He Is Not the Spiritual Leader I Need. Should I End It?
I don’t know what to do anymore…I am 21 and i can remember at church camp, a counselor telling the girls to write down ten qualities we wanted in a husband and to stick to them. For almost five years I dated a guy who had all of those qualities and more. Romantic, kind, and he was a spirtual leader in our relationship and he served in our church. We prayed together, did devotions together and he treated me really well but six months after we graduated high school he called and broke things off. I was devistated. I loved him very much but within a year he was married. I know that God did not promise an easy life but now I find myself wondering if things will every get better. The one man I really loved for so long is gone and his wife got the exact life I always dreamed of. I was very careful about who I dated after that. About a year ago I started dating another guy I met at work. He is a great guy and treats me well but I won’t let myself get close to him. For one, he is nothing like what I dreamed of or wanted in man. He loves me very much and he feels that we are ment to be. I don’t know though. He is smart, funny, and he loves my family which is very important to me. He treats me well but sometimes I wounder if I’m just settling. He is a great guy and everyone keeps reminding me of that. He is not the spiritual leader I need though. He loves God and plays in the band at church but when I have suggested we pray and do devotions together it only happens once and then not again. Should I try and work things out with him or should I just end things before they get any deeper?
Trophy of Grace replies..
I am sorry to here about your break up. I know that hurts you terribly. Donât allow yourself to think that she got your life because she didnât. She got her life. The Lord allowed this man to move out of your life for a reason. You have to trust His ways no matter what, remembering that everything that happens to us whether we see it as good or bad the Lord will always work out for our good. Instead of meditating on what could have been meditate on the truth that our Lord has good plans for your life, to give you a future and a hope. We know that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. They are so much higher and wiser. Since we know that He has good plans we must trust Him with everything and in everything. (Romans 8:28-30, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Isaiah 55:8-9)
If you feel like this young man let you down you have to forgive him and let it go. Pray for him and his marriage believe it or not it will help the healing process. I truly believe that is why the Lord wants us to pray for those that hurt us, persecute us, and talk about us.
Now for the new guy..Well, when I woke up this morning I was thinking about your question. The first scripture that came to mind is found in Matthew 7: 16-20 and it says:
âBy their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.â
Just because someone plays in the band or sings in the choir doesnât mean that they are in the Word, spiritual, or even saved. The only way to know whether a believer is a true believer is by the fruit that they produce in their life. I would say evaluate this young manâs fruit.
What have you seen in him over the past year? Does He read the Word? What comes out of his mouth? Words of life or words of death? Whatever you have seen already has made you determine that he is not the spiritual leader you need. That says a lot right there.
I can not tell you whether you should leave him or not. I will tell you that I think that the Lord is already speaking to you about what you should do. I believe it is time to pray and fast about this situation. The Lord is faithful to answer us when we call out for help. He will never lead us down the wrong path. I am going to be praying for you too.
I donât think that you should settle. There is no perfect man out there, but the Lord does have the perfect man out there for each of us. If those ten qualities that you wrote down in summer camp were based on the Word of God and inspired by Him then I would say allow them to help guide you.
Father,You see my sisterâs heart and concern. She needs direction. She wants to have the man in her life that will be the spiritual leader of their marriage. Her heartâs desire seems to be a man that loves you. She wants him to pray with her and read the Word with her. She wants to know that she can trust Him because He is going to You and seeking Your direction. Your Word says that You will give us the desires of our hearts. This desire that you have put in her heart I believe comes straight from You. Hear her pray and give her clear direction in what she should do here with this young man. Give her the wisdom and courage to always do the right thing. We thank you. We praise You because You are Faithful and True to Your Word. We trust You and hope in You. In Jesus name..Amen
Sister I leave you with some scriptures. Meditate on them and trust His Word.
Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.<
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Psalm 37:23 If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm;
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.