, and one son made fun of him, but the other two sons covered their dad, in love. (Read Genesis 9:18-29). This shows honor; so show honor when you are given the opportunity to do so.

    Finally, Miss Davis, follow Jesus with your whole heart, and get into the Word of God and have your mind renewed (Romans 12:2) daily so that you won’t repeat history. Let Father, God be your Daddy, Jesus be your brother, and the Holy Spirit be your mother (or however you would like to word it). As a Christian, we are to be like Jesus, “WWJD”, right?

    Mark 3:32-35 “And a crowd was sitting around Him, and they said to Him, ‘Your mother and Your brothers and Your sisters are outside asking for You’. And He replied, ‘Who are My mother and My brothers?’ And looking around on those who sat in a circle about Him, He said, ‘See! Here are My mother and My brothers; For whoever does the things God will is My brother and sister and mother!” (Amplified)

    Also, have you heard of the “Proverbs 31 woman”? Now, here is a good role model from the word: (I recommend writing this one down on a notecard to put to memory).

    Proverbs 31:25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future (the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it)”!

    Miss Davis, God is growing you up right now. Praying for more of God’s grace for you!!

    Sweet Freedom

  • Miss Davis says:

    \"if our closest friends are ones who are backstabbers, haters of God, rebellious or unrepentant ‘Christians’, insolent, proud, boastful, drunkards, partiers, or gossipers, then we are in danger of allowing our contacts with these individuals to influence and corrupt us.\" I totally agree with this, but what if it\’s our parent?? I can\’t pick my family. My mother is not so much a hater of God, a drunk or a partier but I often find myself having to end a conversation with her because she wants to gossip and boast. She is, also, currently \"shacking up\" with a man and has had his child. I love my mother with all of my heart but I find myself growing further from her because of the life she lives. I know that no one is perfect, but I\’m having issues taking advice and having respect for someone who is living a life that is the opposite of everything I know to be right. Should I talk to her about it or remain \"in my place\" as her child and filter out the things I should and shouldn\’t listen to?

  • admin says:

    Hello Amy :)

    Where did you see that we said that hanging out with boys is bad?? Please share the link so that I can review. Hanging out with boys is NOT bad. You just need to use wisdom with any friendship.

  • Amy says:

    well not most, about half half *

  • Amy says:

    Heyy :)
    ermm…you said hanging around with boys is bad? but it isn’t really is it? because most of my mates are guys, and i don’t like them as a boyfriend type, i like them as i like any of my friends. so is it really that bad?

  • Hello Anonymous,

    This is a terrific article, and I’m so happy that you took the time to read it. This is a vital piece of information for all young people when choosing friends. This topic is also very tricky for many people because of the reasons you said. I think it’s important to differentiate between becoming a close friend with someone and being friendly to that person. The Bible warns of us becoming close friends with an ungodly person because of the effect it can have on our spiritual life. 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us that “Bad company corrupts good character”. The danger of becoming close friends with an ungodly person is that it would be very easy to compromise on ‘small’ issues, which leads to compromising on ‘large’ issues, which leads to compromising on ‘huge’ issues… and well, you get the idea. All of us want to be accepted. We want to feel like we belong. It is extremely hard to be the odd person out who is standing up for the ideas of the Bible when the rest of the crowd is making fun of you and questioning your acceptance in the group. I would advise you to please stay away from close friendships with ungodly girls. Proverbs 12:26 warns us “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray”. Also, Proverbs 4:14-15 says “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way”. The Bible speaks plainly of being careful who we choose as close friends, and that impresses me to believe that this is vital information from God that we cannot ignore.

    Having said that, the Bible also makes it clear that we should love unbelievers and pray for them to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. You can still witness and be friendly to an unbeliever without entering into an intimate friendship with them. I would encourage you to pray for the people that you know that need Jesus and to live your life as a shining example for Christ. Matthew 5:16 is one of my favorite verses. It says “…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” We must always treat others with respect and humility, and to share with them the good news of Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 says “and the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” That verse is an awesome reminder to me that we have a responsibility to do all we can to witness to others in the hope that they will come to know Christ. Until they know Christ, they are in the ‘trap of the devil’. That is such a sad, sobering thought! I encourage you to pray for them and to witness through your living testimony.

    In His precious, unfailing love,

    Heart of Worship

  • anonymous says:

    my sister is always saying that just because you have ungodly friends it doesnt mean u will become like them,they might become like you.I dont know whther to believe her or not because i dont have that many friends,but i dont want to have friends just so i can say i do.I dont want to appear snobbish either by not talking to ‘bad’people.I am kinda stuck!

  • Yes it is. If they are swearing that will eventually rub off on you. The gossip destroys friendships and the hanging out with boys leads to temptation. You don’t need the negative influence of these types of ‘friends’. Their sin is a like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough. Get rid of the yeast in your life. Come out from among them. Separate yourself. (2 Corinthians 6:16-17)

  • lilly says:

    what if they just like swear and gossip and hang around boys alot,is that bad?

  • Those closest to you should be those who are like-minded. 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” Those are the people we go to for advice, encouragement, and support. They have the Holy Spirit inside of them, they have the mind of Christ, and they know the Word, so they are able to discern thoughts and intentions (Eph. 1:13, I Cor. 2:16, Heb. 4:12). Friends like that are a gift from God, and they are worth waiting for, as well as taking strides to keep up the friendship despite the busyness of life.

    There will also be a body of believers that surrounds us as Christians, with whom we can be friendly, even though they’re not our “besties.” These are brothers and sisters in Christ who also share the same Spirit of God. These people are our household of faith, and we can share fellowship with them without being too personal. This is where we women find good practice in having healthy, platonic friendships with men—we respect them as brothers, and we keep our behavior above reproach. Our sisters in Christ are there to bless and be blessed by us, as we make ourselves available for prayer, service, or an encouraging word. We and our Christian friends make up the body of Christ, and we all work together to do our part to make the body function properly (I Cor. 12:27, Rom. 12:4-8).

    Those friends we have outside of Christ are still important, but we need to remember that they are coming from a worldly perspective, even if they are the most well-meaning and right-acting people. These friends do not have a regenerated spirit (a spirit that’s born again by salvation in Jesus Christ), so they do not understand the things of God (I Cor. 2:14). Spending time with them can still be enjoyable, but we have to commit ourselves to being watchful in the Spirit, making sure that we don’t allow ungodly seeds to be planted by wrong attitudes or thinking, or taking part in pastimes that are not glorifying to God. These friendships should not be where we get our emotional support or advice. We are in these friends’ lives to show them the love of Christ and minister to them by our testimony and consecrated lifestyle.

    Then there’s our enemies. We have to include them in the list because we’re called into relationship with them as well. The bible commands us to love our enemies, bless those who persecute us, and live at peace with others as much as possible (Rom. 12:14-21). Those are calls to action on our part. We can’t allow ourselves to be bitter towards those who hurt us, and we might even be called to bless someone who’s treated us wrongly. We show our enemies love because that’s what Jesus did for us, and they need Him, too. If God loved us and died for us while we were still sinners, then we can do the same for others who are in the position we used to be (Rom. 5:8, John 15:13)

    We will never be friendless. Jesus Himself calls us His friends (John 15:15). It’s no small thing to have the companionship of the Holy Spirit 24/7, every day of our lives. He is the One Who gives us the peace, love, joy, comfort, and wisdom we need every day. If you are in a season where you don’t have that close companionship from a Christian sister, then I would encourage you to work on your relationship with God, taking time to know Him better and to hear His voice in the Word. Even when you do make new friends, they should not take the place of your relationship with Him. But I believe that the Lord will provide you someone with whom you can share your heart, because God created friendships to be a blessing and a help while we’re on this earth (Ecc. 4:12).

    Keep praying for Him to send you the perfect person in His perfect time, and while you’re waiting, enjoy the friendship of your Heavenly King.


    Beloved by Him

  • anonymous says:

    Is this only for your closestfriends?So u dont have to pick as wisely for your outer circle of friends?And what if choodsn wisely leads you to no friends at all?

  • Glory be to to God sister..I am so happy to hear that you were encouraged. That is what we are here for. To edify our readers with God’s Word and our live’s experiences.

    Thanks so much for praying for us. We need pray intercession. Our Lord has a great calling on this ministry. May He continue to be glorified through WeUsed2bu Ministries.

    Stay strong in Him sister

    In Christ’s Love,

    Trophy of Grace

  • ashley marie says:

    Thank you so much! I will definitely get involved in ministry & other opportunities to meet others who are focused on Christ. And thanks for sharing what God has done for you in that area of your life. It was very encouraging to read and see how God is always able to make a way! God bless you & I will keep you & everyone at in my prayers too! Your site always has a word from the Lord that blesses me every time I visit it!

  • My dear sister,

    I can most certainly relate. I was going through a season where I had other believers around me that I could talk to, but not on the level that I desired. I had my mother’s in the Lord, but they live far away. I felt alone in my walk.

    Our Lord was leading me to new levels of service in Him and I was afraid to continue to move forward without someone who would help me carry the burden. I cried out to the Lord, “Please Father send me someone with a heart like mine, with a heart for You and for others. I need someone I can relate to, who will love me right where I’m at.”

    It was shortly thereafter that I meet my dear friend Beloved By Him. She loves the Lord and her family. She has heart for helping women just like I do. We have so much in common. I feel like I have known her forever. She is a sister I can be myself with. She lets me see that she’s imperfect too which is always great, because I used to think that everyone else was a super Christian but me. We can pray together and share our revelations with one another. She is not afraid to speak the truth to me in love. We both love the Word and are very loquacious when sharing. Lol… She is a gift from God given to me at just the right season in my life.

    I believe that He will bless you too with a friend who will have a pure heart for Him. Just be sure to make yourself available. Look for opportunities to meet new women. Go to studies, retreats, women groups, and get involved in ministry. That is where you will meet other women who are looking to get a deeper revelation of the Lord and who long to serve Him.

    Keep you focus on your relationship with Him first and this relationship will come in His timing. He knows the desires of your heart and He will bless you with them. When that friend comes she will be a blessing that help you and encourage you on your Christian journey.

    I will be praying for you.


    Trophy of Grace

  • ashley marie says:

    Hi Trophy of Grace!

    Thank you for this encouraging word! I just rededicated my life to Christ in January 2009 and the issue with friendships has been something that I have been struggling with for a while. A lot of the people I used to hang around claim to be Christians but yet they are lukewarm and do not live a Christ-like life. I used to be lukewarm myself so I definitely don’t want that influence in my life. And fact, a lot of the Christians on my campus are like this and I have yet to find any that are truly living for Christ in my church or at my college. Sometimes it gets lonely because I desire to have Godly friends but yet there are none that I know of who are committed to serving Christ with their whole life. I guess what I wanted to know is, should i try to find Godly friends or should i wait on the Lord until He sends them to me? I just don’t want it to be that I focus only on making friends & not on Christ (because there was a time in my life when I focused more on trying to find friends than trying to focus on my relationship with Christ and I don’t want to go down that same road). I’m also kind of shy & a naturally quiet & private person until you get to know me, so it is sometimes difficult for me to get close to others and it takes a while for me to open up to them. And that really doesn’t help the situation either. Any Godly advice that you may have for me in this situation? I have prayed about it to the Lord that He would make a way & help me to be content in the meantime and I do believe that He can do it, but sometimes it is hard not to focus on my circumstances. Sorry for the long post! lol. And thank you in advance for your help & guidance!

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