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Home » Answered by Treasure Box, Choosing Friends/Evaluating Friendships, New Relationships & Dating, Recent Questions & Answers

Just Be Buddies

Submitted by on February 15, 2012 – 8:00 amNo Comment

Anonymous comments on the post, ‘My BFF Told Everyone I Like Him & Now She’s Dating Him

I have a situation similar to this one I have this guy friend (well ex-guy friend kind of) and I liked him and he’s a really godly guy.  My friend told him what I said, and now he’s really distant and my friend is his ex-girlfriend, who he keeps pursuing like crazy.  She told me she doesn’t like him anymore.  She apologized to me. Now he’s really distant. Friday he gave me a note telling me about my friend, and I told him she’s trying to play matchmaker.  I asked him if it freaked him out.  He didn’t say anything.  Just want to be good friends now!  I’ve been praying to God about this, and it’s really been a burden.

What should I do? This blog is truly a blessing!

Treasure Box replies…

Dear Anonymous,

This is definitely not a fun situation to be in. I think besides taking the advice given by Beloved by Him above in forgiving your friend, pretty much there are only a few things left that you can do.

First off, my kids and I have come to the conclusion that liking people just ruins good friendships. Don’t you agree? Your friend has broken your trust by telling your guy friend that you liked him. He is scared off because he knows that you like him. And he is chasing your friend, which makes it uncomfortable for the two of you! Definitely not fun! And it’s definitely not worth it.

Think about this for a minute. Suppose you and the guy friend do end up going out. Will you get married?  Most likely not.  Therefore, the friendship is without a doubt going to die. Along with that comes a lot of pain which feels similar to a divorce. It could build walls around your heart which stops you from fully loving others.

On the other hand, if you hang out with boys and just be friends, it gives those friendships time to grow in a mature way which could lead to discovering the one God has for you.

This doesn’t mean that you are not going to like boys, because that’s kind of a natural feeling. But, it just means that you don’t act on it.  You realize that what you are feeling may not last for a long time, and your feelings could change.  It means that you don’t think about the person and imagine situations with him.  It means that you never tell friends that can’t keep your confidence!  To help you with this, ask God for His help.

Hebrews 4:16 “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most”.

Stay with me here… there is a reason for all of my rambling.

Ask God to help you look at your guy friends as just friends, because there is someone that God has planned out for you. Why give your heart to someone that it doesn’t belong to? Save it for that special one. I promise you won’t be sorry!

Next, I would pursue God. There is a need in every young girl to be swept off her feet. Realize this is normal and start learning all you can about Jesus. Fall in love with Jesus. Imagine Him in the situations that are explained in the Bible. A couple of my favorite is when He is strong with the Pharisees, and when He is so tender with the children. Spend time in prayer and studying His word. Ask God to reveal Himself to you. Let Him fill you up so that you do not “need” a boy to like.

When that happens, you begin to relax around boys. Then, boys don’t feel that tension of being liked and they relax, too! You are then free to just be friends and enjoy each other’s company.

You know what happens next? You get to know these guys really well and you can start seeing what kind of traits you like, and which ones you don’t. It helps you to see what kinds of things are not acceptable in a husband.

How do I know all this? It’s what my kids do. They like people because it’s natural, but they do nothing with it. As time goes on and the friendship develops, they start to see the other person as they really are, and then my kids realize that they don’t really like them after all. They are free to be friends and hang out. My children also see things about the opposite sex that they know would cause problems in a marriage. They are very aware.

Is there anything you can do with your guy friend now? Yes. But it may not turn out the way that you want because he has a choice in the matter, and the friendship may already have been hurt beyond repair.

m222512106My suggestion is to sit him down and let him know that you just want to be friends. That you are not interested in him and you miss the times you did hang out. Let him know that you are only interested in pursuing Jesus, and have decided to not go out with any guy. This may restore the friendship.

And sister, I am so serious about the not dating thing. It just messes everything up. My kids (22, 15, and 13 years old) don’t date; they just have tons of friends. They have so much fun! We know a couple of other families whose kids don’t date and they are free to relax and enjoy their time together.

For more on dating, please see the article “A Touchy and Controversial Subject” on Kids-Faith. http://kids-faith.com/a-touchy-and-controversial-subject

To wrap it up, let me summarize:

1. Change the focus of your thoughts from liking boys to chasing God:

Mark 12:30 “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.”

2.  Make sure all of your future relationships with boys are only friends. This will save a lot of heartache and keeps friendships intact!

3. Talk to your guy friend and let him know of your new focus. If God wants that relationship to continue, He will restore it. If God doesn’t, He won’t.

Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”

I hope that this has helped you, even though it might not have been what you wanted to hear.

God bless you, sister, with much peace, joy and happiness in Him as you discover His Beauty through your discovery!

Treasure Box

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