Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
February 9, 2016 – 9:57 am | 2 Comments

(Note to readers: Contains graphic content.)
By LC
Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

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Home » Answered by Sweet Freedom, Fighting Temptation, Making Godly Decisions, New Relationships & Dating, Purity, Purity (relationships & attire), Recent Questions & Answers

Is Dry-Humping OK?

Submitted by on February 1, 2012 – 11:48 pmNo Comment

Anonymous writes…

Hello,

I’ve been dating a nice guy for 5 months and we have had a great relationship. We talk to each other about almost everything and we try to help each other walk closer to God. A couple of weeks ago something happened when we were kissing, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I know that sex is something that should definitely be saved for marriage, and we both agree on that.

I’m just not sure on where to draw the line on physical things. Like the other day we dry-humped, and I didn’t even know what I was doing until after it was over. We were both fully dressed and I’m not sure how it even happened. He is totally fine with stopping physically whenever I’m uncomfortable with anything, but what should I be comfortable with physically? To be completely honest I liked the experience, and it was just fun for me.  It didn’t tempt me to do anything more. Should we stop this behavior? Or is it an OK thing to do? We are both 18, in college and just trying to figure out how to please God, but at the same time trying to have fun.

What is a good way to try to control your thoughts and body? I have tried praying, reading scripture, and even have an older mentor. I just still can’t keep lustful thoughts out of my head.

Thanks for the help in advance.

Sweet Freedom replies…

Hi,

Well, I appreciate the very honest questions.  But I feel like if you were to ask me face to face if “dry-humping” was OK, we would have a bit of a chuckle, LOL, right? Because really it’s just sex with clothes on, and what’s not to “like” about that experience? Oh, except that out of marriage, it will make you feel guilt and disappointment. Take it from someone who went there and did that. Not with my husband though. It was in my previous life. 

As a Christian, you know that the Father sent His Son, Jesus to earth to show us how to “do” life.  He brutally died on the cross, conquered death, hell and the grave and then resurrected. Then after 40 days on earth in His glorified body, He ascended, so that we would receive the Holy Spirit which would help us to fulfill our destiny, like Jesus did. God has written His law on our hearts. His Spirit enables us to obey, His grace and mercy help us when brings us back when we fall short.

Jesus is very interested in our heart. Obedience is a heart issue.

Concerning our hearts, let’s look at what Jesus reminded the disciples in

Matthew 5:38,”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Even if you do everything “right” on the outside, God can see the inside. Jesus said that He wants you to have the same joy in you that He had, read John 15:11.  Do you want to have the full blessing that comes from living a life of purity and saving yourself for your husband so that your joy may be full? The victory of passing this very difficult test will be even sweeter. There’s a deep refining in the waiting. The word says that we renew our strength as we wait upon Him in Isaiah 40:31. 

So, now let me answer your questions more directly.

Here were your questions:

Should I stop the physical stuff with my boyfriend?

Personally, I would keep it to only have “planned or intentional” hugs and kisses. Sin is fun but obedience brings blessings. Sinful fun is soooooo short lived, and then you feel bad. Remember if you know to do something and then choose to not do it, then it makes you feel bad, pure and simple. (James 4:17) If you are obedient and you choose to please God, you will love His Son, who He has sent to you. In choosing God, your faith will grow and make you feel amazing. As faith arises in you, and you become an overcomer (read Revelation 12:11). You become more like Jesus and then you will become closer friends with Jesus. You will have more in common with your Savior. Also your heart will begin to fall in love with Him, the lover of your soul. This kind of love will make you feel like “superwoman”, and this will not go away, it just gets deeper and stronger. Choose to please God and you will not be disappointed.

How do I control my thoughts?

Read the word and mediate on the word daily. Read especially on issues that you may be dealing with. Renew your minds in these areas.

Romans 12:1-2 “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

What I do that may help you is that I take 3 x 5 notecards, colored markers and write down scriptures that I wanted to put to memory. I carry these cards in my purse, and in lines at the store, or in the car waiting, or in the bathroom, I will read them out loud as a declaration to me, myself and I that I am a new creation. It really works!

How do I control my body?

Your body will follow what you think. So if your mind is constantly being renewed by the word, then your body will obey.

Romans 6:11-14“In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law under grace.”

In closing, you must decide if you are living the Christian lifestyle because it is your conviction (firm belief), or is it your preference (likes this more than that). Conviction and preference are very different. If you just like the idea of being a virgin, then more than likely you will be talked out of it. But if being a virgin until marriage is a conviction, then everything will change, i.e. what you watch, what you listen to, where you go, who you allow in your personal space.  Does this make sense? You will protect your conviction.

If this wasn’t a Christian Girls Advice blog I would tell you, “Good job to have waited so long to not have sex, but you are just human.” “You deserve it.” “Oh well, if it feels good do it.” “Well, if it happens it happens.” Or, here’s a good one, “Maybe you’re confused about your sexuality.” “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” “Just go for it, it’s only natural.”  Believe me; before I met my husband, I waited for 8 long years, so I have heard it all. 

Let me say that if you have already failed this test, repent and start over. You will get another test in this area again, I promise you. However, once you lose your virginity, even though you can be redeemed, you will only be (in the words of Madonna) “like-a-virgin”.  :)

Blessings!!

Sweet Freedom

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