Written by: Blessed & Highly Favored
Iâve been a Christian for many years. I teach, preach, sing, mentor, counsel, exhort and evangelize, exercising the gifts and talents the Lord Jesus Christ has given me to build up the Body of Christ. Daily, I have to kneel and submit my mind, will and emotions to the Lord. If I think for one day I can just get by, well, thatâs called self deception, and the whole day is a grind.
I allow the Lord to use me, and because of that, my time is very tight. It seems that at the end of the day, itâs a relief to just take a shower and brush my teeth. Because I invest a great deal of my life in other people, I do have to take time for myself, and I always end up praying. Even if it is going to the mall, getting my nails done, sitting on the beach watching the shore birds run away from the waves, Iâm always having a conversation with the Lord. But Iâm always alone, and most times, I donât want to be.
I asked the Lord how come I donât have friends who call me, or invite me to do things with them. This is pretty much the first time in my life that this has happened. I mean people were always asking me to be someplace or to go with them somewhere. Wow, what is up with this? If I was sinning and doing something wrong, I wanted the Lord to show me so I could stop and get right. I wanted fellowship, but despite repeated attempts to reach out, I was met with indifference and was basically rejected. The silence was unnerving and I would be lying if I said it didnât hurt my feelings. It did and I needed to get rid of this feeling real fast.
So, rather than pick up a phone and call an 800 number (âcause my friends didnât want to talk to me), I went to the Bible and started to study about loneliness and separation. Imagine thatâŠitâs there.
David wrote about his loneliness, and abandonment. In Psalm 41: 5-7, 9, âBut my enemies say nothing but evil about me. âHow soon will he die and be forgotten?â they ask. They visit me as if they are my friends but all the while they gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere. All who hate me whisper about me, imagining the worst for meâŠEven my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me.â
Of course my imagination would love to run away with this, but that is why we are told to âcast down imaginationsâ and âbring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christâ(2 Corinthians 10: 5). Before the seed of pity and hurt had a chance to embed itself into my thinking to grow into anger, resentment and bitterness, I had to submit this to the Lord and lay it at His feet. Not wanting to give the devil credit for anything, it was my own flesh getting in the way. I could have a little pity party and allow my heart to grow dark and resentful, but darkness and light cannot exist in the same place. This was a feeling that I could allow to swell and fester, or I could let the Lord quiet my soul and rely on Him.
When we feel lonely, we need to express that to G-d. Itâs no surprise to Him, and after all, He already knows about it. And donât think youâre a âwhinerâ when you do. When we deny that part of our heart, that emotional yearn for affirmation and fellowship to G-d, we deny the opportunity for growth and correction. Anger and resentment is like a cancer, and if not taken care of quickly, it seeps into every area of our life and devours our joy.
People in leadership are often misunderstood as aloof or distant. The truth is they have been set apart on purpose, not to sport an attitude, but to focus attention on their relationship with G-d. This is especially evident when intercession and fasting is involved. To you it may seem a weird way to serve G-d, but the first thing He desires from us is obedience. And the price of obedience may very well cost you the time you otherwise would have spent with friends. Iâm not saying itâs easier because youâre being called to serve Him, but it is a choice and a higher calling. The benefits so outweigh the price, and He might be preparing you for a trip to the mission field where cell phones, computers and other electronic devices are a luxury.
However, let me be very clearâŠif youâve had or are having issues concerning addictions, the enemy thrives in isolation. This is the playground of satan and he would like nothing more than for YOU to REMOVE yourself from fellowship so he can play games with your head. You have to be in fellowship with other Christian sisters who know your story, so not only are you accountable to G-d, but to them as well.
In the meantime, I walk through this season of separation, learning to lean on the Lord more each day, praying for those who I once had a closeness with, and watch them disappear from my life. I donât have to like it, I just have to walk through it; His Grace is sufficient.