Testify To Love – Vision’s Story
Recently posted on ‘Let Your Story Be Heard’
Hello. My name is Vision. I have been a Christian since 1990. My age: forty-something. Iâve always felt special – like I had a divine purpose in life. Iâve always had a VISION.
My parents divorced when I was nine years old. After my mom re-married – a year later – my life began to spiral out of control. My âvisionâ became blurred (spiritually speaking) and my dreams were shattered. Consequently, as a young teen, I was easily swayed to follow the crowd with sexual promiscuity, alcohol, terrible language, pot, and eventually cocaine.
Although I opened a successful business while still a teenager, and my life âappearedâ to be great, deep inside I was hurting. I hated my life and secretly contemplated suicide for many years. The outward appearance of my home life âseemedâ like a very normal middle class âblendedâ family; yet, in the spiritual realm, sin abounded and demonic activity filled our environment. I was born with the gift of discernment (although I didnât know what this was at the time) and so I could hear, see, and feel the evil spirits as they haunted me, challenging my sanity. From ninth through twelfth grade, my mind secretly raced with âspookyâ thoughts. I often wondered if I was schizophrenic. Iâm not. But, thatâs the depth of my irrational thinking at this point in my life.
Then, at eighteen, I was living with a boyfriend. I knew deep in my heart that I probably wouldnât marry him; yet, I loved him and needed him to love me back. It was a codependent relationship. Plus, I justified my decision to live with him because my step-father frightened me by climbing in the bed with me, making perverted gestures, whenever my mom left for work. He never touched me, because I R-A-N; but, had I been a little more naiveâŠ it would have been a really ugly scene. I felt safe with this boyfriend. Even though we were living a life of sin that involved alcohol, drugs, and premarital sex, at least I didnât have to deal with all of the quiet dysfunction from my âblended familyâ home life.
By the time I was twenty-one, I had undergone two abortions. I was a beauty queen who wore a mask. I grew to hate men and would go to bars with plans of taking advantage of them (so I thought) by luring them into buying all of my drinks only to drop them like a hot potato. The only problem was, at the end of the night âI was usually plasteredâ and ended up fooling around with whoever the last lucky guy was. It was a horrible time in my life. I thank God everyday that I lived through the evil that I placed myself around during those wandering years. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, and always winding up more broken and more empty than the day before. I was beginning to self-destruct.
My real dadâŠ âDisney Land Dadâ is what I called himâŠ only came to get me about once per year from the time I was nine years old. He was a social alcoholic who always involved me in his weekend âpartiesâ the few times we were together. As a young girl, I thought it was âcoolâ. Although my real dad was never there for me and he never taught me anything of value, he was still my hero. I was so disillusioned. A few months after I had my first baby, my real dad died of cancer. I could write a book about the anger I felt toward God AND toward my real dad for his untimely death. Maybe I will, someday.
After meeting my husband and marrying at the age of twenty-two, I thought my life had taken on a new birth. My problems were all overâŠ so I thought. I had become a control freak by this time with multiple business locations, lots of money, and a good looking husband! âIâ was out to MAKE my life good – not knowing that apart from JesusâŠ life is still very E-M-P-T-Y. âIâ was my own god. âIâ controlled my destiny.
Early on in our marriage, my husband and I began using cocaine. Iâve never been one that was prone to any sort of addictions, but that drug was definitely âtalkingâ to me. One night, after a long fight with my husband (in a fit of anger and self-pity) I snorted the entire bag by myself. My thoughts were, âI didnât care if I died.â However, I must say that I didnât âreallyâ realize the lethal consequences of my actions. My heart began to beat out of my chest and I âtrulyâ thought I was going to die. Refusing to go to the hospital, because I had a reputation to keep, I certainly didnât want anyone to know that I was secretly doing drugs. I was full of PRIDE to the point of risking death rather than getting help. Crying out to God (whom I didnât know at the time), I promised Him that I would never touch cocaine again if He would spare my life. Somehow, I survived and Iâve never touched it since.
Finally, in 1990, I surrendered my life to Jesus. I have a great story of how it all happened. Once I finally realized that money, success, and even love couldnât fill the gap in my soul, I began to seek âgodâ for lifeâs meaning. I dabbled in everything from New Age Religion to praying to the Jesus I had learned about as a young child. Much to my surprise, the God of the universe heard my cries and sent people into my life who were radical followers of Christ. These people formally introduced me to Jesus, the lover of my soul and now the Savior of my life. Finally, my blinded eyes were opened to a whole new world of color, as everything appeared fresh and new. The sky was bluer. The trees were greener. And to my amazement, I could actually understand the Bible, for the first time.
About a year later, I prayed for the âbaptism of the Holy Spiritâ with evidence of tongues. This experience further opened my eyes to the âsupernatural powerâ of God. In addition, my prayer language initiated a deeper healing of my soul. I was filled with holy laughter (a supernatural experience that caused me to laugh uncontrollably for many hours) and my soul was renewed to an even more child-like faith concerning the scriptures. Suddenly, reading my Bible went from black and white to LIVING COLOR! I felt like Clark Kent as he transformed into Superman. I was set on FIRE and nothing could stop my desire to tell others about this Jesus who âchanged my lifeâ.
Now, there have been some milestones throughout my Christian walk that can be compared to that of âpeeling layers off the onionâ. Overcoming âallâ of the hidden wounds that were deep inside of my being has required me to face each stronghold in my mind. As God reveals a new aspect of my soul that needs healing, I must âconfess itâ and ârepent of its power over meâ. Prayer, Bible reading, and fellowshipping with Christian friends over the years have brought me to this place of wholeness. I praise God everyday for his mercy and grace to save a sinner, like me!
My VISION is restored and Iâm ALIVE! Glory to God! Amen!
Thank you for sharing your story Vision. May the Lord use this posting to minister His love, mercy, and grace to all who read it.
If you would like to share your testimony or God story please don’t hesitate to share it with WeUsed2bu. We love to read stories of our God’s faithfulness, delivering power, and love. Don’t be afraid to share your story. Someone else needs to hear it. It is by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony that we defeat the enemy. (Revelation 12:11)