Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
February 9, 2016 – 9:57 am | 2 Comments

(Note to readers: Contains graphic content.)
Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

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Home » Answered by Treasure Box

Questions for Treasure Box

Submitted by on September 15, 2010 – 12:40 pm95 Comments

Hi – I’m Kat, aka The Treasure Box.

I began my life with a Treasure Box that I wanted to fill with great treasures. Growing up I did not receive what I needed to have a healthy sense of self-love, so I struggled to fill my Treasure Box with riches I thought would make me truly happy.

Years went on and I filled my box with cheap baubles. I put in drugs, alcohol, sleeping around, and looking for the boy that would love me and make me whole and make me feel beautiful. I filled it with self-pleasure such as video games, computer games, movies and books. But I still felt empty, ugly and unloved. I went through three angry, controlling husbands and received five children. Everyone was a mess. I was just as angry and controlling. Hate and fighting raged through my Box.

Then in the year 2000, I finally saw God’s Hand reaching down to me. He was offering different riches to fill up that hole in my heart. I accepted Jesus as my Savior and made Him the Master of my life. We struggled back and forth as I gave Him control and then took it right back. But in the end, He won.

God began to fill up my Box with True Treasures. He healed my broken heart. He gave me a sense of self-worth that is everlasting. He taught me forgiveness, and replaced the hate and anger in my Treasure Box with love. He showed me how beautiful I was in His eyes. And He took away my need to have a man in my life in order to feel loved. He has been the Father that I never had, and He has tenderly taken care of me. For the first time in my life, I am now whole, through His personal interventions.

As soon as I learned to depend on God totally, He blessed me with a great husband, and He has restored wholeness in my children. They now walk with God, too.

God is very Real and very Personal. He is my Best Friend and the Love of my life. Without Him, I would be nothing. I want to share those Treasures with you.


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  • Beloved by Him says:

    Dear Jenn,

    I love your question, “Where does God fit into this feeling of wanting to be noticed and desired?” I think this is an awesome and honest query into some of the thoughts and feelings we all share as humans created to be loved–all of us by God, and most of us by a spouse, our “beloved.” Thank you for bringing this topic up, and it’s a privilege for me to be able to share with you what I hope and pray is God’s wisdom regarding this, a subject very near and dear to my heart.

    When we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, we begin to experience and understand the great, deep, unconditional agape love God has for us. His love for us is pure, sacrificial, and unchanging, and it should be the very foundation we set our lives upon. God’s Spirit pours His love for us into our hearts, giving us acceptance and hope which are always available, no matter what we do, face, or feel every day, until we are with Him in heaven. Agape love is not sexual, has no fear, is not based on “feelings,” and seeks nothing for itself in return. Only God can love perfectly, but by His power, we can hope to “agape” love others as He loves us. (I John 3:1, 4:19-20, John 3:16, Jer. 31:3, Rom. 5:5, I Cor. 13:4-7).

    In addition to agape love, there are other types of love: phileo (brotherly love), eros (romantic/sexual love), and storge (“familial” love). With regard to your situation, let’s talk about the first two. Phileo love is what we commonly feel for friends, especially brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s a fondness typified by kindness, respect, and brotherly affection. Erotic love is often identified as lust, which is straight sexual desire outside the laws and blessings of God in marriage (read I Thess. 4:1-12 for a good exhortation on these two). In marriage, however, there is a special combination these types of love: we agape our spouse, loving them unconditionally and selflessly no matter what; we phileo them because they are our best friend and appreciated companion; and we desire them because God created us to be cleaved in both a spiritual and physical union. Desire between two married people is holy, protected and governed by the agape love that covers the marriage (Gen 2;24, Heb.13:4). The ONLY man on earth who has a God-given, rightful, appropriate desire for us is our husband, because God is not a God of lustful cravings. He is holy, and the desire He gives our husbands for us is also holy (I Peter 1:16, Song of Solomon 7:10).

    Think about your Heavenly Father Who created you. He planned your life before you were born. He knitted you together in the womb. He delights in you every day, and His thoughts toward you can’t be numbered. To Him, you are His most beautiful daughter. He treasures your beauty, inside and out, and considers you a royal member of His court. He expects your future husband to give himself completely for you, just as Jesus did for His bride, the church. You are precious and honored in His sight, and someday you will be returned to His side in glory (Eph. 2:10, Ps. 139:1-18, Jer. 1:5, Ps. 45:13, Eph. 1:14, 5:25-28, Is. 43:4). Now, given all of these truths, we have to ask ourselves two questions: 1. Is the way God sees and loves me enough, even if I never have an earthly husband, and 2. If he does have a husband for me, shouldn’t I prepare my heart and body for purity both before and during marriage?

    Christians must understand that practicing purity is just as important in marriage as it is for being single. Temptations, insecurities, and pride do not stop just because we are married. We live in a world in which we are bombarded with sexualized images and messages all the time. Our flesh will always seek to snag us in sin. And the devil has his mind set on destroying Godly marriages. So for Christians, learning how to live in holiness is critical, and the groundwork you lay by doing so when you are single will produce a harvest of righteousness in your lifetime. It will affect your future husband, children, family, friends, and the body of Christ, because your lifestyle will be a testimony to God’s faithfulness in and through you.

    Odds are that God has your perfect husband already picked out for you :) But none of us knows when He will bring him to you…we only know that God’s timing is perfect (Ps. 18:30.) That does not mean that you do not have a Beloved. Jesus is your Beloved. He is the One Who already gave everything for you, and He loves you just the way you are. So for His sake, keep your desires pure. Desire to do His will above all else. Desire holiness and righteousness. Ask Him to help you love others, especially your brothers in Christ, with a selfless love that does not seek any of the wrong kind of attention. Remember that in Christ, there is no male or female, but we are of one Spirit (Heb. 12:14, Gal. 3:28, Is. 26:8, Ps. 37:4, Ps. 40:8). Conduct yourself in purity (modest dress, gracious speech, a gentle and quiet spirit) and practice relating to others not according to how they see you, but by how you reflect the image of your Creator, His purpose for your life, and your position in His kingdom (I Peter 3:3:4, Phil. 1:27). Remember,

    “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (I Cor. 6: 19-20)

    You asked if there could be something that prevents guys from seeing you as relationship material. I highly doubt it :) Instead, I wonder if the resistance you perceive as negative is actually the mighty right hand of God, leading you on the path He has for you. I believe there is a hedge of loving protection your heavenly Father has put around you to prevent you from seeking a way you thought was right, but actually would have led to destruction (Prov. 14:12). And I know that God wants to use this time in your life to deepen your relationship with Him. There is no greater love to know on this earth than that of God’s love for you. Put your attentions there, and watch how He unfolds the amazing story He has written for your life. You are His, He is Yours, be content (Heb. 13:5). If there is more to come, and I’m pretty sure there is, He will make it beautiful in His time (Eccl. 3:11).

    We are here for you, sister, and we love you.
    Beloved by Him

  • Jenn says:


    My name is Jenn, I’m 18 years old and a first year university student. I was raised in a very loving Christian home and accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age. I attend church regularly and enjoy the fellowship with other believers.

    My problem is I would really like to start dating, but it seems no guys are ever interested in me. Since high school it’s felt like my friends have always been the ones being pursued. The guys I’ve liked have usually ended up being my friends and nothing more; things never progress past friendship. I’m a very outgoing and approachable person, people tell me all the time that I have a great personality. I also happen to think I’m quite pretty. I’ve recently gained a lot of confidence in who I am and this is why I feel I’m ready to start dating…but for as long as I can remember, I’ve watched guys go after my friends. And, as much as people try to assure me that I’ll find someone special…I don’t know, those words start to feel empty after awhile. Whenever I bring this up to other believers, they tell me that God has a plan and I should trust Him. And I know this, but all I want is a few guys to notice me and think I’m cool. I want to feel desired. Where does God fit into this feeling of wanting be noticed and desired?

    I feel like I have so much to contribute to a relationship, but could there be something about me thats keeping guys from seeing me in that way?

  • admin says:

    Dear Amy,

    We are so glad that God has ministered to you! God bless you, dear sister!

  • Amy says:

    Thank you very much, that answered my question and gave me other things to think about too, regarding God’s word.
    And some of that like it’s not ‘hide and seek’ are stuff that I really needed to hear right now.

    Thank you for your time,

    blessings x

  • His Precious Gift says:

    Virgin: a person who has not had sexual intercourse.

    Sexual intercourse:
    sexual union especially involving penetration of the vagina by the penis. It does not matter how is done but any time you penetrate the vagina it is considered sexual intercourse. I am hoping this is clear.

    Virginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. As believers we place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Engaging in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

    I wanted to tell you that I have been thinking what would be the right way to answer your question. I understand that as a young woman there are many questions regarding our body and how we feel. Hormones are out of control and it is difficult to understand our feelings. We tend to make mistakes just because we don’t understand what is happening, and we would never ask since we know it all and we are to afraid the answer is not what we want to hear.

    Now that we are done with all of that, please listen to my heart. Hopefully it will guide you to think and make the right decisions regarding this issue.

    Everyone is confronted with countless decisions throughout life. Many decisions are of little significance, but some may change your life forever. But decisions that have weighty consequences can cause you grave concern.

    Take a step of faith and trust God. He does not play “hide and seek” as you try to discover His will. The more intimately you draw near to the heart of God, the more clearly you begin to know the will of God. And as you sincerely begin to place His desires above your own desires, He is faithful to point the way.

    So by now you are saying: What is wrong with this woman, I had just a simple question and she has turned it totally towards God. Well I know for a fact that there is no one that knows us better than our Maker and if you are not sure what your heart wants, I would suggest getting closer to Him since He has all the answers that you might need.

    The name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

    “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)

    Please remember that we are here for you.I am praying for you as you continue discovering life one day at a time. God Bless you!
    His Precious Gift…..

  • Amy says:

    I am just wondering,
    When does it actually count as losing your virginity?
    Do you actually have to have sex the full way or is it just when the penis enters?
    Thank you very much,
    God bless xxx

  • admin says:

    Dear Hannah,

    We are so glad that this was able to help you! God is so good!

    You are so right in that grace should be extended to others! What you are doing with ground rules is good – you are extending grace and at the same time protecting yourselves.

    I believe that Paul’s warning is due to his knowledge of human nature. As you mentioned, sometimes being with your boyfriend has caused you to compromise your values.

    Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

    After raising five children, I tend to agree that it is easier for someone to slip into bad habits as they hang out with others than picking up good habits. Not always, but often!

    I don’t get the sense that it’s about laws, but about protecting yourself as you continue in your relationship with God.

    Hannah, it is very obvious that you are very mature and wise. I am so proud of you! Continue working closely with God; He works all things out for your good because of His Great Love for you! (Romans 8:28)

    God bless you. Keep us posted on how we can pray for you, dear sister.

    Treasure Box

  • Hannah says:

    To Treasure Box,

    First off, I want to thank you and Praise God for the advice given and that I found the site. The verses helped me and gave me something to pray and ponder about. I wrote all of them down and hung them up on my wall. I also made a copy for him so that he could read it over and think about it.

    I have decided to stay with him, for now. My head is telling me that it may not be the wisest decision… But, in my heart and spirit I feel secure and at peace.

    However, there are some ground rules I am defintanly implanting.

    1. If this kind of thing happens again… We need to take a mandatory break in the relationship in order to focus back on God and figure out what His plans are for us. (This break will also not have a set time when we get back together… If we do)

    2. If this kind of thing happens again and he tries to cover it up or lies… Then I’m done and we are done.

    I believe that grace should be extended to others… But, I also do not need someone else’s sin to have my struggles flare up again. (I use to struggle with anxiety due to my time in my old school.)

    Sin should NOT be tolerated… Even if the sin in people you love.

    I am still struggling with Paul’s verse. I do not doubt the word of God through Paul… But, it is hard to grasp the concept of Grace with the concept of the Law. I know the adherence God’s Word is important and keeps away pain… But, we are also taught to love others, not to judge, and have grace towards like Jesus did for us.

    A tightrope indeed… But, I will be praying about it.

    Anyways… Tomorrow I will be laying down the ground rules… And we write a letter to each other to open a year later… And also make a contract thing with him (with the help of God) about purity and the right way to treat each other.

    I still have a ways to go… But, I feel much better and much more secure in myself,

    Thank you again,


    P.S. I think you guys got a great ministry going. :)

  • Treasure Box says:

    Dearest Hannah,

    You are facing a lot right now! College in a month, discovering that your boyfriend is addicted to a sexual sin, dealing with the concussion side effects, and the temptations that come from dating.

    Please do not feel sorry for the mess. You have a lot going on and it’s good to seek Godly counsel (Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 19:20-21).

    I am going to be honest with you, my dear sister. Porn is very prevalent and is very destructive to relationships. Why? Because women are not looked at as human beings, but as objects. When a man looks at porn, the part of the brain that sees tools is totally engaged. A woman now becomes a tool.

    The language in the brain goes from saying, “You use, you need” to “I use, I need.”

    Furthermore, addictive chemicals are released in the brain. It truly is a very difficult addiction to overcome!

    And it destroys relationships…

    Which is why God speaks so much in the scriptures against sexual sin! He knows how destructive it is to one’s self, to the family, and to society.

    God has spoken some very strong words about this through Paul:

    9 When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. (1 Corinthians 5:9-11 Emphasis mine)

    Sexual sins are adultery (having sex with someone other than your spouse), fornication (having sex out of marriage), masturbation (having sex with yourself), and homosexuality.

    There are no grey areas here. God intended sex to be between a man and a woman within the bonds of marriage, so that they may become one .

    It is very difficult to have a relationship with someone who you don’t trust. There is always that worry and suspicion. And the one who does porn does a lot of covering the sin up, which makes it even harder to believe them.

    He is obviously still struggling with this sexual sin. He has kept the photos and has not totally rejected all references to the sin. Until he is totally healed, it will be an unhealthy relationship.

    Hannah, there is nothing you can do to help him with this temptation. Only God can truly change his heart and heal that part of him which has caused this addiction in the first place.

    I am so glad you have forgiven him – that IS the right thing to do. What you can do is pray that God will totally heal him and deliver him from this sin.

    Protect yourself by not allowing any situations where you will fall under sexual sin. Ask God to strengthen you in this resolve, and then listen to the Holy Spirit when He guides you. If being with this person causes you to sin, you need to let him go (Matthew 18:9).

    Ask God what is His Will for you in this situation. Is being with this person what God has in mind for you? God will give you His Wisdom if you ask for it.

    If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (James 1:5)

    Make sure you are walking in His Will for you. Walking in your desires only leads to multiple heartaches.

    You have time on your hands, dear sister. You do not need to hurry and make any long-lasting decisions yet. Especially since you will be going to college and meeting a whole new set of Christian friends. Make sure that any relationships you enter in are healthy and glorify God.

    I will be praying for you. For healing, for favor, for success, and for ears to hear His Voice.

    Hugs to you Hannah!

    Treasure Box

  • Hannah says:

    don’t know how to quite start this… But, I need help sorting through my feelings and I need some of God’s words to point me in the right direction.

    Let me start from the beginning. I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a sophmore in high school and had to transfer to another school where the teachers actually treated me like a person.

    At this school, I met the most wonderful guy. I could make list that would go on and on how amazing he is, what he does for me and others. He is a very devote Christian, loves Jesus, is serious about his faith, and has a real servant’s heart.

    The only difference between our faith is that he is Catholic and I am for lack of a better term a “Protestant”

    I love him very much and we have been dating for 7 months… And quite honestly if we were not so young… We would seriously be thinking of marriage.

    However, something has come up. Long story short, I went through his pictures on his phone nudes that he took of himself.

    I confronted him about it. And within a day… I got the whole story.

    In the past (for about four years) he struggled with a porn addiction… He has told me that people… But, I didn’t know how long it was… He is clean now… He has an accountability group with his youth group… He has not viewed it in 3 years… But, still has temptations at least once every month (sorry for all the details… I just so not know what is “normal” for recovery… I have very little knowledge in this…)

    The temptations came in flashbacks and the pictures were a result of this. He said he almost clicked on a site… But, he didn’t… And still touched himself for a bit… And then took pictures out of curiosity…

    He said that the felt so guilty that he cried, couldn’t even bare to look at them, and he went to Confession the next morning.

    He said he did not send the pictures to anyone and I believe him.

    Also, he took the pictures months ago… But, he did have a good excuse to still have them… I know he did not look at them… I’m just glad I found them and confronted him than somebody else… the only people where It might’ve worked out better would be if his parents had found them.

    I am just so confused… I want to stay with him. I forgive him (I believe I actually heard distinctly from God to) but, I don’t know if my being with him helps. He says it does… But, quite honestly we have not have had the most pure of relationships (we are doing fine now and the times we do slip up we pray to God together and also pray before dates and such) and I don’t know how to help him in the right direction from the temptations.

    On top of this, he had had a concussion for just a little over two months. It’s just been a roller costar ride with his pain and the medication he has been taken… I kind of feel like the doctors are kind of stumped on how to treat him.

    He sometimes says he hears a voice that tells that he deserves this. In rational moments, he knows that is not God operates… But, still…

    We have different prayer teams praying for his healing… Even from a variety of states (even faith healing churches… ) but, his healing seems slow and the pain stays the same…

    And in less than a month I am leaving for college… So I am also facing my own worries as well.

    I am sorry for the mess… I think if each thing happened one at a time… I could handle it on my own. I know I have been through situations worse than I am facing now… But, I still could seek advice.

    I am just sick if all. I’m sick of the world and its distractions. I am sick of the enemy attacking both of us when we are at weakened points.

    Thank you for your help,


  • Beloved by Him says:

    Dear sweet sister in Christ,

    This is Beloved by Him in for Treasure Box. I am so glad you wrote in to WeUsed2bu for some comfort and encouragement. We really know what it is like to feel lost and alone and apart from God, and we are here to tell you that this is NOT the truth–it’s not possible for you to be separated from Him ever, ever, EVER. One of the scriptures I like to use to reinforce this truth is Romans 8:31-39. Put your name in for every “we” or “us” pronoun and this is what it reads:

    “What, then, shall (Shay) say in response to these things? If God is for (Shay), who can be against (Shay)? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for (Shay)—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give (Shay) all things? Who will bring any charge against (Shay) whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns (Shay)? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for (Shay). Who shall separate (Shay) from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

    “For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

    No, in all these things (Shay is) more than a conqueror through him who loved (Shay). For (Shay is) convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate (Shay) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (NIV)

    I encourage girls to read that passage aloud and affirm the truth in their hearts: NOTHING can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. That includes sin before we knew God and the sins we commit after we’ve been born again. Any time you feel like you have been separated from God, you need to renew your mind with the truth and refuse any thoughts to the contrary. Yes, our sins are stumbling blocks. Yes, we will suffer the natural consequences of many of our sins, although God’s mercy always triumphs over judgment and He never deals with us according to our sins (James 2:13, Ps. 103:10). Remember, the wages of sin is death, but the FREE GIFT of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, the life that started in your heart the moment you asked Him to be your Lord and Savior. Nothing can snatch you out of His loving, caring hands (Rom. 6:23, John 10:28-29).

    I believe that part of the pain your are feeling is true remorse and repentance about the relationship you took part in, but also that you are feeling something that God never intends His children to feel, which is shame. There is a great passage of scripture in II Corinthians 7:10-11 that helps us determine whether we are feeling true Godly sorrow over sin, or whether we are allowing the enemy (the world, the devil, or even our own flesh) to shame us into thinking we are unworthy or despised or abandoned by God:

    “For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.” (NLT)

    Shay, you’ve repented to God and removed yourself from a sinful situation. Hallelujah! It was the Spirit of the Lord Who guided you into righteousness in the first place, and He will continue to lead you in righteous paths. He never left you, not even when you were in the very act of sinning, and He is ready to show you new and great things about Him and the life He has planned for you. Don’t let the enemy work you over and keep you from running to the Lover of your soul. There is no fear in God’s love. I John 4:17-19 reminds us,

    “Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.”

    God has gifted you with the righteousness of His Son, and He sees the perfect work He is completing in you until the day you are with Him in His presence. If you are afraid, you need to immerse yourself in getting to know Him and how much you are loved by Him! I would strongly suggest spending some time reading the book of I John. There are so many beautiful promises and explanations of the loving character of God, about how we can be assured of His love and faithfulness to us, and how the essence of our relationship is based on Who He is, not what we have done.

    I know you are hurting. Even when we repent, we may still suffer from the consequences of our sins, some of which are brokenness and a lack of spiritual strength. But this can be a season of good for you, as you allow the Lord to heal you by His word and His Spirit, as He loves on you and gives you wisdom and understanding about the consequences of sin vs. the victory of righteous living according to His will (Ps. 18:30). Your heart and soul WILL heal in His time; trust Him, cling to Him, don’t be afraid, and embrace His love which gives us hope:

    “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Rom. 5:1-5 NKJ)

    We are here for you, sister.
    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Shay says:

    Hi, this is not the first time I have written into this website. I went to go back to my previous counselor who helped me but I don’t see them on the website.

    I sinned and sinned greatly… and I felt so disgusted with myself. I partook in a sinful relationship… and I just recently ended it FINALLY, and I feel a lot better knowing that I did that and now is my chance to get back with god.

    The thing is though… I just feel so miserable and empty. I never felt that way before the sin. I always felt Jesus was there with me and everything was okay. I was never scared. I knew I’d be okay because of him.

    Now though I have all these fears and I feel alone and even though I’m out of the relationship, I still feel like I’m sinning! It’s awful :'( I used to fear going to hell. One of the fabulous counselors helped me see that because I despised the sin I had been saved by my lord and savior and so if I ended this, I’d be okay. I was at the movies recently and got pranked into thinking there was a shooting happening. In that moment, I wondered if I’d make it into heaven, despite that I’ve ended the sin.

    Is this normal? I want to shake the feeling but I don’t know how:'( I want to get back what I felt before. I need god’s help and I’m praying, begging him to help take the pain away and help me to move forward, and I believe that he will as he always has… but I’m so afraid and I know I’m not supposed to be.

    I just want to be okay and it feels like the sin of the past is constantly eating at me… especially since it is inevitable I still bump into the person from the relationship every now and then (although it is over) I just… I don’t know. I want to feel clean again so why do I still feel so miserable :'(

  • Blessed & Highly Favored says:

    Thank you for your question.

    Ugh, ugh, ugh. Sometimes friendships are messy; sometimes they are wonderful; and sometimes they are destructive. At 15, and in high school, is where we “may” be making bonds and friendships for a lifetime. We are coming out of middle school or junior high school and beginning to see ourselves as individuals, and putting away things that are childish that once made us so happy. It is part of the natural progression toward adulthood, and sometimes it seems uncertain, and filled with change. CHANGE.

    I’m reminded about the change G-d required of Abram. Not only did G-d change his name Abraham (Genesis 17:5), but he moved him from all that was familiar into an entirely different land (Genesis 12). But that faith Abraham had was in G-d, and is recorded in the “Faith Hall of Fame” in Hebrews 11:8-16.

    I tell you this because it is first and more important to trust Jesus, G-d The Son who calls us friends:

    “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15 NKJV)

    There is a closeness that Jesus wants with us. He wants a “Heart-To-Heart” relationship with us that is full of Mercy, Love, Compassion, and Wisdom. Jesus is forever ready to receive us, completely and totally just the way we are. We cannot wait to be fixed up enough, or have things all in order first. We have to call on Him, and He’s right there:

    “For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5 NKJV).

    Jesus loves us ALL the same way; no one better, no one less.

    Pray first to G-d and ask Him to quiet your heart and be in control of your lips. Be honest with your friend. Sit down and talk to her face-to-face and ask her does she notice that the relationship is changing? And if so, why? Sometimes we establish new boundaries without letting people know. That opens the door to a lot of misunderstanding, wrong assumptions, petty jealousies, and lets your imagination run wild with things that may or may not be happening in reality. Find out by having a conversation with her and hear things from her own mouth. Just between you and her, no spectators.

    As girls, we often make the mistake of trying to fix things that we cannot control, or assume there’s something wrong with us first. We trip up by trying to find our “esteem or worth” from others in the way they value us. We get caught in the “performance cycle” of doings things; of seeking the approval of others in order make us feel that we are worth loving, appreciated and cherished. Loyalty does need to be a two-way street because it is based on trust, and a mutual understanding that a TRUE friend always “has your back” and can talk to you (and vise versa) plainly and honestly without getting your feelings hurt.

    Now, as you’re getting older and maturing, friendships DO CHANGE! Sometimes a person is in your life for a season, sometimes temporarily. However, it doesn’t mean that our hearts won’t get broken or our feelings won’t get hurt. Our friends cannot be the “Be All” because life’s distractions are many, and interruptions happen, and time passes too quickly to always remain the same. The only One who does not change is Jesus Christ.

    So, I pray that G-d will bless you exceedingly with good, healthy relationships that will build you up and that you will find people with common interests who have 100% commitment to Jesus Christ. I would also pray that you find new friends at your church Youth Group because this is an issue that Youth Pastors deal with all the time, and can minister to you with G-dly Wisdom from His Word.

    Blessed & Highly Favored

  • Jhay says:

    I’m a 15 year old girl and a sophomre in high school. I have a handful of friends. Lately one of them (my best friend) has been pushing me to the side. We used to hang out all the time. Now, she’s been calling someone else her best friend.
    Her new “Bff’s” birthday was today and she was so excited. It made me think back to my birthday. She didn’t even remember until someone else said something. I’ve known her since middle school and we were bestfriends freshmen year but I’m the one being treated like I’m brand new. I bend over backwards for her. I just feel like my loyalty is unappreciated. I prayed for so long that God would bring a real friend into my life and I finally got one. Now,I’m losing her. I don’t know what to do.

  • admin says:

    Hello there,

    It’s frustrating to feel surrounded by people that you cannot relate to or find common ground with. However, I would encourage you to look at the life of Jesus. Look at the way the way that He handles being in the world. Anytime the “Pharisees or Sadducee’s” brought to his attention a person who was messed up or who was in a mess, Jesus loved on them, instead of making them feel bad. He would say that He didn’t condemn them. However, Jesus told the “do-good-ers” that he came to save the unrighteous, and the lost. He came to be SAVIOR. Read Luke 18.

    Also, look at Luke 15:1-7

    “Now all the tax collectors and the sinners were coming near Him to listen to Him. 2 Both the Pharisees and the scribes began to grumble, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” So He told them this parable, saying, 4 “What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the [b]open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

    …..More joy in heaven over ONE SINNER WHO REPENTS. This is the thing I would like you to meditate on. Ask yourself, “Was I lost, but now I am found, and Jesus found me, and saved me because I so badly needed a Savior?” This is why the Pharisees and Sadducees could not receive HIM as their Savior. They were not about to admit that they were in need of a Savior. They were happy with the way they were, righteous in their self. They were self-righteous.

    My friend, please understand this very important message of the good news of the Gospel. Jesus SAVES the lost souls, Jesus uses the weak to confound the wise, AND you are His ambassador on the earth if you are a born again, spirit-filled Christian. So….guess what my advice is….Get busy loving on these lost ones. Love, Love, Love is the answer.

    “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

    Regarding your friends, keep your circle of friends small, making sure that you are ‘iron sharpening iron’ (Proverbs 27:17). Again, WWJD, Jesus had the 12 disciples, and then his closer friends were only Peter, James and John. So, hang in there!

    “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

    Bless you,

    Sweet Freedom

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