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Home » Answered By Trophy of Grace, Choosing Friends/Evaluating Friendships, Recent Questions & Answers

I Know That She Isn’t Necessarily A Good Influence

Submitted by on April 8, 2011 – 10:38 amNo Comment

Anonymous writes…

Hello, I had some questions regarding how to deal with a friendship of mine. I believe I have a very strong relationship with God. I have been able to bring a lot of lost people in bad situations to church and they haven’t been the ones to influence me. I go to a Christian school where my focus is constantly being put on my relationship with God and I am beginning to appreciate that.

teen-girl-smokingI have a friend who is not Christian. We are both 17 and she smokes weed and parties. I do not. One of the reasons we have stayed friends all these years even though we are completely different is because we have certain things in common. We both over analyze everything and feel lonely sometimes because people are very shallow and surface. We think a lot of the same things are funny and we care about a lot of the same things. We both go into these rants and we understand each other, in a way no body else has ever understood me. I used to feel very lonely without her sometimes.

I think I started to get codependent on our friendship and so I started to withdraw recently because we are so much alike we are constantly fighting, because everything I say she judges and uses it to attack me. She is kind of manipulative but I have realized how she is manipulative so I don’t fall for it as much. I love her and care for her so much. I have tried talking about God with her so much but she is not open. If I go could to hell so she could go to heaven I would. I care for her that much. She just doesn’t seem open. I don’t think the idea of God and the whole philosophy makes sense to her. She has a lot of wordly intelligence. But I still want nothing more for her or nothing more in general then for her to become Christian. She is just one of those people I feel this intense connection with that the thought of her going to hell torments my soul.

So my question is, how close of a friend can I be to her? We are in another fight were she says she doesn’t wanna be my friend. I can sort of understand why I am a little crazy sometimes I have anxiety problems and I am really manic.

I know that she isn’t necessarily a good influence. She smokes weed in front of me, but I know I can refuse it when I want. I did it with her before but that was because I was in a time in my life where I wanted to try it. I wouldn’t now and I have no problem saying no. I am not into that stuff. I have NO shame and saying that to anyone.

My parents hate it when I hang out with her and honestly my anxiety is always up when I am with her.

Even just now that she said things like I need to learn not to be so immature and grow up and this and that, not in regards to partying or smoking she doesn’t care that I don’t do that stuff. I feel sad and miss her. I get what she is saying because I can be a real nut job and push people away.

SO WHAT DO I DO :(

Trophy of Graces replies…

Sister all that you’re saying makes sense to me. You are feeling torn with this relationship because you love your friend and you long for her to be saved, but you know she isn’t a good influence, you feel anxious around her, she does drugs in front of you, and your parents don’t like her. You’re in a tough situation. I pray the Lord gives me the words to speak directly to your heart.

Immediately I want to address the whole smoking weed issue. Many people will minimize smoking weed like it’s not really a big deal. But not only is weed illegal but smoking marijuana has many side effects:

• Impaired perception
• Diminished short-term memory
• Loss of concentration and coordination
• Impaired judgement
• Increased risk of accidents
• Loss of motivation
• Diminished inhibitions
• Increased heart rate
• Anxiety, panic attacks, and paranoia
• Hallucinations
• Damage to the respiratory, reproductive, and immune systems
• Increased risk of cancer
• Psychological dependency

Also often times weed becomes a doorway drug for many people. Since they have harden their hearts to the idea of doing drugs they may start with weed and then fall into trying even more addicting drugs. Before they know it they are enslaved to a deadly drug addiction that steals their life, dreams, and hopes.

Stay away from drugs sister. Don’t be next to this girl when she smoking out. Let her know that you not only don’t want to smoke but that you don’t even want to be around it all. Then get away from her. Once you have set your boundaries if she really wants to maintain a relationship with you she will respect your choice to separate yourself completely from it.

I know you may think that you are strong enough to resist the temptation and through Christ yes we can over temptation, but be wise and choose not to be around the drugs because that is a sign of compromise. I am reminded of a verse, it is 1 Corinthians 1:12 which says,

“If you think you are standing strong be careful not to fall.”

I am going to bluntly say that I think that you need to separate yourself from this girl for a season. Give each other some space. Pray for her and encourage her when you speak to her, but don’t allow yourself to be consumed by this relationship. You have already said it yourself that she is not a good influence on you and your parents don’t really want you hanging with her. Your parents are ordained by God to guide and lead you sister. Don’t ignore their counsel. They are able to see things that you may not be able to perceive yet.

I know you want to see her saved, but it is not your job to save her. Your job is to love her and live a godly before her. It is your godly life that will speak to her and others without even any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent life. It is your love for others and your changed life that will speak to her heart. It is the peace and presence of the Holy Spirit in you that will make her wonder what has happened in your life, and makes her long for that peace and joy too. Allow the Holy Spirit to draw her to Christ, you just focus on drawing close to God. (1 peter 3:1-2)

As far as your anxiety issues, you have really got to start casting ALL of your cares on Christ Jesus because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)Don’t allow yourself to become all unsettled over life’s trials and tests. Our God is always in control. He has us by the hand even when in the middle of a storm. He is faithful and that is what you have to remember and stand on, NO MATTER WHAT.

I hope that this has helped you some. God bless you sister.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

Also read:

Choose Your Friends Wisely

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