Murder in the First Degree
I have committed murder.
Iâ€™m not talking about the murder described inÂ 1 John 3:15 (Amplified):
Anyone who hates (abominates, detests) his brother [in Christ] is [at heart] a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding (persevering) within him.
Although, Iâ€™ve done plenty of that type of murder, in this article Iâ€™m talking about the taking of another personâ€™s life. The Bible says it clearly (no matter what translation you use): You must not murder. (Exodus 20:13 New Living Translation)
As I sit and analyze this, I realize I didnâ€™t commit the murder myself. I was an accessory to the fact, but was also the mastermind. I thought about it, made the decision, found someone who would do it for me, paid for it, and sat by as I watched the life being drained from the victim.
The victim had no choice in the matter. The victim was not allowed to speak or plead for the life that I was playing God with. I didnâ€™t let him utter a word. I would not give him a chance to plead for his life, or give me reasons why it was not a good idea to kill him. I didnâ€™t want him to change my mind.
This is an agonizing article to write. I will be extremely open and honest. You may end up hating me. You may refuse to associate with me. Or it may not affect our relationship in any way. The purpose of this article is to help others who may be considering this same act. Please donâ€™t do what I did. I hope that by sharing my heart and the brutal facts, you will see the truth.
The Premise for the Murder
Â When I was 22, I met a young man I was attracted to. This was during the time in my life when I liked to do things my way without considering the consequences. I thought I loved him, I embraced lust, and we had sex.
The inevitable happened. I got pregnant. At first we were excited about the baby. I remember talking to my mom on a payphone and flipping through the yellow pages. I randomly opened up to a section where baby clothes were featured. I felt a little thrill in my heart and mentioned it to her. She laughed with me.
This young man and I decided to get married. Then we informed his parents. They were angry and shocked and spent two hours telling him how this would ruin his life. They successfully talked him out of marrying the woman who held their grand-baby in her womb. He broke off the engagement.
We had a problem. It was our choice to have unprotected sex. We made an adult decision, and now an adult consequence was on our hands.
A baby was being formed in my body. Already things were happening. The cells were multiplying and the formation process of a new human being was working towards completion. My blood was flowing towards this new person as I nourished the cells in the body that was growing. This organism was alive. Alive. It had life in it. There was life flowing from my body into the life of this new body. A new life had begun.
The deed was done, the consequence was real.
So, I took the cowardâ€™s way out. I was going to get rid of the problemÂ that I createdÂ by taking the easy road. Why should I be responsible for my choices? I was going to rid myself of an inconvenience by making another choice: to have this new life snuffed out before it had a chance to convince me otherwise. I didnâ€™t want to hear his/her voice.
The Murder Process
I went to Planned Parenthood and hired them to commit this murder for me. I was one in a long line of cattle herded through the gate where life was taken without much thought. What a fantastic way to end my little problem.Â My Problem.
They didnâ€™t say much. They didnâ€™t tell me what I would feel like after the procedure. I donâ€™t even remember if they asked me to think about my decision. They didnâ€™t explain the person-in-the-making process that this new life was going through (even though I knew it already). They just wanted to help me easily get rid of the consequence of my behavior. Why should I have to be responsible for my choice to have unprotected sex? After all, we were in the new age of not taking responsibility for our actions. And Planned Parenthood was excellent at enabling women to avoid having to display strength of character and face the problem they created head on.
I went in, dressed in my operation gown, lay on the table, and received the medication to avoid feeling the pain of what I was doing to my body and to my unborn child. I wonâ€™t share the gory details here, but I will recount what I said to the doctor as the procedure was almost completed. I said, â€śI didnâ€™t really want to do this.â€ť
He blankly looked at me and said, â€śUh-huhâ€¦â€ť His eyes told me, â€śYeah right. How many times have I heard that? And yet you are here because you DO want it done.â€ť
The Recrimination That Follows Murder
Â Here is where I want to be completely clear about what it was like after I easily got rid ofÂ my problem.
Â I felt horrible. I felt like a monster.
Â Just today, as I was thinking of writing this article, I tried to rationalize my actions by saying to myself, â€śWell, I didnâ€™t know God back then.â€ť
God gently reminded me, â€śYes you did, child. You had accepted Jesus as your Savior at the age of seventeen. You still chose to walk in your ways, and I let you. You had a choice. You chose wrong because you were weak. You didnâ€™t have the character to face a problem that you created. You, an adult, did not take the responsible way out.â€ť
Letâ€™s call it like it is: God is right. I murdered another human being because I didnâ€™t want the hassle of taking care of a problem I created. I had a choice, but my choice was the cowardâ€™s way out.
Then depression hit. It was a difficult time that followed this act. I was depressed. I had gotten rid of a new human being just to make my life easier. Now it was hard to live with myself. I saw myself for what I wasâ€”a weak human being who didnâ€™t have the character to face my problems with courage. And I regretted it. My boyfriend didnâ€™t care about it one way or another. We didnâ€™t marry. No great loss. He had no character either.
About a year later, the horror of what I did hit home heavily in my heart. I remember crying, sobbing out to God for forgiveness. Forgiveness for that act and for other things I had done. He poured His Healing Balm of Grace over me, and all guilt left. His Mercy had overcome the horror of this heinous act. God forgave my sin.
In him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of Godâ€™s grace. (Ephesians 1:7 New International Version, Â©2010)
I was free from guilt and shame, never to murder again. Except for that â€śhateâ€ť thing, but thatâ€™s another story, and another character-building process God led me through. With His help I have overcome.
To this day, I regret the choice I made. I know a dozen other ladies who made the same choice, and they all feel the same way I do. They regret it. They suffered depression afterward. To this day, they wish they had kept that baby. All of us imagine what our son or daughter would have been like had we allowed them to live. What would they look like? What would they be doing right now? What kind of a relationship would we have? What type of personality would they have?
I will regret this act until the day I die. My eyes fill up with tears every time I think about the son or daughter I will not get to intimately know during my time here on earth.
Thatâ€™s how many women feel after having an abortion.
I wish theÂ abortion laws in place in South DakotaÂ had been the law in Florida when I had the abortion back then. South Dakota law states that the woman must receive counseling first, then given 24 hours to think about it. The following is then done:
â€śBefore performing an abortion, a South Dakota doctor must offer the woman the opportunity to view a sonogram. And under a law passed in 2005, doctors are required to read a script meant to discourage women from proceeding with the abortion: â€śThe abortion will terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being.â€ť Until recently, doctors also had to tell a woman seeking an abortion that she had â€śan existing relationship with that unborn human beingâ€ť that was protected under the Constitution and state law and that abortion poses a â€śknown medical riskâ€ť and â€śincreased risk of suicide ideation and suicide.â€ť
This question comes up whenever this topic is discussed: Is a fetus a human being? I can only point to the Bible for that:
Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, and He Who formed you from the womb: â€śI am the Lord, Who made all things, Who alone stretched out the heavens, Who spread out the earth by Myself [who was with Me]?â€ť (Isaiah 44:24 Amplified Bible)Â
â€śBefore I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating youâ€¦â€ť (Jeremiah 1:5 Amplified Bible)
This is what the LORD saysâ€” He who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you.. (Isaish 44:2 NIV)
God, the Creator, forms human beings in the womb. His intention from the very beginning is a life. A humanâ€™s life. A life that He loves and wants to form a relationship with. A life with purpose. A life that will make a difference. That is Godâ€™s sole purpose in creating human beings. And it all begins right at that moment when an egg unites with a sperm. The creation process has begun; the personality and physical qualities have already been envisioned and formed. A human being has been created.
God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. (Ephesians 1:5 New Living Translation)
If you or someone you know is considering having an abortion, please â€“ Please! â€“ reconsider. Read this article and then read it again. Do not live a life of regret. If you make the adult choice to have unprotected sex, please live with the consequences. Be responsible. Have character. Be strong. You will not regret it.
There are always other options, adoption being one of them. There are so many parents who desire a baby but cannot have one. Donâ€™t throw away that gift you have receivedâ€” the ability to conceive. If you donâ€™t want that gift, give it to someone who does.
My husband came up with a good perspective. Suppose you were forced to have that baby but could kill him/her at age three. Would you do it? Most likely not. What difference is there between a three-year old and a three-month old besides a couple of years?
A Note for Those Who Noticed
Here is my point in a nutshell: If you have premarital sex and end up pregnant, you have a choice. The choice you make will determine your character, your maturity and your integrity.
If you choose to be responsible for your actions, then you show strength of character, the maturity of facing consequences for your choices, and integrity in following through. You will not live a life of regret. You wonâ€™t become depressed over the loss of another human beingâ€™s life. You will grow through the experience. You will become a better person.
This is what God the LORD saysâ€”
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it..
Isaiah 42:5 (NIV)Â
Please forward this article to others. Itâ€™s a matter of life and death.