Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
February 9, 2016 – 9:57 am | 2 Comments

(Note to readers: Contains graphic content.)
Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

Read the full story »
Dating God’s Way

The decision to date should be by divine appointment, as we allow our heavenly Father to choose who will be spending this special time with His daughters. Learn how to let God make all the arrangements, so you can enjoy the blessings of being in His will!

Get Anonymous Advice NOW!

We’re here to give you advice based on the truth of God’s Word and our life experiences. Please feel free to ask any question you’d like. We want to serve you.

Meet the Women of WeUsed2bu

Collectively, we’ve lived through many of the same experiences that teenagers and young women may go through at some point in their own lives. Read our stories..

Recent Questions & Answers

Here you will find a list of all the questions we’ve received and their answers. May you be led to the article that will help minister to you in your own circumstances.

Tools 4 Building Your Faith

Power-up your walk with God as you read Christian living articles that inform, strengthen and inspire. Equip yourself with the truth of God’s word!

Home » Answered by Beloved by Him, Hot Topics, Recent Questions & Answers

I Thought Christians Weren’t Supposed To Judge People

Submitted by on April 3, 2009 – 12:00 pm4 Comments


Anonymous says…

I got a ??. My best friend & me are Christian. Im new and shes been in church for a long time. For a while now shes been judgin me or questionin if Im really into church. I am into church n stuff but Im not ‘in ur face’ about it like she is. Im not doin n e thing wrong but she swears I am cuz we dont see each other allot so she decided not to be my friend. Shes my bff and I love her I dont wanna lose her but I dont like how shes judgin me. I cant talk to her cuz she wont listen. she already made up her mind bout me so what I say dont matter.what should I do? I thought Christians werent supposed to judge people?

Beloved by Him said…

Hi, it’s Beloved by Him, in for Trophy of Grace, and I want to encourage you regarding your situation, because two Christian best friends have a common ground that friends in the world don’t have–the love of Jesus Christ. There’s a Michael W. Smith song that says “A friend’s a friend forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them.” That’s the perspective you are going to have to keep until things are resolved and your relationship is healed, which I know is God’s will for the two of you (Ps. 133:1, Eph. 4:2-3). It may require a lot of work, spiritually and emotionally, but there are times that the Lord calls us to lay down our lives for our friends (John 15:13). In His eyes, there is no greater love we can show them, and if she means that much to you, then I pray that He pours His love for her into your heart, and gives you hope for this relationship (Rom. 5:5).

Unconditional love is going to be a critical part of the healing process, because “love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8). If she has been harsh or faulty in her judgment of you, then you have to forgive her, not just for her sake, but for your own as well. God’s Word says that if we don’t forgive someone who sins against us, then He won’t forgive our sins (Matt. 6:14-15). You need to give her the same grace He gives you, which will bring you peace, and prevent bitterness towards her from taking root in your heart (Heb. 12:4-5). This also means being careful not to complain about her to your other friends (James 5:9), and not gossiping about her or the situation between the two of you (Prov. 26:22, James 4:11). Remember, love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (I Cor. 13:7). Talking badly about her may make you feel better for a time, but ultimately poisons both your attitude towards her and the future of your friendship. Instead, give your hurt feelings and your frustrations over to the Lord, Who judges righteously, and yet found a way through Christ to give us His righteousness and heal us by the stripes He received (I Peter 2:23-24).

Once you have submitted your feelings about her to the Lord, it’s time to humble yourself before Him and ask Him to show you if you have done something to cause or contribute to this rift between you and her. Sometimes, we are not even aware of the sin in our lives, and we need to ask the Lord to help us understand where we are wrong (Psalm 19:13). This can be an unpleasant process, because most of us (myself included) don’t like to admit that we have let God and others down. But when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up and even exalt us in due time (James 4:10, I Peter 5:6), as He mercifully makes us into “vessels for honor, sanctified, useful for the Master, prepared for every good work” (II Tim. 2:21). Go boldly to God and ask for His wisdom about where you might be missing the mark, and He will give you both the wisdom and the grace to make it right, without condemnation (Heb. 4:16, James 1:5). He will honor your willingness to be obedient, and you will have the confidence that you have allowed Him to search your heart and change anything that might not be pleasing to Him (Ps. 139:23-24).

The next step probably won’t be easy: You need to talk to try and talk to her, even if you think she won’t listen. We are commanded by Scripture to pursue peace with others, and that if we know someone has something against us, then we are to go to them and try to make it right ( Matt. 5:23-24, Rom. 12:18). This means that in addition to sharing your thoughts and feelings in a spirit of gentleness, you will have to afford her the opportunity to share hers as well. When this happens, pray for the mind of Christ to be active in you, so that you will be able to receive and discern any truth in what she is saying (I Cor. 2:15-16). If there is, remember that “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27: 5-6). It is a true friend that tells us how things really are, and not just what we want to hear.

This could be especially difficult for you, because you already feel that she is improperly judging your Christian walk. This may be true, especially if she is currently doing what she is accusing you of. That is the unrighteous judgment the Apostle Paul warned against in Romans 2:1-4. However, Christians are called to judge righteous judgment (John 7:24), which is using our God-given discernment that is in line with the will of God. Jesus used this type of judgment when He was here on earth (John 5:30, 8:16). It’s not a condemning attitude, intending to cause hurt or shame to a person. It’s the knowledge of God, applied by understanding and governed by the wisdom of His word. Without it, we couldn’t tell right from wrong. The purpose of this kind of judgment is loving correction, salvation, and restoration (Prov. 9:8, II Cor. 2:5-8, Jude 22-23). When another Christian rebukes us for something in our lives that is unrighteous, then it is our responsibility to receive it and not refuse it, because we know it’s for our own good (Ps. 141:5). If she is trying to get you to see something in your life that could be detrimental to your well-being and your Christian walk, then even if she doesn’t approach you perfectly, she still may truly be trying to help you.

It is my sincere hope that the two of you can be of one mind again, and enjoy a new level of closeness in your relationship. You both may have to accept things about the other person’s life that you don’t necessarily agree with, as long as those things don’t cause either one of you to stumble into sin (Rom. 14:13). Ultimately, though, the issue of your faith is between you and God (v.22). If the two of you decide that you can no longer be in fellowship, don’t give up praying for her and hoping that things will change in the future, because “a friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17) Here’s a powerful word for you to pray from the book of Romans,
“Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom. 15:5-6)
I pray that the Lord will give you His peace, and the faith to persevere, as you seek Him in this situation. Much love, sister.

P.S. Here’s the song–


  • HelovesMeTheWayIam,

    “We are not to look for the evil things in others. We are not to see others through the warped glasses of prejudice and unkindly feeling. We are not to arrogate to ourselves the function of judging, as if men were answerable to us. We are to avoid a critical or censorious spirit. Nothing is said against speaking of the good in those we see and know; it is uncharitable judging and speaking, which Jesus condemns.” – J.R. Miller

    It’s our human sin nature that causes us to want to judge and be critical towards other, but we do not have to submit to a critical spirit. We are to make allowances for each other’s faults. After all we are all flawed.

    It is wrong to look at each other to judge or condemn one another, however it’s another thing when you are addressing a situation in love with a friend. Sometimes we need to judge situations and encourage, challenge, or correct one another. I like one of the verses that Beloved By Him used above, Proverbs 27:5-6, which says:

    “An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”

    Friends who love each other, keep it real with one another. People who claim to be friends will stay quiet when they see their ‘friend’ headed down the wrong path. All too often I think as Christians I think we are so afraid of someone saying to us, “Why you judging me?”, that we stay quiet instead of speaking out.

    Don’t get me wrong, I want to make it quite clear that we are not to run aroung being sin sniffers, looking for fault in others. What I believe is that there is a difference between judging someone and believing in God’s grace and mercy to help someone in their time of need, and reminding them of that. Sometimes we need to remind one another that we serve an Awesome God that can help us through anything, and that we don’t not have to submit to foolishness.

    I thank God for the bold women of God that the Lord has used to love me enough to call me out when they saw me with a wrong attitude and harden heart heading down the wrong path. These true women of God have patiently taught me to love and submit to my husband. They have taught me to be patient, loving, and prayerful with my children. They have taught me to live wisely and to be pure. They have believed in me when others haven’t. They spoke into my life while others sat by and watched me try to hide in darkness. (Titus 2:3-5) I thank God for them saving me from death and destruction, cause that’s what would have happened to me if I would have continued in my rebellion. They spoke into my life, even if it meant it was not what I wanted to hear. (James 5:19-20)

    I think too often today the word judging is used by someone who is in rebellion, with a hard heart, is shamed, and is not ready to hear what those who love them have to say. So they become defensive and say, “Why are you judging me. Christians aren’t supposed to judge”. But that’s not true. We have to judge situations here and in the world to come. (1 Corinthians 6:1-5) I like this quote from John Macarthur. He shares the type of judging Jesus condemns.

    “What Jesus forbids is self-righteous, officious, hasty, unmerciful, prejudiced, and unwarranted condemnation based on human standards and human reasoning… [He condemns] the judgment of motives, which no mere human being can know of another, and to judgment of external forms.” – John MacArthur

    I also like what a gentleman named Mark Dever has to say about judging.

    “Certainly, in Matthew 7:1, Jesus did forbid judging in one sense… But for now, note that if you read through that same gospel of Matthew, you’ll find that Jesus also clearly called us to rebuke others for sin, even rebuking them publicly if need be (Matt. 18:15-17; cf. Luke 17:3). Whatever Jesus meant by not judging in Matthew 7, He didn’t mean to rule out the kind of judging He mandated in Matthew 18… If you think about it, it is not really surprising that we as a church should be instructed to judge. After all, if we cannot say how a Christian should not live, how can we say how a Christian should live?” – Mark Dever

    Sister we just need to make sure that we are walking in love and mercy, focusing on ourselves more than others. However if God gives us eyes to see a sister going through a struggle, we should not be afraid to speak into each other’s lives. It’s like the book of Hebrews says,

    ” You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. ” – Hebrews 3:13

    We are to walk in love and love speaks out.



    Sorry my response was so long this is a topic that weighs heavy on my heart.

    Trophy of Grace

  • Blessed and Highly Favored says:

    Love:Conditional or Unconditional? Judgement: Correction or Encouragement?

    I’ve thought long and hard about this. Alot of people have surface relationships, and call them friendships. But they are not because they do not require an investment of themselves. I call those Aquaintances. Those people will come in and out of your life, tell you what you want to hear, and drop you the minute something bad happens in your life.
    Now, if this BFF is real, and you really love her, then set aside your pride, and maybe your embarrassment, and your anger and your resentment and talk to her. As you say, she is an older Christian, and perhaps been around alot longer, and made “awholelotta” mistakes for people to learn from. As Christians, we Are supposed to hold one another accountable, in His Love. And if we see one of our own dancing on the edge of a cliff, we are supposed to tell that person to get away from that dangerous behavior. And if that person won’t listen, and insists on playing on the ledge because they think they have good “balance” and can handle it, are we just supposed to watch someone fall to their death, and say, “Well, I told ’em.”

    No! That’s not Love, that’s self-centered, righteous, bull.

    Love runs down to that person dancing on the ledge, and yes, yells at them, and jerks them away from the danger. They may jerk your arm, or tear your clothes, or even might injure your pride while bringing you to safety.

    New and young Christians love to go to the edge, and peek over, not thinking that they will ever fall or die. And…sometimes they get all pissed off because they think they were never in harm’s way. They don’t see all the bodies at the bottom of the mountain. Love is action, and NEVER passive.

    Paul in Galatians 2 had to actually confront Peter and told him that his behavior was unacceptable. Peter had been acting one way with the Christians and another with the Jews. Now, Peter could have told Paul, “Look it Dude, I was with Jesus, I walked with Jesus, fished with Jesus, gave up everything to be with Jesus, and I never saw you anywhere. In fact it was you, who went all over trying to kill us, and now because you believe in Jesus, you’re going to come up to me, and tell me my conduct is inappropriate? Well, here’s my hand Paul! Don’t judge me!”

    No Peter RECEIVED Paul’s correction and applied it immediately. Peter had a little blind spot in his character, because he thought he was being cool and righteous, and all that. Paul said, “Whoa there Sparky! Hold up! You gotta a problem and WE need to address it.” Paul did indeed get in Peter’s face. Paul loved his fellow brothers enough to be truthful, and perhaps very straightfoward and sharp, but he got the point across without compromising the truth or watering it down so it would seem it was a suggestion. Nope, clear correction.

    So, if the Lord has put someone in your life, not only to encourage you, but to correct you in your walk, consider yourself a Blessed person. Few people actually mean what they say and say what they mean. Give her a call and try starting over again. What have you got to lose?

  • HeLovesMeTheWayIAm says:

    Christians aren’t supossed to judge but we do it’s Human nature. I know i don’t mean to judge but i still do i try not but i catch myself doing it sometimes.

  • I thought you gave this person a very complete answer and good Biblical advice. I came across a cool poem about not judging people I posted on my blog that I thought you might like and which certainly is related to this topic. Here is the link to it:

Leave a comment!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.