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Until now, I have never confessed my greatest secret to anyone. For more than 25 years, I firmly kept hidden the one thing about me that could change the …

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Home » Answered By Trophy of Grace, Battling fear/worry/anxiety/depression, Concern for others, Recent Questions & Answers, Self destruction (cutting - eating disorders - low self-esteem), Suicide/ Despair/ Depression, Weight Issues

Starving to Death and Cutting to Feel

Submitted by on October 16, 2011 – 8:00 am2 Comments

Wordless writes…


I’ve been debating how to ask this or what to ask. My questions are numerous and complicated. See, I have these two friends who are both very dear to me and I love them so much.

The first girl, I’ll call her “Jenna” for the sake of privacy, I’ve known since I was a little kid. We’ve been best friends since the day we met.  In January, she told me something about her I never in my life had imagined: she suffered from severe depression and she was a cutter. Her family had found out and was trying to get her help through Christian counseling, which she said was helping.  But she’d been suffering from depression and cutting since she was about 13 and she’s almost 17 now.  Anyway, I guess as the months went by and I saw her less and less, her depression became worse. I didn’t notice because I was too caught up with my own stupid life to take the time to see how she was doing.

Then, I got a reality check when her mother called, saying they had admitted her to a Children’s Hospital in the Psychiatric Ward. I felt guilty because I thought a lot of my friend’s struggles were because of me. I used her as a sounding board for years and wasn’t considerate of her feelings over the past few months. I felt like I had failed her as a friend completely. She was in the hospital for two weeks. It scared the heck out of me. I wrote her letters every day hoping to get a smile out of her.

When she was released from the hospital, I saw her, and man, she’s still hurting.  She seemed so fragile that I felt afraid that anything that I said or did would break her or something. My heart aches for her.  She has tried to explain her depression and why it got so bad.  I’m telling her to just give it time and she can talk when she’s ready. I don’t want to act overly cheerful around her to try and make her happier when it could make it worse.  Should I send her letters still? How often should I call?? Please. I need instructions.

th_dcsdsdsdHere’s my other question. I have another friend, who a few years ago we reconnected on Facebook, that confided in me that she is anorexic, bulimic, “cutter”, hates herself, suffers from severe depression, and she mentioned hearing “voices”. She said that she passed out the other night because she hadn’t eat anything.  When we talked on Facebook the conversation might go like this: “How are you?” She’d say, “I’m numb.” Or, either she would say, “I’m feeling, or aka cutting herself”. I ignore it and try to pick more “happy” topics. I always tell her how gorgeous she is and what an amazing person she is because its 100% true! She talks about death and suicide a lot, which scares me.  Her parents are extremely conservative Christians, who think she is a drama queen and they don’t take her seriously, so she refuses to tell them anything. Should I tell someone like her parents, a pastor, etc.?  We live several hours away and never see each other in person. But I feel like it would be such a betrayal, and I don’t think they would get her the help she needs anyway. She’s 18, so not legally a child.

The reason she’s confided in me so much is because I admitted to her that I struggle with eating problems. Mine is not nearly to the extent as hers. I always feel so freakin’ fat and I hate eating, and tempted to throw it up. I rarely do though and I avoid this by eating light meals or rarely eating.  But it’s not a big deal. I used to be worse. But I can’t sit here and tell her “Girl, you have to get help” when she could say the same thing to me. She doesn’t realize that my level isn’t close to hers. I’m afraid it would hurt her feelings if I told her that, like she would think she’s a lost cause, or the only one.  So I don’t know what to do without betraying her trust or seeming like a hypocrite. But I will seriously hate myself if I sit back and not doing anything and something terrible happens to her. What do I do???? I love her so much but I’m at a loss.

Please, if you could give me some advice as to what to say or do for my two friends. I’d so appreciate it.  I’m so lost and confused.  I just don’t know what to say or do for either of them.



Trophy of Grace replies…

Hello Wordless,

As I read this I could feel the heaviness coming through your words. I could perceive that you really care about your friends and are concerned for them. So I want to start off by praying for your friends and for you.

Dear Heavenly Father, I come before you in Jesus name on behalf of these young ladies. You see their suffering. You see their pain. You see the confusion that they are facing and the lies that are consuming all of their minds. I’m asking Holy Spirit for you to give them eyes to see the trap that has been laid for them. Remove the blinders from their eyes that the enemy of their soul has placed there. Give them a revelation of your love, mercy, and grace. Let them realize that you have a better plan for them than to be in this bondage. Let them realize that you can help them overcome this and that they are not alone in their struggle. Bring people into their lives that will speak the truth in love. People that will not ignore the cries for help these young women are sending out. Prepare these young women’s hearts to receive The Truth, The Way, and The Life. In Jesus name I ask these things. I thank you because I know you hear me. Amen.

Now Wordless, my immediate concern is for you. You may not think that your situation is as bad as your friends’, and it may not be RIGHT NOW. However if you ignore that fact that an eating disorder is trying to dominate you, your situation will most certainly get worse.

You need help sister. You need counsel and support. You need to renew your mind and receive instruction for the problems that you are facing so then one day you can be more of a help and support to your friends. I am reminded of this verse:

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” – 2 Corinthians 1:4

Allow God to comfort you first and you will see that He will use you to reach out to others who can relate to things that you have gone through in your life.

You said you need to know what to do and what to say to your friends. The first thing to do is for you to seek out help. Talk to your parents, your pastor, or youth leader. Don’t wait. Don’t make excuses. Don’t minimize your struggle. Get help.

Pray and cry out to God like never before. He will listen if you seek Him with all of your heart. Listen to what He is saying to you through these verses:

“For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13 ( Amplified Bible)

After you have sought help from God, family, and the church go to your friends and keep it real with them. Tell them that you have been struggling with an eating disorder and that you have decided to get help. Suggest to them that they too should get help. Tell them to pray and trust God to help them, too.

I pray that something shared here has helped you. One thing I know for sure that God heard my prayer and I believe that He is going to do something in all of you young ladies’ lives.

Enclosing I would like to leave you with a link to a category we have called ‘Self Destruction-Cutting-Eating Disorders-Suicide’.

There are several questions and answers there from other girls and counselors that may be helpful for you also. Take some time out and read some of the posts. Consider sharing them with your friends.


Trophy of Grace


  • Sweet Freedom says:

    This is a good question. You know that we cannot give you any medical advice as we are not doctors.

    The one thing that you can do is to pray for him. I believe in miracles through the power of the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus Christ.

    A scripture that comes to mind is Proverbs 17:22: “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Pray in Jesus’ name that his heart is healed and his mind is restored. You should be praying for him, remember that you cannot change him or fix him. Only God can do this.

    You mentioned that you have only been together for 3 weeks. My caution to you is to make sure that this is a relationship that God has put you in and not one that you have worked up on your own. If he is not healthy mentally or emotionally, it’s probably not a good idea to be in a relationship with him. Be a friend to him, but maybe take it to the next level really slowly until he is stable.

    Word of wisdom says to you to use caution with this relationship.

    Be blessed!

    Sweet Freedom

  • Mallory says:

    My boyfriend of three weeks suffers from type 2 clinical depression. I have looked online for information that could help me help him when he gets depressed, but I cant really find anything about this specific type.

    What do you know about this type of depression? How can I best help him?

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