My 16-yr-old Daughter is Not Pure Anymore
How to handle finding out your 16 yr daughter is partly not pure anymore. I haven’t said anything to her yet. But My first reactin is to ground her and make her read verses all day. I’m so hurt by this
I’m having a hard time typin.
Beloved by Him said…
When a son or daughter sacrifices his or her purity, the loss is not just theirs, itâ€™s also the parentsâ€™, particularly when itâ€™s a Christian family thatâ€™s involved. A parent who walks with the Lord knows and understands more fully what a precious gift sexual purity is, and hopes that their child will guard and keep it for the person that God has chosen as the childâ€™s future spouse. When that doesnâ€™t happen, itâ€™s totally normal for a parent to be angry, grief-stricken, worried, and disappointed (Prov.10:1, 17:25). This is when we have to cry out to Jesus for the help we need, for the child and for us. This is when we really learn about and lean on Godâ€™s love and faithfulness.
Make sure that before you confront your daughter, you have committed your spirit into the Lordâ€™s hands. Get into the Word. Pray for the peace that passes understanding. Pour out your heart before Him. You need to do this now, and youâ€™re going to have to do it many more times, because this is no quick-fix situation. Putting her in her room and having her copy Bible verses will not substitute for the loving relationship you can build with her, even if she fights and says she doesnâ€™t want you or your rules. Determine like Paul did in Philippians 2: 17 that you are going to pour yourself out like a drink offering, so that the Lord can fill you and move in you by His Spirit. Pray especially for patience and longsuffering, which will be the ability to â€śbear up underâ€ť the pain and â€śput fury far off while suffering wrongâ€ť. And as difficult as it may be, purpose to be gentle when you talk to her. David said in Psalm 18:35 that â€śYour gentleness has made me great.â€ť You need to reflect Godâ€™s face to her, not the flood of emotions that you are feeling. Ask God to give you the quiet and gentle spirit that is precious to Him (1 Peter 3: 4), and the right and fitting words to say (Prov. 25: 11). I know it may seem impossible! But remember, all things are possible with God (Matt. 19: 26).
You are going to have to find out from her, though it may be difficult for both of you, the extent of her actions. Was this a one-time event, or is she caught up in a cycle of bad behavior? Who else, if anyone, was involved? There are going to be some very uncomfortable moments, because, after all, this is a beloved child that weâ€™re talking about. (Stopâ€¦breatheâ€¦pray) Donâ€™t be surprised if what you already know is not all there is to know. Hopefully, she will be open to talking to you. Encourage her that the more honest she is, the more helpful it will be. Remind her that the Lord already knows, and has provided all the forgiveness she needs. Share Prov. 28: 13 with her, â€śWhoever covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.â€ť And you have to be prepared to give her mercy, too. Donâ€™t turn her actions into shame or punish her unjustly. The Lord will show you how to discipline her so that it is profitable for her good (Hebrews 12: 10-11). When her confession is done, make sure that she knows you forgive her (Colossians 3:12-13), and that you will always love her, no matter what (Prov. 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8).
It is so important that even in this difficult time, you keep your eyes, heart, and hope set on Him. If you keep focusing on your daughterâ€™s sin, you will become bitter, and will find it hard to resist the temptations to keep bringing it up, to stop believing the best about her, and possibly even to treat her with less respect. Itâ€™s very easy to allow unforgiveness to permeate our thoughts and actions, in the name of discipline or self-righteousness. Romans 3: 10 says, â€śThere is none righteous, no, not one.â€ť We know that weâ€™re all sinners, but when itâ€™s our child, we can incorrectly assume that their wrong actions mean that weâ€™ve failed as a parent. If that were so, then God would be in the same boat, and of course Heâ€™s not. Your daughter made a wrong choice, and there will be consequences. Still, she is not her sin. If she is a Christian, then she is the righteousness of Christ (Phil. 3: 9), and God will use this for her good, because she is called to His purpose (Romans 8: 28), and He will be glorified in her. Choose to walk by faith, not by sight, and believe the best about her. Meditate on Scriptures that proclaim Godâ€™s promises for our descendants, such as Isaiah 54:13 and Prov. 22: 6. Most importantly, donâ€™t give up. We are promised in Galatians 6:8-9 that if we donâ€™t grow weary or lose heart, we will reap everlasting life. You are sowing seeds of Godâ€™s eternal love and faithfulness into this situation. Yes, you may sow in tears, but by Godâ€™s grace, you will reap in joy (Psalm 126: 5-6).