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Home » Answered By Trophy of Grace, Common Q & A Subjects, Concern for others, Parents/Family/Sibling Issues, Recent Questions & Answers

What Is My Mom Hiding?

Submitted by on October 24, 2012 – 2:13 pmNo Comment

R writes…

So our neighbor in front of our house has a family and the wife had cancer. My mom wanted to make them some pastries to cheer them up but it never got out the door! She would make brownies, cookies, cinnamon rolls, etc. not all in one sitting but this has been going on for months now. They were all suppose to be for the family but she never went out to give it to them!

She would put all these excuses like, “well, I was planning this for us and then I’ll make them some cookies…”  NO!  She does this ALL the time! It annoys me because I want to give them something but she’s too scared for some reason. The neighbors mother, sadly, passed away.

My mom is still willing to give them something but she never does! She made brownies yesterday and I said, “Are you sure you’re going to finally give this to them?” and she was like “Yes, this time yes.” I knew it wasn’t going to work. The next day I asked her, “are we going to give it to them?” she replied with the same excuse, “Well, I was thinking of making them cinnamon rolls, and the brownies can be for us…” I wanted to ask her, “mom, why do you keep doing this?” and she said, “it’s not that, it’s that your father wants some, your little brother wants some, and also I have to still make them that quilt and…” I said, “no i think it’s more than that… why are you so afraid to give it to them?” she started getting angry with me and my little brother butt in and was making it all a big drama.. UGH!

I just want to help my mom. Why is she like this? Why is she so afraid to walk up to the door… ring the doorbell.. say “hi”, and give them the brownies? My mom has always been afraid of people and acts so weird when she talks to them. She would always have this nervous laughter and I just want her to be free from it. The problem is I can’t tell her because she gets mad at me and thinks I’m “…lecturing me like a little girl,” and “I am your mother!”  What do I do?

I just guess maybe I’m making it a big deal.. I don’t know. I’ve been very emotional lately and HATE it. I just don’t know how to get rid of my emotions. I feel angry, then sad, then stressed, then frustrated. Please help me. Sorry this is so long I just don’t know who else to ask… it’s usually my mother I ask advice but in this case I can’t.

Trophy of Grace replies…

Sweet R,

I can see where you would feel frustrated for your mom and her situation because you know that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power, and a sound mind. However be sure that you are being compassionate to her situation. You don’t know what your mom has been through in her own life that has caused her to get to this point with people. Pray for her and try to talk to her without making her feel like you are lecturing her. Let her know that you are concerned for her and that you hate to see her bound up by fear. (2 Timothy 1:7, Colossians 3)

If she does not receive what you have to say, it’s OK. Let it go. Don’t address it any more with her, you may be at that point now. Pray and seek God directly as to whether or not He would have you talk to her and try to encourage her to release this fear, or does He prefer that you sit back patiently and quietly, interceding on her behalf. (Galatians 6:9)

I would suggest that you make some brownies, cookies, or whatever you want for your neighbor and deliver them yourself on behalf of your family. The store bought box of brownies are cheap and you could make them yourself with your little brother or with your mom. Maybe she could help you make them and you walk them over. That way it was a team effort.

This is a time for you to step up and do; pray for your mom and make the treats yourself for your neighbor. Maybe your courage will inspire and move your mom to step out of her comfort zone.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

 

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