D, please do not listen to this advice.

Do not be ashamed of your sexuality! Being gay in no way tempts you away from God! It just means that you have different genes to straight people! This is scientifically proven-homosexuality is certainly not a sin. It is just your biological format, so clearly God has made you that way!

This is the kind of advice people gave 100s of years ago-God made you gay and do not let anyone tell you that is wrong.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Trophy of Grace replies…

H,

I realize that you are trying to encourage D with your comment honey, but the fact is that D’s lifestyle is robbing him/her of joy, peace, and happiness. They feel in bondage to the homosexual lifestyle. They know the Truth and that is why they have come to a Christian site for godly counsel.

We are here to give advice based on the Truth of God’s Word and our life experiences, but first always comes the Word of God. We are not here to please people and give advice that is politically correct or give advice based on what is accepted in society. If pleasing people were our goal would not be able to be Christ’s servants. (Galatians 1:10)

Sweet Freedom has shared the Word of God, which does not have an expiration date. His Word does not change. It is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It teaches us what is right and what is wrong. It instructs us and shows us how to live victorious lives that glorify God. ( Hebrews 13:8, 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

The Truth is our sin keeps us seperate from God and sexual immorality, which includes homosexual behavior, is sin which keep us seperate from God’s will, purpose, and best for our lives. This is why D feels so overwhelmed, because God has been revealing to them the sin in their life and drawing them to Himself where they can find freedom. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

He does not make anyone gay. People are NOT born gay. It has NOT been scientifically proven. It can not be. However, we were ALL born with a sin nature, because we live in a fallen world. Not one of us is without sin. (Romans 3:23) Thank goodness God sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins, for those of us who choose to accept Christ Jesus and believe and confess Him as Lord we will be saved from the penalty of our sin. (Romans 10:9, 2 Peter 3:9) The wonderful news is that it is not God’s will that anyone should perish in their sin, but that all would come to know the Truth and be saved. (for a better explanation of this follow this link http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2012/02/29/salvation/ to our ‘Be Saved Now’ page)

Unfortunately many people harden their hearts to the Truth and make excuses for their sin and live their lives in bondage, not ever feeling the peace or presence of God in their life. Don’t be one of those people H. Our Lord sees your heart and He has a very specific plan and purpose for your life. He loves you, just like He loves D and I. Let Him reveal to you how His Word can help heal, guide, and comfort you just like it did for people hundreds of years ago and is still doing today for those of us who will submit to it and allow it to renew our minds. (Jeremiah 29:11-13, Psalm 119:105, Psalm 119:50, Romans 12:2)

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

My mother was a lady, through and through. Gentle, caring, giving. She may have used a curse word—once. But I’m not sure. I never heard her speak unkindly of another person or to another person.

And I never heard her get mad at Dad. Well, she did fuss a little under her breath when he frustrated her. If my parents ever argued, it must have been behind closed doors and done softly, because I never heard them. However, they did call each other names: Mom called my dad Hammerhead and Dad called my mom Beetlebrain! Both were said with affection.

I know, few homes exist like this today. Many children have to endure arguments, even outright physical fights and abuse, name calling, and put-downs. It breaks my heart that children cannot enjoy their childhood. Hopefully, if you lived in a household like this, you will not pass these painful things along to your children.

What my mother taught me, I’ve tried to pass on to my children. They are:

*Odds and ends…

*How to wrap a gift

*How to set the table

*Clothes are not that important

*How to make my surroundings pleasing

*The importance of not eating ground coffee because someone will always come to the door and the grounds will be stuck in your teeth!

*Personal applications…

*How to be a lady

*How to be a giver

*How to be kind and loving to everyone; ready with a hug for all

*If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

*Don’t tell everything you know; things said in the family stay in the family

*Family and faith…

*Family is most important

*Husband comes before children

*The Lord comes first above husband and everything else

*Church is important but not as important as a relationship with the Lord

*Faith sustains it all!

The most important lesson my mother taught me was love! Love the Lord as Scripture says, “with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” (Deut. 6:5 NKJV) And share that love with family and others.

The disciple John wrote, “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” (1 John 4:7-11 NLT)

~Even though you may not have learned these lessons from your mom, I pray special life lessons for you that you will pass along to your children…with love.

From my heart to yours…Lynn

Lynn Mosher

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“If our closest friends are ones who are backstabbers, haters of God, rebellious or unrepentant ‘Christians’, insolent, proud, boastful, drunkards, partiers, or gossipers, then we are in danger of allowing our contacts with these individuals to influence and corrupt us.”

I totally agree with this, but what if it’s our parent?? I can’t pick my family. My mother is not so much a hater of God, a drunk or a partier but I often find myself having to end a conversation with her because she wants to gossip and boast. She is, also, currently “shacking up” with a man and has had his child. I love my mother with all of my heart but I find myself growing further from her because of the life she lives. I know that no one is perfect, but I’m having issues taking advice and having respect for someone who is living a life that is the opposite of everything I know to be right. Should I talk to her about it or remain “in my place” as her child and filter out the things I should and shouldn’t listen to?

Sweet Freedom replies…

“What if the closest friend is your mother”?

Great article written by Trophy of Grace regarding friendships, and I would recommend checking out all the scripture references listed and put them to memory. My mom is one of dearest friends, but I have some similar issues, as mine is a “shopaholic”, who is in denial. It is so hard to be in this situation, where you feel like the adult and your parent is the child, “role reversal”. It’s difficult when the one who should have the role as adult, is behaving like a child, or is immature in the Lord. It’s actually makes me sad, which makes it even easier to show mercy.

2 Timothy 2:22 “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”

But what do you do when you see your mother running after youthful lusts? Should you say something to her about it? In my experience, “no” you should hold your peace. This will backfire on you.

Isaiah 30:15 “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength.”

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

You may already know this, but it is worth saying. You cannot change somebody; freedom of choice is personal. Even when you love someone very deeply, and even if you know they are making big mistakes, you cannot fix them. If you try to tell your mother, or anyone for that matter, how you think that they should live their life, they usually won’t change, and they will resent your input. Even when the person asks your opinion of what you think that they should do, they won’t always choose it. When someone reaches out for help, admits that they have a problem, and admits that they need to change, it’s a good thing because it means that they have a desire to change. Remember God gives each person a free will. Freedom of choice is a gift, but it is a huge responsibility. Some people are irresponsible (all of us have been irresponsible at some point in life). I can think of a few times myself. Let’s go all the way back to creation, in Genesis, where God gave Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden to enjoy. Only one thing that He said not to do was to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God didn’t intend on us functioning intellectually without His influence. We need Him. We need His help. It’s up to each one of us individually to hear from God, through prayer and the Word by the power of the Holy Spirit.

You cannot be “God” for your mother, and I don’t recommend this.

Romans 14:12-13 “And so each of us shall give an account of himself (give an answer in reference to judgment) to God. Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another, but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Amplified)

So if you are bothered, or stumbled, by what you see and hear from your mother, then you may want to put some distance between the two of you for now. Pray and seek God about how much time you need to spend together. (Not sure how old you are, and if you live at home, etc.)

What can you do for your mother as a daughter and as a friend? You should continue to pray for her, “stand in the gap” for you mother. You can be an example of the kind of friend or person that you want her to be. Yes, you should filter out things that aren’t right. I highly recommend that you cover her in love and not look at her faults, and constantly forgive her. Remember the story of Noah after he got off the boat, he had a bit too much to drink, and one son made fun of him, but the other two sons covered their dad, in love. (Read Genesis 9:18-29). This shows honor; so show honor when you are given the opportunity to do so.

Finally, follow Jesus with your whole heart, and get into the Word of God and have your mind renewed (Romans 12:2) daily so that you won’t repeat history. Let Father God be your Daddy, Jesus be your brother, and the Holy Spirit be your mother (or however you would like to word it). As a Christian, we are to be like Jesus, “WWJD”, right?

Mark 3:32-35 “And a crowd was sitting around Him, and they said to Him, ‘Your mother and Your brothers and Your sisters are outside asking for You’. And He replied, ‘Who are My mother and My brothers?’ And looking around on those who sat in a circle about Him, He said, ‘See! Here are My mother and My brothers; For whoever does the things God will is My brother and sister and mother!” (Amplified)

Also, have you heard of the “Proverbs 31 woman”? Now, here is a good role model from the word: (I recommend writing this one down on a notecard to put to memory).

Proverbs 31:25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future (the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it)”!

God is growing you up right now. Praying for more of God’s grace for you!!

Sweet Freedom

I long to wake up on Mother’s Day to a call from my mother. But that phone call will never come because my mother died in a tragic car accident when I was 16. Ever since then, Mother’s Day has been difficult. Even though she has been gone 20 years now, I cry as I write this. I miss my mother dearly. I wish I could hear her voice. I wish I could call her up and tell her, “Mom, please forgive me for being such a rebellious teenager and for causing your heart so much grief.”

I miss not being able to tell her how my own teenagers have broken my heart. I miss not being able to share with her all the drama I’ve gone through with them this year. I would tell her that I know God is working in their lives, I trust God and have surrendered them into His hands. She would probably respond, “I can’t believe you have seven kids Lisa!” Lol.

But I can’t call her. I can’t tell her “I’m sorry” or ask for advice. I won’t hear her laughter. She’s gone forever. What I have now are memories of her and our times together. I have had to learn to forgive myself for taking her for granted and not appreciating her and the sacrifices she made for us.

If you still have your mother with you, I encourage you to thank God for her—whether she is a ‘good’ mom or not. Pray for her. No one is perfect, but she needs to know that even though she makes mistakes, you love her, forgive her, and are praying for her. If you haven’t forgiven her, then choose today to forgive her and be free from the burden of carrying unforgiveness in your heart.

When I find myself harboring unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment, my God ever so lovingly reminds me:

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each others faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:12-13)

If you have been blessed with a loving, praying mom, who has taken care of you and given you unconditional love; show her that you appreciate her, not just on Mother’s Day, but every day. Tell her you love and appreciate her. Acknowledge her as a blessing from God to you. Don’t take your mom for granted. Our lives are like a vapor—we are here for a little while and then we’re gone. No one knows when our moms will be gone forever.

May God give you eyes to see your mom through eyes of love, mercy, and grace. Isn’t that something we all could use more of?

Here’s a special word to the mothers I most relate to this season; the mother who has a prodigal child: Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up praying. Don’t give into the temptation to speak words of defeat over your child’s situation. Our Lord is in the process of doing something in our childrens’ lives. He is not done yet. Trust Him. Keep loving your child. Beware of enabling them. Learn to set your boundaries and stick to them. Discipline is love. Even God disciplines us. Don’t try to take things into your own hands. Be still and know He is God, the one who can raise the dead and do the impossible in anyone’s life, including our childrens’ lives. Don’t lose hope! (Galatians 6:9)

Happy Mother’s Day

The world tells us in whispers and shouts how we should dress and walk and talk, where we should live and eat and work and sit, what we should drive, how we should look and think and feel. But too often the world is wrong, and the voice we hear isn’t God’s. 
 
When God created us He said it was good. That’s what makes us beautiful, His character sewn into our souls, His Spirit living inside us, His love poured out over us again and again. We’re beautiful simply because we are His, treasured and sacred and absolutely loved.
 
So be who you are. Embrace your curl! Shine bright! Because this world needs you. It needs me. And it’s why He created us—exactly as we are—to complete creation’s mosaic—an exquisite reflection of God spread across the entire spectrum of creation in all His infinite glory!
 
He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.    Zephaniah 3:17b

Cindee Snider Re

Visit her blog: Breathe Deeply

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Anonymous shares in encouraging comment on the post…’They Call Me Amish Because I Dress With Caution‘

You’re not alone! I dress modestly too. I don’t get made fun of too much because my closest friends dress the same way, but I sympathize. I never wear short shorts or show any extra skin. Sometimes I feel like an outcast, wearing a skirtini to the pool. But God sees what you’re doing and is so, so proud of you. And as for guys, if they don’t appreciate the modesty, they’re not worth your concern. Please keep your values! You have sisters, even though they aren’t with you right now. I’m praying for you.

With love from Christ,
Anonymous

I love my mom. I have forgiven her, which makes it so much easier to love her. I understand. My mother was a broken person who did not have a good upbringing herself. She also did not know God. She believed the Bible to be a good fairy tale to help people feel better. Therefore, I did not get what I needed to become a healthy adult. I’m not here to talk about her brokenness, though. I’m here to tell you how—despite my mom’s broken life, broken ways and depression—I became a good mother.

When I was 17 I had a messy life and no self-esteem. I sat down with a piece of paper and wrote down the character traits I wanted to have. That didn’t automatically fix everything; but it was a beginning. A decision. A choice to not become a product of my past. I didn’t know God, but God knew me and He knew my heart. He was going to help out big time!

I also decided that no matter what, I was going to make sure my children had a self-esteem. Regardless of their struggles, they were going to know that I loved them, that I cared for them, that I would learn everything possible to be a good mother. They would know that I thought the best of them. That they were free to love themselves no matter what circumstances they were in.

When my first child was born, I bought parenting books. Lots of them. I read about how to be a good parent and I went to parenting classes. That helped, but it wasn’t enough. Things still weren’t going quite the way I wanted. My children and I had a great relationship and could talk about anything and everything. They knew that I loved them. But they still were making the poor choices I had made as a teenager. Their lives were messy because I had married messy men who were just as broken as I was. My children suffered abuse from their fathers. Their circumstances were defining them.

Mother love is good, but it’s not enough in bringing up children. I needed help; I needed God.

My journey took me through many hardships, but God finally broke through in January 2000. He provided the healing I so desperately needed. I found my worth in His eyes. Along with that, He began to talk to me about being a good parent.

This is what God led me to do:

1. Change the media: We took mainstream television out of the home, changed all the music to Christian music, started reading classics together, and made the Bible our central book. We used the following scriptures to back up our decision in this area:

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Deuteronomy 7:26 (NLT) Do not bring any detestable objects into your home, for then you will be destroyed, just like them. You must utterly detest such things, for they are set apart for destruction.

2. Consistent Discipline: We began to discipline gently and consistently. Two infractions that deserved serious discipline were disrespect and lying. Everything was done when anger had cooled. I take seriously the following scripture:

Ephesians 6:4 (NLT) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

My discipline and instruction comes from the Lord. Which brings up point #3.

3. Prayer: One of my most favorite weapons of warfare. I NEVER go talk or discipline my children without first going to the Lord. There are so many times that what I would naturally want to say is not what they need to hear at that moment. I first pray to make my heart right (get rid of anger). Then I pray for God’s Wisdom to reveal to me what my child is going through, what message He would like them to know, and what discipline they need at the time. Works every time.

James 1:5 (NIV) If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

4. Delight in Them: Delight in your child, realize they are not perfect, accept mistakes as part of the growing process, allow them to be the age they are. Teenagers have hormones to deal with, toddlers are learning independence. God sees the finished product. Learn to see your children as a work in progress.

Remember, God delights in you! Delight in your children, too!

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love..

How does my family look now? All five of my children walk with the Lord and are out doing His Work. They have a strong self-worth in the Lord and are emotionally healthy—despite their difficult upbringing. I can only give glory to God because He put the desire in me to change and then worked with me to make sure I was not a product of my past.

God went a step further and brought salvation to my mother. She now walks with the Lord and faithfully reads her Bible, delighting in Him as she gets to know Him better. God is so amazingly beautiful. All Glory to Him!

May God bless you as you strive to become the mother you may not have had. He is faithful and just to help you bring up His children.

Read Kat’s Testimony
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M writes…

Hi. I looked through this internet page and I like it a lot.

I have a question because I was not raised in a religion. My boyfriend wants to take me to a swingers club and I want some advice on what the bible says about it. Is it okay for us to swing? What should I do?

Trophy of Grace replies…

M,

Thanks for writing in for advice. You don’t have to be religious or have grown up religious to get advice here. What we do here is not about religion it’s about sharing the truth of God’s Word. So you have come to the right place

Is it alright for you guys to swing? No it’s not. It’s not alright that you are having sex before marriage. That’s called fornication. Sex is for those who are married to enjoy.

Even if you were married to this guy, you two sharing yourselves with other couples is a violation of the love, commitment, and respect that you should have for one another. Swinging would fall under what the bibles calls sexual immorality, which our Creator condemns. Here is what the bible says about fornication and sexual immorality:

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. - 1 Corinthian 6:18
But because there is is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these , Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. - Galatians 5:19-21

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. 6 Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. - Colossians 3:5-6
And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment. - Jude1:7

My advice for you would be to first pray, which means talk to God, about what you are going through in your life and in this relationship. Ask Him to help you and reveal Himself to you. If you don’t know it yet, which I think you are starting to get an inkling that you do, you need Jesus. You need Him to help you in your life, to guide and give you wisdom. You need Him to help you stand up for what you know is true in your heart. You need to receive Him has Lord of your life so that you can be saved from your sins, which are the things that you know you are doing and have done that are against God’s law (the ten commandments) Follow this link to learn more about our need for salvation and receiving God’s forgiveness through Jesus Christ.

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2012/02/29/salvation/

The next thing I strongly suggest is that you GET AWAY from this guy. I do not believe that he truly loves and respects you if he’s asking you to share yourself with other men and women. God will bring you a man that will honor and love you in ways that this guy has probably never done and you have never experienced before, IF you will only trust Him by giving your dating life over to Him.

Let me pray for you:

My Lord, I come before you right now on behalf of this young woman. You see her need for you and I know that you are drawing her to Yourself because you brought her here to receive your Word. I pray that she receives the Truth of Scripture shared with her. Soften her heart and let her see that you have such a better plan for her life then the path that she is on. Let her not be afraid to call out to you, but let her humble herself and receive your love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Let her feel your love in a personal and undeniable way. In Jesus name…Amen
We are here for you no matter what you’re going through, to encourage you and share God’s Word. This is what we all need, God’s Word, because it’s what makes us new. (Romans 12:2)

I pray something I have said has spoken to your heart and will help you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

Is modest really hottest? I dress modestly. I dont wear short shorts or just a cami, or a bikini. I don’t let my underwear show through or wear tight or revealing tops. I try to respect and protect the young men around me because God has called me as a daughter to do so. But it is difficult when they do not appreciate it, rather they seem to criticize it. I am about to wear immodest clothing just to prove I can. I received a nickname from a group of I guys I know (by the way I am 14 and they are around the same age too). They call me Amish because I dress with caution. I cried today. Christian boys are saying this to me. The one place I thought that I could be equal and I am disregarded and hurt by those in my youth group. If all of my efforts are tossed aside, what good is attending youth? Why? Why dress modestly? Will it pay off in the end? I need help. I feel so ugly, worthless and lost. I know it sounds extreme but I am so alone, few friends and many insults thrown in my face at YOUTH GROUP!!!! I even was tempted while looking at pills today. Please Help me! The nickname in itself doesnt hurt, in fact I admire the Amish, but the the new meaning of it, the way and context in which it is used is enough to break my heart. I am so lost.

His Precious Gift replies…

Sweet H,

My heart breaks for you, my love. It is so discouraging for a young woman , who loves the Lord and wants to do the right thing, by being not only being modest in her clothing, but being Christ like; to find that her heart and principles are being attacked by immature Christians. I know is troubling.

Rejection and criticism strikes at the very core of our being. It attacks our self-image and self-worth. Therefore, when we realize we are suffering from these emotions, we should immediately take action to overcome it and all negative feelings associated with it. Now, what does that mean? It means that it does not have to ruin our lives unless we allow it to.

When you accept Jesus as your Savior, you become a child of the Most High, a Daughter of a King, and joint heirs with Jesus. With Jesus by our side, we do not need to compromise our standards to be accepted by anyone. Not only does God accept us unconditionally, but we can trust Him to bring people into our lives who won’t ask us to compromise our beliefs and principals.

Please H don’t ever lower yourself to other people’s standards. I know you are hurt and disappointed, that is a normal feeling for what you are going through, but when we are rejected and criticized for something that we prayerfully believe is the right thing for us to do and we find ourselves beginning to experience extreme anger, resentment, bitterness, and strife in our life we are not in a good place. Beware of this. The anger and bitterness will not only destroy your heart but also your mind will start thinking all the wrong things that you could do to try to fix your situation, like taking pills. Instead of reminding ourselves why we believe the way we do, we may decide to care more about what others think, instead of caring what God has already shown us in that area of our lives and begin to compromise to please the world or others.

I believe that being a woman after God’s own heart is a greater reward then anything that anyone around us can give us.  Never depend on people for your happiness. Know that your efforts to live a life of modesty will reap a reward. Also when others see you standing up for convictions, they may not agree, but they will respect you. You are showing by your actions who you are, a leader and not a follower. And YES it will pay off at the end!!!!

<em>For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.</em>

<em>For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.</em> - 1 Peter 2:19-21

As a Christian, you should strive to renew your mind to the truth of God’s Word (Romans 12:1, 2) so that you can conform to His image and be able to discern truth from error, no matter how hard it seems to be.

One thing that will free you from all these feelings is forgiveness. If you don’t forgive, you give these people power in your life. Unforgiveness only servevs to hurt you. Instead of spending energy holding on to what others have done to you, just forgive them and say to yourself, “They just don’t know what they’re missing. I’m awesome!” “God is honored by my actions and faithfulness” “I am a leader, not a follower”. (Matthew 5:44)

H, I pray that I was able to give you guidance and that I have answered all your questions and concerns. Being 14 years old is hard enough and then having people in your life that instead of lifting you up are putting you down is devastating in the natural, but as you can see God’s Words is powerful. I will be praying for you, remember your life is precious and a gift from God. You are so loved!!!

His Precious Gift,

Here are some links that I want you to follow to read some other articles/posts that will help you

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2010/09/07/scriptures-on-forgiveness-of-others/

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2008/05/15/persecutionpeer-pressure/

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2011/01/15/we-will-face-persecution/

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/common-subjects/modesty/

I’m not really sure where to start. A little about myself. I’m 18 and pretty much just drifting through life. I think I struggle with depression and low esteem, I guess. Some days are better than others. I used to be a really strong Christian, but now I don’t know what I believe. I know God exists, but I feel like there is a barrier between myself and God. I won’t let myself cross it. It feels like that happiness that comes with Christianity is reserved for others, not for me. Like I’m looking over the fence at everyone else, but I’m trapped on the other side. I know the whole “just ask Jesus into your heart” jazz, but it’s not working for me. I feel like I’m waiting for something. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.

But the point of this post is a guy. I don’t know him very well, only through other people like through his relatives and from Facebook. Basically, he is like everything I ever wanted in a guy. He is an incredibly strong Christian with a love for God that is like unheard of. He is mission-minded, and is always going on mission trips. He loves his family and is very protective and loving to his sisters. He blogs and writes Facebook statuses that are deep and full of his passion for God. He just is incredible. Not to mention he is absolutely gorgeous.

I really really want him. I barely know this guy, but there is a possibility we might be thrown into a circumstance together. So I might have a chance to get to know him. I’m not the type of girl to pursue a guy, but wait to be approached. However, I find my imagination going wild imagining myself being with him.

Yet, he is so PURE. Like, he is saving everything for his wife, he writes letters to his future wife, etc. etc. And I feel so horribly guilty for liking him. I honestly don’t want him to be with me, because I’m not even close to his league. I don’t even know what I believe, and he has such firm beliefs. He would be “settling” if he chose me.

And I find myself considering becoming a Christian mainly so I can have him. And it’s so WRONG. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like unless I become a Christian now and impress him, I’ll never have another chance to find a guy like him. I just….I don’t know.

Treasure Box replies…

Dear Confused,

Remember the Titanic? Let’s analyze the iceberg that sunk that enormous, gorgeous ship that the creators claimed was unsinkable.

On that fateful night, all that could be seen of the iceberg was the tip. The tip of an iceberg is what is visible to the eye above water. You can see it and think you know it. But the real, most important part of the iceberg is under the water. That enormous iceberg, which looked small - and harmless - above water, had some dangerous points hiding under the murky depths. It only took one of these treacherous sharp edges to sink the unsinkable ship.

What you are seeing of this guy is only the tip of the iceberg. You really don’t know anything about him except what he has chosen to show the world. And you are basing your life (and imagination) on the pursuit and acquisition of this incredible, pure human being.

I’ve known many seemingly perfect and gorgeous men who are running after the Lord with all of their hearts and saying all of the perfect things that wow us. And every single time, I later find out that they have issues, too! Some deal with pornography, or abuse others, or take drugs. Some are less than perfect fathers. I’ve met men who cannot honor their wives with their words. And men who are cold to those closest to him. I’ve seen temper tantrums, and arrogance, and pride. Some are workaholics, selfish, unfaithful, etc. Know what? Every single one of them looked great at the beginning!

Don’t be fooled, sister. It’s the tip of the iceberg thing. You will never truly know someone until you’ve spent a LOT of time with them getting to know their personality and their mind. It’s time that is the key to seeing the whole iceberg. And every single iceberg has flaws.

This amazing human being is just that - a flawed iceberg. A broken human being with great qualities and a sinner to boot. We are all that way, including you!

Know why? Because we are all broken! All of us have issues. No one is perfect. Not one. Oh… wait… there is one! And that is Jesus Christ. He was and is perfect. So perfect that He was the only one who could pay the price for our impefections, our sins, so that we can return to a Holy God and live in eternity with Him.

Which brings me to choices. In this life, I only see two very important choices. If I choose to accept God’s gift of His Son Jesus Christ who died on the cross to pay for my sins, then I will be raised to life again and will live in eternity with God when this short life is over.

Revelation 21:3-4 NLT 3 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain…”

If I choose to reject God’s gift of salvation, then I will experience eternity in the lake of fire (see Rev 20:11-15).

Once that correct choice has been made, and you have truly given your heart to God then you need to realize a few things:

1. As a Christian you can expect things to not work out right. We live in a broken world and no one is completely happy all of the time. They may have the joy of the Lord, but they still struggle with all kinds of issues, some of their own making and some the world hands out. Life does not magically become perfect once Jesus resides in our hearts. But as you grow with the Lord, you find true peace even in the storm (see John 16:33)!

2. God know exactly who the right man is for you God knows your heart better than you do yourself! He already has reserved a special person that will complement you the best. Trust God. He will put that man in your path when the time is right. Don’t go looking for it because you may latch on to someone who is not right and then you live a life of pain and struggle.

Instead of loving God to get something, search for God because God will bring you what you need for a good life in Him. Take all that effort that you are putting into this guy, and transfer that energy into searching for God. God says:

Jeremiah 29:12-13 NLT 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. (Emphasis mine)

When you put God first, everything else falls into place. A wise pastor once told me:

Run as hard as you can after God. As you run, look to the left and look to the right. Whoever is running right beside you is the one that God has for you

3. I once walked the same path you do right now. I had no self-esteem, suffered from depression, spent my time imagining situations with a man I thought was perfect, thought myself inferior to that man, and walked through that desert where I didn’t feel God even though I knew He existed. Know what I found after I gave my life to Christ? And I mean truly in my heart gave my life to Him…

I have found through the years that my joy (even during the horrible times) comes from spending time with the Perfect One who gave me a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26). My self-esteem is based on knowing that I am His Treasure (Deuteronomhy 7:6). I will never find perfect happiness in a man. Only in The Man (Proverbs 16:20). I still suffer from depression at times, but He is with me (Isaiah 43:1-2).

I have literally felt God’s Loving Warmth around me when I was crying in pain. I’ve experienced hope blossom where only despair resided in my heart. I’ve heard Him tell me I was beautiful when I felt so ugly. He has sent me personal hugs when I’ve needed them most. My God has miraculously provided home and food when there was no other way.

No man can compete with that, dear heart. My husband will be there for me, but not always. He’ll say the right things, but not always. He may not hug me when I need it the most. And there are still times that he hurts me. That is common and goes both ways in every single marriage and relationship in this broken world.

There is only One Relationship that matters the most. Your life will not follow the right path until you make that important choice.

Sit and talk with a Pastor about salvation. Find out why it is a matter of life and death. After that, trust God even when you don’t feel Him. There is often a testing time called the wilderness. God wants to know that you are really for Him. And remember, salvation does not mean perfect life after that. But the life you live will be richer as you follow the path God has planned for you and you spend time with Him in prayer and study of His Word (Jeremiah 29:11).

You don’t need to strive anymore because when the time is right, God will provide that man that you will become one with.

God bless you with the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation that you may get to know Him better! Amen!

P.S.

Also check out our ‘Be Saved Now’ category. Hopefully you will read something there that will speak to your heart.

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/salvation/