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Home » Answered by Sweet Freedom, Crushes, Dating an unbeliever/Missionary Dating/Being Unequally Yolked, Recent Questions & Answers

I Would Like A Little Guidance In This Situation In Regards To Ministry Dating

Submitted by on June 3, 2012 – 10:43 pmNo Comment

J writes…

Hi. I’m not sure what to say so I’ll give the whole story. I’m a senior and my graduation is this Friday and school is over. I befriended this guy in my Science class about a month ago, maybe less, when we were doing a lab together. We talked after class ever since. I thought he was cute and I like talking to him so last week I added him on Facebook and then after that he sent his number and we’ve been texting back and forth constantly. There are a few problems with this situation:

bigstock-email-and-text-messages-36565331. I started to realy get a crush on him.

2. He’s moving back to Indiana as soon as either june 1st or 6th.

3. He’s an unbeliever.

I can tell he’s not the kind of person who hates Christians and I liked that about him. I can also feel that he could love Jesus and I want to tell him the gospel because he’s a sweet guy. I set up high expectation for him and get disappointed when he curses up a storm on Facebook. Just now when he posted something that hinted towards drinking. After seeing this I heard God telling me not to expect a lot from those who are lost.

Now here’s another problem, something within me still wants to like him, but those things he does are two of the things I dislike the most. We’re most likely hanging out tomorrow but I don’t know how I’m going to tell him the Gospel. I know what to say but I don’t know how to bring it up. I’ve never preached the Gospel to an unbeliever before. And I don’t know if I should continue this relationship. I don’t want to set myself up for hurt and disappointment.

I’ve learned all about the four loves at church and decided that if I were to ever date it would be no different than if we were friends. I’m not really sure if I want to date this guy but I do know I want him to know Jesus. I wish I had more time with him so I could take him to church and show him how great it is. I read in the book, Blue like Jazz, that sometimes in order for you to love something you have to see someone else love it first. I want to be that person for him. I’ve been trying hard to show that I’m different and that’s because of Christ. I hope he sees it.

I just would like a little guidance in this situation in regards to ministry dating and how to bring up telling someone the Gospel.

Thank you,

God bless

Sweet Freedom replies…

Dear J,

This is a great question.  How should you present the Gospel to someone, especially someone that you care about?  You would be surprised to know that many Christians have yet to lead someone to Christ.  As a believer we should all be prepared to share the Gospel with those that we come in contact with. I will give you some articles to check out at the end that will also help you with this.

You said that you weren’t sure that you would want to date this person, I want to talk to you about “ministry dating”.  While getting input from WeUsed2bu (Titus 2:1-5) is a good thing, you must be lead by the Holy Spirit.  Hopefully, be sure you have prayed about this and asked the Lord if you were supposed to be involved with this person. 

Now, my advice with the information that you have shared here is to just stay friends for now.  At this time, you do not share the same core beliefs, faith, or destination.  You are a Christian, and he is not.  In my personal  “Blue Like Jazz” phase like Donald Miller, I knew that part of my journey in finding my identity in Christ was to take a few detours (like a failed marriage, which I do not recommend), and take the long way around the mountains of life, which I did.  Thankfully, somehow I always knew, that if I ever got the second chance at marriage, I needed to choose a mate that “really got me” and was going in the same direction with God.  This is very important.

Use the idea that you should only date someone that you would potentially marry. My advice is to not “missionary dating”. It could end in an “unequally yoked marriage” which usually ends in divorce or worse, a life time of misery. (Amos 3:3, 2 Corinthians 6:14)

I don’t recommend going into a relationship with the expectation that this person should or will change because of you.  Even when you marry a man that is a Christian, he is still man. You are still a woman. We are very different in nature.  Sometimes, the only thing you may find in common with your mate when the trials of life hit you between the eyes are that you both believe in the name and nature of Jesus Christ. It’s Christ in us, the hope of glory (Col. 1:27). The man should leave his mother and father (cutting the cord) and be joined together with his wife. The word says that when you marry, you are no longer one but the two of you become one. (Mark 10:6-9) Then, we are to be blending together into this beautiful tapestry for God’s glory to shine through us, which is a miracle when you really think about it. For two separate individuals to be made one is a true miracle. Natural marriage between a man and a woman is what the Bible uses as an example of the love between Christ and His Bride (the church), (Eph. 5:25).

What a sweet heart of love, and a Godly desire:  “….sometime in order for you to love something, you have to see someone else love it first”. This is so true.  I John 4:19 tells us “We love Him because He first loved us”.  Jesus came onto earth to show us how to love God, and what that looks like in the flesh.  J, this is a beautiful desire to want someone that you care about to see how much joy and happiness that loving God brings you.  It’s a good thing to want someone to love what you love.  It’s only natural and it’s how God made you.  We want those that we care for to love who we love.  Part of knowing the “real you” is to know who you love, and what you love. 

Let your life be a testimony of the power of Christ in and through you.  My suggestion is to be full of Christ. Let your light so shine in the darkness that there is no doubt to the “lost” that you have the hope and the Life that they are seeking. (1 Thes. 5:5, Matt. 5:13, Matt. 5:16, 2 Cor. 4:6)

2 Corinthians 4:6  “For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

Romans 8:19-25 “For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God……”

Here are some articles I think would help you in your situation:

http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/common-subjects/witnessing-to-others/
http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/category/dating-gods-way/
http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2010/03/01/missionary-dating-on-a-mission-to-get-him-saved/
http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2011/09/23/the-dating-prayer/
http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2012/04/25/me-evangelize/

Blessings,

Sweet Freedom

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