Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
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Home » Answered by Treasure Box, Dating an unbeliever/Missionary Dating/Being Unequally Yolked, New Relationships & Dating, Recent Questions & Answers

Not Everything In Life Is Ideal

Submitted by on August 4, 2012 – 12:05 pm2 Comments

Lookingforanswers writes…


So basically I’ve been taught by pastors that we girls should only date guys who are more spiritual than us. I get the no mixing with different yolk thing. But recently I met this guy, he’s amazing,but he’s missing the disciple for Christ factor. Which is so important of course. I told him I can’t be with him as much as I wish to but I chose Christ and I that includes me dating a born again Christian. He’s so amazing he understood, didn’t get mad or anything but he then tells me that he was hoping to grow with me spiritually and intellectually. So it’s not like he has completely denied Christ, he just hasn’t gone there yet. I’m findng it hard to not talk to him and just be friends with him. I will stay away if it’s just a no-no, but is it so bad if his not more spiritual than me. I don’t mind being with him and just letting God work through me into his life. I don’t know what to do, just stay away and forget it because it’s not ideal (not everything in life is ideal for crying out loud). It was hard enough telling him, but now that I know how serious he is about me, it’s harder to stay away. Especially when I feel the same way about him. Or should I tell him I’m on the same page and I don’t mind waiting for him to reach his time?

Does the guy HAVE  to always be more spiritual??!!!!! :(

Treasure Box replies…

Hello Lookingforanswers,

Wow – this one is tough. I don’t believe the guy has to be *more* spiritual but he should at least love the Lord as much as you do. Know why? Because the man is supposed to be the head of the house, and should be able to lead the home spiritually as such.

I know too many women who have married men who aren’t as spiritually advanced as they are, and they are so sorry for it. It feels quite lonely being the only one leading the family in prayer, for Bible Studies, for ministry, and for growth. It’s hard because their goals are not the same.

Here is the key for you, dear heart. Time is your best friend. God has the perfect man for you and one who will match your heart for God. Maybe it is this guy, but you need to wait until God works on him some more.

You are right in that not everything needs to be ideal in this world. But in the most important relationship of all, besides the one with Christ, it should be as close to ideal as possible.

My two nieces found men like the one you are describing. They made a choice to wait and pursue God instead. Within a short period of time, they both found the mates that God had for them. They are very, very happy with their husbands and enjoy watching these men work for the Lord with all of their hearts. This helps them to love their spouses even more.

Here is an idea. It’s best if this guy learns from another man instead of with you. Why? Because growing spiritually and intellectually with a man most likely will strengthen the soul-tie and it might not be God’s will for you. Why not introduce him to some great men in your church and encourage him to do some bible studies with him? Or attend church?

I’m not saying cut off the friendship completely, but do take your stand and be firm on following God’s Word:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Several things will happen if you are strong and obey God’s Advice on this:

Number 1: God will honor your commitment to obey his word by not being unequally yoked.

Number 2: This man will respect you more for standing up for what you believe in and he will see God’s Power working through you. A good thing indeed!

Number 3: You will develop more self-respect because you have not let your spirit down by doing what you know is right.

I have a dear friend who told the man who wanted to marry her that she could not be unequally yoked. She stood firm and stayed away. He chose God and won his wife over. They now have an awesome Worship Ministry together and it’s obvious that he is the head of the house.

Do it God’s way, dear sister. You will not be disappointed.

Lots of love and hugs to you! God bless you!




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  • Dearest Lookingforanswers,

    I’m so glad that this answer was able to help you! But I am even more glad that you realized this relationship was hurting you spiritually and broke it off. I’ve know too many women who realize it’s unhealthy and continue with the relationship! After getting married, they live in misery for years.

    I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself! That shows maturity and strength of character.

    God bless you with His Wisdom and His Courage to continue under His Direction.

    Lots of hugs to you!

  • Lookingforanswers says:

    Thank You so much for this. funny, i forgot i posted this.and i guess i remebered just at the right time. unfortunately i did date him,mainly because i knew myself, and i knew i was going to be angry about it and just have that ruin my spiritual growth. Just want to say God is different with everyone i guess, i am a stubborn one lol, so i guess He let me learn the lesson on my own(which is what i prayed for when i went ahead with it), dating the guy did negatively affect me spiritually,so i let him go. Im reading this,tonight, at a moment i was in tears asking why im being put through this, doubting ill be happy again,so close to getting back with him.And then suddenly i remembered that i posted.And its exactly what I needed to keep me strong,when no ones words was helping that at all..

    I Thank You with all my heart.
    God Bless!

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