Born This Way: My Journey From Sexual immorality To Total Deliverance
February 9, 2016 – 9:57 am | 2 Comments

(Note to readers: Contains graphic content.)
Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

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Submitted by on September 28, 2011 – 1:49 pm1,036 Comments

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  • Dear sister,

    Thank you so much for writing in to WeUsed2u. I really enjoyed your candor about your situation, and I respect your feelings and your desire to grow and be challenged. Good job :)

    It’s really not a “what would I do” response that will be appropriate here. The question is, what would God have you do? His plan and will for your life are paramount to the opinions of friends, society, even other Christians. If we were talking about a fundamental issue like salvation, then we would know His will is for all to be saved and none to perish. Whether or not you should marry and have children is a huge life choice you need to continue praying, seeking, and asking Him about, and He will give you His wisdom and answers (Luke 11:9, James 1:5).

    That being said, I can share with you that when I was young, I didn’t want children, either. I came from a broken home and did not see myself as a parent or part of an extended family. God had other plans, however, and as it turns out, my children not only brought me back to Christ, but raising them has deepened my walk with the Lord and expanded the boundaries of my heart in ways that I never would have believed or imagined. One of God’s first commands to Adam and Eve was to be fruitful and multiply, and the Bible says that children are a heritage and reward from the Lord (Gen. 1:28, Psalm 127:3). Yes, the thought of such great sacrifices is scary, overwhelming, and in some ways, even undesirable. But Jesus said that whoever loses their life for His sake will find it (Matt. 10:39). When we choose to submit to His will, we can never lose God’s best for us.

    Stay in the Word and keep praying, my sister. and be content with whatever stage of life in which you find yourself (Phil. 4:12). One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 18:30, “As for God, His way is perfect, His Word is proven, He is a shield for those who trust Him.” Trust that He is worthy of whatever He asks you for in service to His glory and good will. Keep us posted :)

    Much love and Merry Christmas!
    Beloved by Him

  • Dear Rayven,

    I am so sorry to take so long to respond. I have been in the process of a move and did not see this until today!

    But I believe God used that time of waiting for you to His glory and purpose. Sometimes, as Lisa aka Trophy of Grace used to say to me, we need to stop hearing from man and wait to hear from God. There are times in our Christian walk that we have to choose to forge ahead blindly. Not without wisdom, because God promises to use His Word as a lamp to our feet and a light to our path (Ps. 119:105). But definitely we can walk without, and in spite of, our feelings. The truth is that when it comes to faith, our feelings don’t really matter. We are commanded to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).

    Sometimes an act of faith feels completely contrary to what our hearts are telling us. The Bible says our hearts of flesh are deceitful and desperately wicked, and we can’t know what’s in them–only God does (Jeremiah 17:9). So if God is allowing you to go through a season of testing, where He has taken away your surety in your feelings and knowledge, it’s okay! Choose to be thankful, embrace this trial, and trust that He is doing a far better work in you than you could possibly understand! (James 1:3 Romans 5:3, Is. 55:9) God will not let you down. He is faithful even we are not! (2 Tim. 2:13)

    Don’t be afraid, dear sister. His perfect love will cast out your fears, and He is always working in you to will and to do His good pleasure (I John 4:18-19, Phil 2:13). I know you are suffering in this trial, but remember this verse,

    “But may the God of all grace, Who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

    God WILL complete the good work He began in you, sister! It’s His promise!

    Have a very merry Christmas <3

    Much love
    Beloved by Him

  • Lovedbutwineing says:


    I hope your still replying to people. I wrote a while back ago and im back again because you guys are so great!especially for someone who doesnt really know where to go for advice often.
    I wrote sometime ago about a love life problem i was having. I am gladdd to report that I do believe I have met the Man God wants me to be with. We are doing well and are discussing.but theres one majoy problem.I previously before meeting him didnt want kids…at ALL. but then I accepted that its a lot to ask of a man unless if he initially doesnt want them either, so I prayed that “Lord if the man you have for me wants kids, ill have them,i wont fight”. Then he came, and he does want kids, but we wont for at least the first two years of our marriage.I mean if we arent capable his fine with that. but knowing me I know i wil be capable. but i often find myself dreading the eventual pregnancy and therefore children. I am trying to get used to the idea, warm up to others children etc. but part of me it still really dreading the loss of all freedom of my life. Being in this relationship has been a huge change for me already especially with time being his love language.
    i kept following advice to enjoy my single life previously meeting him 4 months ago.and perhaps I was enjoying it TOO MUCH. Im in the debate between staying with him, and preparing for children i am freaked out about or ending things and keeping the freedom I loved so much. but now im starting to think this “freedom” idea is world-code for “selfishness”…….I dont know where to even begin praying. I dont even know what question to really ask but I guess what I am asking is…If you were me, what would you do?

  • Rayven says:


    I’ve been a Christian my whole life, gave my life to Jesus in my teens (I’m 20 now). And yet, this past year I’ve never felt so disillusioned with Christianity. So many things don’t make sense, and no one has any answers. All in all, I believe that God is real. But its hard for me to believe that Christianity is good beyond my doubts. To my human mind, so many things about it are just confusing, some things even seem wicked. I haven’t prayed or read my Bible in a while. Every time I do I just have more questions. Questions that never get answered. I don’t know how to believe through my doubts. I’m not even sure I want to. To everyone else, it seems like Christianity is such a blessing to them. To me, It often seems like something I just don’t know how to do. Please help!

  • Dear Jenn,

    Thank you for sharing your situation with WeUsed2bu. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will minister to you and affirm any good thing I might share with you today, in Jesus’ name.

    Yours is an interesting situation, for several reasons. I love that you are involved in clubs and advocacy with your university peers. It’s great that you want to be involved, for both your own benefit and the benefit of others. During this very important time in your life, there are some key principles to consider as you make commitments, invest your time, and pursue friendships that could last for many years.

    I don’t know what kind of Christian club it is with which you are involved, but I can’t help but wonder if there are several types of denominations that are represented there. Often in college, there may be Christians who come from very different places in their faith. There may be an adjustment period as people learn to accept those differences in each other’s walks. I would encourage you to give it some time before you leave this club. Hebrews 10:24-25 is a good reminder of the fact that we should continue to fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ, to be mindful of them and exhort them, which will stir up love and good works on each other’s behalf and support us as we live more and more in the end times.

    You also didn’t mention the kind of social advocacy group with which you are participating. Depending on the cause, sometimes people don’t feel like they can either advocate for it at the level you feel you should, or even get behind it at all. I find it interesting, however, that a Christian community would view you as peculiar because you have a heart for social justice. God’s Word charges us to take up the cause of the oppressed, the orphan, the widow, and so on (Ps. 82:3-4, Is. 1:17, James 1:27). Praise the Lord that He has given you a heart that loves justice; don’t forget to also be merciful and humble as you walk with the Lord in your endeavors (Micah 6:8).

    I have worked both in a church community and in the secular world, and there were definitely times I felt more accepted by those outside the church. Part of it, I believe, is that Christians bring the light of Christ into people’s lives, even if they don’t recognize it as His influence. The world is starving for love and acceptance. They are desperate for kindness and commitment. God diffuses the fragrance of Christ through us into a terribly lost world, and some people will respond to the ministry of God’s loving Spirit (2 Cor. 2:14-16). This is one of the reasons we are in the world but not of it, that God might be glorified through us. And sometimes, we His people can make the church feel like a pretty exclusive club, with our judgment, legalism, pride, and lack of real love for one another. If we don’t feel accepted and loved by our family in Christ, and we feel appreciated and valued in the world, it is easy to write off fellowship as a loss. But don’t be tempted to do that. Find another church group. Look for a small group to join. Check out area churches that might have a young adults ministry. We can be friendly with the world, but we cannot fellowship with the lost in the same way we can with those of one Spirit (2 Cor. 6:14, 1 Cor. 12:13, Prov. 18:24).

    Stay in prayer and in the Word, and God will reveal more than we can figure out on our own (Prov. 3:5-6). His ways are always above our ways, and He will give you the wisdom and discernment you need. Do all that you do to please God and not man, and to His glory :) (Gal. 1:10, Col. 3:17). And always remember how much He loves you!

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Jenn says:


    I’m a 20 year old university student. I have been heavily involved in the Christian club at my school since I started university…but I’ve never really felt like I belonged there. I’ve made a few really good friends through the Christian club, but for the most part Ive always felt like nobody there really gets me. Im not sure why…I find it so hard to make connections; I just feel so out of place. I should say that I dont think anyone is trying to purposefully make me feel this way; they are all lovely people who love the Lord, I just get the feeling that we’re not on the same wavelength.

    Recently I started to get more involved in an advocacy group at my university and that has ignited a passion in me for advocating for those who are oppressed and marginalized. I know this is a passion God has placed in me. And I know he has placed me in this advocacy group for a reason, as I am one of 2 Christians in the group. I have made so many amazing friends through this advocacy group and I feel like they all accept and value me just because of who I am. Its sad to say, but I feel more at home with my advocacy group friends than the people in the Christian club…

    Lately Ive been noticing that I dread going to the Christian club events because I just feel like a total outsider there. Ive felt this way to some extent since I started being a part of the club, but I still stuck around because I know I need the support of a Christian community…but I actually feel the opposite of supported when I hang out with them. I also think me getting involved with the advocacy group has created a bigger rift between me and them, cause now they REALLY dont get me (Im just another “crazy” social justice warrior).

    So basically, what should I do? If Im being honest, I would prefer not be a part of the Christian club anymore. But would that be wrong? Why do I feel so out of place there? Am I doing something wrong?

    Thank you in advance,

  • Thank you for coming to us again.

    Let me first frame your question like this: Everything that is unholy, unrighteous, unclean, everything; comes from the root of sin, plain and simple. Only one person was sinless. He Came, He lived and taught; He died for our sins and rose on the 3rd Day so we would not die in our sinful state. Jesus prevails in all things.

    In this era, we live our lives being bombarded by media, especially in the Western Culture. Oh the anguish, not being able to constantly look at our phones, catch what was just tweeted, and comment on someone’s page. We do live in perilous times and the road of Christianity is fraught with endless distractions, and amusements that seek to pull us away from our commitments, to make us focus, if only for a moment, on sinful things.

    During this Holy Week, I remember when I was on the Mount of Olives, thinking on the arrival of Jesus on a donkey as a VICTOR into Jerusalem and the events of that week. I imagined the the roar of the people singing and yelling and noise of His arrival in Jerusalem. The people loved Him, and showered Him with love in the display of waving palm fronds and laying their coats on the street for the donkey to tread on. As I walked down the steep road, there is a Jewish cemetery that fills the hill side on the left. The road leads to The Garden of Gethsemane, which is where our Lord was betrayed. At the top of the Hill, I was thinking about triumph, but when I got to The Garden, all I could think was Jesus seeing his captors, walk along the zig zag path from the top of the Gate of the City to the valley and up to the hillside of the grove of olives. He must have heard them leave, and seen their torches parade down the hillside toward Him, yet prayed even harder that He would be obedient (Luke 22:39-46) to do The Will of the Father. And because Jesus prayed, He was strengthened and proceeded to fulfill His Mission.

    I write this to you earnestly…all perversions come from sin, BUT Jesus is the, “Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world (John 1:29).” If the devil thought he could get Jesus to sin, (Jesus the Son of God, Emmanuel, and the only Holy thing on earth), what did Jesus do PRIOR to the temptation and directly after? He prayed. There is HOLY POWER in prayer, and sinful imaginations must be cast down and prayed out. But you musn’t put yourself in a position to encourage or entertain such thoughts to begin with. Removing yourself from situations is the first step. If it’s media (TV, internet, phone, etc) turn it off and block images. Then, check your mind. Don’t let it wander off into places it’s not supposed to be. Capture that thought and and ask yourself, “Would Jesus think this?” 99.999999% of the time it’s no. If it’s people..well, are you supposed to hanging with this crowd and do they edify (lift up) Christ? Might be time for some new friends. Sin distorts our perceptions, sin distorts our behavior, sin distorts everything. But Praise God for the saving Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ who takes away the sin of the world! Rejoice!

    Pray. Ask for His help; He’s always a whisper away.
    “Our Father who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name….”

    Blessed and Highly Favored



  • I definitely don’t know all the specifics of the gifts of the Spirit and the details of your upbringing, but there are a few things we can know for sure. First, that God’s gifts and call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29). If God has blessed you with His gift of mercy, He will not remove it because you have conflict in your life or you make mistakes. He knew you perfectly and chose you to carry His Spiritual qualities regardless of your humanity, because He is completing the work He began in you, and is always faithful. We are commanded, though, to give mercy if we want to receive mercy (Matthew 5:7, James 2:13). If you want to walk in the fulness of the Holy Spirit and grow in your gift, maybe there is something the Lord needs to show you that could be resolved to His glory within your family relationships. Pray for wisdom and be sensitive to His leading.

    Second, mercy givers are sensitive to emotions, which would seem to make them more sympathetic and affectionate towards others. Christians are called to practice brotherly kindness and love, especially as we grow in faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, and godliness, through the power and knowledge of God (2 Peter 1:3-11). It is wonderful to be warm and affectionate to people; our behavior needs to be governed by the Spirit so that we do not enter into temptation, project “ourselves” instead of the Lord, or create confusion as to the way we conduct ourselves. Ministering to someone in the Lord’s mercy should point them back to Him, not to us.

    Lastly, I can’t imagine that mercy givers do not see the faults of others, because God is both merciful and just, and knows all of our sins. He can’t not be the Righteous Judge that He is. But the beautiful fact is that He knew our sins and died for us anyways! (Rom. 5:6-8) His mercy triumphs over judgment! (James 2:13). Mercy givers share the love and kindness of Christ not because of the sin, but because of the One Who redeems it. That is the heart of the Gospel, and the heart of God.

    The links I shared in your last question are really helpful! I recommend you take some time to read them, but more importantly, stay in the Word, stay close to the Lord, and trust that He is growing your gifts to be revealed to His glory in His good time :)

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Warrior princess says:

    I have a question about mercy givers are they really super affectionate because i am but to a certain degree and i feel like its because if the way i grew up. Also for the gift of mercy … I feel like i show more acts of kindness and affectionate to outsiders than my family and its because im not really close to my family i really want to be though .. so because of this does that mean i dont have the gift and also are mercy givers the ones who see no fault in others ? I have so many questions ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………

  • Hello dear sister,

    To have the Spirit-given gift of mercy is a wonderful gift, because it is the motivation and manifestation of the heart of God towards others. The word “mercy” is often translated “lovingkindness”, and is rooted in God’s unchanging character. In His great and perfect love for us, He is ever kind, forgiving, sympathetic, caring, and good to His children. Christians with the gift of mercy have a strong outpouring of His love in their hearts, especially for those who are suffering, struggling, lost, or rejected. Mercy allows us to better sense their pain, understand their issues, and urges us to want to serve them in their time of need.

    Those with the gift of mercy are charged to give it with cheerfulness, use it on behalf of the body of Christ, and by it, show love to a lost world (Luke 6:36, Rom. 12:8, 1 Cor. 12). Jesus was the perfect example of God’s mercy, so we look to Him to show us how to be merciful to others in practical and self-sacrificial ways. This is one reason why having the Gospels to read is so precious: They are eyewitness accounts of how Jesus loved on people while He was here on earth. The Bible is full of exhortations about God’s lovingkindness to us. As we grow in our knowledge and walk with God, we can’t help but experience His mercy, because He is always expressing His love toward and for us. If we are humbly walking with God, acknowledging our sinfulness and His holiness, yet seeing the power of His grace and righteousness at work in us, we are experiencing His mercy, and can share it with others (Micah 6:8).

    There are many great articles on this topic that will help you as you pray for the Lord to give you greater revelation about His giftings at work in you. Here are some links I liked:

    Also, the spiritual gifts test is helpful, but remember, Christians are all of one Spirit. Just because we may be stronger in one area than another does not mean we shouldn’t ask the Lord to become more like Him and give Him glory, whether our giftings are mature or not. It’s really experiencing His love every day, walking in the Spirit, and looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, that will make us more merciful, as He is merciful to us.

    Praise the Lord for His work in you and all of His children, sister :)

    Much love,

    Beloved by Him

  • warrior princess says:

    Hi i wanted to know if you know some things about the spiritual gift of mercy. I think i have this gift but im not 100 percent sure yet i need to keep praying. Do you have some tips on how i can develop it ?

  • We appreciate making a connection in Christ Jesus.

    As a young Christian woman, you have made the decision to follow Jesus, and seek to become what He wants you to become; that decision does require commitment. It is wholly your decision, understanding that “Free Will” is indeed a gift from God for us to exercise.

    And, yes, temptation and distractions do surround us and continually bombard us. Sometimes, we can reason our way “into” them, justifying a higher, more moral reason to entertain, such as, “The means justifies the end.”

    In 1 Kings 19:9, Elijah is on the run from Ahab and Jezebel. God goes to great lengths to feed and keep him nourished and rested. Gods asks Elijah, “What are you doing here Elijah?” God never asks a question without first knowing the full and complete answer. He asks him again in verse 13. Elijah makes the declaration that according to his assessments of the matters at hand, “14 And he said, ‚ÄúI have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.‚ÄĚ At that point, God gives Elijah some direction about what to do next. Then, God gives Elijah some information, ” 18 Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him‚ÄĚ (Elijah…check yourself…it ain’t all about you, I got back-up that you don’t know about).

    Our daily commitment to Jesus requires that we set aside “good enough” for the pursuit “Holiness.” And in that daily pursuit, though we live in a contaminated world, we cannot allow the contamination to fill us. The first way satan tries to mess with that pursuit is to distract us with emotions, and mess with our minds and hearts.

    1Peter 1:13, “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

    1Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

    God does not and will not call us to Evangelism Dating, not ever. 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” According to the Will of God, He’s made His Will pretty apparent.

    If you want to share the Gospel with someone, we are required to do it in the Light of Salvation; a real, and deep desire to see that no one is without excuse in hearing it, reading etc. You needn’t be a friend, nor a close acquaintance to do so. However, you can follow this simple path:

    1. God Loves you and offers you a wonderful plan for YOUR life, which is specific to you.
    2. Man is sinful and separated from God. Therefore, he cannot know and experience God’s Love and plan for his life. Being in and around a church does not bring you Salvation, even if your parents were Pastors, Evangelists, Missionaries, etc. It is a personal choice that can only be made by an individual.
    3. Jesus Christ is God’s ONLY provision for mankind’s sin. Through HIM alone can you know and experience God’s Love and plan for your life.
    4. We must individually receive Jesus Christ as Savior AND LORD; then we can know and experience God’s Love and plan for our lives.
    Now, if you agree with what we have discussed, let’s pray right now.
    “Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open up my mind, my soul, my heart to you. Please come into my life and become my Lord and Savior. Thank you for forgiving me of my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life and make me the kind of person YOU want me to become. I thank YOU and receive YOU in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

    Always, always, always, seek and search the Word of God, and then hold fast to the direction and be obedient. To be totally honest with you, I have to renew my mind everyday, as it is written, so as not become entangled in the ways of the world. God will never accept short cuts or weigh intentions vs actions. He is a Just and Righteous God, full of Love and Mercy and Compassion. But do not reason your way out of Holy direction, because that is the slippery slope of error.

    I pray that you become an ardent student of the Bible, not just reading, but soaking up and applying all the precepts and principles that have guided generations of people about how to live, act, love, worship, etc. Studying the Bible is like looking through a prism…the Light refracts differently every time you move it, and you can never see the same refraction twice; you spend an entire lifetime discovering Truth, and Love, and Holiness, and Righteousness, and Insight, and Direction, eventually leading you to a face-to-face encounter with our Lord, Jesus Christ.

    Pursue Holiness,

    Blessed and Highly Favored

  • Maria says:


    I think the first time I asked a question on this site, I was 14 or 15 years old. Since then, I’ve come here for advice maybe one or twice a year. I’m about to turn 20 now, and I would like to thank you ladies and this ministry for giving Godly advice to me and all the other young women you’ve helped!

    I’m a sophomore in college, and the past couple of years have been great. I am on the leadership team of a campus ministry which has provided me with wonderful friends who support me, challenge me, pray for me… I am pursuing an education in a field I am passionate about, and I look forward to the plans God has for me… He is continuously showing me more of who He is and who I am in Him, and I am so in awe of God’s hand in my life.

    But it’s still college, and that provide a lot of temptation and distraction. About a year ago, I had a friend who was wonderful, showed an interest in me, and eventually asked me out on a date. I had feelings for him, so I went. Toward the end of the date, though, we started talking about God and faith, and I found out that he’d grown up in the church but it was no longer a part of his life. I was conflicted, because I really liked him, but I knew that dating a non-Christian is a slippery slope. On our next date, I made it clear to him that I was not okay with being in a relationship with someone who didn’t share my beliefs. It’s so difficult to date someone who has a different worldview, who doesn’t approach life or problems or anything with the same eyes and faith and longing to pursue Christ above all else.

    Now, it probably should have just ended there. But we had class together, so we still saw each other and occasionally got lunch or coffee. When I was leaving for the summer, he asked to see me again and he ended up coming over to help me move out of my dorm. We spent some time together that evening, and we kissed. I shared with him once again that though I cared for him, my feelings hadn’t changed and that I didn’t want him to expect anything once classes began again. He told me he understood, and I left the next morning.

    Flash forward seven or so months to December. He had still texted me occasionally, but it had petered off and I hadn’t heard from him since October. I had a dream about him one night, in which he told me he still had feelings for me, and he texted me the very next day. I don’t normally take dreams seriously, but the timing was a little unnerving. We talked a bit over winter break, and once classes started, he asked to see me again because he wanted to talk about how things had ended.

    I was again very conflicted about how to handle things. I had talked about him with one of my closest family members, my aunt, and she told me to make sure I wasn’t closing the door on someone who might be interested in hearing about my faith. On the other hand, I realized I still had feelings for him, which would make it difficult for us to be just friends, especially since he still had feelings for me. And I still didn’t want to date him.

    Up until a few minutes before we met up, I was praying and asking for God’s guidance. I just prayed that He would give me the words to say and to grant me peace when I made the right decision. We talked for a little bit, and he told me he’d tried to just let it go, but he couldn’t and still wanted to be in a relationship with me. I told him how I felt, and I ended up saying that I would not move on dating a non-Christian, and it would be too difficult to be just friends. But if he was interested in talking with me about what I believe and why I am so adamant about pursuing God above all else, and in sharing with me what he believes, that would be okay. He told me he was definitely open to doing that, and we’re meeting in a few days to talk.

    I have been praying about it, and I do think it is the right decision. How could I close the door on him if there’s an opportunity for him to hear about God from someone he likes and cares about? I know it will be difficult, and I made no promises that if he gave his life to God we could date. I know that it has to be a decision he makes apart from the fact that he has feelings for me, and I just pray that God gives me discernment and wisdom. If it is really something he starts to believe, maybe I could introduce him to one a guy friends I trust who could talk to him some more…. I don’t know.

    Do you think I’m crazy for doing this? As Christians we are called to show God’s love even when it’s uncomfortable, but does that mean this is okay? I really believe this was the right call, and I just pray that God will guide me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to not give in to the temptation to date this wonderful, intelligent, kind young man who I have feelings for and who cares for me, but I know God’s strength is more than sufficient.

    I would love to hear your thoughts. I’m sorry this was so long!

    Thank you, sincerely.


  • Dear Sister in Christ,

    Let’s pray.

    Dear Heavenly Father, my sister is broken. She is in pain. Her circumstances have overwhelmed her, and she has lost sight of You. Dear Jesus, please reach out Your hand to pull her up from this pit. She is weak and tired from the struggle of a Christian in this fallen world. Dear Holy Spirit, please comfort her as only You can, by pouring out Your love and hope into her heart. Lord, I know You are always in control. I know You have seen her trials, heard her cries, and understand her pain. I ask that You would fill her with Your peace that passes understanding right now, that she would be able to turn and embrace You as her Healer, Deliver, and Hiding Place, and that she would find rest for her soul. Lord, You promise that even our flesh will come to rest in hope. I pray that Your hope would be the anchor for her soul right now, that she would not cast away her confidence, which has great reward, and that she would wait on You to renew her strength. I know You hear our prayers, Lord, and I ask that You remind her that Your will is going to be done in her life, and that You will complete the good work You began in her. Forgive us for not believing in all You are, in all You have promised, and in all You have done, and show us in Your great mercy how much You love her, Lord. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

    Dearest, I know what it is to feel the way you feel. Many other Christians have felt the same. All creation is in pain and wants the suffering in this world to end and for all to be redeemed (Romans 8:19-22, I Peter 5:9). Pain, deep pain, is a part of this life. This is why so many people turn to outside remedies to cope with their struggles. Even Christians do the same. I am guilty of turning to many idols in the midst of my pain to either try to numb it, or to finish the job and destroy myself. The enemy’s attacks are wicked and cruel. He studies Christians to find their weakest points and then sends in a flood of fiery darts to hit us as much as the Lord allows. And the world offers no lasting comfort. Even if we find a brief respite or distraction, things will change and we find ourselves on the same brutal plain, taking another beating. And some trials last a very, very long time, whether it is physical suffering, emotional affliction, financial ruin, even spiritual despondency. Suffering is a reality of this life. It is a lie from the enemy that we are supposed to pursue happiness and find contentment inside ourselves. Our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked. Our flesh wars against our spirit. We are not of this world, and it hates us. And we have been appointed to suffering on Christ’s behalf. That is the life of every Christian, and it costs everything we have and are. (Jer. 17:9, Matt. 10:22, John 15:18, Phil. 1:29, 3:8, Col. 1:24, ) I think it is totally understandable to think that Christianity is unfair if we are looking at it simply from the vantage point of the pain. But a Christian’s pain and suffering never have the final word. They are working for us a far greater weight of eternal glory (2 Cor. 4:17). One of my favorite quotes is from Samuel Rutherford, a pastor from the 1600’s, who suffered greatly in his time on earth. I wrote his words on the inside cover of my Bible to remind myself that this time on earth is not the end of all things,

    “Our little time of suffering is not worthy of our first night’s welcome home to heaven.”

    God has a purpose for allowing suffering and pain in our life, and when our time is done, we are going to our REAL home, the place where we are in His presence for eternity, and there is no more pain. Whether we believe it or not, God’s Word is truth, so once you have received Jesus as your Savior and Lord, you are sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day of redemption (John 17:17, 2 Cor. 1:22, Eph. 1:13). I think it’s totally normal to have doubts; I know I do. But I choose to renew my mind with God’s Word, and let the truth set me free (Rom. 12:1-2, John 8:32). Even this week I have had to confess the sin of unbelief in God’s promises to me, and I have been a Christian a long time, and I have seen Him act mightily in my life, yet I doubt. But God is no liar (Rom. 3:4, Num. 23:19). If I am not believing His promises because I have not seen all the answers, the problem is mine, not His. “As for God, His way is perfect, His Word is proven, He is a shield to all who trust in Him” (Ps. 18:30). God is truth, His Word is truth, and He is faithful even when we are faithless. When you have doubts, don’t run from God. Run to Him, and He will give you abundant wisdom, true love and acceptance, and everlasting consolation.

    To say that we wish we were never born, or that we wish for death, is to say that we know better than God. Again, it doesn’t mean that the pain is not agonizing, or that we are not desperate for relief. God knows those things, but has allowed our suffering so that His work and purpose and glory in us will be perfected. That is the fire of affliction (Is. 48:10). Only God knows what we can bear, because He made us. Should He not have made us? That thought is not an option. He only does good, His creation of us is good, and He will be glorified in us (Ps. 136:1, 100:5, Gen. 1:31, 1 Thess. 1:11-12). So we cannot say we should not be here. Do we wish for this time on earth to end and to be with Him? Even the Apostle Paul did so. But he knew that to remain here would be better for those around him, and that the Lord would be glorified in His service to them. And we do not know or control God’s sanctification process in us, so we cannot accurately say when we are completed (this is not to say we are not justified in Christ for salvation). God brought us into this world, He will carry us through, and He will bring us home to heaven and to Him, when His time is right. Let us be thankful that those things are Yes and Amen.

    My sister, I would encourage you to read Romans 8 and when you get to verse 31 to the end, insert your name wherever it says “us” or “we”. Those promises are personal to you and to all those who suffer for His sake. But also, if you are struggling so deeply, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reach out to a trusted parent, pastor, counselor or mentor who can minister to you, and if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, contact a medical professional IMMEDIATELY. God wants you healthy, whole, and supported in every way. There was a time I went through a depression and needed medical intervention. There is no shame for getting help for ourselves when we need it–only the enemy uses shame to keep us from the love and help that are available to us. You are never alone. God is always on Your side, holding you up, and working on Your behalf (Is. 41:10). You can go to Focus on the Family’s website to find a counselor in your area; the link is . Also, the National Suicide Prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255. If you need help going through this time, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for it. We are here for you, and we will be praying for the Lord to show Himself strong on your behalf.

    Much love,
    Beloved by Him

  • Rachel says:

    I just want to die. I hate life. I hate relationships. Christianity is so unfair. Even though I still believe in Jesus I’m not sure if I’m going to Heaven because I just have so many doubts. I wish I was never born.

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