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Home » Answered By Trophy of Grace, Marriage/Divorce, Recent Questions & Answers

What Does The Bible Say About Birth Control During Marriage & About Having Intercourse Just For Pleasure And Not For Creating Children?

Submitted by on January 18, 2012 – 9:50 pmNo Comment

VC writes…

What does the bible say about birth control during marriage? When you are married are you allowed to have intercourse just for pleasure and not for creating children? Please answer :)

Trophy of Grace replies…

Dear VC,

These are some very good questions! I pray the Holy Spirit gives me His Words to speak and the wisdom to answer your questions.

To answer your first question,

‘What does the bible say about birth control during marriage?’

I would have to say that the only place I know of in the bible that talks about a form of birth control is found in Genesis 38, when a man named Onan was using the ‘pull out method’ to keep his wife from getting pregnant. You should really take some time and read this story in its entirety. For now I will share with you these verses:

Genesis 38:6-10

6 In the course of time, Judah arranged for his firstborn son, Er, to marry a young woman named Tamar. 7 But Er was a wicked man in the LORD’s sight, so the LORD took his life. 8 Then Judah said to Er’s brother Onan, “Go and marry Tamar, as our law requires of the brother of a man who has died. You must produce an heir for your brother.”

9 But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with his brother’s wife, he spilled the semen on the ground. This prevented her from having a child who would belong to his brother. 10 But the LORD considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the LORD took Onan’s life, too. (NLT – Bolding verse 10 done by me)

Here are the footnotes on these verses from my bible, the Discovering God Study Bible:

“To have an heir was a priority in this time. If a man died without an heir, his closest male relative often married his widow. The child they produced was then considered the heir of the deceased. In this way, a man’s legacy could continue. The relative who took in the widow was referred to as the “family redeemer” because he redeemed the inheritance.”

Onan didn’t want to have a child with her that would not be his own heir. He did not care about continuing his brother’s legacy. He was selfish and evil. Even though he would have sex with Tamar he would spill his semen on the ground. This form of birth control is called the ‘pull out method’.
 
Genesis 38:10 says,

But the LORD considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the LORD took Onan’s life, too.

Onan’s sin was that he was persistently selfish refusing to continue his brother’s legacy. It was his hardened, evil heart that God saw as evil. I don’t believe it was the fact that he used birth control, but the condition of his heart and his motive for using birth control that got him into trouble, amongst other things I’m sure.

I don’t know of anywhere else in the bible that talks about birth control. But I can share with you my experience and advice. Here is my experience. We have 7 children in our family. We are a blended family. My husband and I were both married before. So we came into our marriage with children from our first marriages. He had 2. I had 1. Then we had 4 together. Our first child together was a beautiful surprise. We did not plan to get pregnant and we were not really financially ready and our circumstances were, well… not the best at the time. But we were really excited! After we gave birth to her we decided it would be best for me to go on birth control because she made child number 4 in our marriage. We could not at the time afford to bring another child into the world right away. So I went on birth control for 4 years when we began to feel the Spirit of God telling us that He wanted to bless us with another child. We believed we were hearing from God. We prayed and received confirmation and I stopped the birth control. I got pregnant right away. We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. Once again we decided that I should immediately go on birth control again because again circumstances in our lives were shifting and we needed to allow for God to show us what was going to happen in our lives at the time. We did not want to keep adding children to the equation.

After about 3 years. We felt the Spirit of God once again tugging at our hearts to stop the birth control. We prayed and ask the Lord to bless us once more with a healthy baby. We told the Lord that after this child that we wanted to close the factory and raise our children, focus on business, ministry, and enjoying one another. We got pregnant right away again. This time with twins!! Yes twins!! I almost died giving birth to those baby girls, but it was worth it. They are so precious, all of our children are; however we prayerfully decided that the twins were going to be our last biological children. If we were ever going to have more children then we were going to prayerfully adopt. So we got my tubes tied.

We believe it was the best thing for us to use birth control between our pregnancies and we prayerfully decided to tie my tubes so that we would not have any more children. I personally do not see anything wrong with using birth control to better prepare for a family or to allow more time to focus on ministry work. However, I do believe that we have to be VERY careful what birth control methods we use. Some birth control meds are actually a form of abortion, allowing for conception and then destroying the fetus. Others do not allow for conception at all, which are the ones that we should consider first. Also there are a lot of birth control meds on the market that have terrible side effects and could affect our health. So I would recommend that women do their research before taking any birth control.

Now for your second question, ‘When you are married are you allowed to have intercourse just for pleasure and not for creating children?’

Yes. Sex is meant for married couples to enjoy one another. God wants us to enjoy one another. Sexual intimacy is important in a marriage. When we are intimate with our husbands we create a hormone called Oxytocin. One of our writers spoke of this in one of her articles called, ‘Love Potion #0’. ( http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/2009/08/13/love-potion-o/ ) Here’s what she had to say about it:

“Oxytocin is a hormone that is released by the female brain during three very special events in a woman’s life: sexual activity, giving birth, and breastfeeding. Scientist have studied this hormone and they have found that it causes women to emotionally bond to their sexual partner and to their babies, scientist have nick named  it “the super glue hormone”; now that’s great news because that is exactly what God intended if the sexual partner is your husband. But if he’s not now you have a problem because you’re not just bonded to a man that is not committed to you but you also trust him because Oxytocin causes us to bond and trust the person we are sexually involved with.”

Isn’t that awesome!! Our Creater put a hormone in us that is released when we are intimate with our husbands that super glues us to him/bonds us to him. So “yes”,  sex is good for us to have often with our husbands. Recently I heard my pastor say, “Sex before marriage is bad, but no sex when married is bad too.” But here is what the Word has to say about this sister,

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – NLT

I pray that something I said here has helped you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

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