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Home » Answered By Trophy of Grace, Hot Topics, Recent Questions & Answers

I Feel Like He’s Never Going To Leave Her But I Can’t Walk Away

Submitted by on April 9, 2009 – 12:00 pm4 Comments

j0386366

MySpace Friend writes..

Ok, here is whats going on. I meet the most amazing guy, he loves me I love him. He is a good and honest clean southern gentlemen. He has a stable job and we share similar interest we started out as friends, then we started talking sorta and now I am convinced that I have found my soulmate. There is only one problem.
He’s married. He has been unhappy in his marriage for almost four years now. His wife is a selfish blank who has made him believe he is unattractive. He is fine as heck. I can assure you of that. He is 10 years older than me.

Now, he wants to leave his wife. Has wanted to for some time but… they have two kids and he is afraid they will hate him for leaving her. He is to the point now that it doesnt matter what they think but she knows about me. Not that he is in love with me but that we talked. He thinks she will screw him out of custody because he is seeing me, sorta. He hates her entire family and she hates his family. The only reason he married her was because he thought that there wasn’t anyone else out there that wanted him. (i’m telling you she is a brain washing blank) The only reason she married him was because she was older and her eggs were timed and she wanted kids. So basically he was a sperm donor. His mother believes this too.

We broke up for about two months so he could work on his marriage and try to make things work for his kids sake. He told his wife that he was unhappy and that she could change and be a better wife (she’s a horrible wife. I’m not even going to get started just believe me) Well we stopped all communication for two months and then one day out of the blue he calls me to asked if i had moved. I did but the point is he had gone by my old house. He missed me. Well we slowly started becoming friends again. I was a little hurt that he cut all communication, but i got over it cause i understand his position. Now it is to the point that he tells me about his home life again.

Well.. his wife changed for about a week and then it started to regress again. Now she is back to the same ole crap that caused him to be unhappy in the first place. Before when he told me he was giving her another chance, he told me he was going to leave her if it didn’t improve. Well… now it hasn’t but he is still scared about the kids and I am scared he’ll never leave her.

He says he is getting more and more resentful towards her and can’t shake me. God knows I can’t shake him. I tried sooooo hard to forget about him but we have an amazing connection deeper than I’ve ever had with anyone else. He makes me genuinely happy. I mean happy to the core. Nothing bothers me. He completes me and he feels the same way about me. I know I’m tangled up in one hell of a mess but I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like he’s never going to leave her but I can’t walk away. I don’t know what to do.

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

You said it good when you said you are in one hell of a mess. This relationship that you are having with this married man is hell sent, not God sent. He IS NOT your soul mate. Don’t be deceived my dear sister. Don’t fall for the lies. He is manipulating you. Run far away from this relationship least you find yourself even more entangled in this destructive relationship.

Don’t think for a minute that this relationship is God’s will for your life. God would never tempt you or lead you into sin and that is what this relationship is, a sinful adulterous relationship. Many people foolishly say that God is tempting them when they feel a desire to do something they know is wrong. God never tempts us to do wrong. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)

I must show you what God’s Word says about adultery and I pray that as you read the scriptures that your heart would be moved to repentance and you would feel compelled to leave this man alone. I pray that you would see the terrible results and consequences awaiting you if you continue having this relationship. May the Lord remove the blinders that have been placed on your eyes so that you may see. May He give you ears to hear what His Spirit is saying.

“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

For the lips of an immoral woman (or man) are as sweet as honey, and her (or his) mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she (or he) is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her (or His) feet go down to death; her (or his) steps lead straight to the grave. For she (or he) cares nothing about the path to life. She (or He) staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. Proverbs 5:3-6

So it is with the man (or woman) who sleeps with another man’s (or woman’s) wife (or husband). He (or She) who embraces her (or him) will not go unpunished. Proverbs 6:29

But the man (or woman) who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he (or she) destroys himself (or herself). Proverbs 6:32

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

This relationship is a trap that you have allowed yourself to fall into. You said that God knows that you can’t shake him and you are right. God does know that you can’t shake this relationship ON YOU OWN, but with Christ on your side you can do anything. You can do all things, everything through Christ Jesus who will strengthen you if you put your trust in Him. He will help you overcome this battle if you will truly surrender your life and your will to Him. Allow Him to have dominion in your life. Allow Him to guide and lead you down the narrow road that always leads to life. If you continue down this path, this broad road of destruction full of selfish and evil desires you will most certainly perish. This is NOT what God wants or ever intended for your life. It is not His will that any should perish but so many reject Him and desire their own will and their own way and unfortunately seal their fate.(Philippians 4:13)

My dear sister God has a wonderful plan for your life. He has a plan to give you a real future and a hope in Him. His plans for your life are good. He wants good things for you. He wants to give you true peace, real love, patience, goodness, faithfulness, joy, faith, hope, freedom, life, and salvation. He sees the desires of your heart and wants to bless you with a man that will love you and only you. He does not give you broken gifts. He gives good gifts. He has the right man for you but it is time that you first seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things will be given to you. (Jeremiah 29:11-14, Matthew 6:33)

This is not a time for you to be worried about this man and his problems. Let him deal with his own issues and his family. He made a covenant before God to his wife and their family and he is in rebellion against God right now. Stay away from him. Focus on what you need to do to be in right standing with God.

If you have seen through this response and the Word of God provided to you that you have been in sin and you want to truly change then you are in a great position because the Lord wants to forgive you of your sin if you are willing to repent and confess your sin before God. God will never reject a broken
and repentant heart. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim that we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. (Psalm 51:17, 1 John 1:8-10)

If you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation. (Romans 10:9-10)

Once you have believed and confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior you will have become a new creation, the old will be gone and the new will be here. He will give you His Spirit to live in you which will guide you and lead you all the days of your life. He will be your strength and comfort. He will help you to overcome everything and anything by His strength and might power, not by your own strength or power. He will help you to overcome this and shake this relationship off. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 10:13)

He has just provided you with a way out right now..Jesus is the Way. The choice is yours. I pray that the Lord will help you to make the right one.

We love you sister!! We are here for you if you need us. We will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

4 Comments »

  • admin says:

    Ok. Chloe we’ll take that into consideration. Thank you for sharing.

  • Chloe says:

    Trophy of Grace, I noticed you said “You said it good when you said you are in one hell of a mess.” However, I don’t think using the word “hell” is appropriate.

  • admin says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us Teigh. It is very encouraging.

  • Teigh Jae says:

    This womans story is all too familar for me. Just recently I left a married man. I had been talking and seeing him for nearly 2 years and all he told me was EMPTY PROMISES! thats all he ever gave me. I believe the answer to the blog is true. I felt bad about the situation I was in and I knew it wasn’t Gods will for my life. I felt so far from God and now my relationship with God is improving just not where I would like it to be. He has recently placed a young SINGLE man in my life and we are currently dating, I see now that God does have a plan for my life, even if I don’t know exactly what it is, God is up to something. I had a hard time letting go of the married man but once I did I felt a thousand pounds lighter, my burden had been lifted and I was overjoyed. I gave it to God and He provided for me. I will be praying for you too, I have been in your shoes. Once you leave it all alone and fully give it to God, satan is likely to attack and bring it back up to you, Just remember the empty promises this man gives. And know that the Father above is bigger than any problem we have here!

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