The First Christmas Carol
December 3, 2014 – 9:09 am | No Comment

By Lynn Mosher
What is one of the best elements about Christmas, aside from the obvious of Jesus’ birth? The presents? The tree? The food? Nope! For me, it’s the music!
I love all the Christmas music. …

Read the full story »
Dating God’s Way

The decision to date should be by divine appointment, as we allow our heavenly Father to choose who will be spending this special time with His daughters. Learn how to let God make all the arrangements, so you can enjoy the blessings of being in His will!

Get Anonymous Advice NOW!

We’re here to give you advice based on the truth of God’s Word and our life experiences. Please feel free to ask any question you’d like. We want to serve you.

Meet the Women of WeUsed2bu

Collectively, we’ve lived through many of the same experiences that teenagers and young women may go through at some point in their own lives. Read our stories..

Recent Questions & Answers

Here you will find a list of all the questions we’ve received and their answers. May you be led to the article that will help minister to you in your own circumstances.

Tools 4 Building Your Faith

Power-up your walk with God as you read Christian living articles that inform, strengthen and inspire. Equip yourself with the truth of God’s word!

Home » Abuse (physical - emotional - verbal - sexual - being bullied), Featured Article, Forgiving others/Forgive Yourself, Hot Topics, Tiffany Stuart, Tools 4 Building Your Faith

The Letter That Changed Me

Submitted by on March 9, 2009 – 11:09 am4 Comments

letterthatchangedme
Written by Tiffany Stuart

Cross Post from Ungrind

I sat in front of my computer about to do something I never imagined doing: write a letter to my molester.

A few days prior, my husband casually mentioned his upcoming business trip. I felt sick and angry inside when I heard where. Attached to this city name were memories from thirty-three years ago I’d rather forget.

I never told my parents what happened to me in second grade. Shame kept me quiet until I was in high school. I have no idea why, but one day I casually told a relative what happened. Maybe I needed to be heard and understood. I felt self-conscious sharing what I remembered, like I was making things up.

Not a single tear was cried over my abuse—not during, not after, not ever. When I told a few trusted friends about my past, I emotionally separated myself and told it as a “long, long time ago this happened to me” story. My lack of tears convinced me I was OK. But deep down, I knew better. Hearing a city name awoke something inside of me I buried alive decades earlier. Pain.

I knew I needed to get to the root of my pain. After a conversation with my family, I googled this guy’s full name. I cried what I now call my “death cry” with what I uncovered.

My memories were true.

I wasn’t crazy.

My worst fears realized: This multimillionaire—a repeated sex offender—spent his entire life molesting children! Nothing stopped him. His wealth spared him. And the worst part was I wasn’t his only victim. His track record ripped through state lines like a tornado and left devastation in the hearts of many young boys and girls.

Sorrow and outrage shook me to my core. I wanted to stand up for every child he had ever hurt. I also wanted to die. Now what? Clueless, I sobbed one minute and then walked around numb the next.

For some reason I needed to know if this monster was still alive, so I paid $13.95 to search site to find out. He was! Now in his early 80’s with health issues, he violated probation only a few years prior. Still a sick, sick man!

I had to make a decision. I couldn’t ignore my past any longer. I could either go after this creep once and for all—or let him go. Torn with emotions, I prayed, journaled, and talked with family and friends.

A few days later, I sat alone with my laptop and stared at a blank word document. Time to give this guy a piece of my mind. I prayed, took deep breaths, teared up, and started typing. At first I struggled to find words. What words are strong enough to describe what he did? None. After a page of sharing with him my experience and pain, I decided it was time to say I’m done. As I continued, I asked him hard questions. I even probed into what he might be thinking now as an old man about to meet his Maker. I told him what saved me from destroying myself: my faith in Jesus.

Something amazing happened as I kept writing.

I wrote words I never dreamed of writing. Words about forgiveness and love and the hope of heaven. The strangest feeling came over me as wrote out a salvation prayer and invited him to know my Healer. My heart soared with peace and joy. I felt more alive and full of God’s love than ever before. The weight of unforgiveness after all those years finally lifted.

The next day I sent the letter unsigned with no return address. It was finished. I was free! Who knew I could actually pen words of love and forgiveness to one of the most evil of men?

God did. He gets all the credit.

That day I witnessed a real miracle—a miracle in my heart. The healing power of forgiveness. God in action.

This experience taught me a couple truths I hope I never forget.

Never hold onto unforgiveness. It’s not worth it. Unforgiveness is a heavy yoke.

Forgiveness is hard to do—and sometimes takes decades (in my case)—but it brings freedom. Freedom to heal. Freedom to love.
No matter how bad the offense feels, I’m learning the best path is straight towards forgiveness. Lewis B. Smedes’s quote says it best: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

For over thirty years, I was held captive by unforgiveness. Today I feel the difference. I’m lighter—not physically—but mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

Since this letter, I’ve thought over and over again about Jesus’ words as He hung dying on the cross. He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). How could Jesus just let these offenders of the hook after all they did to Him? His words make no sense. Did Jesus know something they didn’t? Did His heart soar with peace and joy as He spoke forgiveness? Even as Christ was dying, did He feel completely alive and full of love by releasing His offenders? I bet He did.

God is love! His ways are not our ways.

I also think about how Christ treated the criminal hanging next to Him. Jesus did not say, “It’s too late, buddy. Die without hope.” Instead He said, “See you in paradise.” Not a cold shoulder, but a warm embrace.

Jesus showed us a different way of living. He lived out forgiveness in action. It’s taken me decades to really grasp the benefit of true forgiveness.

I’m thankful for the freedom I now feel with my childhood sexual abuse. I no longer hold unforgiveness in the dark corners of my heart. I no longer cringe inside when I heard that city name. Sure, that city will always have an ugly memory attached to it, but now it has been topped with God’s healing love. I choose to focus on that.

It’s true with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). The letter I wrote is proof of that to me.

4 Comments »

  • megs :) says:

    hey I just wanted to thank you for this. I’m 18 and was raped once, again for 3 years by a friend of my brother’s (no one knew)molested by a teacher, forced to do sexual things with guys, and then sexually abused by my step dad. I can relate to the wanting to never hear the name of a town again (or in my case returning to that town) and I have actually asked to go see some of these guys in Jail. I think writting a letter and sending it would be amazing. And super benefical for those of us who have been hurt in the past. Thank you for the encouragement and blessing you’ve brought by writing this. You truly have inspired me and I just want t thank you for that. I am entering courtship and I think I should get these past hurts out of me before I can get very serious in the relationship. God bless you and I pray there has brought peace to you. – your sister in Christ, Meg’s

  • Emma, thank you for your courage in sharing part of your story here. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I get angry to know this happens in the church. It’s wrong. It is NOT your fault. I’m sad to hear that you are feeling the pain and the tears still.

    It takes courage to tell your mom and I’m so glad you did. That’s one of the steps you are taking to be free. I’m proud of you.

    I encourage you to keep moving to complete healing. Tears will come, anger may too, but don’t hold back give all your pain to Jesus. He will take it and eventually remove it for good. Not so that you forget, but you will no longer feel the pain from it like you do now.

    I know that is what God wants for you. Freedom. He wants to heal your heart. He wants you free to walk in dignity and no longer ashamed.

    Again, this was not your fault. There are hurting people in the church sometimes, and even ones that need help like the man you mentioned. I’m sorry he did this to you.

    We will never forget the abuse we’ve went through, but we can forgive. Forgiveness frees us and makes room for God’s love and healing to come in.

    Father God, I pray You will walk arm and arm with Emma all the way to freedom. Touch her life with the mark of your perfect love. Mend her broken heart. Give her hope again. Help her forgive this man and in return, use her story to help others. Bless her Lord. In Jesus name, Amen

  • admin says:

    Emma thank you for sharing your comment. It has been forwarded to Tiffany S. and she will be responding soon. You are not alone in your experience. We are praying for you. Never forget that what the enemy means to destroy us our God will turn for our good and His glory. We may not understand it at the time, but we don’t have to remain the victims. We can become more than conquerors throught Christ Jesus. (Gen. 50:20, Romans 8:37)

  • emma says:

    i feel so happy for you tat you could feel forgiveness towards this person who did nothing but hurt you. i experienced something similar too. my pastor also abused me and I still can’t forget those memories. As much as I try i can’t and can’t forgive him. I cry and cry but I cant forget it. I told my mom about this like a month ago and she was angry and sad and she felt betrayed because she asked me why i didn’t tell her that night after the service. i felt like it was my fault and fell so confused as to why a pastor that knew me since i was 5 years would do this to me at the age of 15. i wanted to cry at that moment and run away. he acted as if nothing happened and still had the guts to ask me if he made me feel bad!!!! i want to be free from this memories and forgive.

Leave a comment!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.

CAPTCHA Image
*

  • red head age blowjob anal
  • yahoo answers black porn
  • venesa ann huchens naked videos
  • hentai lesbian girls futanari
  • nubile tits tranny free galleries
  • lesbian cheerleader fingering
  • teen girl birthday cards
  • free natural tits sex video
  • sexy wife xxx
  • teenage fuck mpegs
  • teen pics and movies
  • asian girl cum bath
  • signal mountain girls naked
  • korean girl high school
  • black shaved nude pussy
  • girl athletes naked yoga
  • erotic blackmail download
  • skinny asian teens tube
  • tity fuck galleries
  • girl on girl xxx porn
  • mother daughter porn gallerys
  • twisted emo teens naked
  • who was pussy galore
  • real doll sex fuck
  • black girl naughty
  • huge fake boobs transexual
  • ass squirting video
  • amateur bizzare videos
  • deep throat contest videos
  • van sex oral
  • real wife amateur home video
  • Joung girl sex
  • sweet southern pussy
  • sexy girls grind dance
  • japanese porn shaved pussy
  • black jamaica woman pictures
  • Couples sex cam
  • very ugly sex pictures free
  • ebony female models non pornographic nudes
  • anartica pussy shaved
  • pics of pam anersons pussy
  • shopping list for teen girls
  • martinsville indiana black girl murder
  • young teens licking older mature women
  • brazilian free porn vids
  • bbw boobs videos
  • xxx group sex pix
  • closeup fucking gallery
  • free sex arabic movies
  • simpsons naked bart and lisa porn
  • teenage girls bound and gagged
  • girls party wild videos
  • celebrity who have had anal sex
  • hot group vagina sex
  • free hd petite blonde xxx vids
  • Homemade teen cumshots
  • nude lesbians tits pussy
  • hardcore black cock huge
  • gf sleeping sex videos
  • naked bachelor party
  • big boobs bbw free video
  • amie cock virgin pussy
  • granny sex retro vids
  • free video nylon handjob
  • kaylynn interracial anal porn videos
  • tichina arnold ass pics
  • free amateur webcams way
  • petite naked bottom
  • wet asian pussy cum movies
  • best s porn movie ever
  • hot amateur sex vids
  • extremely stretched girl pussy
  • amateur home threesome movies
  • naked bath videos
  • Bill henson nude pics
  • sexy mature mom youporn
  • youngest petite porn
  • katsumi sex videos
  • cast of mean girls movie
  • asian old with young lesbian tube
  • wife get cream in hairy pussy
  • va porn movies
  • ass cumshot gallery
  • old cock on young teens tube
  • wife giving me a blowjob
  • video her st anal
  • free black girl sex movies
  • jungle anal sex
  • young teen pussy sex movie
  • pussy nice upskirt
  • guy girls sex vids
  • s having sex with teen girls
  • xxx erotic cartoons
  • Hot big breast
  • Mallu nude photo
  • video tits bra
  • tight pussy creamed
  • college pussy on pussy hd videos
  • Nudist sex video
  • sex with sleeping girls photos
  • japanese young porn
  • Lesbians nude pictures
  • free shemale and female movies
  • amateur naked girls bending over asses
  • asian erotic message videos
  • sexy young th grade videos
  • amish girls sex
  • wife black deep cum
  • teen first pain anal gang tube
  • bbw machine fuck xhamster free porn
  • Nude ass pics
  • Hot girl search
  • latvia teen babes
  • gallery of nude asian women
  • hiden camera teen sex
  • mature nude mom pics free
  • italian sexy girl
  • White hot girl
  • amateur free porn stories
  • spankwire pussy pop
  • teen dare orgy videos
  • humping spread pussy vid
  • full body teen girls
  • Hot girl slide show
  • bouncing tits free movie download
  • gore type pants petite
  • black pussy sex videos
  • i suck fucked pussy story
  • giant dicks in her ass
  • best blowjob porn upload
  • pictures of young little girls naked
  • making my wife feel good sexually
  • bikini brazil videos teen
  • sexy girls to young
  • mature xxx granny fetish
  • black woman with big tits fucking
  • my girlfriend got new boobs
  • hardcore cowgirl sex
  • pictures licking tits
  • video of chubby young nude women
  • hot teen tube video
  • patti petite pics
  • beautiful black lightskinned pussy
  • China sexy girls
  • Shyla stylez gets her oiled ass fucked
  • threesome pokemon porn
  • squirting teen pictures
  • angie dickinsons tits
  • Fuko sex scene
  • me naked young
  • yougn school girl fuck movie
  • xxx free asian granny sex
  • vintage black chicks
  • hot vietnamese girl with tight pussy
  • girls humiliating men videos
  • massive cock anal fuck
  • hair picture black and red
  • Teens in see through panties
  • Witch sex pics
  • dy lick my pussy
  • petite knit pants women ladies pockets
  • interracial sex thomas
  • young teen panties videos
  • lacey ebony porn
  • free super hot ebony porn
  • Tall blonde teen
  • petite thumb gallery
  • French kiss girls
  • wives orgasm videos
  • best blowjob by girlfriend pics
  • pump my pink pussy toy
  • wife forced to be sex slave
  • nasty black ass
  • fuck tied up pics
  • Girls sex cam
  • Cum shot on boobs
  • ukranian video teens porn
  • Amatuer teen tits
  • Lost girls nude
  • nude teen homemade video movies
  • Wonder girls so hot yoobin remix
  • cunt ass pics
  • girls bein mouth fuck
  • drunk college girls and tits
  • hairy pussies young girls
  • llb nice teen girl
  • alt news groups sex pics
  • anal movie search
  • straight older men fuckin pussy
  • lil models petite
  • sex fuck teenage
  • rooms with hot sexy babes
  • sexy jailbait pussy babes
  • Man eating vagina
  • women teen girl
  • lesbian tit sex
  • asian pussying eaters
  • teen unexpecting cumshot video
  • Movies with big tits
  • jessica mcclintock petite velvet dresses
  • girl in skull bikini
  • glamour magazine big girls
  • nude teen beach sex
  • can not orgasm during sex
  • Teen ass fisting
  • Nude pic india
  • pornstar videos aurora snow
  • young naked girl pussy movies
  • desi indian free sex video
  • self anal sex with own penis
  • naked sexy video young girl
  • beauty salon sussex
  • oral sex with lesbians
  • naked hairy wife pussy
  • sexy wife lesbains videos
  • japanes home sex mpegs
  • wife debt screwed video
  • porn hub you tube video
  • xnxx video gangbang small tits
  • mouth fuck movie galleries
  • big dick shemale fuckers
  • deep throat and oral sex
  • how to video for sex
  • young girl nudist movie
  • fuck my wife hard stories
  • innocent teen chicks
  • best asian sex video
  • indian cute pussy
  • australian girl porn
  • naked redheaded pussy
  • sexy anal porn
  • hentei sex videos
  • open pussy closeup free
  • oral blow video
  • Natural biggest boobs
  • Girls fingering ass
  • mature babe panty pics
  • girls naked with means dongs
  • teens in out sexing
  • sexy hot tub fuck
  • oral sex highway
  • free porno pussy clits
  • mature sex handjob
  • Sweet smelling pussy
  • joakim noah topless girlfriend
  • swingers campout galleries
  • girls black lace footless leggings
  • xxx black book live
  • Romantic movies for teens
  • taylor momsen bikini pics
  • petite girls gallery
  • girls train fuck
  • younger girls sex video
  • teens naked galliers
  • wrinkled pussy pic
  • extreme bikini videos
  • free hot shemale pics
  • girls bending over ass pics
  • Oldman sex movies
  • super sexy japanese girls
  • old lesbien sex
  • blonde naughty girl
  • father fucking teen daughter movies
  • naked pictures archive
  • lesbian jo seducing young girl
  • young mixed teen makeup
  • spring break amateur movies
  • peruvian free porn pics
  • beta porn video
  • teen wet pussy sleeping tnaflix
  • free nude teen lesbians
  • tube impregnated by black dick
  • extreme young models erotic
  • xvideos angie white big breasts solo
  • swimming pools topless bathers pics
  • whore fuck videos
  • naked girls boobies pussies g string
  • Lesbians eating wet pussy
  • fuck a girl in a box
  • puzzle black fresian girl
  • Nicknames for vagina
  • Asian xxx sex videos
  • how to perform oral sex movies
  • lesbian erotic illustrations
  • tiffiney ambr thession naked pics
  • sexy panties fuck videos
  • hard interracial pics
  • shaved pussy ejaculation
  • free young campfire girls
  • schools girls fucked hardcore
  • mature hairy pussy movies
  • la petite lenexa
  • three girls ebony
  • csatle sex galleries
  • Nude southindian girls
  • hardcore gonzo porn pics
  • asian porn dvd hamilton
  • ceerleader pussy vids
  • shemale pics and video
  • free ass in panties galleries
  • girl in bikini man in speedo
  • free white chicks black crack
  • brunette girl picture
  • fast handjob movie
  • erotic milf pics
  • girl fuck by horny
  • tiny asian girls swallowing cum
  • videos girl models bj young
  • nastiest ebony pornstar
  • latino pussy on black cocks
  • mature thai hairy pussy picture thumb
  • girls shoving things up their butts
  • th street latinas sex videos
  • girls with weird nipples
  • young chinese girl ass
  • college dorm threesome video homemade
  • big bouncing bare boobs video
  • teens at home alone sex
  • dys fuck teen
  • amazon films with hardcore sex
  • pussy hairy insert
  • best xxxx sex
  • free young women videos
  • ultra teen sex movies
  • make flashing display pictures
  • smoking hot sexy girls
  • porn hub amateur
  • japanese teen girl model galleries
  • natural lubried wife labia video
  • free topless women movies
  • Index of orgy jpg
  • teen sex tea bagging
  • full bodypictures of nude girls
  • young ebony twinks
  • japanese porn jelsoft enterprises ltd
  • hetero anal sex how to
  • asian ass pornhub
  • Plump big tits
  • party fuck fight
  • teen asian girls nude pics
  • amateur cum filled pussy pictures
  • video girls strip
  • young hot ass black teens
  • up dat black ass
  • gallery plain wife
  • free schoolgirl pussy
  • Head into vagina
  • british indian sex movie
  • old young forced sex
  • lesbian bodybuilder sex
  • Naked girls whipped
  • orgy porn amateur teen
  • the movie beauty shop
  • japanese squid sex
  • Naked girls bbs
  • pussy cylinder fill belly swell
  • asian porn stockings
  • sexy mature women videos free
  • Penis on vagina
  • free mature forced fucked porn pics
  • over mature xxx
  • pussy photo hd
  • hot wet pink wif pussy
  • pregnant young girls playing around
  • weird sex wife
  • young teen panty babes
  • Olly girls sexy pics
  • feet girl lick
  • first knitting projects for young girls
  • flex porn babes
  • asian sexy wallpapers
  • babes mature porn picture galleries free
  • very skinny young nude girls
  • free porn upskirt tube videos
  • vidya balan nipples seen pictures
  • orgasm comparison porn
  • twink asian videos
  • Sex horny girls
  • young nude butts
  • Asians sex video
  • sex stroies slut gang bang
  • small tits tight pussy takes cock
  • turkish anal sex
  • russian virgins movies
  • stretched pussy lips pulled open
  • Hot black anal
  • jamiee foxx crave fuck videos
  • couples making love movie
  • black girls panty pics
  • teen hot tits and ass video
  • Uk sex porn
  • teen washing pussy
  • how to like a pussy
  • british anal sex
  • too young girls naked
  • fit girls tits
  • japan tits train
  • mom in law fuck vids
  • black cock in white teen sluts