Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
February 9, 2016 – 9:57 am | 2 Comments

(Note to readers: Contains graphic content.)
Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

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Home » Aimee-Beloved by Him, Answered by Beloved by Him, Get Anonymous Advice NOW!

Questions for Beloved by Him

Submitted by on January 6, 2009 – 7:42 pm134 Comments

Beloved by Him is blessed to be a wife, mother of three children, ages 23, 22, and 17, and now she’s a grandmother, too.  God has been so gracious and faithful to take a broken life and continue to make it into something beautiful by His grace and mercy. There is no situation too hopeless, and no sin too great, for the Lord to redeem by His mighty right hand and His lovingkindness. That’s why we can all have hope, and “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, Who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5)


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  • admin says:

    Dearest sister in Christ,

    I am so truly sorry for what you are going through; my heart breaks for you. Always before we counselors answer a question, we go before the Lord and ask for wisdom, discernment, understanding, and knowledge to speak to the issue, and when I was praying this morning, I was truly at a loss. Your situation is so difficult, and there is no easy answer. In fact, the Word I took comfort in is what Paul wrote in Romans 8:26, ” Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” This is a time when you have to cling to the Lord so tightly, and when you don’t know how or what to pray, trust that the Holy Spirit is leading and interceding in the very depths of your heart, making a way where there is no way and making your requests heard before God.

    What your husband is asking of you is wrong. Covenant marriage is between one man and one woman in God. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” To invite anyone else, whether through pornography or an actual person, to be a part of your intimacy is immoral. We all, like Job in the Bible, should have a covenant with our eyes to not look at another person with lust (Job 31:1). Instead, we are admonished in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 to control ourselves sexually, not to be impure, but holy and sanctified. You do not have to participate in anything your husband is asking you to do, and certainly you do NOT have to feel ashamed about your situation (Rom. 8:1). Your position in Christ will never change because of another’s actions, not your husband’s, and not even yours. But you have done nothing wrong by not submitting to his requests. On the contrary, you are commended by God for keeping yourself pure until and then in marriage, and although clearly your husband has issues he needs to work through, you do not have that same harvest of bad behaviors coming out of you because you kept yourself for the Lord and him.

    You are going to have to be strong, sister. You are going to have to find your worth in God alone, to walk in confidence that the Lord is on your side, never leaving or forsaking you, and you are going to have to set boundaries that you will not allow to be crossed. You may not be able to do this alone, either. I would strongly suggest that you find a Christian pastor and/or counselor who can help you and your husband confront this issue in love and truth. He needs accountability, and if he will not acknowledge his sin or get help for your marriage, please seek out accountability and encouragement for yourself. You are NOT alone in this. There are many Christian spouses, both men and women, who have strongholds of sexual immorality deeply rooted in their behavior, and it is terribly destructive to their relationships. But as this issue comes more to light in churches, there has been a greater acknowledgment that both spouses need help and support. I would check if your church or another local church has a support group for women whose husbands have addiction problems (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) If you are too uncomfortable with that, which I totally understand because it’s intensely personal and you may not want anyone in your business like that, there are web-based ministries where you can find encouragement and help. Go to or There is also a Christian counselor I am somewhat familiar with online: Leslie Vernick. She has an extensive website and counsels on emotionally abusive marriages. ***I have to put a disclaimer here that I do not necessarily agree with her views on biblical grounds for divorce***. But she has written excellent advice on living in difficult and destructive marriages, and learning to set healthy boundaries. You can check out her site at

    Sister, you are not alone, and you are not without help. There are many Christian brothers and sisters who are suffering like you are around the world right now (1 Peter 5:9). But God’s will won’t be thwarted in your life. He can totally be trusted to complete the good work He began in you until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6). If we can be of more encouragement to you, please come back and visit us again. I would like to leave you with another passage of scripture which has been on my heart lately, and I hope it gives you more peace and strength today:

    “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Ps. 18:1-2

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Denay says:

    Hi im Denay and before i start thanks for taking the time to read this first off im very embarrassed to even be writing this but i literally cant talk to anyone else about it my friend told me about this site and said that the women on this site are kind and understanding and honestly tells it like it is without sugar coating sorry if im all over the place im very upset im married my husband and i have been for 1 year and 6 months now i lost my virginity to him he had 3 other intimate relations with other women before we got together i recently found out that he lied to me about some sexual things that occurred in his past but anyway our relationship is pretty good until as of 4 months ago he started asking me if i would ever do porn videos with him and if i ever thought about threesomes with other women i would shrugs it off telling him no today he asked me if i wanted to do porn vidoes i asked him would he be ok with another man seeing my body he said he really didnt have a problem with it i want to cry just writing this why am i not enough i saved my virginity for the man i married and he is not honored to have it or honored to have been the only man to ever have seen any part of me he is the first man i have ever kissed done anything with and now i found out that some of the things he has done with his ex’s he is trying to get me to do i feel trapped we are only 24

  • Dearest sister in Christ,

    Let’s slow down, dear one. I hear the frantic pace of what you’ve written, and I understand where that comes from–frustration, anger, disappointment, feeling trapped, and more I’m sure. But we need to remember that God is not moved by the whirlwind of our circumstances. He is not confused or surprised, His Word does not change, and He wants to impart His peace to you right where you are (John 14:27). It’s crucial that we take our eyes off our problems, especially when we are really suffering and can be swayed by our feelings, and put our eyes back on Him, where we find His steadfast love, peace, and faithfulness (Isaiah 26:3).

    The truth is, marriage is HARD. Harder than most people could believe, even if you try to prepare them ahead of time. And a Godly, Christian marriage? Where two people accurately reflect the love of God and the patience of Christ? Impossible without Him, and usually lacking even with Him. Add to that the stress of living in today’s world, where selfishness abounds and covenant commitments are the rarest of examples, and trying to have a Christ-centered marriage can feel like a pressure cooker targeted by the enemy from the outside, and heated by refining fire on the inside.

    My thought is that instead of a pretty Pinterest board, marriage can often look like a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game, where spouses get stung by emotional hurts and feel devalued. Like everything else after the fall, God’s design for marriage has suffered corruption from sin. BUT–God still makes a way where there is no way. His way is still perfect, proven, and protects His people (Ps. 18:30). Christ overcame the world, and you are more than a conquerer through Him (John 16:33, Rom. 8:37). He is the way we win–by His Spirit and by His example. And that’s where biggest battle often lies: not against our spouses, but against our own flesh. Marriage requires sacrifice, submission, and steadfastness, especially when we are being sinned against. “Winning” in marriage often looks and feels like losing–but remember, “Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life for My sake shall find it.” (Matt. 16:25)
    Please don’t misunderstand–I am NOT advocating a spouse ever accept or tolerate physical abuse from the other spouse. Nor am I saying that a spouse should lose their identity and personhood for the sake of the marriage. Actually it’s the opposite: knowing, believing, and being confident in who you are in Christ, the magnitude of God’s love for you, and the assurance of His faithfulness and commitment to help you–it is these truths that enable and empower a spouse in a difficult marriage. When we are wronged, and we will be, because offenses will come (Luke 17:1), we will be tempted to be unforgiving, to fight back, or even to ditch (another “D” word). But by the power of the Holy Spirit and His love in our hearts, we can choose to forgive, we can put off anger, and we can commit instead of quit.

    It’s probably really for the good that the two of you have moved out of your parents’ house. God expects spouses to leave and cleave, which means a deeper relationship with Him and with each other (Gen. 2:24). But this also takes time. There is a perfect work done by God in your spirits that may take a lifetime to manifest, just as when we received Christ we are completely saved, but the sanctification process is not over until we are no longer on this earth. And it is never only one-sided: Even if it is only one spouse commiting the offense, God is using it to refine the other spouse and help them be conformed to the image of His Son (Rom. 8:28-29). The key is to remember that our wrong reactions to being offended (wrath, rage, unforgiveness, etc.) are no better than the original offense in God’s eyes. We are all just sinners saved by grace, and the mercy we have received from God, we need to give our spouse, unmerited and unlimited. Will there be collateral damage from those offenses? Yes. But God is still bigger. He can mend the hurts. He can minister in our spirits where words fall flat. He can turn a heart when no one and nothing else can. And that’s how He is glorified, because we will become a living testimony to the work that only God could have done.

    My sister, my prayer for you is that God will abundantly supply you patience and perseverance for your husband and your marriage. You need to focus not just on the momentary affliction, but the far greater weight of glory that it is producing in you (and your husband) (2 Cor. 4:17 ). Trust that if God is allowing this, then He is using it to refine your faith, which is more precious than gold (1 Peter 1:7). I am not minimizing your feelings about your situation. I have two sisters in Christ to whom I can vent, who will listen to me without judgment, but who will always point me back to who I am in Christ and what I have commited to in Him. I would encourage you to find a sister with whom you can be accountable–one who is grounded in the Lord, who can be the iron to your iron so that you can be lifted up in the midst of suffering. Also, STAY IN THE WORD. The patience and comfort of the Scriptures are one of the lifelines that will sustain and strengthen you in marriage. (Particularly, I have found 1 Peter really helpful when struggling with injustice.) Most importantly, don’t stop praying for your husband. You are his helpmate; if you are not praying for him, who is? I have seen the Holy Spirit intervene in my husband’s heart so many times when what I was trying to accomplish by arguing and pleading fell on deaf ears. God has not turned away from your situation; you need to wait on Him and trust that He will accomplish His will in you, your husband, and your marriage. The fruit of longsuffering He is growing in you is not a bitter harvest, it is a spirit of joy and purpose in the midst of trials and pain. Whatever you do, don’t let your perceptions change your play–walk by faith and commit to not quit. He WILL make you sufficient in all things to do His will, and He will do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think.

    Much love, my sister. We are here for you.
    Beloved by Him

  • flowerchild says:

    Hi I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read this you didn’t have to i need advice on how i should handle this situation im currently in im 24 my husband is 23 we lived with my parents for a while after we got married trying to save up for our own place but had to move out because it was a very toxic situation arguments all the time with my mom and my husband we are now in another place but what im getting at is my husband doesn’t take my opinion seriously he makes decisions all the time that should be discussed with me first on his own they ultimately result in bad decisions even when i try to tel him better ways on handling things he decides to do it all on his own it stresses me out to the point i really dont want to talk to him at all he takes any advice i give him to the heart getting really upset for example we have a car that is constantly breaking down he is constantly fixing it spending money we dont have to spend instead of selling the car and buying a new one he has put thousands of dollars into this car im at the point now that i hate to get in it afraid im going to hear about something else broke on it i have taking a complete backseat to my life with him its to the point now im actually thinking about the D word he always puts me to the backseat of everything and im tired of it this literally is my last resort i have tried sitting him down talking to him but he dumps all over me

  • His Precious Gift says:

    Dear one,

    I know you are discouraged. Discouragement can be a heavy feeling in your heart that makes us doubt and be full of fears. But I will tell you that whether or not your situations change, you can experience joy, peace, and contentment. Circumstances don’t have to dictate your emotions. You have someone on your side that is always available to help you, strengthen you, and uphold you.
    I am sure you don’t want to hear this but when a storm rages into our life, the Lord is already planning how to turn destruction into good. Just like David, we need to seek His objective and learn to work with Him to achieve it. We must believe that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” (Rom. 8:28). The promise of that verse is that we will reap blessings from our losses. Through the Lord’s mighty power, He uses trials to accomplish His plans–to grow us from children into mature disciples of Jesus Christ.
    I recommend for you to find counseling in your area, you need to talk to someone regarding your feelings and frustrations. We are here to support you and pray with you and also tell you what the word of God says about the situation, we love you and we will continue to pray for those doors to open in your life.

    Dear God,

    I surrender my financial affairs and concerns about money to your Divine care and love.
    I ask that you remove my worries, anxieties, and fears about money, and replace them with faith.
    I know and trust that my debts will be paid and money will flow into my life.
    I have only to look to nature to see proof of the abundance you provide.
    I release all negative thoughts about money, and know that prosperity is my true state.
    I commit to being grateful for all that I now have in my life.
    I learn to manage my finances wisely, seeking help where needed.
    And finally, I ask you to help me understand my purpose in life and to act on that purpose with courage and strength. I know that prosperity will come, in part, by doing work I love. Please help me use my skills and knowledge to be of service in the world.

    Thank you, God. Amen
    His Precious Gift.

  • Linn says:


    This is my 2nd time writing in. My post from last week was responded to, but my reply was not responded to. Any who,
    I was writing in regards to a lot of stuff going on in my life. In summary:

    1) I had to drop LPN School because I didn’t have financial aid to cover my classes.

    2) I was blessed with a good job and was laid off a week ago. My bills are coming due&I have no way of paying them now since I’m jobless. I’m scared of losing everything I have worked&prayed so hard to get.

    3) I have been applying to jobs all day&night. Only a few called me back,but the pay isn’t enough to cover my expenses.

    4) There are a few members in my family that I see are struggling so bad. I pray for my family every day & It hurts SO MUCH to see them have so much “bad luck”.

    I’m fighting for my life I feel. I’m fighting through the pain by still praising God with all of my strength….Well at least the little that I have. It’s like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. 1 day I’m praising&saying God will fix it. Then the next, I’m panicking because each day gets closer to me having to pay my bills&I don’t have all of the money….I’m getting discouraged, but I trying my best……I don’t know what to do…..please pray for me

  • Dearest sister in Christ,

    Your situation is serious, and my heart is very heavy for you. I want to start by reminding you that you are not ever alone. God is ever-present with you; He sees your situation, He hears your cries for help, and He knows what is going on (Ex. 3:7, Acts 7:34, Ps. 46:1). Above all that is happening around you, don’t lose your awareness of the greatness of the God we serve. There is nothing on earth that can separate you from His love, and there is no weapon of the enemy that will ultimately prosper against you (Rom. 8:38-39 , Is. 54:17). Whatever you are facing, commit to staying in the Word and especially having devotional time, resting in the presence of God and allowing Him to speak to you and minister to you by His Spirit. Believe the scriptures He impresses on your heart, and stand on those truths no matter what. He is going to help you:

    “I sought the Lord, and He heard me; and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cries out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them.” (Psalm 34:4-7)

    What your father-in-law is doing to you by making comments like that is absolutely wrong. Not only that, but by his own admission, if he has laid a hand inappropriately on those nieces and they were underage, then his acts (and possibly his wife’s) were criminal. The things that are unproven, we must commit to the Lord and trust that He is the Righteous Judge Who will bring ultimate justice in His way and time. But the things we can control, we can act on, prayerfully and wisely. Your husband may not want to face the truth of how his father is offending you, but that does not prevent you from immediately creating some healthy boundaries to protect yourself emotionally.

    Sometimes I think it’s easy (especially when we are younger) to rely on the “good Christian girl” persona and not assert the right we have to say “No” to things which are harmful to us, because we don’t want to offend, or we think love needs to be patient with all sins, or we don’t have the confidence and strength to act in accordance with our mental alarm bells. You do not have to subject yourself to coarse or inappropriate talk from your father-in-law. It is not loving or edifying speech, and you don’t have to have any part in it (Eph. 4:29, 5:3-7). The bible tells us to fear no man, that the fear of man is a snare, and that God is for us (Ps. 118:6, Prov. 29:25, Is. 41:10). We have a responsibility to care for ourselves as the temple of the Holy Spirit and daughters of God who are immeasurably loved and valued in His eyes; even if no one stands up for us, God is on our side, and we are not to fear what will happen to us when we step out in faith and trust (Heb. 13:5-6, Joshua 1:9). Pray and ask God’s wisdom about what that should look like for you. My suggestions would be to not be alone with your father-in-law, and if he starts with inappropriate conversation again, immediately speak up and let him know that this will no longer continue, and excuse yourself from his presence. This may not be easy, but longsuffering love can be an active response to opposition rather than a passive resignation to what seems inevitable (reference from The Woman’s Study Bible, Thomas Nelson publishers, 1995). Your father-in-law is forever a part of your life. Knowing how to deal with him, in God’s love and by the power of His Spirit, is something that God will show you and lead you through (Is. 42:16, James 1:5).

    I am sorry that your husband is not backing you right now in this situation, but unfortunately, it’s not uncommon. When there has been a sinful stronghold in a family, many times those affected by it will choose denial rather than face the truth of the ugliness of sin. This does not mean your husband doesn’t love you or respect you, but it seems he is choosing self-preservation and a false sense of peace rather than confronting his father. Be in prayer for your husband. On some level, especially if he is a Christian and has the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, he has a sense of the truth, if not a full revelation of it yet. He must be terribly hurt by his father’s behavior. Pray for the Lord to minister to his heart, to reveal truth to both of you, and to not allow the enemy’s oppression and spirits of confusion and discord to torment either of you. Forgive your husband when his lack of support hurts you, and put your confidence in the Lord working in both of you (Ps. 118:7-9, Eph. 4:32). But ultimately, submit yourself to the Lord above all others. You are going to have to be strong in Him and the power of His might for however long the Lord allows this situation to continue. Things may not change for some time, if ever, unless everyone is willing to bring things into the light, or God uses some other type of outside intervention. That’s also a key point: The Lord has given you some very important insight about your father-in-law’s behavior that could be very harmful to your future children. Every step in setting healthy boundaries for yourself may be a step in protecting your children also.

    Your husband may make choices you do not agree with, and they may or may not affect you adversely, but God promises to work all things together for good (Rom. 8:28, I Peter 3:1). Submission to our husbands often means allowing them to make the final decision, because of their God-appointed headship, and trusting that God is in control. However, God is the final authority, and you are His precious creation. You can, and should, say “No” when someone tries to violate you, emotionally or physically. I would also consider some biblical counseling, as a couple, on your own, or both. It may be easier for your husband to process things with the help of a godly, trusted, and neutral third party. But above all, keep pressing on in your walk with the Lord. It is He Who is your strong tower, your refuge, your rock and Redeemer, your shield and buckler. You are not powerless here. If God is for you, who can be against you? (Rom. 8:31) We are praying for you, sister, we are here for you, and we love you.

    “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind.” –2 Tim. 1:7
    “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • flowerchild says:

    Hi I’m a Christian and I’m married. My husband’s father always finds a way to say some of the most inappropriate things possible to me when I’m with my husband. Sometimes those times it’s always kind of censored, but those few moments we are alone without my husband, he talks about his sex life with my mother in law and the vast women he has had in his lifetime. By the way, my mother in law is currently battling cancer. Each time he goes deeper into detail, even telling me my husband’s mom brought her two nieces in his room for him. I have told my husband about it, asking him to talk to his father, but he just gets mad that I brought it up and tells me to just change the subject. He will not talk to him or defend my honor, he just keeps allowing me to be harassed, I’m fed up. Do I just tell his dad what I feel? I’m tired of waiting on my husband, I’m always waiting. I’m afraid that his dad might try to get him to turn his back on me. His father has done so much damage to our relationship already, asking my husband to sign up for things that will affect his credit when we apply for a home. Even before we got married (he) wanted us to move in with him, asking my husband to sign his name to the lease. I feel so disrespected and not important enough for my opinion to matter me assured to his father’s. Please help me.

  • Beloved by Him says:

    Dear Allison,

    What an awesome question! Not silly at all!! Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us here at WeUsed2bu. Writing is a subject near and dear to my heart, too. Being able to write well is a very powerful gift which comes with great responsibility. All of our giftings are given to us by God for edification of the church, the body of Christ, so that it (we) can grow and be unified in love (Eph. 4:11-16). So I think it’s very wise of you to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit as you write, whether it is fiction or fact, entertainment or teaching.

    I think one question to ask is, “What kind of fruit am I sowing into the reader?” When we sow seeds with what we write, our hope should be to produce the fruits of righteousness leading to holiness (Rom. 6:19). Ephesians 5:9 says, “for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth…” Does what we write reflect that ultimate goal? Will it cause confusion, or make someone stumble? Does it grieve the Holy Spirit? Does it clearly condemn the works of darkness? Does it cause the reader to think on those things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy? (Phil. 4:8, Eph. 4:30, 5:11, Rom. 14:13, I Cor. 14:33) These are all questions we need to be willing to put before the Lord and seek His wisdom, which He promises to give “liberally and without reproach” (Prov. 3:5-6, James 1:5).

    I agree with what you wrote, that these types of things do happen in the world. I was given the book “The Shack” by a friend for Christmas, and it was incredibly hard to read, since it dealt with the murder of a young girl and the way the Lord reached out to her father to heal his broken heart. What I appreciated about this book is how the focus was not on the sinful act itself: it was not described, it was not glorified, it was not gratuitous; rather, the overarching theme was about the redemptive work of Christ, the goodness of the Father, the grace of the Holy Spirit, and the way of wisdom. I truly felt like this was good fiction for the body of Christ: totally engaging, and still edifying in the way it helped me understand God better.

    My concern with the kind of scene in question is that it may not be necessary for edification. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it might impart grace to the hearers.” Also, Ephesians 5:3 says, “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” This reference is clearly to believers, who are called to shun sexual immorality. Your character may not have Godly constraints, but Christ’s followers do. Does writing that scene help your mind, or the mind of your readers, to be renewed in the Spirit, or will it cause confusion? I don’t know.

    As believers, the work that we do, creatively and practically, should be done as to the Lord, not to men, and reflect our status in this world: In it and not of it. (Col. 3:23-24, Eph. 6:7, Rom. 12:2) The Bible calls us over and over to be set apart, to walk in the light, and to show love that disseminates the fragrance of Christ wherever we go (I Peter 1:16, 2:9, I John 1:7, Eph. 5:8, 2 Cor. 2:14-15). We are called to pursue holiness, to put off our old fleshly conduct, and to have a renewed mind (Rom. 12:1-2, Eph. 4:22-24, Lev. 20:26). And yet, we are given liberty in our redemption. We are free to live life in fullness of joy, not bound to any legalistic constraints, having a pure heart and a clean conscience (Heb. 10:22, Gal. 5:1, John 15:11). We live without fear before our God Who judges rightly and has pronounced us righteous in Christ (Luke 1:74-75, I Peter 2:23, 2 Cor. 5:21).

    Should you write the scene? Pray about it. Seek the Lord and expect Him to answer. I know He will show you what to do, and that His way is perfect (Ps. 18:30). We are so proud of you that you are willing to even ask for His wisdom because you have a check in your spirit. This experience is a great learning experience for you, because as you pursue your passion for writing, it will teach you interweave your love for God and your faith in Him with everything you write. God is going to do great things in you, sister, and when you do have your first book, please share it with us! Also, there are Christian agents out there who can help you get published when you are ready. Keep writing, keep close to God, and watch as He does exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think :)

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • admin says:

    Dear Allison,
    We are so sorry! Beloved by Him responded to your earlier question, but her answer was posted under Seeking Advice–so sorry for your wait! Her answer will be posted here and under Seeking Advice. Our apologies!

  • Allison says:

    This is honestly a very silly question, but I’m not sure where I could find an answer on it.

    I’m a young adult girl trying to get my name on the market so to speak as a writer because well, it’s what God wants me to do. That I’m sure of. I don’t know, just feel like I was born to do it. All of my stories are fantasy, some with powerful messages, but I write to bring joy and excitement to others, in the way that reading has given me that joy.

    Sooo… I, for the first time, have the desire to write a “sinful” scene, I guess, because I’m not sure what else to call it.

    My book is a very complicated story, I will save you all the unimportant details. But there is a villain in it who is truly terrible and in some way symbolizes people without God My main characters are very morally driven, and she has absolutely none of that driving her.

    Basically she’s evil on all levels, and one of my main characters is one of her prisoners. There’s a scene where they’re arguing and I want to write that the villain kisses her. That would be a girl on girl kiss. To me, homosexuality is wrong because it is wrong in the eyes of God and nothing will change that… but I feel like it would be such a good scene, simply because what this girl is doing is so evil, and in the contexts of the story it makes sense. The other girl won’t like it, she’ll be disgusted and haunted.

    I’ve been contemplating doing it for a while, shared the idea with some of my family who have read it, and they think it would be really intense and I should do it… but I’ve felt really unsure about the whole thing. I just want to make sure I’m not going against God by writing a scene like that.

    I know in my heart it is fiction, it isn’t something I approve of… but things like that happen in real life, right or wrong, so I feel like it’s okay if I made a character do it… At the same time though, I want to be sure.

    Any thoughts would really help?

  • Beloved by Him says:

    Dear Miranda,

    I hear the pain in your words as you share about your situation, and I am truly sorry. I know that God promises to “heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds,” and my prayer is that you will continue to seek Him and allow Him to show you how much He loves you, and that nothing is too hard for Him (Jer. 32:17, 27, John 3;16, I John 4:10). He wants to be your Redeemer, your Strong Tower, and your Friend, and nothing in this world can be better, or take His place in your life.

    I don’t know what your relationship with Jesus Christ looks like right now, but my thought is that you have heard and responded to the truth of the Gospel, because you have conviction in your heart about sin, and a desire to be on a righteous path following the Lord. I am not here to belittle your feelings or judge you for your past lifestyle; none of us is righteous before God apart from the salvation we have in Jesus. But I must affirm that homosexuality is considered sinful according to God’s Word. One of the clearer scriptures regarding this is found in Romans 1:26-32, which says,

    “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

    That’s an intense passage, so please understand that I am not condemning you. I can certainly apply those sins to my life as well; I am so unworthy but so completely thankful that God loves sinners like me so much that He sacrificed His own Son so that we can become the righteousness of Christ (2 Cor. 5:21). There is a point for all of us when we may not have been aware that certain behavior was actually “sinful” before God. But once something has been revealed to us as sin, to not repent and turn away from it is sinful as well (James 4:17). It seems that the way you are rolling thoughts over in your mind, back to that past relationship and the feelings connected to it, is causing you to stumble not just in your current relationship, but also in your submission to God and His perfect will. You are between a rock and a hard place, and you are going to have to decide which way to turn: either to the hard place, which is back to your sinful thoughts and desires, or to the Rock, which is your loving God and Savior.

    Something you need to consider is that our flesh (our sinful, unregenerate nature apart from God) is always at war with the Spirit of God within our spirits, and that’s not including the Devil and the world itself, both of which are also at war with us at the same time. That’s a lot of opposition, and we are completely unprepared and unable to win it apart from God’s divine intervention through His Spirit’s empowerment and the truth of His Word (Col. 1:11, Eph. 3:16, Heb. 4:12). You don’t have to let your flesh win. First of all, God promises that when we are tempted, He will make a way out so that we can bear it (I Cor. 10:13). We have to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to God’s way of thinking (2 Cor.10:5). We need to walk away and have no part of the behavior we used to engage in before we became His children (Eph. 5:1-20). And we need to put on the armor of God, head to toe and help in each hand:

    “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit…” (Ephesians 6:14-18a)

    God always makes a way where there is no way (Matt. 19:26). We don’t have to be afraid of anything we might face, because He promises to help us, to strengthen us, and to uphold us with His right hand (Is. 41:10). No matter what your flesh is crying out, listen for the still, small voice of the Spirit of God, Who does not condemn you and will never tempt you to sin (Rom. 8:1, James 1:13, 1 Kings 19:11-13). By God’s great grace and mercy, you will have victory over the desire for sin in your life. But first, I think the bigger battle for you is to believe that God is truth, His Word is truth, and that He can sanctify you by His truth (John 17:17, John 14:6). My prayer is that you will have faith to believe in His love for you, and that His plans for you are truly good (Jer. 29:11, Mark 9:24). When we truly grow in our knowledge and understanding of our amazing God and His love for us, anything the world offers us in His place can only cast a shadow of death–a shadow He died to take us out of and instead bring us into the light of His kingdom and His presence (Colossians 1:13).

    I know this is a terribly hard time for you, and that your heart is torn up right now. Maybe this is not the right time for you to be in a relationship, but rather to let the Lord minister to you, to give you healing, wisdom, and a much greater understanding of how much you are loved by Him, and how much that Love has given and will continue to give to you, both here and in the eternal. I have been thinking lately a lot about one of the names of God in the Bible: El Roi, or, The God Who Sees (Me) (Genesis 16:13). Sometimes we go through a great trial, and although we know God is out there, we think He is not noticing what is going on, or is neglecting to do anything about it. I have taken great comfort in the fact that He really is The God Who Sees, that He is not slack concerning any of His promises to us, and that even if the trials drive us to faithlessness, He remains faithful to us because He cannot be anything less than Who He always has been and will be (2 Peter 3:9, 2 Timothy 2:13). I know that God sees you, too, and He is ready to give you all the help and love you need if you will just seek Him and believe. Please let me pray for you:

    Heavenly Father, Dear Jesus, Dear Holy Spirit,
    I come before you now with a plea for Miranda, that You would make Yourself known to her in a precious, yet powerful, way–that she would know Your love which passes knowledge, that she would be comforted by You, the God of all comfort, and that she would be strengthened with might by Your Spirit in her inner heart. I ask that You would affirm Your truth to her, that she would understand that Your way really is perfect, Your Word is proven, and You are a shield to those who trust in You. I pray that You would heal her heart and her emotions, that You would give her a safe resting place in You while she heals, and that You would restore her peace and well-being as she finds rest in You. Thank You that You are faithful to help, faithful to hear and answer prayer, and faithful to complete the good work You began in us. Thank You for choosing us and bringing us into Your kingdom, and that You promise us hope, a future, and an eternity in Your presence, in everlasting joy. Thank You that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. We love You, Lord, and we give you all the glory, honor, and praise. We pray these things in Jesus’ precious and mighty name, Amen.

    We love you, Miranda, and God loves you more than you can imagine. Seek Him now; don’t wait, because He is waiting for you.

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Miranda says:

    I partook in a multiple year long relationship with a partner of the same gender. We broke it off due to my feeling guilty about it and wanting to reconnect with god… It’s now been a while and I’m starting something up with a guy. I like him, he’s sweet… but sometimes I feel awkward and just uncomfortable. I know I wouldn’t feel this way if it weren’t for my memories of the other person but I still really care about them and I’m trying so hard to fight it!!! Sometimes I used to question why it was bad because we kept it pure always I just love them so much and I know it’s bad and I’m trying to help it but I’m asking … how? How do I make myself stop loving them? They tried so hard to keep us together but I went with god and now I see them trying to move on too and it kills me… because I still feel like I belong there… what do I do? How do I stop feeling this way? I don’t want to care anymore if it’s wrong. All I know is at one point they would have done anything to get me back and now if I wanted to they probably wouldn’t and it’s because I walked with god… which is good, I know… but it still hurts so bad it kills I feel so sad and don’t how to stop.

  • His Precious Gift says:


    Hannah, you may not believe this but the scripture Treasure Box gave you is one I remind my granddaughters all the time ( I Corinthians 15:33 ).

    Also another one that I quote often is:

    “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” (Philippians 4:11)

    One thing that is important is to know what God’s says; that will be your guidance.

    “Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that young men often have, but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the companionship of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts.” (II Timothy 2:22 TLB)

    You are an amazing person who is looking to please God first. That is great…..

    “Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.”
    (Proverbs 3:5-6)

    I will be praying for you and your boyfriend. First for God to give both wisdom and guidance in all your decisions. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, we are here for you as you continue your journey as a Child of The King!!!!!!

    Love you Bunches, His Precious Gift….

    “Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2)

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