Guilt Of Giving Up My Purity
Recently Saved writes…
I have been on this page for not too long, and God is telling me that I can find the answers to my problems here. I just turned 19, and I rededicated my life to Christ 3weeks ago. I yearn for the Holy Spirit and for God to work through me. Â As much as I know about forgiveness, I am having a really hard time dealing with the guilt of giving up my purity to my boyfriend just this summer. I feel like after breaking one of the biggest rules of Christianity, I have no right to call myself a Christian, and I feel like I will be judged by others when they find out that I am not a virgin.
Will God look past my immoralities? Will He give me new beginning although Iâ€™m not pure? Will the Holy Spirit dwell in my stained body?
Aside my guilty feelings, I am having a hard time deciding what to do to about my boyfriend. Â He knows Christ, but he is not on fire for Him like I have become. We both know he is not the strongest Christian. I really care about him and would love for him to go on this incredible journey with me, but Iâ€™m scared of the consequences. He recently lost his younger brother, who was only 18, and I do not want to add to the pain he is already going through. I need advice on what to do.I donâ€™t think I can break up with him in the midst of his mourning?
Dear Recently Saved,
I remember going through a similar situation after being saved. In fact, I know a lot of people who have walked the same path, becoming a Christian (or re-dedicating their lives) and then slipping and falling. I tell you this so that you will know that you are not alone. This is a very common story.
Even as a Christian, we sometimes fail miserably. Even ones who are in leadership positions.Â ButÂ the good news is, thank the Lord, itâ€™s not the end of the story!
Here are some questions that you must answer before we go on:
Do you trust God?
Is He a good God?
Is His Word truth?
Do His promises come true?
If you answered yes to all of the above questions, then the following will help you.
#1 – When you ask for forgiveness, God forgives. Not only does He forgive, He forgets. Thatâ€™s what His Word says, and we must walk in belief of it. Iâ€™m so glad that you are showing Godly sorrow.Â That is a good thing.Â It means that you really are in agreement with God that what you did grieved His Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30). This Godly sorrow helps us to become more aware of how ugly the sin is and strengthens us to avoid this same sin again.
So what does God say about forgiveness? Here are a few scriptures. Â I recommend that you look up some more so that you know what God has to say about it. And since it is the Truth, you need to decide whether to believe it or not.
Here is a good one:
Psalm 32:5NIV “Then, I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.Â I said, I will confess my transgressions to the LORD, and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah”
This was after David had slept with Bathsheba and had her husband killed after she got pregnant. This same David is the man who had a great heart to please God. He had walked with God for years! He confessed his transgression to the Lord and God forgave him. You get the same privilege!
Here is another one:
Psalm 103:12 12 “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
Micah 7:19 NLT “Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!”
John wrote the following to believers:
1 John 1:9 “ But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
Do you have Godly sorrow? Did you ask God for forgiveness? Is He faithful and just to forgive you? Is He slow to anger and quick to forgive? (Psalm 145:8) Then if you have done your part (ask for forgiveness), allow God to do His part which is to forgive you. He will not be mocked. In His eyes, He remembers your sin no more. You are a clean person before Him, now walk like a forgiven person! Praise God for His mercy!!
#2 – Believe the scriptures that say you have God living in you. Here are a few:
Ezekiel 36:26-27 NIV “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”
1 Corinthians 6:19 NLT “Donâ€™t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.”
His Spirit is in you!Â He has given you a new heart and a new spirit. This does not mean that you will never sin again. It just means that you are in the process of becoming renewed. You will be transformed from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:17-19). Every year you will just become more like Him as you spend time transforming your mind by renewing it (Romans 12:2). Read the Word, pray, and spend time in fellowship with Him.
And remember that the good work God began in you when you received Him into your heart, He will complete!Â He is not going to change His mind and not work out His plan in your life. This does not mean that you can just sin anytime you want, butÂ continue to work with God in becoming more like Him. He will accomplish the rest.
Philippians 1:6 NIV “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
#3 – Even in this God is working out something good. One of my favorite scriptures talks about this in ALL situations, good and bad!
Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Woohoo! Even in the bad, God is working for our good! Who knows where God will use you in the future because of what you have been through. Or what He will accomplish in you! Maybe God will use this to strengthen you, or to minister to someone else. Who knows? All I know is that He will work this out for good. You can take Him at His Word and rest confident in His promises.
#4 – Follow Godâ€™s Word is the most important decision of your life. You mentioned that you would love to go on this journey with your boyfriend. You would likeâ€¦ but is that what God wants for you? I can promise you that if you are on fire for God and your boyfriend is not, your journey will not be as great as youâ€™d like. There is nothing more satisfying than seeing a couple who are both on fire for God changing the world for God one person at a time. It makes a huge difference if itâ€™s two working versus one working out Godâ€™s calling for you. You will be much happier running hard after God with your partner right next to you, running just as hard.
My advice would be to get some counseling with your Pastor about this. He can counsel the two of you whether itâ€™s good to move forward with the relationship or not. And before you go thinking that itâ€™s too embarrassing to talk to your pastor because of what he might think of you, let me assure you that you would be surprised at what he has heard from people you would not even imagine could have a more serious problem!
If after counsel and prayer you decide itâ€™s Godâ€™s will for you to continue with your boyfriend, then it would be wise for him to court you. Start working out the kinks to establish this relationship as husband and wife. Thatâ€™s what courting is all about. And get your pastor involved in the process. Itâ€™s a safety net for you if you have an accountability partner in your pastor or some other Godly person.
#5 – And last but not least. If it is not Godâ€™s will for you to continue with your boyfriend, my dear sister, do not stay with a man just because he is going through a difficult time. I have seen too many disasters happen because a couple stay together for fear of hurting the other oneâ€™s feelings, or because they are going through a hard time and donâ€™t want to add to it. Â Horrible disasters can happenÂ with someone whose not really happy or fulfilled!
Here is the thing. He is an adult and he is responsible for his own feelings. You are not in charge of them. He knows where to get help if heâ€™s struggling. You are responsible for your own feelings. You know where to get help if youâ€™re struggling. By being in charge of his feelings, meaning you want to protect them, you are falling into a terrible trap known as co-dependency. Remember, donâ€™t hurt yourself and Godâ€™s plan for your life by taking care of another human being who is capable of taking care of himself. So important that you know this!
If breaking up with him adds to his hurt and makes it hard for him, then remember that God is working in him also and strengthening him. A butterfly must painfully squeeze out of its cocoon in order to have the strength to become a butterfly. Not an easy process. Same for us, sister. Tough times make us better people. I hope that encourages you!
Again,Â I want to reiterate how much God lovesÂ usÂ and how much mercy He showsÂ us.Â Something that a friend of mine shared with me that has always stuck with me is this:Â When a baby begins to walk and falls down, the parent does not yell, â€śYou idiot! Thatâ€™s it! Iâ€™m done with you! You have fallen one too many times. Youâ€™re on your own now!!â€ťÂ In the same way, our tenderhearted God does not smack his forehead everytime we fail and say, â€śYou idiot! Thatâ€™s it! Iâ€™m done with you! You have fallen one too many times. Youâ€™re on you’re own now!!â€ťÂ Right?
This is what I envision: God gently picks you up after your fall, wipes the dirt off your knees, kisses your forehead, and with an arm around you is saying, â€śCome on, honey. I love you and I forgive you. You are free from this burden. Now that weâ€™ve gotten that out of the way, letâ€™s get on with the serious business of life: my work. Wanna join me? Come on! Letâ€™s do it together!â€ť
This is one awesome Father we have, dear heart!
God bless you with His Truth and may He bestow upon you a Kiss in your love language straight from heaven. I leave you with this one last scripture that I love:
Zephaniah 3:17 NIV
â€śThe LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.â€ť
Hugs from all of us here at WeUsed2bu!